~Futile~

[Pharm Girl]

In my mind I can picture my future – clear and plain. And the thought of it drives me just a bit insane.
So I ponder and I tarry - in this empty, dirty place. And I wonder, when I sleep; about this futile race…that I am in.
Where and how did it begin? And how and when will it end? And what of my sins?
I’ve prayed to my God who’s looking down with such empathy on me.
And I wonder, what is it that he sees?
I have Angels who are fighting fights for me.
Don’t you see the fix I’m in? Trapped within his grievous sin?
Hell bound at this current rate and dying in my solemn state. Lacking any sympathy and empathy from fellow members~
I’m feeling tired; looking rough. What is so wrong with my soul?
I guess that’s why I feel so used; Or perhaps just a bit confused. I want to be loved. I want to live. Yet some things I just can’t forgive and forget. I can’t just take a pill and drift away; There’s just one thing that’s stopping me…..
My little one is my hope….. With love, grace and faith – and lots HOPE.

[Pharm Girl]

I pay heed to harmony, for therein lies the equilibrium of every thought, feeling, deed!
and everything else I may do~.
I will not allow myself to be rushed by the burdens
or bustle of daily living.
I'll try to remain always composed
under every circumstance life presents.
I seek tranquility, peace, love and freedom,
each is a valuable element of harmony.
I find time some time every day to finding tranquility,
for it affords me time to contemplate.
Practice getting along well with everyone
but do not lose myself in the process
and try to always remain within the limits of my abilities~

[Pharm Girl]

The merciless gravel lies cold
beneath my feet,
Offering no support for these dead, burdensome legs.
It's dark here, hiding between the shelter of my hands.
The walls of flesh seek security,
Longing to block the harsh reality.
I shut my eyes so tight I could scream,
But it's no use.
I see it all play out before me.
There's no denying this now...
Kaleidoscopic failure.
Luminous flashes of green, red, blue,
all fading to black.
I recite my mistakes,
What I did wrong.....
How could it change......
And I wince in defeat and shame.
Can't I just take it all back?
"Please, "
I argue with Time,
Begging for one more chance.
But it's gone.
"Better luck next time"
The door welds shut.
The golden grass hides beneath the shadow
Waiting for it's rain to come.

[Pharm Girl]

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk being called sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being lovedin return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk, and to try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing,
and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow, love and live.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he's forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truly free.

[Pharm Girl]

“The difference between thinking and reflecting is as simple and as profound as this, the first (thinking) is used as a means of reasoning…
Reasoning is achieved by a logical process and/or means of elimination, deduction and assumed conclusion…

By exposing the illogical dots of assumed lies that are not consistent with ‘available evidence’, the dots will naturally lead you to an assumption of truth that is solely based on a particular theory… Furthermore and as a matter of fact, all logic is based on an accumulation of educated inferences, which is a ‘theoretical guessing game of origin’…
The other (Reflection) is like an ‘ongoing movie with a wide screen view’…

Moreover and more specifically, when the movie is playing, all you have to do is sit back and take
it all in… Besides, they don’t sell logical dots at the concession stand and even if they could, those limited interferences~
Won’t taste as good as buttered popcorn would; nor will the ‘dots of assumption’ be as realistic or meaningful as the reflection you view, when your lover cuddles up next to you!”
Together~

[Pharm Girl]

Some ask me quite often, Why I look so sad I say that I'm just daydreaming, I hate to lie so bad……

They ask me day after day, Why I'm always down….. I reply that it's all in a bad day, And, it will all turn around..............

They ask me what's the matter
They ask that all the time I say that nothing's wrong I say that all the time .................

They ask when it get better?
How I wish I knew, But I explain, I feel just fine, Although I'm feeling super blue............

At last the tears begin to fall.

No matter how hard I try I just can't keep them back at all .........

You ask me why do I cry?

[Pharm Girl]

Are you sorry you didn’t mention that YOU slept around?

Are you sorry that you don’t know what LOVE is?

I’m not sorry…….

Are you sorry you couldn’t scare me with your childish tactics?

Sorry, baby I can’t be with you when you go to HELL.

I’m not sorry that I care not for you……

Nor sorry that I cared too much either……

Are you happy now with her now, the one that signed against you?

[Pharm Girl]

Battleground's are for fighters!
Just a reminder to you.

Awareness, emotion, compassion, sympathy, all rolled into my memories. Serenity now encircles us.
Oh, and if they could speak, what stories they would tell?

Of times so long ago, of people who fought and fell and fled the scene so that we could be free.

There’s a time and place for the rut….. Appreciate the ones will fight and loose their lives, They will be sacrificed.

Remembering their important role in my descent….. Their life won’t not be as it is today…

I am the Soldier fighting to keep us safe from our enemies.
Courageous and brave, I must not be afraid, I’ll guard my emotions and vivid memories as souvenirs….

Lost lives, land titles, physically battered, shot, ditches, insects, tears, anger, victory and finally revenge.......

Horrifying memories that won't let my mind rest.

What a sacrifice I made, they fought and thought they were winning.

I shall tell their story whether they like it or not!

[Pharm Girl]

I am she
that cares too much
and allows this world to penetrate.
I am the woman
that loves too deeply,
while others merely perpetrate.
Do you see this woman
or the girl inside me?
With emotions to great
and plentiful to hide.
They've stolen my money
and crushed my pride.
Taken my life………..
I’m left with my child by my side.
I am a woman of honour,
whose spirit remains free~

[Pharm Girl]

All I need is a little space
A soft place to land each and every day~
All I want is to see your face
And melt when I hear you say. . .



Oh bébé I could love you forever
take my hand, come with me.....



All we need is a favourable season
And time together.......
All we need is just one good season~



Oh bébé I need to feel you beside me
to make me whole and to make me smile.



Oh bébé I need you here beside me
Me at the end of the trip of so many miles.


We need to be all alone together,
We need a place to make our stand
We need a place to call home, bébé.


Oh bebe say you need me beside you
to melt the cold harsh life we have led.

[Pharm Girl]

I never knew betrayal so bad, so harsh, so painful........
To think I could trust him, count on him forever.
I never felt so hurt inside. So helpless, so dead.
I never realized a person like him was so fake, so unreal, such a phoney.
I never would have guessed that it was possible to hurt so badly, so deeply and so much.
I never opened my eyes, wide enough to see what I was getting myself into~
I never thought, I could be so scared inside or outside.
I never noticed how much fear I have, burning, churning, eating at my heart and soul.
I never knew that you had the power to make me feel the way
I feel, so alone, so empty, so shallow, as though I have nothing, nothing at all to offer this world~

[Pharm Girl]

What do you say to a person who’s losing their life?

Neither words nor sympathy can ever express the loss, the shock, confusion and sadness.....

When it's our lives that are been changed-forever.
The hard truth the bereaved must speak…..
In his depths of sorrow I have a duty to perform:

My job is to comfort the living,
Take care of the children-live life.
Honour his child’s spirit by savouring the memories.

Know that my Angels are willing……~

[koshiva]

Very good. I think you may be surprised, or not, at just how many people can feel the same way about life, or aspects of life. If not in the past, or now, in the future. Sadness I suppose. Even a sense of hopelessness. Moreso related not so much to specifics, though possibly; but perhaps how life can be cruel in that the answers regards purpose vs purposelessness can be lacking and when one faces such things alone it can be even more the challenge to simply get through it. Is it a matter of dice? Are the cards one is dealt based on luck? Were our cards chosen by us, for us, or not at all?

Hope though is much more powerful when you have been down, and then can eventually take hold of something having risen through despair or hopelessness all the while knowing hope was always there.

I blahed...I like the 'risk' one...or it resonated more. Its a shame when people are like some of the things you described in that poem. Of course there are aspects of that in all of us to one degree or other, but when its so blatant its sad that such deception can be allowed to prevail. Then again, comfort through certainty can be appealing too. Its balance I suppose - manageing risk rather than just jumping without looking. Although some times you know, blindly pushing forth to find light can indeed be enlightening too.

Putting aside my drivel, I like the way you utilise words to convey what are ancient concepts and not so unique to yourself or this time. As a tangent to that, sometimes one can't help but question the whole notion of western society and how it can very blah.

[Pharm Girl]

The forest and rivers,
Thank us for our respect.
Listen to the sound of it, listen…
Feel the rain, feel it…..
Taste the feel of it….
See each droplet from heaven,
as it enters the womb of Mother Nature.
Partake in its passion,
Sitting in the open rain before the fire...
Draw in this experience through
every sense of your being~

[Pharm Girl]

Let us concoct a little tea... A magical blend for you and me... Just a sip is all you`ll need...
Endowed enchantment of the moon, enlightened in a spellbound mood, we walk to.....
Pick the herb in bloom...
Evening Nightshade is the one...
And as it steeps a passionate boil, it will bind you to endless sleep...
Apocalyptic visions will unfold, within the teacup you dare to hold...
Apocalyptic revelations seen; two circles without an end, two circles without a seam, two circles that form a living dream...
Two mythical rings that overlap, two earthbound souls merged as one...
A cosmic voyage within a cup, your fate unveiled in
froth and steam, one sip would form your endless dream!

GoodBye........

[Pharm Girl]

Scared.............. .......


Why must men be so scared of us women?
Are you afraid to give your heart away?
No matter what you say, you are scared!
Of everything else
And still all you think about
Is your own damn self!
Women deserve more
Than to hear that you're confused
Women’s hearts deserve to be cherished
Not battered and bruised
Women are not that difficult
Women know what they want
Your pride is just to BIG
Admit that it's your own fault
So stop pointing fingers........
Women are not hard to understand
Women want to be loved by her man
You know that you care
And quit being scared!

[koshiva]

Bravo! Me liked the ancient tea, though the last time I drank such tea steeped with essense of earthly rooms, it wasn't at all like times past - no, this time music was distant and unintelligable, as were thoughts - Twas like some kind place between places, maybe even like 'where the streets have no names', but it wasn't a nice place; nothing had a name; there wern't even any streets. Why am I know reminded of the beginning of Macbeth when the three witchs are gathered around the cauldron and recite their spells before venturing out? Reminds myself to watch/read that again....now Hamlet...now theres some words right there.

Speaking of 'omens if you insist - while there are clearly hormonal differences along with physical divergences, I think that women and men are much more similar than society might other wise have one believe. Clearly different societies have different cultural values and in some of them role reversal is common which could only indicate that perception of roles is primarilly what makes them; therefore perception is everything and men want the same as what women do. This suggests that nurture plays a greater role than nature, ie genes vs enviornment - the latter being much more definitive in the hows and why's......I know one thing....a joint would be nice now....and you know what...that damn testosterone...I bet more men smoke than women because of that....and what that might say about Women who do smoke....hahaaa:leaf :

[Pharm Girl]

Why am I know reminded of the beginning of Macbeth when the three witchs are gathered around the cauldron and recite their spells before venturing out?

chanting, "Double, double toil and trouble

Macbeth, in his letter to his wife, writes of the witches. Macbeth has jumped to a conclusion; he doesn't know for sure that the witches have supernatural knowledge.

He goes on to complain that then the witches prohesied that Banquo -- not Macbeth -- would be the father of a line of kings.

Also, it's clear that Macbeth wants to know what is the worst that can happen to him, but what does he mean by referring to the witches as "the worst means"? He must know that they are evil, but does he also know that they are not to be trusted? (How could he not know? How can those who make a bargain with the devil forget that the devil is the devil and won't keep his end of a bargain?)

The third Witch........says

Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches' mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Silver'd in the moon's eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.

[koshiva]

Yes but didn't Macbeths wife say to Macbeth "I would pluck this suckling child from my breast and bash its brains out to see you be king?" Something like that. Those witchs certainly must have worked some magic - black magic.

I notice in their cauldron there are none of the DMT toads for flight...mmm...that hemlock will definatly poisen the mind and body.

Oh thats right, eventually Macbeth does stab the king dead doesn't he? I forget...again...mus t read Macbeth.

I've been eating beef jerky and crocodile jerky...oh the burden of the beast...and last night I had some cuppa soup...chicken...so I sequestered some pieces of crocodile jerky into it and made it into crocodile soup and my my it was the best ever crocodile soup I ever had.....since I'd never had it before...it was very nice though. Some time later....maybe some emu....bet you never had crocodile soup. Oh thats right...I have enough crocodile jerky for one more cup of soup....but this time I am going to add some cannabis seeds, but let them steep so the husks are soft and chewy instead of crunchy....if thats possible....we will see.....cause if you never had crocodile soup....I am certain you never had crocodile and hemp seed soup...ahahah...only Pharm girl could appreciate my wanderings in infinity.....tis good to share and be open....instead of mute...ain't that the truth...bare ones soul lest every one hide and masqeurade as a self searcher but engaged in self deception...or so Kiergegaard would have said....brutes and beasts,..,,,,,quite. ...its ok to be vulnerable and open...and to play the fool especially......

[Pharm Girl]

An angel of peace came to me.
She carried me on her wings to the place I call home
Home sweet home is where my heart is…
The weather outside is so cold.

I feel the cold in my bones and a reminder in my heart.
All my bones hurt because of the cold, my heart hurts because of the betrayal.

God sent this Angel of peace to us.......


The Angel of peace is the sign of hope to us......
Peace will feel my heart soon….

The candle has been lit!