I think i started writing a book last night... here's what I have

vanilla · 02-20-2008, 12:24 PM

So i was tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this book i've been reading, and it gave me a few ideas of my own to write about. I just got on the computer and ran with it, here's what I have so far. I don't know what's to become of it, so take it with a grain of salt i guess...

Up into the sky I looked with tired eyes and a mind so confused and poisoned with vodka, that I would be falling over if I wasn't already lying on the ground. The grass and leaves itched my back and arms enough to make me curse whatever fucking desire I had to get so stinking drunk, so drunk that I had to lie down and busy myself with counting the stars that made up the big dipper. Maybe it was the fact that I just lost my job, maybe it was the fact that my car had been stolen a few nights before, who knows, but it sure wasn't the fact that I hadn't been cross eyed wasted in the last 2 days. I lit another cigarette and began to mumble something about fiscal responsibility when Josh ever so slightly toed me in the ribs to get my attention.

"Hey man, don't get too comfy here we still gotta go back to your place and pick that new batch of mushrooms..." What a fantastic human being I'd become; growing mushrooms, running out on a $117 bar tab, getting fired from a renowned studio for stealing recording gear... Most people I knew grew up wanting to be CEO's of big companies, or actors, or restauranteurs, or some bullshit like that. A restauranter - what a load of shit. If I were one of those guys in my situation, I'd probably be wondering where the hell I went wrong, where I lost track, where things got hard or confusing and I just gave up... but I wasn't them, and I sure as hell wasn't thinking that because I knew I had been this way all along. One time when I was 14 I got in trouble at school when the counsellor came in and asked all of us what we wanted to do when grew up. "A fireman!" some kid said. "A pop star!" said some little whore. I think she turned out to be a stripper or something, what a bitch she was. When he got around to me I hadn't really thought of anything so I told him I wanted to be a high school guidance counsellor. He wasn't too thrilled about that. Truth was, I had no idea what I wanted to be. I didn't even really want to be one of those day-dreamy idealists who floats around for a decade or so like I probably would, because they all ended up working for banks or being a computer programmer or something else lame.

I guess that's what happens when you don't have a plan, things go to shit, and rightly so. I felt pretty rotten for cursing those greedy bastards that I went to kindergarten with for turning out to be accountants and businessmen, yet who was I to judge; I was one drink away from lying in a pool of my own urine and vomit. I heard Josh's footsteps in the corner of my ear as he stumbled in the direction of my apartment and I decided to get up and follow him; for we had fungus to harvest, and it was going to be a long night. There we walked down the dimly lit street like a couple of rejects from a Larry Clark movie, drunk on Smirnoff and youthful optimism... yeah right. It was going to be a long night.

By the time we got back to my apartment I had started to sober up, so naturally I grabbed some vodka from the freezer and made some drinks.
"So how much do you think we could pull down from this? One, maybe two grand?" Josh asked me.
"I dont know man, I really have no idea"
"Well ballpark it, I'm pretty excited about this shit... maybe I'll get myself a new tv, maybe get a new car... fuck this is gonna be great"
"Yeah whatever man, that's great..."
"What's your fuckin problem?"
"I don't know, it's just too much shit at once. I mean yeah the money will be good but I have so much stuff to worry about now, I don't really wanna think about all the pointless shit your going to buy once we sell all this mush."
"You know, ever since you lost your job you've been real fuckin mopey. Yeah shit happens but what do you wanna do, whine about it forever? Man up and take some fucking responsibility man, I mean you did steal all that shit didn't you? What did you expect, no one to notice?"
"It's not that Josh, it just seems like everything I do is a waste of time... yeah I could have all kinds of determination and drive and go out and do something with myself, but in the end what does it all matter? We all wanted more from ourselves but there's never any end in sight; it's like everyone's reaching for this unattainable goal that's bound to leave you unfulfilled in the end..." I trailed off and Josh stared at me blankly, like one of those dumb kids in 4th grade math class that gets called on to solve a problem on the board. There he was, standing with 12 ounces of psilocybin in front of him, yet completely unaware of any of the mental torture associated with the consumption of the drug, especially something like existential angst... What a poser.

"I'm gonna go take a walk" I muttered as I stumbled out the door. I needed to get out of there; bad vibes everywhere. There's no worse feeling in the world than being misunderstood, and believe me, that idiot with the exacto knife and latex gloves on didn't know a god damn thing about me or what I was going through. Sometimes in public, when im walking through crowds of people, I just look at their faces, into their eyes, and I can see right through them. I look at them and wonder if they've ever given a single moment of thought about themselves, who they are, where they are going in their life, the kind of life they're leading... then I start to think about how much pain I could've avoided if I was stupid like them. Stupid and selfish, and completely incapable of self analysis and introspective thought. All those hours high as kite, enjoying the scenery and complete bliss instead of huddled in a corner, seeing my very life crash and burn before my eyes... literally and metaphorically speaking, of course. What a joke. A cruel, cruel fucking joke indeed, yet with no one to blame but myself. As horrible as it got sometimes, I secretly hoped and prayed for there to be someone to blame, but at the end of the day I only had myself. I woke up alone and slept alone, and I would live this way too. I lit up a cigarette and took a long haul; I closed my eyes and I could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel diminish and implode upon itself, and then, BOOM... Lights out.

Mafoo · 02-20-2008, 01:52 PM

wow! i really like your style of naration, keep it coming!

ps its the grass scratched my back not itched...

vanilla · 02-20-2008, 08:14 PM

ahha right right
thanks brotha

B. · 02-22-2008, 05:42 PM

Nice, you paint a picture well.

Have you any ideas where you are gonna go with it?
It definately has some potential!

Tr3n7 · 02-23-2008, 11:01 AM

Good first-person narrative.

What types of continuation did you have in mind? It could turn into a really solid short story about that guy if you keep going with it.

I like what you have now, but I couldn't say it would have novel potential until you had a few chapters.

vanilla · 02-24-2008, 03:08 PM

Yeah i dont know, i was thinking it would be a kind of realization of self, sort of like a spiritual awakening with some comedy and drugs thrown in for good measure. Thanks for the comments and taking the time to read it, i will be updating it shortly

edit: a coming of age really haha

Tr3n7 · 02-24-2008, 05:43 PM

That's more like it. Keep those creative juices flowing!

Mafoo · 02-28-2008, 11:03 AM

any new stuff to read?

vanilla · 03-02-2008, 10:54 PM

updated

Mafoo · 03-02-2008, 11:47 PM

thats really good

keep this thing going

vanilla · 03-03-2008, 01:12 PM

thanks brotha, sorry if there's any mistakes in that one i wrote it last night when i was a bit tipsy

Mafoo · 03-03-2008, 03:46 PM

none that i noticed, tipsy typing= good writings

vanilla · 03-21-2008, 12:10 AM

I wrote more, is anyone interested ?

Mafoo · 04-03-2008, 06:15 PM

keep writing vanilla!
i feel ya on that last paragraph

good shit mang

BearsysRevenge · 04-09-2008, 12:11 AM

I really dig the way it reads. Reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson's way of narrating things.

vanilla · 04-09-2008, 07:24 AM

oh thanks man!! im not gonna lie, i read the rum diary and that's when this wave of inspiration came on, so i cant shake that first bit haha
ill upload a bit later on today, ive got some more

BearsysRevenge · 04-10-2008, 08:36 PM

lol cool, looking forward to it.

vanilla · 04-10-2008, 09:34 PM

I woke up some time later on the couch back in my apartment, still in a half drunken haze. My mouth had never been so dry and I had that aching and completely empty feeling like I had been up all night drinking to escape the grim realities of something; which I had. No articulate analogies, no clever puns, just that; a drunken bum running from something I couldn't even really put my finger on, let alone explain or sum up like some bumper sticker joke. The apathy and self loathing washed over me like a rush of blood to the head; yet I wasn't really that self loathing, I was way too apathetic for that. Just a subtle and semi kind of hatred and disgust... yeah, that's it. I glanced over and saw Josh lying on the floor about ten feet away from me, staring at the ceiling and wearing a pair of cheap sunglasses that you can only buy at a run down gas station in a run down part of town. I turned my neck around and began to stare at my hands and wonder if I

"HEY!" Josh yelled. "Don't tell me you woke up and ten seconds later you're already in one of your "intense thought" mind trips. I bet you a pack of smokes your thinking about last night and how much you hate this situation you're in right now, or some other philosophical shit like that...”
"Uhhhhhh..." He had me... dead on. Fuck.
"You think way too much, it's bad for business." Josh mumbled. He was right, too.
"Fine, just give me a couple of minutes" I got up and went to my room to throw on a clean shirt and grabbed my sunglasses; something about bright lights just made my blood boil.

I walked out of my room and nodded at Josh as we headed out the door. We stepped outside my building and the sun hit me like a kick in the face; thank God for those shades. It was still a little cold out but the snow was long gone and the air was full of a sense of a warm spring coming on.
"Man, you should be more careful wandering around like that at night, you're lucky I found you..." Josh muttered as he squinted at oncoming sidewalk traffic.
"Yeah I dunno, I just needed to go out for a little stroll"
"Well whatever you needed it definitely wasn't passing out in the alley behind your building... you need to relax with all that, especially after everything that's going on lately, you've been acting really weird lately..."

I heard everything he was saying but I wasn't really listening. I just didn't know anymore. We finally got to the store and I grabbed a bottle of blue Gatorade from the fridge and immediately started chugging it. Hey, I needed the electrolytes. I got to the cash and got two packs of cigarettes and then me and Josh headed outside and talked about zombie movies or something for a little while; I was still exhausted. We were talking about the new wave of movies being made with the zombies being all mutated and shit and being able to transmit thei

02-20-2008, 12:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	I think i started writing a book last night... here's what I have So i was tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this book i've been reading, and it gave me a few ideas of my own to write about. I just got on the computer and ran with it, here's what I have so far. I don't know what's to become of it, so take it with a grain of salt i guess... Up into the sky I looked with tired eyes and a mind so confused and poisoned with vodka, that I would be falling over if I wasn't already lying on the ground. The grass and leaves itched my back and arms enough to make me curse whatever fucking desire I had to get so stinking drunk, so drunk that I had to lie down and busy myself with counting the stars that made up the big dipper. Maybe it was the fact that I just lost my job, maybe it was the fact that my car had been stolen a few nights before, who knows, but it sure wasn't the fact that I hadn't been cross eyed wasted in the last 2 days. I lit another cigarette and began to mumble something about fiscal responsibility when Josh ever so slightly toed me in the ribs to get my attention. "Hey man, don't get too comfy here we still gotta go back to your place and pick that new batch of mushrooms..." What a fantastic human being I'd become; growing mushrooms, running out on a $117 bar tab, getting fired from a renowned studio for stealing recording gear... Most people I knew grew up wanting to be CEO's of big companies, or actors, or restauranteurs, or some bullshit like that. A restauranter - what a load of shit. If I were one of those guys in my situation, I'd probably be wondering where the hell I went wrong, where I lost track, where things got hard or confusing and I just gave up... but I wasn't them, and I sure as hell wasn't thinking that because I knew I had been this way all along. One time when I was 14 I got in trouble at school when the counsellor came in and asked all of us what we wanted to do when grew up. "A fireman!" some kid said. "A pop star!" said some little whore. I think she turned out to be a stripper or something, what a bitch she was. When he got around to me I hadn't really thought of anything so I told him I wanted to be a high school guidance counsellor. He wasn't too thrilled about that. Truth was, I had no idea what I wanted to be. I didn't even really want to be one of those day-dreamy idealists who floats around for a decade or so like I probably would, because they all ended up working for banks or being a computer programmer or something else lame. I guess that's what happens when you don't have a plan, things go to shit, and rightly so. I felt pretty rotten for cursing those greedy bastards that I went to kindergarten with for turning out to be accountants and businessmen, yet who was I to judge; I was one drink away from lying in a pool of my own urine and vomit. I heard Josh's footsteps in the corner of my ear as he stumbled in the direction of my apartment and I decided to get up and follow him; for we had fungus to harvest, and it was going to be a long night. There we walked down the dimly lit street like a couple of rejects from a Larry Clark movie, drunk on Smirnoff and youthful optimism... yeah right. It was going to be a long night. By the time we got back to my apartment I had started to sober up, so naturally I grabbed some vodka from the freezer and made some drinks. "So how much do you think we could pull down from this? One, maybe two grand?" Josh asked me. "I dont know man, I really have no idea" "Well ballpark it, I'm pretty excited about this shit... maybe I'll get myself a new tv, maybe get a new car... fuck this is gonna be great" "Yeah whatever man, that's great..." "What's your fuckin problem?" "I don't know, it's just too much shit at once. I mean yeah the money will be good but I have so much stuff to worry about now, I don't really wanna think about all the pointless shit your going to buy once we sell all this mush." "You know, ever since you lost your job you've been real fuckin mopey. Yeah shit happens but what do you wanna do, whine about it forever? Man up and take some fucking responsibility man, I mean you did steal all that shit didn't you? What did you expect, no one to notice?" "It's not that Josh, it just seems like everything I do is a waste of time... yeah I could have all kinds of determination and drive and go out and do something with myself, but in the end what does it all matter? We all wanted more from ourselves but there's never any end in sight; it's like everyone's reaching for this unattainable goal that's bound to leave you unfulfilled in the end..." I trailed off and Josh stared at me blankly, like one of those dumb kids in 4th grade math class that gets called on to solve a problem on the board. There he was, standing with 12 ounces of psilocybin in front of him, yet completely unaware of any of the mental torture associated with the consumption of the drug, especially something like existential angst... What a poser. "I'm gonna go take a walk" I muttered as I stumbled out the door. I needed to get out of there; bad vibes everywhere. There's no worse feeling in the world than being misunderstood, and believe me, that idiot with the exacto knife and latex gloves on didn't know a god damn thing about me or what I was going through. Sometimes in public, when im walking through crowds of people, I just look at their faces, into their eyes, and I can see right through them. I look at them and wonder if they've ever given a single moment of thought about themselves, who they are, where they are going in their life, the kind of life they're leading... then I start to think about how much pain I could've avoided if I was stupid like them. Stupid and selfish, and completely incapable of self analysis and introspective thought. All those hours high as kite, enjoying the scenery and complete bliss instead of huddled in a corner, seeing my very life crash and burn before my eyes... literally and metaphorically speaking, of course. What a joke. A cruel, cruel fucking joke indeed, yet with no one to blame but myself. As horrible as it got sometimes, I secretly hoped and prayed for there to be someone to blame, but at the end of the day I only had myself. I woke up alone and slept alone, and I would live this way too. I lit up a cigarette and took a long haul; I closed my eyes and I could almost see the light at the end of the tunnel diminish and implode upon itself, and then, BOOM... Lights out. __________________ Last edited by vanilla; 03-02-2008 at 10:54 PM.

02-20-2008, 01:52 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mafoo semitone from stoned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,241 Thanks: 45 Thanked 36 Times in 32 Posts	wow! i really like your style of naration, keep it coming! ps its the grass scratched my back not itched... __________________ "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

02-20-2008, 08:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	ahha right right thanks brotha __________________

02-22-2008, 05:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
B. Drexciyan Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 715 Thanks: 0 Thanked 19 Times in 15 Posts	Nice, you paint a picture well. Have you any ideas where you are gonna go with it? It definately has some potential! __________________ Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. - Voltaire Photographs Music Sweet Music

02-23-2008, 11:01 AM	#5 (permalink)
Tr3n7 Chiefin' NCAA Champ Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Lawrence, KS Posts: 52 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 8 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Good first-person narrative. What types of continuation did you have in mind? It could turn into a really solid short story about that guy if you keep going with it. I like what you have now, but I couldn't say it would have novel potential until you had a few chapters. __________________ ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK bongsmilie KU!! 2008 NCAA CHAMPIONS!!!

02-24-2008, 03:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Yeah i dont know, i was thinking it would be a kind of realization of self, sort of like a spiritual awakening with some comedy and drugs thrown in for good measure. Thanks for the comments and taking the time to read it, i will be updating it shortly edit: a coming of age really haha __________________ Last edited by vanilla; 02-24-2008 at 05:31 PM.

02-24-2008, 05:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
Tr3n7 Chiefin' NCAA Champ Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Lawrence, KS Posts: 52 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 8 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	That's more like it. Keep those creative juices flowing! __________________ ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK bongsmilie KU!! 2008 NCAA CHAMPIONS!!!

02-28-2008, 11:03 AM	#8 (permalink)
Mafoo semitone from stoned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,241 Thanks: 45 Thanked 36 Times in 32 Posts	any new stuff to read? __________________ "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

03-02-2008, 10:54 PM	#9 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	updated __________________

03-02-2008, 11:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mafoo semitone from stoned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,241 Thanks: 45 Thanked 36 Times in 32 Posts	thats really good keep this thing going __________________ "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

03-03-2008, 01:12 PM	#11 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	thanks brotha, sorry if there's any mistakes in that one i wrote it last night when i was a bit tipsy __________________

03-03-2008, 03:46 PM	#12 (permalink)
Mafoo semitone from stoned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,241 Thanks: 45 Thanked 36 Times in 32 Posts	none that i noticed, tipsy typing= good writings __________________ "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

03-21-2008, 12:10 AM	#13 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	I wrote more, is anyone interested ? __________________

04-03-2008, 06:15 PM	#14 (permalink)
Mafoo semitone from stoned Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,241 Thanks: 45 Thanked 36 Times in 32 Posts	keep writing vanilla! i feel ya on that last paragraph good shit mang __________________ "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

04-09-2008, 12:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
BearsysRevenge Adminfiltrator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: I've got BuffaLOVE Posts: 4,462 Thanks: 582 Thanked 141 Times in 102 Posts	I really dig the way it reads. Reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson's way of narrating things. __________________ Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too.

04-09-2008, 07:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
vanilla the cunning linguist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: 905/514 Posts: 5,094 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	oh thanks man!! im not gonna lie, i read the rum diary and that's when this wave of inspiration came on, so i cant shake that first bit haha ill upload a bit later on today, ive got some more __________________

04-10-2008, 08:36 PM	#17 (permalink)
BearsysRevenge Adminfiltrator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: I've got BuffaLOVE Posts: 4,462 Thanks: 582 Thanked 141 Times in 102 Posts	lol cool, looking forward to it. __________________ Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too.