i am tripping on acid now as i write this

Seeds&Stems · 03-20-2008, 12:53 AM

quite lucid.
i am a drug addict. undeniable

my circle of friends are all "high" chasers... meaning we all live to get fucked up in one manner or another. I have fallen the furthest, though.

my highs are high. but the lows are very low. and they come far too often to compensate.

im crucially depressed. crippled. fake. not dead but not living.

i do not want pity or remorse. this is not a cry for help.

just a self inventory. I know what i am. can i change? truly?

i hope

burnt_hiphophead · 03-20-2008, 01:06 AM

I think the question is, do you want to change?

I know it's easier said than done, but don't be depressed. Life is what you make it. So keep your head up and do your best, that's all you can do

Seeds&Stems · 03-20-2008, 01:15 AM

i struggle to honestly answer your question in this state.

Seeds&Stems · 03-20-2008, 01:16 AM

no, but i have to.
yes, but its hard.

burnt_hiphophead · 03-20-2008, 01:27 AM

They say anything worth doing is hard. I know that I should cut down (or maybe temporarily quit) smoking herb but I don't because it's hard. I still want to get high.

Just live in the moment, S&S, nobody's perfect, so don't stress out, enjoy the rest of the trip.

I know that's like a list of dumb cliche's but I mean them all.

Prophet Saddam · 03-20-2008, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seeds&Stems

quite lucid.
i am a drug addict. undeniable

my circle of friends are all "high" chasers... meaning we all live to get fucked up in one manner or another. I have fallen the furthest, though.

my highs are high. but the lows are very low. and they come far too often to compensate.

im crucially depressed. crippled. fake. not dead but not living.

i do not want pity or remorse. this is not a cry for help.

just a self inventory. I know what i am. can i change? truly?

i hope

Thanks for sharing.

I hope, also.

DeafTones · 03-20-2008, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seeds&Stems

quite lucid.
i am a drug addict. undeniable

Yes, but you have the spartans on your side...

**30_Units** · 03-20-2008, 07:22 AM

Hope you can sort out some internal self love and acceptance, seeds. Much love brother.

Seeds&Stems · 03-20-2008, 11:41 AM

heh thanks dudes. now that its wore off i kinda feel bleh again though.

I swear it would be easy to quit drugs if I could trip every day (lol irony). Last night my done addiction didnt even matter, even at times i was convinced that it was all in my head and i could stop immediately with no withdrawals if i choose too.

of course i woke and dosed. still tapering though. not as fast as i should, just enough to convince myself i am.

but I'm cool. Life is fine really. The trip was actually very very good for the soul. just gotta take what i can from it i 'spose.

Prophet Saddam · 03-20-2008, 11:43 AM

Good for you.

Live and learn.

Seeds&Stems · 03-20-2008, 03:07 PM

thanks dude.

kamikazi89 · 05-15-2008, 01:55 PM

man hugs for all, stay strong brutha

Rubix · 05-15-2008, 05:31 PM

just alternate the drugs, e one day, cid the next, shrooms the next, then mescaline. three day break with only pot and alcohol being used, boom, addiction over with. forgot about the ibogaine

_tyranT · 05-15-2008, 10:30 PM

i dunno what to say lol.

Man in Black · 05-15-2008, 11:21 PM

I have found that if you get the inclination that something in your life needs to change and you really honestly want to change it, as long as you surround yourself with the right kind of supporting, caring people, and actually give it your best effort, you will be amazed at the things you can accomplish.

Keep the faith.

**SweetSativa** · 05-18-2008, 05:09 AM

Some things about some drugs are good (the light that they can shed on things that need to change for instance).

Almost everyone is addicted to something, to be honest. Sometimes it's a destructive behavior and sometimes it's a substance. You can change it but you can't hate the part of yourself that is addicted because it's part of you. It may be (not making assumptions... just generalizing my own experience) that this is the part that needs the most love. It's that part that doesn't think he can be anything different and the part that SEEMS stronger is telling him that he is right and that he's worthless (still generalizing, I hope I don't offend... this is the way that I am/ was).

When I went to college the first time I drank like a friggin' fish and slept with everyone and anyone who was around, partied all the time. My grades were bad (coulda been worse but they weren't good). I'm 35 now and back in school. I made deans honor roll this semester, have a house, a husband of 14 years, and two beautiful children. That little 'good for nothing' is getting smaller and smaller. There came a time when I had to ask myself how long I could live that way. I certainly didn't want to do it forever. Also, you know where your potential lies and if you don't, ask for answers and they'll come to you.

Sorry...lol. This may not help... but it's what helped me. I had to overcome the conclusions that I had formed about myself a really long time ago (and am still working on it)... some as early as toddler years. They've been there a long time, it's difficult not to believe them anymore.

matthewmunari · 05-20-2008, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seeds&Stems

quite lucid.
i am a drug addict. undeniable

my circle of friends are all "high" chasers... meaning we all live to get fucked up in one manner or another. I have fallen the furthest, though.

my highs are high. but the lows are very low. and they come far too often to compensate.

im crucially depressed. crippled. fake. not dead but not living.

i do not want pity or remorse. this is not a cry for help.

just a self inventory. I know what i am. can i change? truly?

i'm just curious, were you really trippin when u wrote that?

i hope

we are so similar, even tho you'll deny it...its called addiction..

03-20-2008, 01:06 AM	#2 (permalink)
burnt_hiphophead Yahoooooooooooooooooookan Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 536 Thanks: 23 Thanked 21 Times in 15 Posts	I think the question is, do you want to change? I know it's easier said than done, but don't be depressed. Life is what you make it. So keep your head up and do your best, that's all you can do __________________ Come on! - G.O.B. Bluth

03-20-2008, 01:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
burnt_hiphophead Yahoooooooooooooooooookan Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 536 Thanks: 23 Thanked 21 Times in 15 Posts	They say anything worth doing is hard. I know that I should cut down (or maybe temporarily quit) smoking herb but I don't because it's hard. I still want to get high. Just live in the moment, S&S, nobody's perfect, so don't stress out, enjoy the rest of the trip. I know that's like a list of dumb cliche's but I mean them all. __________________ Come on! - G.O.B. Bluth

03-20-2008, 11:43 AM	#10 (permalink)
Prophet Saddam Crazy Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: CA Posts: 15,328 Blog Entries: 11 Thanks: 1,601 Thanked 288 Times in 206 Posts	Good for you. Live and learn. __________________ blame me.

05-15-2008, 05:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rubix Stoner Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,954 Thanks: 45 Thanked 40 Times in 34 Posts	just alternate the drugs, e one day, cid the next, shrooms the next, then mescaline. three day break with only pot and alcohol being used, boom, addiction over with. forgot about the ibogaine __________________ would you like a cone with that?

05-15-2008, 11:21 PM	#15 (permalink)
Man in Black sic semper tyrannis Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Dayton, Ohio Posts: 667 Thanks: 129 Thanked 50 Times in 40 Posts	I have found that if you get the inclination that something in your life needs to change and you really honestly want to change it, as long as you surround yourself with the right kind of supporting, caring people, and actually give it your best effort, you will be amazed at the things you can accomplish. Keep the faith. __________________ You expect for me to love you when you hate yourself, my friend

05-15-2008, 10:30 PM	#14 (permalink)
_tyranT YaHookan Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: OhIo Posts: 1,377 Thanks: 3 Thanked 15 Times in 9 Posts	i dunno what to say lol.

05-18-2008, 05:09 AM	#16 (permalink)
SweetSativa Lucid Daydreamer Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,895 Thanks: 10 Thanked 20 Times in 18 Posts	Some things about some drugs are good (the light that they can shed on things that need to change for instance). Almost everyone is addicted to something, to be honest. Sometimes it's a destructive behavior and sometimes it's a substance. You can change it but you can't hate the part of yourself that is addicted because it's part of you. It may be (not making assumptions... just generalizing my own experience) that this is the part that needs the most love. It's that part that doesn't think he can be anything different and the part that SEEMS stronger is telling him that he is right and that he's worthless (still generalizing, I hope I don't offend... this is the way that I am/ was). When I went to college the first time I drank like a friggin' fish and slept with everyone and anyone who was around, partied all the time. My grades were bad (coulda been worse but they weren't good). I'm 35 now and back in school. I made deans honor roll this semester, have a house, a husband of 14 years, and two beautiful children. That little 'good for nothing' is getting smaller and smaller. There came a time when I had to ask myself how long I could live that way. I certainly didn't want to do it forever. Also, you know where your potential lies and if you don't, ask for answers and they'll come to you. Sorry...lol. This may not help... but it's what helped me. I had to overcome the conclusions that I had formed about myself a really long time ago (and am still working on it)... some as early as toddler years. They've been there a long time, it's difficult not to believe them anymore. __________________ The Four Agreements: Be impeccable with your word Take nothing personally Always do your best Assume nothing