Some ramblings because of the lack of a pen.

[turmaline]

A body that is alive, that is functioning, that is here. In the inner mind it feels like a corpse, it's still alive watching itself be picked at like a lion eating a zebra. It can feel itself being tugged at, see the animal eating it alive but it feels no pain, it lies there awake waiting, waiting for something else to come along, and maybe eat it's face. Going for a walk sometimes brings one to think of what it would be like to lie down in the forest, for days, night and day without a movement, looking at the sky and the clouds passing by. No water, no food, wondering what your fate would be. Would a meat eating animal pass by you, or would you starve or dehydrate to death? Sometimes it's like a dream, and that's all you do is dream, and live in a dream, focusing on only your non-existent future, the future you know you will never have, or the future you stop yourself from having for some reason, you don't know. Enough to drive you insane in your own mind. You go back to the thoughts of lying there in the forest, listening to it breath, watching the above branches inhale and exhale like a mushroom trip, except it's your reality, bugs crawling across your face, and you don't even move. Maybe someone will find you, is that what you really want, you don't know, because if they do you may end up in the same vote as you were before, without hope, with only dreams. Sometimes you can actually feel your brain, like watching an MRI with the flashing colors except yours is going to turn all red eventually, watching it creep up from the back, slowly making it's way to the front. Is it good or bad, you'll just have to wait and see.