Freestyle - Judge accordingly

[Smaerd]

Hey I'm working on finding a musical vice. I am big into writing and here's something I just scribbled up. Might as well of been a free-style in note-pad. There's no hook or anything, so don't expect this to be some sort of main-stream nonsense, nor perfected. I just wanna know if anyone thinks the flow could work.

Diary of a baked by-product
What it is, my fam call me cakey,
new to this "game", don't understake me,

I grew up in a city that never understood me,
that's what happens when your 13 and feelin' skiffy.
I blew up in a city that under-hooked me,
that's the life I lived, a cake life, with no jiffy.

always gonna be caught burning that stress
never put my money where my hands can't caress,
the hard hustle work I do,
even if I got the pape too,-hehe,
drop on something a little more fresh,
nothing like sharing my smoke in a family sesh.

i'm not hear to spit any lies
I keep em tucked underneath my bandanna ties.
i'm not here to spit bout some bullshit triggers,
or some brand new matching 38 rugers,
I have a notarized written check for my stuntin' rights,
but I never made the deposit, cuz it's that hand that feeds that bites.

and yeahh, yeahh, I still got ice
but I keep it wrapped up 'till I needda look nice.

I'll never be on platinum
but I don't need no coca to stay numb
I never put myself above my broads.
tha' jus' mean I treat'em like they gods.
it keeps both our shit slick-n-wet,
and a reason in bed for us both to sweat.

So stick with me or dip from my city,
cuz I'm a sweet cake boy n this is the reality,
of me tryin' to put the icing on my life.

im gunna say its horrible. but keep writing.

[Smaerd]

Thanks for the honest input haha!

[Pharm Girl]

I'll never be on platinum

I might beg to differ............

Where's there's toxic elements, one always finds the 'pay dirt'!

[spicoli]

interesting...i dig.