Lions & Christians (PB)

while i know no one asked me why i was gone for a few weeks, and i doubt many care... not to mention cyberknife has little to do with other highs, but this forum doesnt seem to get much attention, and my drug use has been through the roof for these past few weeks and ive gained some insights.

first of all... if you dont know, i have cancer, i do, in a lymphnoid, that pushes the cancer cells all through out my body.

i have tumors in my lungs, hip bone, and recently brain.

i had the brain tumor removed. it was small, and even though they dont usually use cyberknife for brain tumors they did me because of that fact (it was small and held a chance of sucessful removal) and because i wouldnt let them cut open my head. i also underwent radiation for my hip bone, but thats not really interesting, and by god just another fucking horror story. the lungs are hopeless case if anyone was going to ask.

anyway, for those who arent familar with cyberknife, its a this big ass camera looking thing. they make a netting mold of the area and program it in this computer that pinpoints every square inch of the said area. they then make you lie down and the camera thing jerks about you delivering a concentrated dose of radiaton, this way their more certain the radiation is getting to place needed instead of just applying a warm price tag looking gun to yeah that wears you way the fuck down.

while i underwent cyberknife, i was really quite amazed by it. i really felt a difference (positive for once) after leaving each treatment. however making it to their treatments was quite different.

unfortunately, while many patients just sleep through their cyberknife treatments, i was told i had to stay awake. the reason i was given was that this is a fairly new treatment and they didnt want any possible errors, and they were unsure of how my nerons would interfere with it while asleep.

this caused a script to dexedrine.

however, since i dont like dexedrine, i simply took it once in the morning and used coke through out the day to keep it perking.

im also on dexamethasone, a steroid, to prevent hemraging in the brain that acts simular to dexedrine i took at twice a day, the particular dose relating to this thread is the one i took at night, that when combined with coming down of stimulants through out the day, really kept me up at night even though i was pissed tired.

you guessed it, this caused my oxycodone script to greatly increase.

which in turned, caused my sleeping cycle to extend, making the stims even more necessary.

i think you see the cycle.

this really fucked with me even though i've had this cycle before.

i think the reason being that it wasnt of my own free will, it was required, and i really wanted that fucking thing out of my head.

plus im still pretty much on the cycle, and i dont really feel kept down by it.

anyway, yeah, that's about it.

sorry to ramble, but yeah, i thought i'd add.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

Lions & Christians (PB)

oh yeah, they also gave me this pimp little angel pendant that looks suspiciously like a star wars figure after completing cyberknife.

so worth it.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

eldizle

fuck.

Lions & Christians (PB)

yeah, schedule 4, all radiation for dissolving tumors, and all the chemo was evidently for mere fun of it.

i sometimes like to pretend im going to mutate into mutant ninja turtle for the sake of getting my moneys worth.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

eldizle

I have to say i'm pretty upset about this news.

I hope you're opiated. I sure as hell am getting that way.

i just wish more dilaudid would dissolve into solution. 8 tablets isn't fitting 100 units so well.

Lions & Christians (PB)

opiated to say the least.

been that way for awhile. im finally even getting my fenya patch.

sadly, thats about the only good news, and there really is no way for me to say it without sounding creepy... but i've come to accept it.

the docs jerked me around for long time and kept giving me hope and than stomping on it. finally i know the truth.

it's refreshing.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

Canuck Wisdom

I'll be honest, and unlike ^^ this guy I didn't specifically notice, but I could tell your presence was lacking and am glad to see that you are back from your apparent hiatus. Best of luck dealing with that stuff in the future, and you know what comes is what comes and all that.

Cyberknife seems pretty tight.

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-Knowitall A&P type-

Hooked

Mr. Belligerent (if I may), you are as much a part of this site as I am, and the quality folks like yourself and so many others who have sadly moved on...the fact is that you're still here, and so is adam, and all the others who don't take this place or themselves too seriously...that's why I still come back. They don't make 'Hookans like you anymore.

Thanks for being a part of it, and continuing to do so even as your quality of life diminishes. It's kinda inspirational, in a twisted way.

Respect and love always man.

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The never-ending quest to find a reason to smile...

Lions & Christians (PB)

i've always appreciated your posts too hooked.

you're rather a rare breed too... intelligent.

and thanks everyone for noticing or having a slight idea... i really didnt mean anything negative, i just felt weird talking about myself out of the blue.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

Captain Cannabis

i am sincerely thankful that you keep us updated. i don't want to say that i enjoy reading your posts, because of how straight up twisted it sounds seeing as all of your posts present the case of an ever-worsening disease ravaging your body; however, i really wouldn't know what to think if you just disappeared one day.
i didn't notice you were gone because i have been on vacation for roughly a month. also i've been dealing with my own medical issues. my problems are piss in the ocean compared to yours, but it has compromised my quality of life in its own way.
my thoughts are with you, i hope your journey is an interesting one.

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fuck the monkeys

Lions & Christians (PB)

we are all lucky kosh.

each one of us won a lottery in acheiving a amusement park we call our bodies the way i see it.

but anyway, yeah, there are many times it really burns me i cant get good ole H. i've been buying tar off the street, however im really getting tired of it cuz the potency seems to vary back and forth between each buy, and it really frustrates me when one day a gram of tar will take me through a week yet others wont even get me off once in a day.

and Oxy just aint the same as H.

not even close, i seriously have to hold myself back from slapping people who consider oxy heroin.

also wish i could get marinol pills. i miss pot, and i hardly ever have the time to cook it. sometimes when i a get alot of naseau i make a good amount of cannibutter tea that helps...

but anyway, nice to see ya pop back here kosh, you where a great person to talk to during that panic time i was going through. you helped me out alot there.

props mang, and i hope the world smiles on ya like you smiled on me then.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

eldizle

lions, do you shot the ocys? The euhoria is better than heroin, but the duration i must concede suffers. much like hydromorphone in that sense.

so, you banging em or eating that shite?

(much love)

Lions & Christians (PB)

no longer bang, i used to though, but it was through 4 15'mg'ers.

I now just shoot up morphine throughout the day and take the oxy once at night and once in the morning, orally.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.