adventure

My gf and I both agree once our cat passes away we will never have another cat, but I would take that little kitten so it could fuck with all of my dogs!

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Coming Full Range

eldizle

I used to despise cats until a stray adopted us that was more like a dog. Then there was the one that had kittens in our boat, and then the kittens (now cats) that live in the house.

They grow on you.

Stranger for me, is my dislike of her fucking german shepard mix i have to walk daily (because she's never walked it since moving back in)-fucker is the picture of a big dog who doesn't get enough exercise.

It's more frustration that she got a dog that she (an obese gamer who is home long enough to log on to warcraft and fall asleep before going back to work) has no intention of providing proper care for, and leaving it up to my father and myself.

She used to live in an apartment, and he was kenneled all day. No walking there, either.

Really pisses me off, to no end.

(one of the)Worst kind(s) of animal owner.

adventure

Drives me crazy when people have big dogs in apartments... Ugh I could go on for hours about shitty owners

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Coming Full Range

zoltron

Now please, don't anyone get offended by this joke...it's just a joke!!

A black guy, a Muslim, an illegal alien & a Communist walk into a bar. The bartender asks...






"What can I get you, Mr. President?"

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Lloydy

Jesus christ I wish my housemates friends would fuck off, i've listened to them slavver on about herbal tea and hamsters for fucking hours now. Get the fuck out of my house you tedious bastards.

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Keep the red flag flying high

adventure

what are they saying about hamsters?

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Coming Full Range

Lloydy

They were discussing the day to day life of her shitty little hamster. How it only pisses in one corner of its cage. I'm losing the will to live here, I have a severe hangover and I really cant be doing with these people.

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Keep the red flag flying high

adventure

I feel for you Lloydy. and you don't want to just sit in your room all day.

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Coming Full Range

Galt

Only bad trip I ever had in my life (of the multitudes enjoyed). Some friends and I were just out and about, groovin' on watchin' the world melt around us and feelin' all nice and psychically warm. We met a really cool guy at a local sub shop where we had all gone to grub. Mentioned he had just gotten the new Europe '72 album and invited us and 'Cid over to give a listen (yeah... lookin' back, it's hard to believe that the world - our world at the time - was ever so trusting and laid back). I lay some window pane I think it was on him and he breaks out some of this purple sticky ass Hawaiian (which back in the day was none too common on the East Coast). Smokin' weed whilst trippin' was always kind of a waste, but I took a few tokes jus' 'cuz it tasted soooo sweet and 'Cid was just startin' ta kick. That's when shit starteed gettin' really fucked up.

The living room of his pad was part of a big old Victorian house with real high ceilings and real tall windows covered with these huge old velvet drapes, and a giant fireplace on one wall that was really cool lookin' and pretty much commanded your attention. He had all manner of cool shit all over the walls, and the room was pretty cluttered, but with all kinds of really interesting shit that would've made it the perfect place to hang for the duration. Only problem was that some of the shit was alive, and none of us really took notice of it until it started to move and make noise... not a good thing.

I'm jus' chillin', gettin' into some ridiculous Dead riffs that I swear I could almost see flowing out of the old 901's, when his fucking Mynah bird decided to make his presence know. Yes it talked, and no the fucker wasn't in a cage. It had been sitting quietly on a perch in the corner and none of us had even noticed it in the dimly lit cavernous room. Try and imagine, just hittin' that optimum sweet spot of psychic and physical warm and fuzzy, listening to the perfect music, with a really cool fire burning in this giant Hallmark Xmas kind'a fireplace, when all of the sudden this black fucking bird drops in out'a nowhere and starts barkin' like a dog (the bird was home a lot with the dudes dog... which liked to bark I later learned). This is not what you're really expectin' to see and hear right at that moment.

So the bird first starts to freak us out a little bit, but then as I leaned forward my foot nudged something laying under his glass topped coffee table that for some reason, I thought was fake (well I was pretty fucked up). The dude had a pet fucking fox! I'd never heard of or seen, not previous to then or scince, of anyone keeping one as a freakin' pet, but Dr. Doolittle had one. The fox was chill as shit and had been asleep the whole time, til the bird started screechin'. All the same, when he stood up to stretch, standing right at my feet... I was cranially fucked. The bird was enough, but WTF ... there's a fox standin' on my toes and somebody's tellin' me he's tame???

Anyway the guy picked the fox up and showed it to us before lettin' him out to go kill some neighborhood chickens or somethin' I guess, and that's when his big ol' Persian cat wanders in. Now this fucker was huge to start with, but with all of the hair, and me bein' allergic, as my eyes started waterin' and the brain shifts into hyperspace, the big fuzzy fucker looked like a hairy sabre tooth. He stayed the fuck away from me for a good while but then, just as the dude was chagin' albums, there was knock at the door. Not a real loud like "open up it's the police" kind'a thing, but a serious knock all the same.

Dude looks over his shoulder from the stereo and asks me to let the cat out. I'm like ...huh? WTF just happened? But after the barking bird and the stuffed fox that came alive, I wasn't really in a state to be askin' questions, so I just got up and opened the door to let the cat out. We go back to chillin' and a little while later I hear a knock on the window behind me. First I ignore it 'cuz nobody else says shit, but then it keeps up. Finally, I'm startin' to feel like the guy in Poe's Tell-Tale Heart. So I ask "did anybody hear that?" ...nuthin'. I explain what I heard, but nobody else noticed anything. I give up and settle back in, and then the fucking knock comes back again... and again! This time I say I need some air, and I walk out onto the big walk-around porch. Nuthin'.

So I have a smoke, try to return to forever, gather my collective mental shit and go back inside. No fucking sooner do I sit down than there's a knock at the door this time, and this time they hear it. The guy very calmly asks me to let the cat in. I'm like ... wha??? It takes me a minute, but I get up, walk over and just as I get to the door there's another knock. I open the door, and there's nobody there except that fucking demon cat.

I know that evil Satan-spawn had just been outside fuckin' with me, knockin' on the windows and shit, and he knew that I knew it was him. I spent the rest of what should have been an awesome night keepin' tabs on tabby, 'cuz he wasn't gonna fuck with me again.

Barkin' birds, animal rugs that come alive and cats that knock on doors and windows... just to fuck with ya? Under my normal cannabis or alcohol influenced state, any one of them would have pro'ly been pretty funny and flipped out, but with hundreds of micrograms of the Pride of Sandoz coursin' through my brain... I just wasn't diggin' it. The only thing missing was White Rabbit wasn't playin' on the record player, and the Mynah bird didn't start reciting "The Raven".

Had lots of pets and animals over the years; cats, dogs, birds, horses, and all manner of barnyard shit, and they have all had something of a personality of their own, but that fucking cat, that Persian fur ball from hell - I know he was sent here by the government to torment and harass me... and I can prove it.

When I first got married, I never had the chance to meet my mother-in-law til just a few weeks before we got hitched. She was an evil bitch of a meddling manipulator, who in fact had raised a perfectly insane daughter, who's mission in life it turned out, was to make me miserable and/or even crazier than I already was. Just days before the slated small ceremony we visited her mom at her home... and behold... the woman bred Persian cats!
I should have run then, but being perpetually high at that time of my life, and being fully under the influence of little head thinking, I deferred.

Let that be a lesson to all. Always go with your gut... and cats, at least the Persians, are part of a government plot to fuck with us.

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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
_________________

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

eldizle

Very cool story, bro.

No foolin'.

I've come across animals I wasn't sure were real, until they sprinted off. Rabbits in particular. I was tripping, and trying to get my dog inside one time, and it was after dark. He was a small dog, and i thought he was doing something strange at the base of the stairs leading off my deck. I walked down to investigate, give him a nudge to come inside, because he sure wasn't responding to my calls, and as i reach down, shande my eyes from the house lights, I for the first time become aware that it's not my dog, it's a possum, wit it's mouth wide open, eyes bugging out, rolled onto it's side.

Not playing dead, the fucker started huffing like an asthmatic before i pulled my hand away and leapt up.

Took a couple of moments of recognition before i realized it was a possum though, never forget that moment of comprehension, from, "what the fuck is wrong with my dog?!?!" to "What the fuck is up with that possum?"



Yeah, not what i was expecting to see.

Qui-Bong Jinn

I've wanted a cat ever since I lived with someone who had a cat, he was an all gray one, don't know what kind of cat that is, but I've seen others like him and they were all just as friendly.
They're pretty funny to watch, they do some pretty ridiculous shit. Gotta wait till I move out though to get one.

Also, I've had that conversation (about hamsters and also rabbits), I think 4 times Lloydy. It's always a pretty good one.

adventure

That is a great story Galt! I try and stay away from even my own animals while tripping.

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Coming Full Range

zoltron

Very funny story, Galt. I can't even remember the last time I tripped on acid. I think it was around 1975.
Windowpane, microdot, blotter...$1.50 -- $2.00/hit. Went to see the Mountain concert at the Chicago Auditorium in 1970 while doing some microdot. 1 of the best concerts was Jethro Tull when they just released Aqualung. 1970 was my heavy-duty acid year!!

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Galt

I've cornered a few fuckin' with the chickens, coons too, and they ain't no joke - specially when you're in bare feet and boxers. Possums can be very bad news. They help keep the smaller rodent populations down, but they've been known to carry TB, plus the fuck with the birds and any fish they can reach. Lotta folks around our way keep feed bowls outdoors for cats and dogs and then bitch like retarded idiots when they attract a rat or possum problem. If you feed them, they will come.

Fuck the biodiversity, I'd rather have too many doves. Rodents must all die. Don't even wanna think about runnin' into a possum while I'm shroomed. No fuckin' way!

__________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
_________________

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Galt

Yeah, I had like a really heavy duty decade or so.

__________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
_________________

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Galt

Must I do the thinking for everyone?!

Lloydy, get yourself a big ol' industrial sized tub of Vaseline petroleum jelly. Now take a great gobbing handful out and throw it in the shitter with a bunch of lint from the dryer filter and a good squirt of red food coloring. Leave the tub next to the cage with the lid off, set the little critter free outside, and leave the cage door open. When they come home, you be asleep with an empty bottle of absinthe on the floor and some used amyl nitrite poppers all over the floor like rose petals leading to the bedroom door. As they start to get all dits out about where their rodent went, you start sobbin' into your pillow somethin' about how you never meant for anybody to get hurt, then lift your head up real sudden like and yell nice and loud "Whatever you do, don't go into the bathroom!". Make sure the toilet seat's up and the light's on.

You may not have to say anything to them ever again.

Life is too short to waste a minute on whinging assholes.

__________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
_________________

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

Terry

Clearly you are a Nazi.

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There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

-Sylvia Plath

The Don

fuck that my cat is driving me insane.

it just goes off the wall during night. ever since we moved its just intensified.

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Terry

I think having a pet fox would be cool.

Idk about cats who can knock on doors though.

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There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

-Sylvia Plath

Grieves

I hate cats...

They are the only animal that will eat it's owner without need for survival...

They go for the eyeballs first...You think that those face licks are cute, but it is in fact the cat taking a taste sample so that it can remember which part tastes best...

So don't fall into a deep slumber around a cat, they may think you are dead, and you may wake up without a face and/or eyes....

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