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Old 06-11-2017, 08:05 AM   #49561 (permalink)
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Story Time:

This is a story about the only time I got suspended from school. A projector like the one pictured above and my own reckless stupidity was the cause. Flashback to 1997, I'm in 6th grade, bout 11-12 yrs old, sitting in pre-algebra front row bored out of my mind with one of those pieces of shit in front of me. Teacher is blabbing on about some pre-formulas and shit, so I am doing my usual distraction routine of passing notes, telling jokes and being a general nuisance...Teacher continues on while i get a flash of genius, lets start sticking things through the plastic grate that guards the fan on the overhead projector to make cool sounds much like when a kid will clip baseball cards to the spokes of his bike wheels. Things start out innocently enough, small peices of paper and bits of eraser...Laughs and chuckles are had all around...So flash forward a bit, still in 97 and it has become a game amongst us kids to fuck with these projectors, an escalating game of "who can stick the most shit in the fan compartment" has become the new big thing. There were about 5-6 of us that would race to math class to get the seat behind the projector just to see how much we could fuck with the teacher. More often than naught I am the one who gets the deck, being the innovator and creator of the game after all. So this one day I am doing my usual routine and then i get the wise idea that I should up the ante from small pieces of paper to the big guns of pencils and pens.

By the time that projectors fan blades broke causing the projector to have a death spasm I had jammed around 3 pens, 6 pencils into that poor thing. Me thinking that I am the most clever person ever tried to play it off as a fluke of nature mechanical failure as the teacher scrambled over to see what the hell happened. There is only so much you can get away with when the fan chamber is filled with weeks worth of balled up paper, gum, paper clips, thumb tacks, broken fan blades and bits of pen and pencil before the teacher wises up and realizes what happened. So I get yelled at by Mr. Pre-Algebra and predictably sent to the the office to receive my punishment. I get to the office and sit and wait while the teacher phones the principal to tell him of my misgivings, I later found out that my partners in crime had thrown me under the bus big time, selling me out saying that they tried to stop me and like the mad lad that I am I kept going at it like some kind of hellbent projector killer. So principal throws out all the threats, expulsion, fines, etc...Finally settling on a 3 day out of school suspension followed by a week of detention.

The thing about pre-algebra is that it was a class for 6-7 graders so that they could take algebra in 8th grade as a head start to get to higher level/advanced placement math classes in high school (9-12 at the time). So because of my transgressions, i become the math leper, getting booted from pre-algebra and sent to basic math, removing my chances at getting into algebra in 8th. Being the kid that I was, I was all like nbd I'll just bide my time and then kill it in high school math showing them that I could still get into AP classes. Well that never really happened, I did A-1, Geometry, A-2 and then no math my senior year instead opting to take AP History and Honors English instead. Setting me back in math isn't the only way that I was haunted by the death of the projector in 97. So in the spring of 99 about a week before our 8th grade commencement ceremony I get called to the Guidance Counselors office, this is the first time since the incident that I have had to take to the GC so I figure it is just a customary "look how far you have come, what is your plan for high school and beyond" pep talk...Boy I was mistaken. So the GC pulls out a file, you know the one that has the "permanent record" in it and strikes fear into all children. She starts off saying
"so your grades are really impressive, it seems like you have been working really hard to get yourself prepared for high school" and I'm all like
"yeah yeah, HS is going to be fun blah blah" and then she drops the bomb
"So I have been talking to your teachers and we feel like it might be a good option for you to stay with us" ....wtf.jpg...
"WTF.JPG lady, you just said my grades are impressive"
"Yeah we just feel like you could do with getting more mature before you go to HS" I connect the dots.
"Is this about the projector in 6th grade?"
"Well that plays into things but I can't specify on any one event, it is a combination of things that factor into these decisions"
"I'm going to need to speak to my lawyers(ma and pop)"
"Of course you have one phone call"

Long story short I did get to walk with my class and move on to HS after much yelling and crying from ma and pop and threats of lawsuits by them and from the school. So yeah that is my story of the Murder of the Overhead Projector of 1997.
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It has zero political or cultural value. It is reactionary in the worse sense: a gnarled wailing of a million broken losers joined in the comradery of hate and petty personal grievance.
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Old 06-11-2017, 08:33 AM   #49562 (permalink)
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RIP projector and grieves' competency in math.
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Old 06-11-2017, 10:39 AM   #49563 (permalink)
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The other day my belt broke. I tried making 1 by tying a bunch of watches together...it was a waist of time.
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Old 06-11-2017, 01:13 PM   #49564 (permalink)
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On that note, far more money and time is willingly given by people to deal with things like poverty, famine, climate change, etc, than terrorism by an amount that probably scales appropriately to the actual severity of those issues.

I know that hundreds of billions of dollars is given to charity each year and that easily dwarfs the money spent on terrorism given willingly (ie not tax dollars). So if money speaks, and it do, then it becomes clear this is more about media bias than 'the people'. And with mainstream media being entirely centralized and under private control, the disingenuous sheep probably arent the people you should actually be upset with.
Given willingly being the key point.

And, yeah, media bias definitely plays a role. Reality is far from objectively represented by the news agencies, despite what they'd have us think the role they're playing in society actually is. People react to what the know and experience, and news has a large degree of control over that.

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Old 06-11-2017, 01:19 PM   #49565 (permalink)
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Most posts that long are tl;dr, but that was a great story. Totally worth the read. Thank you, Grieves, for making my life just a little bit better.

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Old 06-11-2017, 01:34 PM   #49566 (permalink)
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weird thing about life, having consequences to our actions sometimes.... The story needed more boobs D+....
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Old 06-12-2017, 10:34 AM   #49567 (permalink)
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They wanted to hold you back for that???

Thank god I'm from Alberta...
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Old 06-12-2017, 04:33 PM   #49568 (permalink)
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im doing awful, these pills make me wanna kill myelf its so horrible.

imm claustrophobic so this cast on my hand is giving me panic attacks.

i also cant type or communicate properly with one hand. so i feel very isolated.

i wish i had known this was going to be like this id of had them cut it off at the first knucle and been done with it. grrrr. i fucking hate being helpless i cant even hardly smoke cuz it takes forever to cut it up andpack it.

also ive had the hiccups for days. sadfuckingface.
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Old 06-12-2017, 05:10 PM   #49569 (permalink)
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Old 06-12-2017, 06:20 PM   #49570 (permalink)
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im doing awful, these pills make me wanna kill myelf its so horrible.

imm claustrophobic so this cast on my hand is giving me panic attacks.

i also cant type or communicate properly with one hand. so i feel very isolated.

i wish i had known this was going to be like this id of had them cut it off at the first knucle and been done with it. grrrr. i fucking hate being helpless i cant even hardly smoke cuz it takes forever to cut it up andpack it.

also ive had the hiccups for days. sadfuckingface.


Lol jk. That sucks man. Is it your dominate hand?
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Old 06-12-2017, 08:23 PM   #49571 (permalink)
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I remembered this one thanks to Grieves' parable of the projector.

9th grade social studies class. Our teacher is a zit-faced 40 year old who hates his job, probably his life, and would routinely swing between Dr Cool Guy I'm Your Friend to Mr Fuck You Miserable Failures. He worked at a coffee house after school and was frequently a target of student terrorism while he was at his second job. We called him "Kermit" behind his back because, well, the motherfucker sounded like Kermit when he talked. We also called him "Scooter" because one of the old teachers who didn't care about anything told us that was what all the other teachers called him, and he hated it.

This guy loved using the projector, same type as in the picture shown in Grieves' post. Probably a 1980s model, it kicked up dust every time it got turned on and it made an electric buzzing sound that needed to be talked over it was so loud. It lived on a rolling cart and had a plug that never seemed to quite reach an optimal distance from the wall for viewing purposes. The first five minutes of class were always spent adjusting the overhead -- image too blurry, too small, too dim, too close ... just right.

It was a regular day and we were about to start a ritual of set-up the projector before a lesson in Whogivesafuckistani history. Kermit is playing it extra cool today. While he fiddles with the projector he makes small talk with the class, drops a few bombs about life as a Mesopotamian in the Fertile Crescent, all while he slowly inches the projector away from the wall. Usually there came a point where the plug would spring free from the socket, but this fateful day the connection held strong. Further and further Scooter pulled the overhead cart away from the wall, tauter and tauter the cable pulled, all the while teacher never noticed the overhead unit beginning to slip, hover delicately over the edge of the metal cart.

Notice soon enough he did, at just the same time the front row of students noticed the projector's peril. BOOM went the overhead machine, glass and bulb shattering, Kermit yelping in surprise as he dove behind a desk. I awoke with a start in the back row, wondering why nap time needed such an early interruption. A colleague sitting beside me tsked and said, "Scooter, look at this mess." Teacher turned radioactive sunburn red and desperately tried to sweep up the broken glass with a stack of papers. Teachers from neighboring classrooms rushed in and demanded to know what had happened. Students were abuzz and asked if the lesson would continue, could we be dismissed, and may we go to lunch or study hall or take personal time to reflect on the brevity of life and the nature of loss?

Kermit wasn't the same for about a week after The Incident. We were into our fifth day of watching History Channel VHS recordings "because the lesson plan can't be presented" when myself and a few colleagues decided we knew what must be done. The mangled corpse of the projector had been scooped up and replaced atop its former metal cart throne, sitting haphazard in a corner awaiting the janitorial staff's decision what the hell to do with it. For days we had observed the sad figure, and the projector's projection of misery unto our dear teacher. We knew the solution and we knew we were responsible for it.

We brought bandages, loads of bandages. The effort at first was truly to repair the overhead unit to some semblance of functionality. We carefully wrapped gauze around the neck that suspended the former periscope and we secured electrician's tape along the exposed wires at the base of the power cord. Once we realized how many particles of glass and fiber the beast had been reduced to after The Incident, however, we just started having fun. We slapped bandages all over the metal frame, Scooby-Doo and Troll themed band-aids in conspicuous locations that needed no real attention but for the designs of a couple obnoxious freshmen with nothing better to do.

Scooter caught us in the act of patching up Old Glory. He was redder than when we busted his balls for busting the machine. And this time he could blame someone other than himself for his embarrassment.

Myself and my colleague earned two after-school detentions each for defacing school property. But that day we took something that no detention, no punishment could ever denigrate. That was the day we took Scooter's pride.

ty Grieves for the traipse down memory lane.
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Last edited by silverleaf; 06-12-2017 at 08:39 PM.
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Old 06-13-2017, 01:35 AM   #49572 (permalink)
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Lol jk. That sucks man. Is it your dominate hand?
no but i was unaware of exactly how ambidextrous i was until this.


now my back is thrown out cuz i cant help support myself when i get up.

im sweating bullets from pk withdrawl, i seriously am looking into checking into a psych ward cuz this is awful.
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Old 06-13-2017, 03:32 AM   #49573 (permalink)
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Old 06-13-2017, 05:07 AM   #49574 (permalink)
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no but i was unaware of exactly how ambidextrous i was until this.


now my back is thrown out cuz i cant help support myself when i get up.

im sweating bullets from pk withdrawl, i seriously am looking into checking into a psych ward cuz this is awful.
I had the same experience when I had hand surgery. The hardest thing was wiping my ass with my left hand. Good news is I found a new girlfriend. I call her lefty.
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:44 AM   #49575 (permalink)
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some google ad serving algotrithm is eerily on point

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Old 06-13-2017, 06:49 AM   #49576 (permalink)
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Old 06-13-2017, 06:57 AM   #49577 (permalink)
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Old 06-13-2017, 10:16 AM   #49578 (permalink)
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helluva time to be alive!

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Old 06-13-2017, 01:15 PM   #49579 (permalink)
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hmmmm

maybe go to ozora without my wife and camp with my danish/german crew

hmmmmmmmm
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Old 06-13-2017, 07:36 PM   #49580 (permalink)
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