First Lucid Dream - Frightening

Commonlands · 10-15-2007, 12:16 AM

Last night, I suddenly realized I was having a dream. I had taken melatonin before bed and the dream was so real and vivid. I asked myself what I should do, what is my desire? I decided that it was to try acid, which I have never been able to locate in real life. Immediately I was in my old highschool cafeteria at a table with all the friends whom I had abandoned back then, after learning that they were into drugs (I was very uptight in high school and ironically have gone on to become more of a druggie than any of them). It is one of the biggest regrets of my life, so I was overjoyed to be back with them even if only in a dream, about to try acid together for the first time. They had a whole lot of it so I figured, hey it's just a dream so I might as well take a huge dose!

I started to see the pattern of veins on the inside of my eyes overlaid onto my field of vision, pulsating in all different rainbow-like colors. I began to feel like I was watching myself from outside of my body, which was a bit unsettling. I started to realize that the container of my ego was breaking up and my awareness was leaking out. I hugged one of my friends but they were all made of plastic and lifeless now. I wanted to come back to "reality" but could not. I told myself it was a dream and I should be able to wake up if I wanted, but couldn't figure out how. I could only keep slipping further away, unable to grasp onto any particular moment. My whole existence drifted away from me and it looked like a spinning top with scenes from my life painted in little boxes on the side. It spun and spun and I kept trying to grab on and squeeze back into one of the scenes, I didn't care which one, I just wanted back into my life, but I could not fit in. It was an impossibility, like trying to climb into a toy car. What a strange thing to have a bad trip from a dream!

At this point, I became convinced that I was no longer having a dream so much as a real experience of ego separation. I was completely lost in a void. I felt like I was gigantic and tiny at the same time, an uncomfortable yet strangely familiar sort of feeling, and I didn't know where to go to get back to my life because there was nowhere to go. All of life was merely a figment of my own mind. There was only this awareness that I call me, and I was utterly alone. There was no God to call to because I was the only thing in existence. There was no mom, no dad, no family, no friends, because they were all just my imaginations. Might as well run to my own little toe for help! In every direction of infinity, forever in the past and in the future, with no time really existing at all, there was only me. Words can never describe this feeling - it was beyond loneliness and beyond horror, to know that I am utterly alone, that everything I thought I knew was just a dream concocted by my own mind to escape from the terrible emptyness of the void.

I woke up after that moment of despair and now that I am awake, I can't shake the feeling. I can't stop feeling like my life is a dream, that everyone I know is actually just a personality dreamt up by my own mind, that even my own self is an imagination, and that really there is nothing at all, nothing whatsoever, except for this one mind with no dimensions and no time that dreams up life to escape the horror of its utter isolation. I think I now understand the meaning of the Zen phrase "I alone am the world-honored one."

Now I think that it must be truly horrible to be God, to be IT! Nothing else beyond you or apart from you, no help, no world, no god to pray to, no nothing except your own self. Maybe he couldn't take it and blew himself up into fragments just so he'd have some company and something to do for a while, and that's what our universe is. Maybe we are so frantic to live this life because we're terrified of the truth, that we are all that is, and we are ALONE! We are fingers and toes making friends with eachother, making up stories and dramas so that we don't have to think about the terrible eternal nothingness. I'm really scared and I feel like I'm losing my mind

whatever that is.

yungsmoke · 10-15-2007, 01:35 AM

Yea I've had my fair share of realistic dreams. I would have dreams such as someone dieing in my family very close to me, or I would go to jail and get stabbed to death. I even awoke one night when I was a child shaking violently from machine gunfire as if I was being shot at, and even felt the distinct feelings of being shot.

However I've only recently discovered my lucid dreams, and I would remind myself over and over that it's only dream and that this perspective of another 'world' doesn't correlate to the life that I live now. But I do rely on such phenomenons such as dreams to distract myself from the nothingness or the wholesomeness that lies ahead in the afterlife. But that's an entirely different topic.

R1bal · 10-15-2007, 05:33 AM

WE are IT. WE are god.

Theres no escaping nothing.

Were only experience experiencing experience.

SublimeStylez · 10-15-2007, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R1bal

WE are IT. WE are god.

Theres no escaping nothing.

Were only experience experiencing experience.

oh you totally stole part of that from reverie.

R1bal · 10-15-2007, 06:07 AM

proof ..

kamikazi89 · 10-15-2007, 09:35 AM

sounds wicked, i've had similiar dreams, trips>they never involved god or anything material: it was always something abstract, unkown, unspoken, not even consciously considered: possessed and not in control, being an objective of some "other": deliberatedaydreamin g involves intense light and colours, flying figures, angels and demons>usually very pleasant(for me) personally

10-15-2007, 10:13 AM

i had an awesome one the other night...I was snowboarding...but instead of a board i was on a limegreen broken frisbee, going down a concrete hill by my old highschool, i was the best!

it was so cool!

DeafTones · 10-15-2007, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Commonlands

At this point, I became convinced that I was no longer having a dream so much as a real experience of ego separation. I was completely lost in a void. I felt like I was gigantic and tiny at the same time, an uncomfortable yet strangely familiar sort of feeling, and I didn't know where to go to get back to my life because there was nowhere to go. All of life was merely a figment of my own mind. There was only this awareness that I call me, and I was utterly alone. There was no God to call to because I was the only thing in existence. There was no mom, no dad, no family, no friends, because they were all just my imaginations. Might as well run to my own little toe for help! In every direction of infinity, forever in the past and in the future, with no time really existing at all, there was only me. Words can never describe this feeling - it was beyond loneliness and beyond horror, to know that I am utterly alone, that everything I thought I knew was just a dream concocted by my own mind to escape from the terrible emptyness of the void.

Fist off, that ^ is the most powerful statement I have read all month because it's true in every way one looks at it; at least in my opinion. I have felt the way you feel before and I understand your logic.

Your mind/state of mind could be maturing, you had all the elements staring you in your subconscience's face, it just took a surreal dream for you to show yourself. As the great Syd Barret said in "Breathe" I believe, "All you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be". So in a sense everyone is completly alone, but I like to view this nothiness as more of a sanctuary, and I can remember viewing my thoughts as retreating back to this private sanctuary since as far back as... you know 3-4 years of age.

I believe their is a fine line behind "the norm" or "sane" which is basically the median of everyones insane selves. Sane is what you make it, just as anything else is because this is your reality, you may shape it to anything you please if you have the right mindset. Look at Hitler.

What I'm trying to say in a nutshell is, take life for what it is and the way your mind senses the environment around you.

Meatnog · 10-15-2007, 01:57 PM

I pretty much lucid dream like this all the time. I had horrible nightmares as a kid and I somehow (beats me how) taught myself how to lucid dream. Every night.

The only time is freaky is when a dream lodges itself into memory like something that really happened. Infrequent, but it does happen.

What I enjoy most about lucid dreaming is that I'm always working through problems, situations and the like through my dreams. What I dislike the most is that I never seem to get a truly deep night's sleep. Always sleep depped.

Ah well.

[EDIT BELOW]

Also there are 'tricks' you can do to see if you're lucid dreaming. The first is the 'fingernail/tooth check'. If your teeth are falling out or your fingernails come off, it is a dream. I know it sounds freaky, but I almost always get the 'tooth check'. In my dream my tooth will bug me, I'll wiggle it and it'll come right out like a baby tooth when I was a kid. My brain then goes: AH HA! A DREAM! And then I can gain control (aka lucidity).

Another check is try to read something written. The sleeping mind has serious problems with symbols and things like books and newspapers are often just jumbled up. That's another biggie for me.

Large Farva · 10-15-2007, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Commonlands

Last night, I suddenly realized I was having a dream. I had taken melatonin before bed and the dream was so real and vivid. I asked myself what I should do, what is my desire? I decided that it was to try acid, which I have never been able to locate in real life. Immediately I was in my old highschool cafeteria at a table with all the friends whom I had abandoned back then, after learning that they were into drugs (I was very uptight in high school and ironically have gone on to become more of a druggie than any of them). It is one of the biggest regrets of my life, so I was overjoyed to be back with them even if only in a dream, about to try acid together for the first time. They had a whole lot of it so I figured, hey it's just a dream so I might as well take a huge dose!

I started to see the pattern of veins on the inside of my eyes overlaid onto my field of vision, pulsating in all different rainbow-like colors. I began to feel like I was watching myself from outside of my body, which was a bit unsettling. I started to realize that the container of my ego was breaking up and my awareness was leaking out. I hugged one of my friends but they were all made of plastic and lifeless now. I wanted to come back to "reality" but could not. I told myself it was a dream and I should be able to wake up if I wanted, but couldn't figure out how. I could only keep slipping further away, unable to grasp onto any particular moment. My whole existence drifted away from me and it looked like a spinning top with scenes from my life painted in little boxes on the side. It spun and spun and I kept trying to grab on and squeeze back into one of the scenes, I didn't care which one, I just wanted back into my life, but I could not fit in. It was an impossibility, like trying to climb into a toy car. What a strange thing to have a bad trip from a dream!

At this point, I became convinced that I was no longer having a dream so much as a real experience of ego separation. I was completely lost in a void. I felt like I was gigantic and tiny at the same time, an uncomfortable yet strangely familiar sort of feeling, and I didn't know where to go to get back to my life because there was nowhere to go. All of life was merely a figment of my own mind. There was only this awareness that I call me, and I was utterly alone. There was no God to call to because I was the only thing in existence. There was no mom, no dad, no family, no friends, because they were all just my imaginations. Might as well run to my own little toe for help! In every direction of infinity, forever in the past and in the future, with no time really existing at all, there was only me. Words can never describe this feeling - it was beyond loneliness and beyond horror, to know that I am utterly alone, that everything I thought I knew was just a dream concocted by my own mind to escape from the terrible emptyness of the void.

I woke up after that moment of despair and now that I am awake, I can't shake the feeling. I can't stop feeling like my life is a dream, that everyone I know is actually just a personality dreamt up by my own mind, that even my own self is an imagination, and that really there is nothing at all, nothing whatsoever, except for this one mind with no dimensions and no time that dreams up life to escape the horror of its utter isolation. I think I now understand the meaning of the Zen phrase "I alone am the world-honored one."

Now I think that it must be truly horrible to be God, to be IT! Nothing else beyond you or apart from you, no help, no world, no god to pray to, no nothing except your own self. Maybe he couldn't take it and blew himself up into fragments just so he'd have some company and something to do for a while, and that's what our universe is. Maybe we are so frantic to live this life because we're terrified of the truth, that we are all that is, and we are ALONE! We are fingers and toes making friends with eachother, making up stories and dramas so that we don't have to think about the terrible eternal nothingness. I'm really scared and I feel like I'm losing my mind

whatever that is.

I love your experience and I agree entirely. I always say that this "God Energy" essentially went "mad" and the result was Creation.

But at that point, I also realized that if the result was Creation, then the result was wonderful, much like a Mother who goes through near maddening pain before giving Birth. And the result of Birth (or Creation) is the result of a new Life, a new experience in itself that while the Creator (Mother) is innately and infinitely a part of this new being, it grants Free Will upon it, so that being may experience the same "madness" but then joyous Love that follows.

They say, in the beginning it was Light, but I seem to think it was Darkness that preceded Light. And then I remember that there is no preceding of one to the other, there is no preceding of Madness to Love...they both occurred simultaneously and there is no way to comprehend that fully until you experience it. Since you are this creative source, yes, you can define your world as sad and lonely. But since you are this creative source, you can also define yourself as majestic and beautifully mysterious. Either way, you're 100% right. Question is, what side of that coin do you want you focus on? Since either choice is correct, you only need to choose the one that brings you joy.

I feel this Lucid Dream you had wasn't even so much as Lucid but as Conscious, where you are now awakened not only in the Dream World but also in the Waking Life...you now see that you are a part of everything and everything is a part of you...everything you know you think you know is truly a dream created by you....

...the part you really need to accept and assimilate is that you, yourself, are a dream created by everyone else.

The Rev · 10-15-2007, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Commonlands

Last night, I suddenly....
...whatever that is.

I envy you this experience. I also would like to pay you $10 a hit for that melatonin

I have had some great lucid dreams. I have flown. I have visited dead loved ones. I have seen great beauty. I have yet to have one with any great insight, however. I get more from herb, so far.

The Rev

Kevlar_Balzac · 10-15-2007, 05:33 PM

you blew my mind.

Porcelain · 10-15-2007, 09:55 PM

Sounds epic. I've had many lucid dreams in my life, usually pleasant ones involving people I have a lot of respect for. Recently I had a very disturbing one. I live in a really bad neighborhood and dreamed it was a sunny day and I was walking to the backdoor of my building smoking the fattest joint ever. I was fumbling for my keys when suddenly I turn around and it's night outside. There is this old soldier walking past me when suddenly he turns his head and looks right at me and I realize by the look in his eyes that he's smoked some serious crack. He storms right at me yelling insane, scary shit at me so I freak out and start screaming "HELP! HELP!" I felt this force pull me up by the back of my shirt as if I was floating up into the air and the funny thing is that I woke up screaming "HELP!" hahaha. It was trippy. The concept of the dream is not that scary but experiencing it was...I was honestly afraid to go back to sleep for a while.

Sentinal · 10-15-2007, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meatnog

I had horrible nightmares as a kid and I somehow (beats me how) taught myself how to lucid dream.

I had the same experience. Through a lot of my early childhood, I had night terrors, like a nightmare but much more real, and quite terrifying. I would often wake up screaming. After a while, I managed to get a slight hold on reality and tear myself away from the dream.

msicidron · 11-04-2007, 07:16 AM

these types of realizations are amazing, and probably my favorite things. sometimes they just happen suddenly, and wholely, which is what made this so profound. dont let it drive you crazy, simply accept it as a step closer to enlightenment.

magicbus · 11-06-2007, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rev

I envy you this experience. I also would like to pay you $10 a hit for that melatonin

I have had some great lucid dreams. I have flown. I have visited dead loved ones. I have seen great beauty. I have yet to have one with any great insight, however. I get more from herb, so far.

The Rev

Melatonin is very cheap. Like $3 a bottle at Vitamin world. I'm gonna pick some up soon

highanddry · 11-06-2007, 09:46 PM

I've tried to lucid dream many times, but its only worked twice... and I was drunk

Captain Cannabis · 11-06-2007, 10:20 PM

i personally really enjoy non-lucid dreams

the crazy random/fuckedupness just does it for me. its wonderful

10-15-2007, 12:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Commonlands Old School Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 140 Thanks: 12 Thanked 23 Times in 16 Posts	First Lucid Dream - Frightening Last night, I suddenly realized I was having a dream. I had taken melatonin before bed and the dream was so real and vivid. I asked myself what I should do, what is my desire? I decided that it was to try acid, which I have never been able to locate in real life. Immediately I was in my old highschool cafeteria at a table with all the friends whom I had abandoned back then, after learning that they were into drugs (I was very uptight in high school and ironically have gone on to become more of a druggie than any of them). It is one of the biggest regrets of my life, so I was overjoyed to be back with them even if only in a dream, about to try acid together for the first time. They had a whole lot of it so I figured, hey it's just a dream so I might as well take a huge dose! I started to see the pattern of veins on the inside of my eyes overlaid onto my field of vision, pulsating in all different rainbow-like colors. I began to feel like I was watching myself from outside of my body, which was a bit unsettling. I started to realize that the container of my ego was breaking up and my awareness was leaking out. I hugged one of my friends but they were all made of plastic and lifeless now. I wanted to come back to "reality" but could not. I told myself it was a dream and I should be able to wake up if I wanted, but couldn't figure out how. I could only keep slipping further away, unable to grasp onto any particular moment. My whole existence drifted away from me and it looked like a spinning top with scenes from my life painted in little boxes on the side. It spun and spun and I kept trying to grab on and squeeze back into one of the scenes, I didn't care which one, I just wanted back into my life, but I could not fit in. It was an impossibility, like trying to climb into a toy car. What a strange thing to have a bad trip from a dream! At this point, I became convinced that I was no longer having a dream so much as a real experience of ego separation. I was completely lost in a void. I felt like I was gigantic and tiny at the same time, an uncomfortable yet strangely familiar sort of feeling, and I didn't know where to go to get back to my life because there was nowhere to go. All of life was merely a figment of my own mind. There was only this awareness that I call me, and I was utterly alone. There was no God to call to because I was the only thing in existence. There was no mom, no dad, no family, no friends, because they were all just my imaginations. Might as well run to my own little toe for help! In every direction of infinity, forever in the past and in the future, with no time really existing at all, there was only me. Words can never describe this feeling - it was beyond loneliness and beyond horror, to know that I am utterly alone, that everything I thought I knew was just a dream concocted by my own mind to escape from the terrible emptyness of the void. I woke up after that moment of despair and now that I am awake, I can't shake the feeling. I can't stop feeling like my life is a dream, that everyone I know is actually just a personality dreamt up by my own mind, that even my own self is an imagination, and that really there is nothing at all, nothing whatsoever, except for this one mind with no dimensions and no time that dreams up life to escape the horror of its utter isolation. I think I now understand the meaning of the Zen phrase "I alone am the world-honored one." Now I think that it must be truly horrible to be God, to be IT! Nothing else beyond you or apart from you, no help, no world, no god to pray to, no nothing except your own self. Maybe he couldn't take it and blew himself up into fragments just so he'd have some company and something to do for a while, and that's what our universe is. Maybe we are so frantic to live this life because we're terrified of the truth, that we are all that is, and we are ALONE! We are fingers and toes making friends with eachother, making up stories and dramas so that we don't have to think about the terrible eternal nothingness. I'm really scared and I feel like I'm losing my mind whatever that is.

10-15-2007, 01:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
Meatnog YaHookan Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 14 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I pretty much lucid dream like this all the time. I had horrible nightmares as a kid and I somehow (beats me how) taught myself how to lucid dream. Every night. The only time is freaky is when a dream lodges itself into memory like something that really happened. Infrequent, but it does happen. What I enjoy most about lucid dreaming is that I'm always working through problems, situations and the like through my dreams. What I dislike the most is that I never seem to get a truly deep night's sleep. Always sleep depped. Ah well. [EDIT BELOW] Also there are 'tricks' you can do to see if you're lucid dreaming. The first is the 'fingernail/tooth check'. If your teeth are falling out or your fingernails come off, it is a dream. I know it sounds freaky, but I almost always get the 'tooth check'. In my dream my tooth will bug me, I'll wiggle it and it'll come right out like a baby tooth when I was a kid. My brain then goes: AH HA! A DREAM! And then I can gain control (aka lucidity). Another check is try to read something written. The sleeping mind has serious problems with symbols and things like books and newspapers are often just jumbled up. That's another biggie for me. Last edited by Meatnog; 10-15-2007 at 01:59 PM.

10-15-2007, 05:33 PM	#12 (permalink)
Kevlar_Balzac Old School Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Breuckelen Posts: 1,329 Thanks: 2 Thanked 14 Times in 11 Posts	you blew my mind. __________________ -=-=-=-=-=-=-Rest at Peace-=-=--=-=-=-=- . . . If you wanna step to my motherfuckin' wreck, (Ch-ch plow! plow! plow!) blown to death, You got shot cause you knock knock knock, "Who's there?" Another motherfuckin' hardrock, Slackin' on your back cause raw's what you lack, You wanna react? Bring it on back www.projectpiff.com

10-15-2007, 09:55 PM	#13 (permalink)
Porcelain Oatmeal Enthusiast Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Joe's apartment Posts: 376 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 27 Thanked 31 Times in 27 Posts	Sounds epic. I've had many lucid dreams in my life, usually pleasant ones involving people I have a lot of respect for. Recently I had a very disturbing one. I live in a really bad neighborhood and dreamed it was a sunny day and I was walking to the backdoor of my building smoking the fattest joint ever. I was fumbling for my keys when suddenly I turn around and it's night outside. There is this old soldier walking past me when suddenly he turns his head and looks right at me and I realize by the look in his eyes that he's smoked some serious crack. He storms right at me yelling insane, scary shit at me so I freak out and start screaming "HELP! HELP!" I felt this force pull me up by the back of my shirt as if I was floating up into the air and the funny thing is that I woke up screaming "HELP!" hahaha. It was trippy. The concept of the dream is not that scary but experiencing it was...I was honestly afraid to go back to sleep for a while. __________________ I'm so good at masturbation, I don't even need sex anymore - The Rev The world will look up and shout "SAVE US!" and I'll look down and whisper, "No..."

11-04-2007, 07:16 AM	#15 (permalink)
msicidron vibing Join Date: May 2007 Location: North America Posts: 959 Thanks: 228 Thanked 153 Times in 120 Posts	these types of realizations are amazing, and probably my favorite things. sometimes they just happen suddenly, and wholely, which is what made this so profound. dont let it drive you crazy, simply accept it as a step closer to enlightenment. __________________ \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|

10-15-2007, 09:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
kamikazi89 devils advocate Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,425 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 1,322 Thanked 768 Times in 571 Posts	sounds wicked, i've had similiar dreams, trips>they never involved god or anything material: it was always something abstract, unkown, unspoken, not even consciously considered: possessed and not in control, being an objective of some "other": deliberatedaydreamin g involves intense light and colours, flying figures, angels and demons>usually very pleasant(for me) personally

10-15-2007, 10:13 AM	#7 (permalink)
turmaline Guest Posts: n/a	i had an awesome one the other night...I was snowboarding...but instead of a board i was on a limegreen broken frisbee, going down a concrete hill by my old highschool, i was the best! it was so cool!

11-06-2007, 09:46 PM	#17 (permalink)
highanddry YaHookan Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 729 Thanks: 81 Thanked 73 Times in 52 Posts	I've tried to lucid dream many times, but its only worked twice... and I was drunk

11-06-2007, 10:20 PM	#18 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,849 Thanks: 2,580 Thanked 2,915 Times in 1,679 Posts	i personally really enjoy non-lucid dreams the crazy random/fuckedupness just does it for me. its wonderful __________________ fuck the monkeys

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