jokes for the short attention span - Page 2

Parallax · 08-08-2009, 09:50 PM

The next day the boy appeared before a judge. The judge asked him for his story. The boy said," When I was on my way to school yesterday, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail."

The judge said,"What were the words?" The boy said, "Haven't you been paying any attention? I'm not going to tell you." The judge informed him that he would get into more trouble if he didn't just say the words so he said, "Purple passion." The judge was appalled and sentenced him to ten years in jail.

Everyone was curious about their new cell mate, so they asked him what he was in for and he said,"When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years."

Everyone was amazed at the story and asked what the words were. Sighing deeply the boy said,"Purple passion. He spent the next ten years getting beat up and raped in the ass.

The day he was released he met a beautiful woman. She said,"You look like you've had a very rough time. What happened?" So the man said,"When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years. All of my cell mates asked me what the words were and I just sighed and told them. I have spent the last ten years getting beat up."

"Oh that is just awful!" the woman exclaimed. "What were the words?" "Do you think I'm stupid!" exploded the man. "I'm not going to tell you the words." "Oh come on," the woman cooed. "I won't do anything to you." "Oh, alright. The words were purple passion." "Purple passion?"asked the woman with her eyes lit up. "Yes,"the man replied. "You see that hotel across the street? If you meet me there in one hour I will tell you the meaning of purple passion."

The man was estatic. He was finally going to learn what purple passion meant after all of this time. Once the hour was up, he set off for across the street in a hurry. As he stepped off the curb, he was hit by a bus.

The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street.

clive · 08-09-2009, 02:39 PM

someone read the title wrong

~1~ · 08-09-2009, 03:20 PM

Okay okay...

"So I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits, she said 'How are you gonna make that feel good for me?' I said right before I come, I'll stop punching you in the face."

**Mafoo** · 08-09-2009, 03:25 PM

ya, no way im reading that beastly block of text.

summarize?

~1~ · 08-09-2009, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mafoo

ya, no way im reading that beastly block of text.

summarize?

Its one lame assed joke.

Moral of the story?

Look both ways before being a dick.

Shamrock910 · 08-18-2009, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoalie85

I think that was established right after it was established that you are a fucking tool.

This made me laugh more than any of the jokes.

The SARS Volta · 08-18-2009, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parallax

A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal.

The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school.

At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father.

When his dad got home he said to the boy,"So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion."the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house.

As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion,"he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off.

The bum said,"I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful,"the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up.

The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said,"What were the words?" The boy replied,"Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail.

TL;DR-tard.

maszac · 08-18-2009, 10:52 PM

i dont get FFA sometimes

Jonas · 08-18-2009, 10:59 PM

i think thats the point amszac

maszac · 08-18-2009, 11:02 PM

im refering to the lack of freedom. i love baby jokes.

Burner of trees · 08-18-2009, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flamingnun

What happened to the jewish kid with ADD?

They sent him to concentration camp!

and now these same people will ban you dead baby fanatics.

Roach · 08-19-2009, 03:52 AM

I got a "knock knock" joke for you.

You start it.

flappy · 08-19-2009, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slunt

Let's not cross the baby line anymore, Kay?

I think babies are selfish.

tedkennedy · 08-19-2009, 11:32 AM

ok here goes :

two people walk into a bar... i forgett the rest but your mother is a whore

The SARS Volta · 08-19-2009, 11:35 AM

^sean coon-ery.

Flamingnun · 08-19-2009, 12:11 PM

A G N B :

That's bang out of order.

Cerpin Taxt · 08-19-2009, 02:18 PM

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of cheerios?

"Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Cerpin Taxt · 08-19-2009, 02:21 PM

The other day me and my buddies were going to the movies and on the way a girl drove beside us in an Ion who looked pretty hot. I say "Oh damn, hot girl in the Ion on the right" and my buddy says "Well I've got my I-on her!" knowing how brutal the joke was when he said it.

I laughed my ass off.

flappy · 08-19-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tedkennedy

ok here goes :

two people walk into a bar... i forgett the rest but your mother is a whore

Puts clothes on my back, food in my stomach. Better than your moms...she's so fat, she's got her own climate !

Dell Brandstone · 08-19-2009, 03:32 PM

tl;dr?

"Brian, look, there's a message in my alphabits. It says 'Oooooooo!'"
"Peter, those are Cheerios."

08-08-2009, 09:50 PM	#21 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,630 Thanks: 131 Thanked 497 Times in 269 Posts	The next day the boy appeared before a judge. The judge asked him for his story. The boy said," When I was on my way to school yesterday, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail." The judge said,"What were the words?" The boy said, "Haven't you been paying any attention? I'm not going to tell you." The judge informed him that he would get into more trouble if he didn't just say the words so he said, "Purple passion." The judge was appalled and sentenced him to ten years in jail. Everyone was curious about their new cell mate, so they asked him what he was in for and he said,"When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years." Everyone was amazed at the story and asked what the words were. Sighing deeply the boy said,"Purple passion. He spent the next ten years getting beat up and raped in the ass. The day he was released he met a beautiful woman. She said,"You look like you've had a very rough time. What happened?" So the man said,"When I was on my way to school one day, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up. Then a cop came by and broke it up and after explaining the story to him he asked what the words were and when I told him he handcuffed me and took me to jail. The next day I had to go to court and the judge asked me what happened and I told him everything and then he asked me the words and when I told him he gave me ten years. All of my cell mates asked me what the words were and I just sighed and told them. I have spent the last ten years getting beat up." "Oh that is just awful!" the woman exclaimed. "What were the words?" "Do you think I'm stupid!" exploded the man. "I'm not going to tell you the words." "Oh come on," the woman cooed. "I won't do anything to you." "Oh, alright. The words were purple passion." "Purple passion?"asked the woman with her eyes lit up. "Yes,"the man replied. "You see that hotel across the street? If you meet me there in one hour I will tell you the meaning of purple passion." The man was estatic. He was finally going to learn what purple passion meant after all of this time. Once the hour was up, he set off for across the street in a hurry. As he stepped off the curb, he was hit by a bus. The moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street. __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!!

08-09-2009, 03:20 PM	#23 (permalink)
~1~ Successful Failure Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: where 'they' can't see. Posts: 10,905 Thanks: 443 Thanked 1,514 Times in 889 Posts	Okay okay... "So I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits, she said 'How are you gonna make that feel good for me?' I said right before I come, I'll stop punching you in the face." __________________ "And those who are successful, be always on your guard. Success walks hand in hand with failure, along Hollywood Boulevard" Ray Davies --------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Click Here Asshole

08-09-2009, 03:25 PM	#24 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the anguish of anticipated transformation Posts: 5,962 Thanks: 3,491 Thanked 2,356 Times in 1,540 Posts	ya, no way im reading that beastly block of text. summarize? __________________ PLUR For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

08-19-2009, 11:32 AM	#34 (permalink)
tedkennedy now 14% blacker Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,247 Thanks: 69 Thanked 572 Times in 360 Posts	ok here goes : two people walk into a bar... i forgett the rest but your mother is a whore __________________ matthew munari

08-19-2009, 12:11 PM	#36 (permalink)
Flamingnun Shpadoinkle Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: roflmao Posts: 17,538 Thanks: 1,046 Thanked 2,611 Times in 1,178 Posts	A G N B : That's bang out of order. __________________

08-18-2009, 10:52 PM	#28 (permalink)
maszac toast Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: kc Posts: 872 Thanks: 1,344 Thanked 224 Times in 142 Posts	i dont get FFA sometimes

08-18-2009, 11:02 PM	#30 (permalink)
maszac toast Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: kc Posts: 872 Thanks: 1,344 Thanked 224 Times in 142 Posts	im refering to the lack of freedom. i love baby jokes.

08-19-2009, 03:52 AM	#32 (permalink)
Roach Victoria Aut Mors Join Date: Dec 1999 Posts: 6,771 Thanks: 2,116 Thanked 1,721 Times in 1,333 Posts	I got a "knock knock" joke for you. You start it.

08-19-2009, 02:18 PM	#37 (permalink)
Cerpin Taxt Yahookan Zealot Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,222 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 840 Thanked 1,867 Times in 996 Posts	What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!" __________________ Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize. "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you." -Eckhart Tolle -If you try to destroy him to save them, they'll destroy you to save him-

08-19-2009, 02:21 PM	#38 (permalink)
Cerpin Taxt Yahookan Zealot Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,222 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 840 Thanked 1,867 Times in 996 Posts	The other day me and my buddies were going to the movies and on the way a girl drove beside us in an Ion who looked pretty hot. I say "Oh damn, hot girl in the Ion on the right" and my buddy says "Well I've got my I-on her!" knowing how brutal the joke was when he said it. I laughed my ass off. __________________ Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize. "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you." -Eckhart Tolle -If you try to destroy him to save them, they'll destroy you to save him-

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