jokes for the short attention span

The SARS Volta · 06-05-2009, 10:00 PM

no tl;dr allowed in this thread

What do you call a stillbirth in a hippie commune?
A midwife crisis.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' catholic.

What did the zero say to the 8?
Nice belt!

What happened when Mary had a little lamb?
The doctor fainted

The Rev · 06-06-2009, 09:50 AM

Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna ride bikes?

The Rev

**AlteredStateGrl** · 06-06-2009, 09:56 AM

**mothernature** · 06-06-2009, 12:49 PM

Q: Why do lawyers wear neck ties?
A: To hold the foreskin back.

Flamingnun · 06-06-2009, 01:15 PM

What happened to the jewish kid with ADD?

They sent him to concentration camp!

smallmac1 · 06-06-2009, 02:57 PM

Whats the difference between no money, and a corvette?

I don't have a corvette.

Kompressor · 06-06-2009, 04:59 PM

kamikazi89 · 07-31-2009, 10:28 AM

lol

**Mafoo** · 07-31-2009, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kompressor

lol

kamikazi89 · 07-31-2009, 10:35 AM

gets em every TIME

Flamingnun · 07-31-2009, 10:39 AM

I like to scare deaf people by yawning.

kamikazi89 · 07-31-2009, 10:41 AM

wet willys

R1bal · 07-31-2009, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flamingnun

I like to scare deaf people by yawning.

thats because the way you yawn nun is like your trying to unlatch your jaw and eat the deaf guys head

Zerø · 07-31-2009, 06:19 PM

That was disturbing.

Ø

~1~ · 07-31-2009, 06:44 PM

A rabbi, a boy scout, two blondes and a giant hamster walk into a bar, bartender says 'What is this, some kinda joke?'

Zerø · 08-01-2009, 09:13 AM

The giant hamster really makes that joke.

Ø

osirus2020 · 08-06-2009, 04:15 PM

I'm pretty sure it was established years ago that dead baby jokes are somehow so morally negligent, they are not allowed.

wellfleation · 08-06-2009, 04:36 PM

Anyone of the million of MJ jokes.

badgoalie85 · 08-07-2009, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by osirus2020

I'm pretty sure it was established years ago that dead baby jokes are somehow so morally negligent, they are not allowed.

I think that was established right after it was established that you are a fucking tool.

Parallax · 08-08-2009, 08:49 PM

A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal.

The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school.

At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father.

When his dad got home he said to the boy,"So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion."the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house.

As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion,"he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off.

The bum said,"I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful,"the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up.

The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said,"What were the words?" The boy replied,"Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail.

06-06-2009, 09:50 AM	#2 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,860 Thanks: 5,012 Thanked 5,416 Times in 2,862 Posts	Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb? A: Wanna ride bikes? The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

06-06-2009, 09:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
AlteredStateGrl (òÓ,)_\,,/ Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 10,426 Thanks: 2,181 Thanked 1,823 Times in 1,115 Posts	__________________ The sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws.

06-06-2009, 01:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
Flamingnun Shpadoinkle Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: roflmao Posts: 17,491 Thanks: 1,046 Thanked 2,633 Times in 1,185 Posts	What happened to the jewish kid with ADD? They sent him to concentration camp! __________________

06-06-2009, 02:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
smallmac1 MasterStickMan Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Boynton Beach, Florida Posts: 127 Thanks: 58 Thanked 15 Times in 14 Posts	Whats the difference between no money, and a corvette? I don't have a corvette. __________________ Edit this.

06-06-2009, 04:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kompressor Voice of Reason Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Illinois Posts: 8,361 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3,067 Times in 1,634 Posts	__________________ Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -H. Bergson

06-06-2009, 12:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
mothernature ancientbongmaster Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,232 Thanks: 1,200 Thanked 809 Times in 487 Posts	Q: Why do lawyers wear neck ties? A: To hold the foreskin back.

07-31-2009, 10:39 AM	#11 (permalink)
Flamingnun Shpadoinkle Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: roflmao Posts: 17,491 Thanks: 1,046 Thanked 2,633 Times in 1,185 Posts	I like to scare deaf people by yawning. __________________

07-31-2009, 06:19 PM	#14 (permalink)
Zerø Empty Set Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Here Posts: 7 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	That was disturbing. Ø __________________ INFINITY MINUS INFINITY

07-31-2009, 06:44 PM	#15 (permalink)
~1~ Successful Failure Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: where 'they' can't see. Posts: 10,925 Thanks: 466 Thanked 1,581 Times in 925 Posts	A rabbi, a boy scout, two blondes and a giant hamster walk into a bar, bartender says 'What is this, some kinda joke?' __________________ "And those who are successful, be always on your guard. Success walks hand in hand with failure, along Hollywood Boulevard" Ray Davies --------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Click Here Asshole

08-01-2009, 09:13 AM	#16 (permalink)
Zerø Empty Set Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Here Posts: 7 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	The giant hamster really makes that joke. Ø __________________ INFINITY MINUS INFINITY

08-06-2009, 04:36 PM	#18 (permalink)
wellfleation Old School Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Methuen, MASSHOLE Posts: 3,853 Thanks: 195 Thanked 601 Times in 427 Posts	Anyone of the million of MJ jokes. __________________ FIGHTPOWER

08-08-2009, 08:49 PM	#20 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,739 Thanks: 160 Thanked 590 Times in 318 Posts	A boy was on his way to school when he saw the words purple passion written on a wall. He had no idea what they meant, so when he got to school and the teacher asked if there were any questions, he raised his hand. When he was called upon he asked ,"What is purple passion?" His teacher screamed at him to go to the principal. The principal asked him why he was there and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me here." "What are the words," the principal asked. "Purple passion," replied the boy. The principal freaked out and expelled him and told him to get out of the school. At home is mother asked him why he had been expelled, and he said "When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me." "What are the words," his mother asked. "Purple passion," he said. His mom turned red and yelled at him to go up to his room and wait for his father. When his dad got home he said to the boy,"So I hear you got into a lot of trouble today. Tell me what happened." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up here to wait for you. "Well, son, what are the words?" "Purple passion."the boy replied. His father exploded and kicked him out of the house. As he was wandering around he ran into some friends. They said, "What's going on, man? We heard you got expelled and your dad kicked you out." So the boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out." "Wow, what are the words?" his friends asked. "Purple passion,"he replied. All of his friends jumped him and started beating him up until a bum came by and scared them off. The bum said,"I just saved your life. Tell me why they were all beating you up." The boy said," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up." "So what are the words," the bum asked. "I don't know if I should say" "Come on I just saved your life, don't be ungrateful,"the man remarked. "Okay, okay. The words were purple passion." The bum freaks out and starts beating the boy up until a cop comes along and breaks it up. The cop asks the boy what happened. The boy says," When I was on my way to school today, I saw some words written on a wall and I didn't know what they meant so when the teacher asked if there were any questions I asked her what they meant and she yelled at me and sent me to the principals office. When I got there he asked me what had happened and I told him everything and he asked me what the words were and when I told him he freaked out and expelled me. When I got home my mom asked me what had happened and I told her everything and she asked me what the words were. When I told her she sent me up to my room to wait for my dad. He asked me what happened and after I told him everything he asked me the words and when I told him he kicked me out. I ran into my friends and they asked me why I had been expelled and kicked out of my house and I told them everything and then they asked what the words were. When I told them, they beat me up. The bum came by and scared them off, he then asked me what had happened and I told him everything. Then he asked what the words were and when I told him he began beating me up." The cop said,"What were the words?" The boy replied,"Purple passion." "The cop put the boy into hand cuffs, beat him up, and took him to jail. __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!!

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