Яedking

nights like these are very rare, and must be executed with expertise.

you see ... i have a girlfriend, that i have been with for a very long time. she's usually with me every night, which isn't bad at all. the only time i don't see her is when i have to travel for work, but it's not that fun ... payin 9 dollars for a goddam jack and coke at some hotel bar.

but tonight.

she's staying at her parents house.

do i:

a) get drunk by myself and play videogames
b) get drunk and go to a bar with some friends
c) get drunk and become a scientologist
d) buy a bunch of baby snakes and shove them up my ass
e) get drunk and browse yahooka
f) accidentally impale myself with a plunger after i get drunk and wonder what it feels like to be gay
g) get drunk and dvr the amazing race only to find out it's not about white people
h) have a soda/gizzums chugging contest with my gimp
i) ingest pcp and eat my face
j) kidnap my bipolar/schizophrenic friend in a devil costume and bring him to a steel refinery
k) drink diet soda and watch television
l) get drunk and smash my dick in the window yelling "i love you i hate you i love you i hate you"
m) cross the street and have the internets remind me to go down the alley
n) break my spine trying to give myself head
o) try to figure out more things to put on this list
p) fly to vegas and become a tranny stripper
q) fly to mars and become a gloggobot
r) get drunk and make a tutorial on how to draw worm species from africa
s) get published for my work
t) not run out of things before i finish the alphabet
u) plot my eventual into the wild style escape from society
v) blow my brains out to see what happens when i die
w) invent time machine that only brings you forward one second
x) just start running forest gump style
y) open up small stores in my house with dummies as cashiers and use my shit as currency
z) become a juggalo



vote please time is of the essence

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Яedking

holy fucking shit

there's pizza in the conference room

... dare i smuggle a slice in my pants

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Man in Black

lolol

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Budweiser buckles and soft faded Wranglers and each night begins a new day, if you can't understand him and he don't die young, he'll probably just ride away.

Flamingnun

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osirus2020

I hope you types out all 26 options while in a conference.

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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Juicy_J

Drunk juggalo tranny stripper who ingests pcp and runs alot?

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Waves

id go with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, x, y, z

w just doesnt seem that interesting

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

Dell Brandstone

R, J, or W. Maybe E later in the night.

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tedkennedy

yes but it is as ridiculous as all the other options so why the hell not

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matthew munari

Waves

!! its the tedernator!

good to see ya bro

this board was getting low on black people

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

pacman

ɐ make a new list with character map letters

my_scatterheart

c then i then j then z.
but only if you take pictures along the way and post them

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

msicidron

R or Y

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Яedking

i'm workin in y

corn = pennies

but really

i'm drinkin and watchin this: Terrorists, Killers, and Middle - East Wackos - WatchFullEpisodes.c om - Watch Your Favorite Movies and TV Shows on the Internet.

deadly

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Mikey

get a buncha crack and smoke it.
or get a buncha heroin and shoot it.
or get both and speedball and fucking love it.
do over 200$ worth of drugs.
DO IT!

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RIP Gov

Яedking

swear to god

this one time i was playing paintball with a buddy of mine for his bachelor party

his step dad is some kinda mercenary that just finished a year in afghanistan ... i dunno, blackwater maybe. he's very vague about what he does there.

but anyways, we were in the forested area, and i was sitting behind this pile of logs like the whole time, exchanging fire with him

i was like

fuck, i'm going down

i lay low for a few minutes, crawling and hopping back and forth between this pile of wood and this thick brush, not really firing at all.

he pops out, and i fuckin nail him a couple times. he's like "WHAT THE FUCK WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE MOVE" and he's all pissed.

we go to the next round in this area with a bunch of built little fortresses and stuff. i'm at the mid corner of the field and there are two of us and two of them. my other guy goes down. i'm laying there as my mask fogs up constantly, and i'm talkin to the ref on my stomach. i was sayin "where's he at, i can't see shit" to which he replies "oh you'll find out" .... so i ask him a few more times and i get the same response.

couple seconds later, this fuckin guy just lights me up from behind while i'm on the ground. relentless, just nailing me with paint. the ref was like OKAY OKAY HE'S DOWN.

motherfucker musta had a flashback or something, because he was going to town.


and that's the first time i went paintballing. true story.

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Яedking

swear to god

one time i was all hungover in boston. i was staying at the boston park plaza. i woke up the next day with a mean hankerin for some thai.

i go across boston common, and start walking down this trendy area. i find a place that serves thai right at the end of the block. i go in and i eat.

i'm feeling sick as fuck.

i'm about 3/4 of the way to becoming a competitive eater and then it hits.

5 minutes into this spell i'm feeling sick as fuck. the noon o clock hour rolls around and all these yuppies start filtering in.

i have the look of death on my face, and probably a bit of curry too.

then it hits.

i have an unstoppable force jumping up out of my stomach at a rate that i can't fathom.

hand over mouth

commence damage control

i start by aiming at my partner

i hear the sound of disgust, and being human, i turn my head to said commotion

puke starts hitting this couple table ... i can see it bouncing off their table and into their dish.

i finish my mayhem, and promptly draw my wallet

who knows what the lunch cost of what money i left on the table ... i put it down and told my partner that we had to leave.

we start heading towards the door, and this little thai lady tries to stop me and is all "what's wrong?!?!?!?!? okay? you okay?"

i'm like yeah yeah ... as i brush past her i hear OUCH OUCH OUCH and i stop. i'm standing on this lady's foot ... now mind you i'm about 190 and this lady couldn't have weighed 90 lbs. after realizing what i'm doing in my queue, i back up quickly, knocking over this other couples table. luckily they only had water at that point.

oh fuck.

i get out of the restaurant and into torrential rains. a few skeevy dips into some alleys and i'm home free.







got a million of em folks

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Яedking

swear to god

this one night i'm out in the boonies with a few friend of mine on their psuedo farm. now, having just gotten over a break up, i'm hittin pretty hard. i'm going cowboy on this bottle of soco hunny proof with a buddy around a campfire.

drink, bullshit, drink, bullshit. buddy falls out of chair.

he was leaning back in a big laugh and fuckin fell backwards on his chair. the whole congregation, including myself, are laughing our asses off.

blah blah blah drink more drink more



same shit happens to me.

i'm wasted ... like gone beyond gone

i tried to hit on this girl to no avail ... prude ass bitch. i probably made it quite clear earlier int he drunken stages that my plan was to get my dick wet. yeahhh not so much.

no worries though

i've packin a damn near lethal BAC thus i have not a care in the world.

then a jingle from the cell. it's the girl i just broke up with.

well goddamit i'm super man and nothin but hell or high water is going to stop me from this 20 minute drive back to the city. i inform said posse and they oblige, with one stipulation ... they use the pisser first.


let me tell you something about myself. i'm impatient. i need constant stimulation. always in need of another factor.

so

i fuckin leave.

*sound of vhs fast forwardin*

get pulled over for "weaving inside my lane"

now give me credit

i have a sinister BAC, cruisin down a country road at 50 (speed limits 45) and the only thing i get pulled over for is weaving inside my lane. mind you this is an 04 wrangler rubicon, stick. fuck .. a fart could send this tin coffin off road at these speeds.

okay okay yeah i shouldn't have been driving yeah yeah we're all human yeah yeah fuck


fast forward again, and i'm sittin in a jail cell with these two other messed up fucks. my cell is gone, and lord knows that this day in age we dial by contacts (this was about 4 years ago)

the only number i can remember is a friend of mines mother. she's cool. she bails me out and drives me back to her place. now i've only known this lady eddy hascal style mind you ... so my actions were likely surprising.

first thing from her in the car: "need a cigarette?"

fuck.

yes.

and keep em comin sister.

now this lady, my friend mom, i have always been curious about. she was a peculiar gal and i knew there was somethin fishy about her.

hand me a cigarette?

nothin out of the ordinary.


we get back to the house. i'm damn near sober from this experience.

she comes in with margaritas ... this is at about 3am. i knew there was hell to pay the next day so i graciously accepted.

we're drinkin into the night, and then she does it.

"i'll be right back"

this lady, whom i considered a saint of sorts, walks out with a nasty big bong, some of the sickest nuggleage i've ever seen, and a few oc80s.

she goes "hit this i'm going to grab a mirror"



now


at this point

i'm flabbergasted, but fucked up to the point that i respond like it's normal business

"yes, you've got yourself a deal ms. ______"







she wasn't hot otherwise i woulda tried to fuck her. but it was a good night.

i slept til noon. i start callin folk, only to find out that a good majority of the police department is looking for me (in a good way), due to friends connections with law enforcement.

fuck

i just went home.





got a million of em folks

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Mikey

so you ended up getting a buncha crack eh

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RIP Gov

adventure

my thoughts^

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Coming Full Range