ColtEtish

I awoke this morning with the realization that I had basically come out on yahooka. lulz. No big deal right? I could really care less, I guess it just took some booze to give me the balls to do it. Everything else I remember just makes me feel like a jackass.

So there is an empty liter of vodka sitting next to me, and I don't remember anything past 400 or 500 ml. My knuckles are covered in cuts and there a few holes in the wall, so I guess I have to repair those. My bed has quite a few stains on it from the blood, I guess I had the urge to strip it and wash my bedding at 1am. I think I might have stood over my room mate while he slept with a knife in my hand, I'm not sure.

So am I too much of a child to drink? You decide!!1

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Grieves

you can't blame your gayness on booze...that is your own gay ass' fault...

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AnimalLover420

I don't think irresponsible is the word for it. I think you're too violent to handle alcohol. When irresponsible people drink, they wake up with their car wrapped around a telephone pole or with a strange person in their bed. When violent people drink, they wake up with unexplained blood on their hands. So just wash it off, Pontius, and chill on the bottle until you can get a handle on the rage.

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ColtEtish

I'm not gay, just confused.

tee hee!

I'm not placing blame on the alcohol, only myself. It should be apparent to you from reading the thread title, and the post itself.

How are you doing though, I've missed you!

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Mydriasis

its cool to be gay man no need to flip out and go cereal killer mode.

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Lloydy

i must have missed that.

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Keep the red flag flying high

notepad

i missed this come outance too


but word

alcohol ftw

ColtEtish

That is something I've struggled with for some time, and I really despise myself for being so violent. I've tried to change my personality for years...I refuse to kill an insect unless it's going to hurt me, I don't hit animals,and I have not hurt another person for years. I'm coming to a point in my life where I realize I can't change who I am, but that doesn't make me any less happy for being this way.

What I'm afraid of is what I might do in years to come...I'm not sure if I can keep myself in check for the next 50 or 60 years.

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notepad

man up.

ColtEtish

I'm not sure what you mean. Are you saying I need to man up and start acting on my emotions?

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myxomatosis

Clearly you weren't made for the booze. Give it up.

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oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

last.fm
blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

AnimalLover420

It sounds like you've made some progress, so try to focus on that rather than beating yourself up about it when you backslide. Just realize that it's all within your control.

Controlling Anger Before it Controls You

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badgoalie85

no, he's saying man up.

aka quit being a little bitch about it.

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Pursue happiness.

To each his own.

ColtEtish

I see.

I'm not sure how I'm being a "little bitch". Would you care to explain?

As far as I'm concerned I fit the criteria for being a man. I take care of myself, and I am not afraid to admit that I have feelings just like anyone else.

For instance I felt a strong urge to hurt you when you called me a bitch. I imagined what I could do to you with the proper knowledge, equipment, and time. I don't have any negative feelings towards you at this moment, but before I wrote this I had a smile on my face at the thought of torturing you.

You see, it doesn't really matter what he thinks about me, or you for that matter. I think that my ability to be open and honest about myself makes me quite the man.

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tedkennedy

everyone has gotten too drunk at some point and done stupid things. some people take steps so that it doesnt happen again like just learning when to stop drinking. but then again some people enjoy getting retarded drunk all the time and acting the fool. its your life no one can really tell you what to do

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matthew munari

Xil

man up means stop with the self pity and just move on

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pacman

if u say u like girls and cock, theres only one option.........

Mafoo

i dont consider myself an angry guy but ive woken up with blood on my hands after getting too shitfaced. to me, acting like that when youre drunk to the point of not remembering anything is just something deep down trying to tell you shit is not right with you. Dont drink because you want to feel better about something, thats a pretty good start with controling yourself.

also, id try and limit the hard alcohol intake, that shit is tough to judge at times

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

ColtEtish

That is another part of my personality that I have never been able to change. I've always been prone to mood swings and bouts of depression, the whole pity party thing kind of comes with the package. Until recently I let it control me, and I would do absolutely nothing beneficial for myself. These past few months I have been trying to pull myself out of that hole by doing constructive activities.

I suppose it takes time, and the self pity is something I will probably never get over. It's just something I will have to live with and hopefully I can continue to use it to motivate me instead of letting it consume me, otherwise I will not succeed in life.

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tedkennedy

somewhat unrelated, anyone else get pain in their legs when they drink alcohol? i have read it is from dehydration from the alcohol and its probably true, but hell, i drank only 2 drinks the other day and my legs were sore all damn night and i cant sleep whenever i drink becuase of my legs.

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matthew munari