SageTree

Today I got a call from a friend and they said our friend John killed himself on Veterans Day, at his home, on base, in Hawaii.

John went into the military in 98 when he graduated, and was out for a while before joining again in 03. His main activity was flying on a medi-vac and I think that is an admirable thing to do. Helping all in the midst of chaos.

Sure enough, John was sent to Iraq around the time he joined, and sent again about 3 years ago. The second time John went he had a really hard time, and remember hearing stories about how he had to witness a lot of hard things, but the thing that haunted him in his dreams were the times that he had to pick up the broken pieces of little children and the screams and wails of the families mourning their dead and injured.

When John came back from Iraq he was a wreck. He was constantly berated in his sleep with nightmares. And never bounced back from it. He didn't talk much about it, but it was clear he was depressed.

On Veterans Day last week, John took his life into his hands. He sent a text message to his friends and family saying he was trapped, depressed and didn't know how to get out. And then he shot himself when his girlfriend went to work that morning.

Now I know why John did what he did, and I am not angry at him for that. I'm sure it takes incredible fortitude to pull the trigger, mixed with extreme fear and panic about how to solve things. I'm sorry this is how my Friend ended his life.

John was a really nice guy, who liked to drink a little too much at times, but you'd not guess he was keeping much bottled up inside, other than in recent years, of which he spent in Iraq.

What I am feeling right now as far as anger goes, pertains to the reasons it got that far. What kind of counseling do they give people who go to war and see horrors like he did? And also am feeling frustration about how many men are raised with the values that men don't cry, get hurt, experience pain, or talk about it. Basically stated, I feel like John was let down. He gave so much to helping people who were torn by war, American Iraqi, or whoever, and this is how his road ended.

So please, if you have friends on the line of fire, talk to them if you can and let them know you are there for them, and I pray none of you have had to suffer a loss of this kind, post-combat military death. This has been a place I see lacking in Military health care of their soldiers.

Take a moment of silence and send some love and compassion to all the John's from our past present and future, please. Signing up as a soldier doesn't always mean you are crazy about shooting at people, more often they are just good people looking for jobs and this is what society says is a good option. These people don't join expecting to see what they do, even if they realize what may happen, I don't see how anyone could be ready to experience that.

I really didn't know what to do about these feelings right away, so thanks YaHooka for listening to my plight and sorrow over a fallen Friend. And I truly hope if you have loved ones fighting far away, that they return safely in body and mind.

Namaste
SageTree

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Flamingnun

Damn

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AlteredStateGrl

i'm so sorry sage.

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*The sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws.*

farmergiles

Sad story. If he was an emotional retard the whole thing probably wouldn't have brought him down.

Peace ftw.

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

my_scatterheart

When family/friends got back, that was my question. How much help do they really get? The sad truth was that for some guys, it was a big hassle to get a professional to talk to, and a lot of wait time in between. It's really not right. Some, on the other hand, said they had higher ups that really cared about them and their men and would force immediate help. I guess it depends who you're with?

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

Mikey

sorry sage

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RIP Gov

Mafoo

sorry to hear that sagey

ive been hearing about alot of vets lately. its so sad that people cant see that war is beyond terrible

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Waves

ive said it before and i'll say it again id rather be in jail than join the army, its such a fucked up situation. i dont know how much press the recent fort hood situation got in canada, sage, but here in america the shrinks are the one who are shooting up the bases in the army! its just crazy fucked up. people dying in war abroad and people killing their own here.

i'll smoke one in memoriam tonight. RIP

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

Mydriasis

I hope the family finds peace, I hope you find peace, I hope John is at peace.

Much love sage brother, I've lost people to suicide as well.

IM me anytime.

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SageTree

thanks folks

I did hear a bit about that Waves. How sad and un-nerving.

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wellfleation

Sorry - I had a friend named Friday. She was drinking all night with friends all night and they decided to see the sun rise over the ocean and drove to the to the beach. On the way home, the dude driving, who was shit-faced, slammed head on onto this cement barrier to a grave yard, of all places. She died instantly, the driver, some vacationing rich kid (and everyone else) lived. Lets just say it was the most emotional funerals I've ever been to. She was only 17. Her boyfriend (they mutually broke up with one another the week previous) was never the same.

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FIGHTPOWER

Man in Black

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When I was arrested I was dressed in black.

Mydriasis

my first friend to comit suicide was 13. Stole a bunch of money from a friends dad then returned it an didn't know what to do, so he just up and hung himself. Everyone who was friends with him immediately got into drugs(including myself).

My second friend to comit suicide was just lost as fuck at 16. Caught up with some drugs, and gave up.

I had an older friend kill himself over his girlfriend in highschool. Drank a bunch of wine and laid down on the railroad tracks.

Death blows ass. I've lost a lot of friends, I pray their in a better place. It's hard as shit, cuz those dates burn into your fucking mind. Or every time you open up a yearbook to reminese you just sit there and think "What would they be doing now?", blah. That's why I refused to be in any yearbook's after my sophmore year.

Lemme just say the world get's a fuck ton colder when your friends kill themselves. That's who you look to when your growing up you know. They send this message to you that is "I can't take it this world is worse then death". It can really fuck you up...

I hope all of you participated in To Write Love On Her Arms day on friday.

I'm done ranting, but sage once again, don't be afraid to hit me up to chat.

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Jimmycube

sorry for your loss man. Suicide is a tough tough thing to deal with *i cant find the words to express it all*. I had a friend in high school named jack who took his life via shotgun and i realized just how many people a suicide effects.

I wish you all the best man and one day u will c your buddy again.

much love man u take care

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When you punish a person for dreaming their dream, dont expect them to thank or forgive you

The Rev

Yesterday, I went to the movies, and they had this National Guard commercial before the movie that just made my skin crawl. When are we, as a society, going to wake the fuck up and stop trying to convince children that war and soldiering doesn't make you cool, or noble, or better; it just fucks you up? There's never been a war in which the participants came out of it better off than when they went in. Never. Yet, after 10,000 years and thousands of wars, we're still peddling the same bullshit.

How about giving the idea of "Trying to Get Along" a chance, and spare these kids the lifetime of anguish (especially when those lifetimes are cut short by it).

Fuck.



The Rev

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Waves

“Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.”

Mark Twain

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

vanilla

RIP

but to answer youre question sage, you should read up on post traumatic stress disorder and MDMA

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Dozer McDozer

man... i was friends with someone named John who joined the marines a few months ago.

Also, my neighbor's wife worked in the same building as that psychiatrist in fort hood; just right down the hall from his office man.

my neighbor said just her listening to soldiers and what happened to them really got to her a while back(before she began working at fort hood).

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Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance. - Albert Einstein

Properly trained, man can be a dog's best friend - i'll get his name once i get book back

scottishbastard

I really respect that you guys have kept this apolitical. A troubled person was beaten by this world we live in. It's sad as hell, and god bless him (and the other troubled vets).

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Yeah but you're going to do what you wanna do
No matter what I ask of you
You think you hold the high hand
I've got my doubts
I come from Chino where the asphalt sprouts
.....

And even if I have to go to Claremont
Well I guess I'll just have to go to Claremont
Let me go
Let me lie low

Yeah but you're going to do what you wanna do
No matter what I ask of you
And you send your dark messengers to tempt me
I come from Chino so all your threats are empty

- the mountain goats

SageTree

It was hard for me not to make it a tinge political. Mostly what I feel here is an unnecessary death happened, and it won't likely go down as a post combat related death. It will just be a story about someone who couldn't handle it.

The Fort Hood incident will bring these types of deaths to light, I'm sure of it. And that is good because I feel like nothing was learned from Vietnam, and the countless other wars that have left parts of men and women hearts broken by the pulling of their own triggers and those pulled from the otherside of the grassy field.

Suicide is not a bad thing to me. It's not the best thing, and I think it not cowardly at all. It takes as much courage as pain to do this, and ultimately is based on such as extreme fear that psychological trauma occurs. So I don't hate John for this, I just hate that it had to come to this.

And this surely doesn't help my opinion of war, as good.

Thanks for all your caring thoughts and sharing of your painful stories. I'm sorry that you have had to suffer the loss of friends and family as well.

Suicide is an interesting topic to itself, and feel that it as a means to death are really avoided in our society, and are seen as failures of doctors and medical professionals. There are cultures, places and times, when this was really an honourable way to help further your society. Not that I condone it, surely, but I'd at least like to cast a different light on it. Maybe sometimes it really just is that bad?

Thanks again for your kindness and sharing.

Much love and always an open ear and heart to anyone who needs to talk to someone as well. I love life and you are alive, so if you ever are in distress, please tell someone and try to get some help, it doesn't have to be me, and don't be scared to seek it. Others love you and only want for you to enjoy living as well.

In loving kindness,
Sage

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