Mercury

Believe it or not I'm not a very talkative person IRL. People, especially girls, always describe me as quiet. "Why are you so quiet?" I get asked a lot. Coworkers, friends of friends, teachers, people I'm not especially close to in general are the most likely to call me quiet or shy. But even my closest friends and family wouldn't call me talkative... because I'm not.

But I can conversate easily and I do enjoy it sometimes. Especially with strangers. For some reason I absolutely love to talk with strangers. I do it tactfully, of course, I ask a lot of questions to be polite. I see it as an exercise in my ability to, well, talk. But I keep it strictly sueprficial. The weather, local politics, the atmosphere; just enough to make a connection.

Then it's back to living in my own head. I'm never outspoken about "important" issues, I absolutely suck at story telling, I don't know any good jokes, I'm not interested in making redudant observations about what I see.

I also think being quiet adds more mystique. People assume I'm deep (and I am!).

However, I do have a slight envy towards the talkative, center of attentions. The radio personality types, you know? They're funny, they get peoples attention, they're experssive, they get shit off their chest. They''re heard! And I can definitely see the attraction in that. When I get drunk i talk a lot more (naturally) and it seems like people enjoy it. Sometimes I even think that when I talked more then people actually LIKE me more. How crazy is that?

But by and large I naturally lean towards quiet. You?

José

your title should be more like observant vs. ignorant.

It definitely depends who I'm around, some times I'm the most talkitive one, some times I'm the most quiet one.. totally depends. The only people I am quiet around are the obnoxious ones because they aren't afraid to call people out for anything so I'm always careful what I say around those types of people. Otherwise I am usually the one to start the conversation.

Mercury

If you're sometimes the most talkative person then you are, indeed, a talkative person. Quiet people are never "the most" talkative.

Über King

erm im generally quiet, but rather extroverted around friends

if that makes sense

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Eria Tarka

Yeah I'm probably as quiet as a person can get. I don't like being the center of attention. I've even had assholes tell me that i make them uncomfortable to be around just cause i don't say much.

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verklingen

completely depends on who i'm around. i'm talkative around friends as a rule. new acquaintances i'll try to break the ice with but nothing too deep. honestly i don't ever really get too deep with my friends, either.

i talk a lot with my immediate family, but my extended family not so much. when i'm not being talkative i'm usually trying to think of things to say but can't come up with anything and so remain silent.

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Mercury

Being with friends is pretty much the measurment. Obviously you're not talkative when you're alone.

verklingen

it's just kind of strange bc most my life i was completely quiet but i broke out in 8th grade and never really thought about it. if you ask me i still consider myself quiet, but others would disagree

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

SageTree

So that is to say then a talkative person can never be the most quiet?


I don't know about these paradoxes.

My myers-brigs test says I'm a 44/100 on the scale of introversion, down from a 89. This means that when I engage people I'm more likely to need some downtime to 'recharge' as opposed to extroversion, where I'd be charge from being with people

So for me I personally have to say I pick and choose, based on how I already feel, how engaged I will become with people. Some times I AM engergized by talking with people as well.

Using that number as a gage, I'd generally say I'm on the talkative side of the Quiet ones as I prefer to listen more in conversations, but will step out on a limb sometimes to start one. Especially knowing I get along more with the quiet and sometimes they won't start a conversation, cause they are well, quiet.

I don't think we can make dichotomies here, different times can elicit different actions.

I would label myself as quiet in the two choices, but most people find that hard to believe.

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_tyranT

i come off as asshole. i been fired from plenty of jobs.

Mercury

They say silence is golden.


But it seems like if you're not outgoing (read: outspoken) then you don't get very far in this world. Employers never ask for shy, quiet individuals who prefer to keep to themselves in a job description, for example.

CowMan

I am talkative and outgoing. Very personable and fun to chill with.

I can be obnoxious, when drunk. But i can also be introverted and quiet, particularly if i just smoked a huge blunt with some people i don't know.

Over all tho people describe me as a talkative and outgoing person who says whats on his mind and doesn't shy away from conversation or even conflict.

My profession (sales) requires me to be able to make small talk, smile and present myself with my best foot forward, all while projecting confidence, clarity and a will to make things happen. This means I have to take over conversations, direct meetings, conduct presentations, etc etc. You get pretty comfortable with talking to people when you are presenting solutions to crowds of thousands, taking questions and having conversations afterwords.

Ben Stein and I had a fruitful conversation once about public speaking and interpersonal conversations/relationships. He told me that if you are in person your body language does most of the communication and it's very subtle, but ultimately what conveys the tone of your message. He also mentioned that he wasn't very comfortable with public speaking until after his show "win ben stien's money" where he met a lot of people and developed a friendship with Jimmy Kimmel, who is great at this sort of thing.

We came to the conclusion that who you are with makes the most impact on how you interact with one another, after all they are the other half of that interaction aren't they?

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verklingen

merc, how does what you think employers look for offer a valid analogy for succeeding in this world?

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

SageTree

They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease too. Sometimes if we don't speak up, we don't get far, as the locked hub of the wheel can show. One bad wheel stops the cart.

I don't know if quiet and shy should be lumped together however.

Because there is also that say "It's better to be quiet and appear stupid, than open it and remove all doubt."

I've done both certainly. But my quietness doesn't relate to shyness, it's just not talking.

Bass playing for me carries into my philosophy. Sometimes its the rests that are deafening and groovalicous. It's not not knowing, it's jiving with the rhythm at hand, of which life has one as well.

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Mercury

you're right, i don't equate success with employment. I don't know why i put it that way.

Lloydy

im fairly quiet until i know where i stand with people.
unless im drunk then ill talk utter bollocks to anyone

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verklingen

i do see what you mean though man, and maybe that's the problem. talkative, quiet; we all have something to offer in the sharing we call life. let's all just be comfortable with ourselves so we can be comfortable with each other. that's the best way in my book

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

SageTree

What are some jobs where they want quiet or shy people?

A mime is quiet, not shy.

Librarians?

Monastery attendant?

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Mercury

machine operator

_tyranT

i usually get wasted at work.

nah seriously i get wasted every day almost.