Damn! Biebs puts it into perspective!

Waves · 03-15-2011, 02:43 PM

Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time

As the undisputed No. 1 teen pop sensation in the world, I have become something of a fulcrum upon which the extremes of human emotion pivot. On one side, you have people who have vaunted me to such lofty heights it is tantamount to deification; on the other, my high-spirited song-and-dance routines elicit an almost murderous rage. But, I ask, when viewed within the context of the geologic time≠scale, wherein chronological development is measured by evolutionary and stratigraphic events over countless eons rather than transitory human experience, what does any of it truly matter?

Quite simply put, it doesn't. Your adoration or loathing of me, a 17-year-old entertainer from Canada, is no more significant than a grain of sand on a beach, disappearing when Earth's mighty oceans rise and then retreat—as they will hundreds of thousands of millions of times until the sun is extinguished and the pyramids, the Taj Mahal, Rick Ross, the Great Wall of China, and everything else even remotely related to our feeble, fleeting species are but forgotten whispers in one planet's geochronology.

Ask yourself: What then will all your hyperbolic reverence or vitriolic bile even mean? To what do your hours spent online fawning over or vilifying me because of my Grammy performance amount when compared to a recent scientific finding that, as the Pacific and North American tectonic plates collide, the mountains north of Los Angeles will, over the next 100 million years, grow to peaks higher than the Himalayas, only to be eroded down to pebbles by millennia of wind and rain?

Forgive me. But please don't think that because of my fame I place myself above the futile scrabbling of mankind and its ephemeral perception of me as being either "adorable" or "the worst"; quite the contrary. In fact, it is because of my celebrity that I know I matter no more or less than any other human being among the many billions living or dead. When I tweet about the fact that I have cut my iconic hair and it is re-tweeted 300,000 times in a day, there is no better juxtaposition than to place that trifling 24 hours against the 10,000 years it will take Byrd Glacier to move across Antarctica's vast expanses of silent white.

In many ways, grasping the infinitesimal speck humanity constitutes is a source of great comfort. Even while I am in the midst of recording vocals in the studio or appearing on a daytime television program, it is admittedly seductive to stop for a moment and stare unblinking into the void and consider that, in terms of the ever-widening parabola made by the imperceptible slowing of Earth's axis, soon everything—this planet, the moon, myself, the Milky Way galaxy, Usher, and all of your pointless mooning and disdain—will be forever silenced by the unstoppable spiral into total entropy.

Even the faintest memory of my dear, sweet friend Ellen DeGeneres will be swallowed by the cataclysmic crush of all matter collapsing in on itself.

I suppose we've come to the point where we should just plainly state the ugly truth of all this: If you expend any energy at all either obsessively doting on me or hating me with the very fiber of your being, then I'm sad to say you are squandering your brief window as a cognizant being in this universe. Unfortu≠nately, I cannot tell you how better to use your comically tiny duration of sentience. Perhaps tell your family you love them; ponder the intricate beauty of a dew-flecked spiderweb; listen to Nicki Minaj's very good studio debut Pink Friday. In the end, however, none of these things will matter all that much either, not in the great and widening chasm of geological time—let alone when one considers the age of the cosmos from which it has sprung. But maybe in these ways you can draw a brief moment of respite from the existential dread. Ultimately, I believe that this is all one can reasonably hope for.

There is no God.

Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

The Rev · 03-15-2011, 03:15 PM

The Rev

Mikey · 03-15-2011, 03:49 PM

wow kid must bought his first dictionary and trying to use all the biggest words he can find

Captain Cannabis · 03-15-2011, 04:36 PM

i am not reading that shit

no matter how long it is

Roach · 03-15-2011, 04:45 PM

Quote:

As the undisputed No. 1 teen pop sensation in the world

He might just be an ASSHOLE

Waves · 03-15-2011, 05:03 PM

^you dopes its satire

osirus2020 · 03-15-2011, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waves

^you dopes its satire

Maybe it all was.

Captain Cannabis · 03-15-2011, 05:32 PM

theonion is a reputable source of news when compared to some others

The Rev · 03-15-2011, 05:51 PM

Say what we will about young Justin, but you know he's into so much pussy that he should have a brand of tampon named after him.

The Rev

Lloydy · 03-15-2011, 06:02 PM

course its satire, the thick little cunt didnt even know what "german" meant

m0rb1d · 03-15-2011, 07:15 PM

that kids hair makes me want to smash him with a hammer

my_scatterheart · 03-15-2011, 07:35 PM

I can't stand America's need to hate something. Anything.
I say good for him. Kid's got talent, jesus I'd be on top of the world if I was doing something I loved and got picked up by Ursher, and then rocketed to the top. Rad.

osirus2020 · 03-15-2011, 07:40 PM

I think they should have postponed the filming of Star Wars: Episode One until now so he could play little Anakin.

The Rev · 03-15-2011, 09:53 PM

It's not Bieber they hate, it's the media created world of fame and celebrity, and how arbitrary and image-related it all is. There was a time when stars were actually artists. Now, they're slapped together by marketing firms, and sick as it is, the American public eats it up. When you like things of quality, yet you see that market demand is making those things harder and harder to find in favor of hysterically chasing the next Tiger Beat sensation, you feel a deep inner longing to whip out a twelve gauge and start fixing the world.

The Rev

Lloydy · 03-16-2011, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

I can't stand America's need to hate something. Anything.
I say good for him. Kid's got talent, jesus I'd be on top of the world if I was doing something I loved and got picked up by Ursher, and then rocketed to the top. Rad.

no he doesnt. thats why everyone hates him

Mikey · 03-16-2011, 05:44 AM

whos justin bieber

**SageTree** · 03-16-2011, 06:34 AM

Celebrity News

!!!!!

kitch · 03-16-2011, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

I can't stand America's need to hate something. Anything.
I say good for him. Kid's got talent, jesus I'd be on top of the world if I was doing something I loved and got picked up by Ursher, and then rocketed to the top. Rad.

omg you guys laudog has a crush!

Terry · 03-16-2011, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

I can't stand America's need to hate something. Anything.
I say good for him. Kid's got talent, jesus I'd be on top of the world if I was doing something I loved and got picked up by Ursher, and then rocketed to the top. Rad.

lol go suck his talentless dick already you closet Belieber

my_scatterheart · 03-16-2011, 07:56 AM

I said he has talent, not that he's using it. Don't dig his music, but my friends lil girl does. She showed me videos of him real young singing/playing instruments. At like 5.

03-15-2011, 02:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Waves Duderino Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: chiburbs Posts: 15,405 Thanks: 991 Thanked 4,036 Times in 2,224 Posts	Damn! Biebs puts it into perspective! Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time As the undisputed No. 1 teen pop sensation in the world, I have become something of a fulcrum upon which the extremes of human emotion pivot. On one side, you have people who have vaunted me to such lofty heights it is tantamount to deification; on the other, my high-spirited song-and-dance routines elicit an almost murderous rage. But, I ask, when viewed within the context of the geologic time≠scale, wherein chronological development is measured by evolutionary and stratigraphic events over countless eons rather than transitory human experience, what does any of it truly matter? Quite simply put, it doesn't. Your adoration or loathing of me, a 17-year-old entertainer from Canada, is no more significant than a grain of sand on a beach, disappearing when Earth's mighty oceans rise and then retreat—as they will hundreds of thousands of millions of times until the sun is extinguished and the pyramids, the Taj Mahal, Rick Ross, the Great Wall of China, and everything else even remotely related to our feeble, fleeting species are but forgotten whispers in one planet's geochronology. Ask yourself: What then will all your hyperbolic reverence or vitriolic bile even mean? To what do your hours spent online fawning over or vilifying me because of my Grammy performance amount when compared to a recent scientific finding that, as the Pacific and North American tectonic plates collide, the mountains north of Los Angeles will, over the next 100 million years, grow to peaks higher than the Himalayas, only to be eroded down to pebbles by millennia of wind and rain? Forgive me. But please don't think that because of my fame I place myself above the futile scrabbling of mankind and its ephemeral perception of me as being either "adorable" or "the worst"; quite the contrary. In fact, it is because of my celebrity that I know I matter no more or less than any other human being among the many billions living or dead. When I tweet about the fact that I have cut my iconic hair and it is re-tweeted 300,000 times in a day, there is no better juxtaposition than to place that trifling 24 hours against the 10,000 years it will take Byrd Glacier to move across Antarctica's vast expanses of silent white. In many ways, grasping the infinitesimal speck humanity constitutes is a source of great comfort. Even while I am in the midst of recording vocals in the studio or appearing on a daytime television program, it is admittedly seductive to stop for a moment and stare unblinking into the void and consider that, in terms of the ever-widening parabola made by the imperceptible slowing of Earth's axis, soon everything—this planet, the moon, myself, the Milky Way galaxy, Usher, and all of your pointless mooning and disdain—will be forever silenced by the unstoppable spiral into total entropy. Even the faintest memory of my dear, sweet friend Ellen DeGeneres will be swallowed by the cataclysmic crush of all matter collapsing in on itself. I suppose we've come to the point where we should just plainly state the ugly truth of all this: If you expend any energy at all either obsessively doting on me or hating me with the very fiber of your being, then I'm sad to say you are squandering your brief window as a cognizant being in this universe. Unfortu≠nately, I cannot tell you how better to use your comically tiny duration of sentience. Perhaps tell your family you love them; ponder the intricate beauty of a dew-flecked spiderweb; listen to Nicki Minaj's very good studio debut Pink Friday. In the end, however, none of these things will matter all that much either, not in the great and widening chasm of geological time—let alone when one considers the age of the cosmos from which it has sprung. But maybe in these ways you can draw a brief moment of respite from the existential dread. Ultimately, I believe that this is all one can reasonably hope for. There is no God. Your Obsessive Love Or Hatred Of Me Means Nothing In The Grand Scheme Of Geological Time \| The Onion - America's Finest News Source __________________ On this life that we call home The years go fast and the days go so slow

03-15-2011, 03:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,865 Thanks: 5,018 Thanked 5,421 Times in 2,865 Posts	The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

03-15-2011, 03:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mikey Seasoned YaHookan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: gulf islands bc Posts: 7,443 Thanks: 1,144 Thanked 2,246 Times in 1,475 Posts	wow kid must bought his first dictionary and trying to use all the biggest words he can find __________________ RIP Gov

03-15-2011, 04:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,922 Thanks: 2,705 Thanked 3,174 Times in 1,812 Posts	i am not reading that shit no matter how long it is __________________ fuck the monkeys

03-15-2011, 05:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
Waves Duderino Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: chiburbs Posts: 15,405 Thanks: 991 Thanked 4,036 Times in 2,224 Posts	^you dopes its satire __________________ On this life that we call home The years go fast and the days go so slow

03-15-2011, 05:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,922 Thanks: 2,705 Thanked 3,174 Times in 1,812 Posts	theonion is a reputable source of news when compared to some others __________________ fuck the monkeys

03-15-2011, 05:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,865 Thanks: 5,018 Thanked 5,421 Times in 2,865 Posts	Say what we will about young Justin, but you know he's into so much pussy that he should have a brand of tampon named after him. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

03-15-2011, 06:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lloydy KTF Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: England Posts: 11,976 Thanks: 533 Thanked 2,479 Times in 1,140 Posts	course its satire, the thick little cunt didnt even know what "german" meant __________________ Keep the red flag flying high

03-15-2011, 07:15 PM	#11 (permalink)
m0rb1d Analord Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Wu-sconsin Posts: 1,759 Thanks: 226 Thanked 141 Times in 95 Posts	that kids hair makes me want to smash him with a hammer __________________

03-15-2011, 07:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,553 Thanks: 1,487 Thanked 3,328 Times in 1,870 Posts	I can't stand America's need to hate something. Anything. I say good for him. Kid's got talent, jesus I'd be on top of the world if I was doing something I loved and got picked up by Ursher, and then rocketed to the top. Rad. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

03-15-2011, 09:53 PM	#14 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,865 Thanks: 5,018 Thanked 5,421 Times in 2,865 Posts	It's not Bieber they hate, it's the media created world of fame and celebrity, and how arbitrary and image-related it all is. There was a time when stars were actually artists. Now, they're slapped together by marketing firms, and sick as it is, the American public eats it up. When you like things of quality, yet you see that market demand is making those things harder and harder to find in favor of hysterically chasing the next Tiger Beat sensation, you feel a deep inner longing to whip out a twelve gauge and start fixing the world. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

03-16-2011, 05:44 AM	#16 (permalink)
Mikey Seasoned YaHookan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: gulf islands bc Posts: 7,443 Thanks: 1,144 Thanked 2,246 Times in 1,475 Posts	whos justin bieber __________________ RIP Gov

03-16-2011, 06:34 AM	#17 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 23,414 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 13,070 Thanked 6,769 Times in 4,664 Posts	Celebrity News !!!!! __________________ "What's oppressive is letting your life be confined by old definitions of what everything is." -Zen Meister my_scatterheart YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance.

03-16-2011, 07:56 AM	#20 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,553 Thanks: 1,487 Thanked 3,328 Times in 1,870 Posts	I said he has talent, not that he's using it. Don't dig his music, but my friends lil girl does. She showed me videos of him real young singing/playing instruments. At like 5. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

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