Sir-Ex

I just want a more unbiased opinion on this. It's pretty hard to know what the fuck is right and wrong when everyone I know has some sort of personal bias on the matter.


So the situation: my ex and I have a daughter and we share the responsibility of child care. Since I have two jobs at the moment and attend a night class two nights a week, I have my daughter three afternoons of the week and one evening/overnight (which is usually on sunday).

Today I'm on the phone with her (the ex) and she's flipping out at me that I ended up having my Friday off and have decided to spend the evening jamming with my friend in practice for an upcoming gig, instead of taking my daughter for the night. I'm arguing that I rarely have a night that isn't devoted to either school, work, or my daughter, and having this friday off (which is the only night a jam is possible) is a perfect opportunity for me to get some fucking me time in.

I will agree that I'm not getting enough time to spend with my daughter right now, but this is primarily due to the night classes I'm taking. These are, however, ending in 3 weeks time and I'll have an extra couple nights to see my daughter. I keep reminding the ex of this, that soon I will have more time and things will be a little more even (even in the sense of spending time with our daughter... 'even' in general.. I'm not so sure since the woman doesn't work or have any responsibilities outside of childcare - that's not really my concern), to no avail.

I just spent the last 5 minutes having her screaming in my ear about how much she hates me and what a hypocritical piece of shit I am and how much I make her sick. I'm not the sort to start a shouting match so I just let her have her spiel. I've realized there is no point in getting angry.


But now I'm thinking, is she justified in feeling this way? I mean, I talked to my folks about it but of course they're on my side. My mom had three of us and took care of us all on her own and didn't bitch about it, and my dad.. well even working 46 hours a week and 2 nights at school I still see my daughter a lot more than he ever saw me.



So what the fuck? Am I an asshole without even knowing it? Fuck. I know I don't feel like I'm an asshole.

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

Xil

nah bro your cool

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my_scatterheart

Not saying it's warranted.. but it's a natural reaction to think someone's a dick when they want to skip out on a responsibility that you carry more than they do. Like if you do 80% of the dishes and your roommate is like I don't fucking FEEL like doing them right now, you get pissed. It's like "Are you serious?"
I've no advice in what you should do.. just hope you realize it's not so much about you and just like a "bah wtf" moment.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

Sir-Ex

It's a stupid ass situation, isn't it?

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

my_scatterheart

No. You had a beautiful kid. The horseshit is just horseshit. No worries.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

SageTree

I'd bet on this being a flare up.
If it becomes a regular thing from her, it'd be safe to ask what could be better worked out or something like that.
But otherwise.... I think what you did was more than fair.

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Sir-Ex

Thanks, I always appreciate your kindness scatter.




Flare ups are a regular thing from her. Even before when I was seeing my daughter 4 afternoons and 2 nights a week, she'd still unleash the verbal abuse whenever she caught wind of me doing my own thing at night.
I'm almost certain the real reason she's so pissed off is because there's some party she wants to go to.

Honestly I've been preparing myself emotionally for the worst. I wouldn't put her starting a custody battle past her. She's threatened it several times already. Now that makes me sick when she says that. If you could see how much love is in my daughter's eyes for me...I dunno it's just fucked to want to try and take that away.

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

Sir-Ex

Venting helped. Thanks 'hooka

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

SageTree

I don't have any certain advice Ex. But you strike me like a man who knows what he wants and will work this out. I genuinely hope it doesn't come to custody issues, for your sake and your daughter's. I've seen your pics before w/ her on here. Beautiful man. Beautiful.

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The Rev

You want to be fair, but you need a little time for yourself to have fun, too. I'd just work it out, after your classes are done, to help her find a little "me time" for herself. That's reasonable.

As for verbal abuse, I don't think its ever solved anything. Just feeds resentment. You don't deserve to be talked to that way. No one does.



The Rev

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John F. Kerry

hmmm, well mo for what its worth (not much ) is first, dont worry , or rather dont expect you can do anything about, women having emotional bitch fests... because no matter what you do they do that occasionally. usually the substance of the complaint is relatively unimportant. (lol i hope that doesnt sound too chauvenist)

as long as you didnt agree to watch her friday night specifically and then just bail, then id say your not really more than 50% at fault, or whatever....meaning like you both are equally at fault.... but if you bailed on a plan to def watch her, then yea your probably more at fault.

props on trying to balance all that shit and go to school at the same time ex.... it will def pay off man keep your eyes on the prize . your gonna have a daughter whos much prouder of her dad for having a better life than if you didnt go to these night classes now.

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Nasa under Obama

HTAM

My wife and I both recognize that there are things we choose to enjoy that the other may not share in.

It should be no different for you and the mother of your child.

I also just get this idea without knowing her that she is deeply unhappy about you being happy or having any fun.

Be good to yourself.

Grieves

She is mad because she found out she could have made plans and was unable to and her girlfriends are making you out to be the devil and the ex bought the brainwashing...If anyone is being selfish it is your ex....

You keep on being a boss, sir...

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Snowmayne

bitches just be crazy cuzz

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We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Captain Cannabis

good luck dealing with a crazy woman

you ain't done nothing to feel guilty about

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fuck the monkeys

The Don

I'll come back with an answer in november, when I'm a farther myself.

It does seem a little over the top. It's not like it's a pattern right?

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mothernature

Sir-ex, I like you and the love you have for your daughter shows, BUT.....

You said you share responsibility of the child care. 2 afternoons a week and 1 overnight is not sharing. Your ex is the primary care giver of your child. Period.

Then, I would consider child support. Do you pay it? How does your child survive?

Now this upcoming gig you referred to. Are you a paid musician? Is this part of your 46 hour workweek? Is this fun for you? What I mean is, is playing music a real job or something you are doing to further your own music career or just something you do for fun? For yourself.

If I was the judge of your case, I would give you both joint custody, primary residence with her, and you would pay child support.

Having said that, the next time she calls showing her ass like that, hang up. You should not have to put up with that shit. And please, please, please, don't involve the child in the arguments.

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Sometimes sleep is the best revenge- Luke

Terry

I didn't read the OP but I'm gonna answer yes anyways

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I don't know but I've been told,
If you never die you'll never grow old

Jimmycube

^lol

i will try to post more than just that. Ummmm..mothernature has a point...eh...everybo dy is different..u do u but dont forget about the kid. Sometimes u gotta take a tongue lashing and just be like "meh"
and keep going. Do what u gotta do but yeah she probably is doing the same thing and there is nothing wrong with that.

I have no idea i am just babbling

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When you punish a person for dreaming their dream, dont expect them to thank or forgive you

HTAM

I'm biased from too many different POV's agree with her, but there is some wisdom in MN's post.

And the next time you get a free night off, don't tell her about it.