Burner of trees

hi. i've been shooting coke all day and feel so good, yet i feel so bad. damn you life and your trickery! also hi guys! iwas 11 months clean up until 3 weeks ago, still haven't done any opiates yet so in my weird addict mind i still feel pretty good about that.
also someone stole my new ipod, the latest version 32 gig...shit sucks, everyone thinks i sold it

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Geeno

Cool a kid i used to sell coke to died two days ago

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Burner of trees

damn man... do you know what drugs were invovled? AND DON'T YOU PATRONIZE ME MISTER! jk i ilu.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Burner of trees

well fuc you too buddy. you do realize that 11 months i wanted to use everyday, but didn't. then my mom died a couple months ago and at first i was strong about it but just recently broke down and gave into the devil.

so again, i reiterate, fuck you too.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Burner of trees

i've been here most of the time just lurking. sad to say i'm kind of lame when i'm not smashed out of my gourd.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Waves

aw sry bout your mom bro

do what you gotta do but dont stay stuck. you know what i mean. love ya BoT

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

Burner of trees

just had a long talk with a friends sister. basically she moved here as a teenager, knew no english whatsoever, 15 or so years later she graduated from Syracuse University with a masters degree. very inspiring. things like that truly make me realize how easy i've had it.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

The Rev

Hey BoT. Sup, nig? Sorry to hear about your mom. That shit can kick your ass.



The Rev

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Burner of trees

yeah man it really sucks. the day after i graduated from outpatient rehab she passed away

for a few months i put on the front like i was ok and would never use again, but sadly in the back of my mind it was pretty much a done deal. the thing is i get tested at drug court (randomly) and when i go to see my doc to get my suboxon (scheduled) so for the most part its all pretty random so it scares me enough not to use, which is a GREAT deterrent, but i just got tested at both so i know i'm good for atleast a few days.

the sad fucked up thing is i would most definitely rather do shrooms or acid but can't find any never had a true bad trip before but i wonder if i would get so deep into thought of my mom's death that i would go crazy. or, as i would hope, i would see it as the way of the world and be thankful she lived a good life and raised me rather well for at the mostpart, a single mother.

tl;dr depression death drugs optimism

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

AnimalLover420

BOT! <3 I'm so sad to hear about your Mamma. Don't beat yourself up too much, just do what you have to do to get back to taking care of yourself. I think it's safe to say she would want you to be happy and healthy. Love to you, friend!

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..gzagenius

Jeez

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everythings cool as i float downstream

Burner of trees

no, i'd prefer to not ride in the back seat of anything, let alone a honda.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Burner of trees

love you too! see the thing is its so much easier said than done..clearly i know what i need to do, i've been to enough NA meetings and whatnot to know how damaging drugs are, but sadly that means shit. drugs are the instant cure for depression and i hate knowing that.

feeling worried/scared: bam, pop a klonopin.
bored: no problem, everything is awesome on heroin.
work to be done: here, rail this adderall.
want to feel amazing and interact with people like never before: extaccccyy
want to be talkative and come back to a forum you've posted at for years but have recently lurked for the last year or so: COCAINE NIGGA!

ehh, fml.

its thr worst because my mom was an alchy and it basically killed her. at first that made it so easy to abstain, but now its just not doing the trick. i've piked up hobbies such as guitar and jogging andreading more often...not helping too much. sometimes i convince myself i've done so many drugs that they are the only cure when i am down, though i know thats clearly not the case. to be honest i think i even KNOW the exact problem: lack of interaction with women. haven't been laid in 9 months, haven't had a GF for years...do you know what that does to a man??? i am going CRAZY! and the longer it goes the more ugly/stupid i beleive i become. holy shit do i rant on coke.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Burner of trees

holy shit the don is back! everthing is coming full circle, now all i need is for ASG and/or AL420 to leave their man for me...DID I MENTION THE DON IS BACK????



eh he probably came back months ago and it appears my lurking is sub-par.

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Futurama quote of the day: (When I remember)

Fry: Man, I thought Ultimate Robot Fighting was real, like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed, like boxing.

Grieves

don't you think that knowing that your mom died the day after you completed outpatient would make you realize that she passed because you were able to complete that part of the journey that she was unable too...

furthermore wouldn't that realization keep you from making those same stupid mistakes again?

peace be with you my friend

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Man in Black

now I want to do opies. fuck. actually it's none of y'alls fault I just always wanna do opies. put the morphine down little over a year ago.

but welcome back BOT we all <3 you here

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When I was arrested I was dressed in black.

The Don

I've think I've been around a month or so...? I'm not sure. First time I see you bud.

Good to see you're still kicking. Shit sucks with your mom man. It's just never the right time.

Much love and man huggles.

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Bad dog

I don't think that shooting coke / amphetamines is any better than shooting H.

There is a serious research that says some people are addicted to injecting, what they shoot up ain't so important. My luck is that I hate needles and never shot up anything.

You are a junkie my friend and until you can deal with hard times without a fix, then you will remain a junkie and quite probably die young as well.

If you 'put the thought in your head' that you want to stop being a junkie and remember that thought at least once a day, you will slowly be able to recover and stop being a junkie. It may take years but better late than dead IMO.

So every time you go to shoot up or get high or score or lay down and trip, just rememmber the thought that you don't want to be like this and that you want to stop.

Thats all, don't fight it, don't rehab, just tell yourself at least once a day that you are a cunt and you want to stop being one.

It will work eventually. And don't punish yourself for back sliding. You can't stop a habit trully in one day. It will drag you back, just each time it should be less time and less stoned.

Took me 5 years to quit opiates but in the end I did.
It's about turning many corners and moving on with the life.

you can do it mang, be strong.

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this is where i live

El Coyote

Sorry to hear about your mom bro.

I think Bondi gave you some excellent advice. The only thing that I can add is to know your limit.

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