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Old 01-01-2015, 06:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Shart Tales

Well it happened to me again, I was at work just moving some things around from shop to equipment trailers and thought I would be a funny guy and blast a big fart while I walked by my two co-workers. That was mistake number 2, mistake number 1 was eating the gas station breakfast sandwich earlier in the morning... So I proceeded to push out my rumbling guts extra air, only to be overwhelmed with a hot greasy viscous liquid dribbling out of my ass as I am desperately clinching my sphincter because it misidentified the juice for gas.

Luckily I was able to clean up pretty good at the shop and I only live a few minutes away, so I went home squirted a couple more times(in the toilet) and changed my drawers. I am hard core, so I went back to work, by this time my guts are on fire. What a miserable day, I couldn't stop puking and getting hot and cold flashes, but I did everything I had to do for the day and finished strong!

So the rest of the night I laid on my couch in between jaunts to the toilet, in bed by 10, Happy New Year to me!! I feel fine this morning, so I guess it all worked out of me.

This is only the most recent occurrence, it has unfortunately happened to me numerous times... Surely there has to be another pants shitter in our midst, please share your shitty tales so I don't feel like I need to go buy some Depends.
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Old 01-01-2015, 06:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I have excellent bowel control.
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I Just looked up MSF. I that looks like a great cause. Do they have any ties with Doctors without Borders?
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Old 01-01-2015, 07:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward
Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant
"If I live, I will kill you. If I die, you are forgiven"
Such is the rule of honor

Omerta
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Old 01-01-2015, 08:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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My best bud was notorious for shitting his pants. We worked at the same machine shop and one day he shat himself while running his machine. He went to the john and took off his soiled shorts and while my back was turned he hung them on the handle I had to crank to lower or raise the table of a mill I was running. They were nasty. I looked across the aisle where he worked and he was laughing his ass off. It was classic. In 2004 when he passed away I shit my pants while sitting at the bar down his basement where we watched Packer games together for 20 years. It was the night of his funeral and I was fucked up. I immediately thought of his soiled shorts and stated laughing my ass off. I miss that fucking guy.
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Old 01-01-2015, 08:58 AM   #5 (permalink)
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20 years of Packers games? What a waste of time.. at least you had awesome company
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Old 01-01-2015, 03:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I have had a few moments where the poo ejector was triggered against my will. Fortunately, I have not been observed in the act. I was able to clean up or whatever, and continue my activities with none the wiser. I quit eating "Quaker 100% Natural Cereal" over one such event. The worst part was feeling the juice bubble coming, and being unable to stop it. I felt so helpless.



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Old 01-02-2015, 05:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
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When I was taking chemo, I shit the bed on too many occasions. I was either completely jammed up, or running all over the place.

Yeah...shit happens!
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Old 01-02-2015, 08:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
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went to a new Chinese dim sum place for breakfast. Lots of tea, greasy oily food, and soy sauce. Apparently tea causes the intestines to open up and aids in digestion(and reduces friction and bowel control). Felt a big gas bubble rumble up just before getting in my truck. Lifted my leg, gave a mighty heave to eject gas and blew a beautiful fan pattern of liquid shit out the leg of my shorts and onto the side of my truck. My wife was horrified as was I.
Stripped off the soiled clothing, standing naked from the waist down in a parking lot looking like an old perv handing out candy. Cleaned up somewhat with napkins in the glove compartment and then sat in the truck cab on top of a newspaper while my wife went shopping for something I could wear. Two fucking assholes choose the next 15 minutes to carry on a parking lot conversation at the hood of my truck while I sat there naked 5 feet away from them.
Most uncomfortable experience of my life.
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Old 01-02-2015, 03:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
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20 years of Packers games? What a waste of time.. at least you had awesome company
Just re-read that post.. it sounded kind of harsh, was just suppose to be a poke at how the Packers suck
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Old 01-02-2015, 04:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Slunt, you are a god!



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Old 01-02-2015, 06:50 PM   #11 (permalink)
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luckily ive never actually pooped myself, but anytime i have an upset stomache at night i always have dreams about not being able to stop poop from coming out in various situations lol.
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Old 01-02-2015, 09:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Slunt, you are a god!



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I like descriptive writing because you're right there with me, looking over my shoulder as it happened. Damn lucky you didn't get any on you!
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Old 01-03-2015, 04:11 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Did it plenty of times when I worked near a taco bell. Even got caught with my pants down, wiping my ass and boxers out at taco bell when I forgot to lock the bathroom door.
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Old 01-03-2015, 04:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Shit happens....
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Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward
Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant
"If I live, I will kill you. If I die, you are forgiven"
Such is the rule of honor

Omerta
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Old 01-03-2015, 08:20 PM   #15 (permalink)
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A few years back I had to go to the school to do some admin bullshit, so I wasn't in a rush. I would take the bus, but my room mate who has class was gonna drive in (so he was on a schedule) and I wanted the drive to save time.

So I'm rushing out the door, squat down to tie my shoes and let one rip. Oh no, feels kinda wet. 'Dude just one sec I think I may have sharted and I gotta check.', 'K, but hurry up!'

Go to the bathroom, wipe, theres a little bit of residue, not too bad. Rush out the door and hop in his jeep. On the way in I'm still feeling uncomfortable, but I know I wiped it away clean.

By the time we get there I know I need to double check this, so I wander around the admin building till I find the bathroom, get in a stall and pull my pants down. I've been sitting in shitty boxers
I think I had a plastic bag in my knapsack so I cleaned up and threw them in the bag and wrapped it up and went to talk to the administration ladies commando, with shitty underwear in tow.
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everything in moderarion (especially moderation)
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Old 05-06-2017, 06:55 AM   #16 (permalink)
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there must be more to add to this by now... I forgot about this or I would have placed my workplace misfortune here instead of random. As I get older I hope to have my own thread
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Old 05-07-2017, 02:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hell no! I would rather implode than explode...I wouldn't let it out, if my head exploded!
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Old 05-07-2017, 03:26 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Where is Canuck?
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Old 05-08-2017, 06:28 AM   #19 (permalink)
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He converted to Mormon, married and Amish lad named Jon boy and moved to Nova Scotia. He doesn't believe in technology anymore, probably never hear from him again.
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Such is the rule of honor

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