Lions & Christians (PB)

after a few days of meditation, ive come to one shiny conclusion (i love shiny things!), im a happy shut in. i mean, i realize my patheticness, i spend almost all day either a) on the computer, b) working on my comic book (which i just got signed to Slave Labor, so yay fo me, or c) reading crappy books. after a ten course argument on this message board, that in the end got the best of me, i thought maybe i need some good ol reality time, talk to new people face to face, and perhaps get laid (so shoot me, its been awhile).

so i called my drug dealer, perhaps my only close friend i still have since high school and wondered if he knew of any partys or anything going on that he and i could go to, (we used to have these little get togethers where we go to a park or somthing after midnight and we get high and talk to everyone and usually people would keep showing up, and it usually was fun, and we met alot of intresting people), unfortunately no, so we went to a bar instead. Now, im not really a fan of bars, i like beer (not really liquir), i just dont like drunk people, they have nothing to say, and usually are hostile, however i wasnt even granted that, he dragged me to a fucking singles bar... ten times worse... so we wait outside for about an hour, just to get in to a overcrowded place blaring the shittest of shit techno music, and stupid people who think dave matthews is the best musician since john lennon.

Once we are in, I noticed i was very underdressed for this in my flannel and ripped jeans, so i quickly run to the bar in hopes of getting a little buzz before getting too embarressed. It turns out that the bar only had about five hundred different drinks...but only one beer...fucking budweiser... which i hate, and at the time wanted to strangle someone for a heinken, so i decided to save my poor ass some money and just get water, bad idea. This chunkie girl with a mole beside her bottom lip that she claimed to be a "beauty mark" plops down besides me and says "whats the matter water boy? cant hold your drink?", after that remark i just wanted her to leave, but no she keeps on talking about everything from the benefits of SUVs compared to mini vans, and why she perfers AT&T, we withstood this for about an hour intill my manners flew out the window and we just walked away.

The rest of the night diddnt go any better, i made an effort to try find at least one intresting person in that huge ass bar with at least somthing remotely worth listening to, and came up empty, really i always thought that teen angst expression of calling people shallow was stupid, but really, its the only thing i can think of to describe these people, they all just wanted to talk about how fit they are, or how much money they make, or what they drive, and fuck, thats deppressing. so i ditch nick (my drug dealer) because he thought this one girl was in to him and he wanted to stay, and i go the des moines art museum, which currently was displaying some nice degas paintings (actually it's just balet dancers he painted over and over again), and it was almost midnight, so no one was really there except secerety gaurds, and like one or too art snobs that believed they knew everything, so i go up to one as he was explaining a painting to who i persume to be his mother. he was going on about the time the painting was made, and the style, which at the time was pretty intresting (well after you just talked to a girl who went on and on about why madonna is good mother anything is pretty fucking intresting), so i ask him if he went to any type of art academys, or if he painted himself because he seemed to know a great deal, and he looks at me and honestly says, "im sorry, i dont talk to druggies." which pist me the fuck off cuz its not like i was drunk or stoned or anything, i was just in a flannel shit and jeans, so fuck off, im poor, uptight ass...

so i just go home after this, think to myself, i like my apartment, it's a good apartment, and i like drawing, and i like being on the computer, why is this unhealthy? i know i need human contact, but really, i dont like human contact that much... when you talk to someone face to face your also faced with insecurities, you want the person to like you, so you usually talk about stupid shit about how cool you are... on the internet, no one cares, ideas and jokes are mostly expressed, and theirs none of that, if she finds out i drive a shitty car she wont fuck me going on either, because your not going to get laid on a message board, and to be quite truthful, i like pretty much everyone here...

i really dont understand why that argument got the best of me, i mean i hate censorship with a passion, because to be quite frank censorship is hate, and bigotry. It's when someone simply cant handle somthing someone created, so they feel they need to dumb it down for everyone, and usually insult both the artist, and the people their supposely "protecting". Then i realize, yeah, it would be nice for a black man to simply shrug off the word nigger, and a homosexual to simply shrug off the word faggot, but people simply arent that strong. Perhaps their is the need to protect everyone from art and ideas and conversations, god knows it would of been nice for me that night, but oh well... i like it here... and i like spending my time here... if this is unhealthy, then im unhealthy... the social life just isnt for me.

__________________
The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.

the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.

systembetween

nice post, and you shoulda waited outside for that stuck up fuck at the art museum..what a piece of shit, "I don't talk to druggies" ..asshole. jesus, you were just asking him a question.

supermarket :)

sounds like you need to play some Yahoo! Pool.

MissBHaven

Now that was a nice post! Good flow of words, felt like I was there almost. Thanks for making me remember why I stay home 99% of the time.

I can't believe that fuckwad said he "didn't talk to druggies"! How presumptious and absolutely anal!
Grrrrrr....

Glad you're sticking around!

old head

I for one am glad you came back. I dig your post. I knew you would'nt stay away. My life is a bit different then yours, I'm happily married and pretty much move amoung the straight people. These boards are my way to stay connected to fellow stoners. Remember, weed is your friend and reality really sucks. Wait until you get over 45, reality becomes a bitch.

Peace

Debaser

[quote]Originally posted by PerhapsBeligerent:
<strong>after a few days of meditation, ive come to one shiny conclusion (i love shiny things!), im a happy shut in. i mean, i realize my patheticness, i spend almost all day either a) on the computer, b) working on my comic book (which i just got signed to Slave Labor, so yay fo me, or c) reading crappy books. after a ten course argument on this message board, that in the end got the best of me, i thought maybe i need some good ol reality time, talk to new people face to face, and perhaps get laid (so shoot me, its been awhile).

so i called my drug dealer, perhaps my only close friend i still have since high school and wondered if he knew of any partys or anything going on that he and i could go to, (we used to have these little get togethers where we go to a park or somthing after midnight and we get high and talk to everyone and usually people would keep showing up, and it usually was fun, and we met alot of intresting people), unfortunately no, so we went to a bar instead. Now, im not really a fan of bars, i like beer (not really liquir), i just dont like drunk people, they have nothing to say, and usually are hostile, however i wasnt even granted that, he dragged me to a fucking singles bar... ten times worse... so we wait outside for about an hour, just to get in to a overcrowded place blaring the shittest of shit techno music, and stupid people who think dave matthews is the best musician since john lennon.

Once we are in, I noticed i was very underdressed for this in my flannel and ripped jeans, so i quickly run to the bar in hopes of getting a little buzz before getting too embarressed. It turns out that the bar only had about five hundred different drinks...but only one beer...fucking budweiser... which i hate, and at the time wanted to strangle someone for a heinken, so i decided to save my poor ass some money and just get water, bad idea. This chunkie girl with a mole beside her bottom lip that she claimed to be a "beauty mark" plops down besides me and says "whats the matter water boy? cant hold your drink?", after that remark i just wanted her to leave, but no she keeps on talking about everything from the benefits of SUVs compared to mini vans, and why she perfers AT&T, we withstood this for about an hour intill my manners flew out the window and we just walked away.

The rest of the night diddnt go any better, i made an effort to try find at least one intresting person in that huge ass bar with at least somthing remotely worth listening to, and came up empty, really i always thought that teen angst expression of calling people shallow was stupid, but really, its the only thing i can think of to describe these people, they all just wanted to talk about how fit they are, or how much money they make, or what they drive, and fuck, thats deppressing. so i ditch nick (my drug dealer) because he thought this one girl was in to him and he wanted to stay, and i go the des moines art museum, which currently was displaying some nice degas paintings (actually it's just balet dancers he painted over and over again), and it was almost midnight, so no one was really there except secerety gaurds, and like one or too art snobs that believed they knew everything, so i go up to one as he was explaining a painting to who i persume to be his mother. he was going on about the time the painting was made, and the style, which at the time was pretty intresting (well after you just talked to a girl who went on and on about why madonna is good mother anything is pretty fucking intresting), so i ask him if he went to any type of art academys, or if he painted himself because he seemed to know a great deal, and he looks at me and honestly says, "im sorry, i dont talk to druggies." which pist me the fuck off cuz its not like i was drunk or stoned or anything, i was just in a flannel shit and jeans, so fuck off, im poor, uptight ass...

so i just go home after this, think to myself, i like my apartment, it's a good apartment, and i like drawing, and i like being on the computer, why is this unhealthy? i know i need human contact, but really, i dont like human contact that much... when you talk to someone face to face your also faced with insecurities, you want the person to like you, so you usually talk about stupid shit about how cool you are... on the internet, no one cares, ideas and jokes are mostly expressed, and theirs none of that, if she finds out i drive a shitty car she wont fuck me going on either, because your not going to get laid on a message board, and to be quite truthful, i like pretty much everyone here...

i really dont understand why that argument got the best of me, i mean i hate censorship with a passion, because to be quite frank censorship is hate, and bigotry. It's when someone simply cant handle somthing someone created, so they feel they need to dumb it down for everyone, and usually insult both the artist, and the people their supposely "protecting". Then i realize, yeah, it would be nice for a black man to simply shrug off the word nigger, and a homosexual to simply shrug off the word faggot, but people simply arent that strong. Perhaps their is the need to protect everyone from art and ideas and conversations, god knows it would of been nice for me that night, but oh well... i like it here... and i like spending my time here... if this is unhealthy, then im unhealthy... the social life just isnt for me.</strong><hr></blockquote>

You must be the American version of me or something like that! I too am a happy (if lonely at times) shut in...of course I think that also has something to do with the fact that the city I live in is 4 times larger than the one I grew up in. I can't beleive how shallow most of the people here are! Maybe that will change once I move back home in the spring...who knows?

-Debaser

__________________
Wouldn't it be great to heal the world with only a song?

Message CM47: Let's go pay some hookers to knock our junk around.

jonesy

lol, glad to have u back

but god dam would wish people wud quit saying ther leaving and then not

__________________
If you are holding onto a rising balloon you are presented with a difficult political decission - let go while you've still got the chance or hold onto the rope and continue getting higher. That's politics man.

sweetshiit22

its fucked up how some people can be. makes me sad well on a good note, welcome back.

TooSicKs

yeah, society as a whole pretty much blows ass. unfortunately i'm an extremely outward social person, but it seems i have yet to find someone outside of yahooka who i can carry on an intelligent conversation with, or someone i don't wanna smack in the teeth. besaides that, i've noticed later people seem to be getting dumber and dumber, which i think is a function of the point and click, plastic wrap, automated asswiper society that has become, when so much stuff is so convienient that people now just as a whole seem to plug away uselessly at nothing and if it comes to people having to think for themselves, they just kinda freak out and become total paranoid idiots with the intelligence level of an underdeveloped 2 year old monkey. i'm just happy the majority of the peoples here aren't like that.

__________________
"I Think I Thought, Therefore, I Thought I Was."

Dissident

i see you took my advice to 'embrace it'

personally, i still hate it

Cola di Rienza

Nice story.

I'm a shut in too. I'm 21 and I live in the forest at the edge of a mountain outside of a small town that is outside of a small city that thinks it's the size of New York.

I am 100% removed from the local culture and I've always been antisocial in the first place. I pretty much stay in my bedroom all day in front of the computer or reading books. I've met one woman under 40 in the past 2 years and I'm so removed from people and women especially that I've lost nearly all sexual thought and fantasy.

I have this strange attraction (not sexual) to mannequins and other pseudo-human likenesses that I cannot really explain. I come from a family with a long history of drug abuse and serious mental illnesses involving anything from psychotic fits of rage to full-on auditory and visual hallucinations. My biological grandmother actually underwent 17 rounds of shock therapy for her mental illness. She saw and heard demons and Satan everywhere. When she'd visit me as a child, she'd hide religious trinkets all over the place to ward off the demons.

I feel I may have the same issues and over the years I've seemed to supplement my regular viewing of "normal" pornography with pictures and videos of hardcore gore.. accidents, murders, suicides, natural disasters, and much more caught on tape in riveting color.

Growing up, I've always pondered human atrocity. I always felt a particular attachment to the German side of WWII, mainly because the man who served the role of grandfather to me until he died in the early 90s was a German WWI and WWII veteran. As a child, I often fantasized about what it would have been like to be a Nazi in that time period.. to have that power and to be so inherently evil.

I'm hoping I might be normal one day but until then, it's just me and my thoughts in this room. I won't tell you what those thoughts are for fear of coming across like I'm a dangerous or an otherwise scary individual.


PS: Sorry to hijack the thread, I just needed to get some things off my chest and this looked like a good place to do it.

mystichaze

Bars are so overrated, when i tured 21 6 months ago I went to a few and havnt gone since. Rather stay home and smoke some bowls and make a beat or freestyle. I think introverted people are the most intersting, especially girls...nothin turns me on more then a girl that dosn't go on and on about dumb shit ya know