Originally Posted by Shai-hulud

2 questions.

What are grits?

How do they know you want a sprite instead of a coke?

Originally Posted by xxxdream

Ok let's pretend i'm from somewhere up north of the palm beach county area, cos south florida is really just as much a metropolitan cesspool as some of the cities mentioned here.

1. Don’t order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It’s just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they’ll kick your ass.
2. Don’t laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Etta Mae, Tammy Lynn, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3. Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it’s called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat’s ass whether it’s Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever, it’s still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don’t refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we’ll kick your ass.
5.We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam Walton, Turner Broadcasting, MCI World Com, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. John Edwards, All Gore, Bill Clinton, David Duke). We don’t care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her ass.
6. Don’t laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you’d be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we’ll kick your ass.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we’ll kick your ass.
7. Don’t order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you’re a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended with gravy. And don’t put sugar on your grits, or we’ll kick your ass.
8. Don’t fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
9. Don’t talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don’t like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
10. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don’t want to sound like you. WE don’t care if you don’t understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that’s all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we’ll kick your ass.
11. Don’t complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we’ll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
12. Don’t ridicule our Southern manners. WE say sir and Ma’am. We hold doors open for others. WE offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they’ll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
13. So you think we’re quaint, or losers, because most of us live in the countryside? That’s because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore or Boston.
14. Make fun of our fresh air, and we’ll kick your ass.
15. Last, but not least, DO NOT Dare to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You’re lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box, minus your ass.

Originally Posted by turmaline

I'm not a fool.

Just a victim of good weed.

Originally Posted by Flamingnun

Wasnt xxxdream in Deliverance?

Originally Posted by Oneder

Condom up and go fuck everything!

The only serious relationship you need to be in right now is with the Trojan Man.

Originally Posted by Sativa

He was the one with a "Purty mouth" no?

Originally Posted by effervescence

Store it in your cheeks like a chipmunk

Originally Posted by Ellis_Dee

actually i'm just gonna eat some more crackers and think about smoking crack.

Originally Posted by The Rev

I think God probably IS gay. I mean, think about it. When He had a Son, He made damn sure there was no man-woman sex involved. He lives in the most fabulously decorated place imaginable (heaven). And, I mean, just look at the way his most powerful earthly representatives dress? The Pope? FuhlAMER!!



The Rev

Originally Posted by Jakeisuseless

Come up here. Start talking that holier then thou southern bullshit. Get your skull pumbled with a steel pipe.

Originally Posted by sublimedub

i know i was getting ripped off guys, thats not the point, the point is that this rich ass kid comes to my poor ass neighborhood in a mercedes, takes my hard earned money and trys to run me over.

Originally Posted by Mercury

i've struck the absolute perfect balance between gay and smart

Originally Posted by atantricchic