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Old 10-22-2005, 12:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
former junky turned junky
 
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death

Death.

im probably about to experience, well soon.

im going on my 2nd month of chemo, i've suffered 2 viruses sense then and well, this is my first day out of my broadloan cancer treatment facility. I get two more days of fresh air then back to that god awful place, maybe not even that if my sis panics over something small and takes me in (if i start puking i have to go back).... so im getting shit wrapped up now.

i know most of you out there are thinking this is a cry for sympathy, it's not, i dont want your pity, save it for yourself cus your your going to die too

for the past week or so ive been strapped to a oxgen machine, and IV to make sure my fluids stayed in check seeing how i was puking up bile constantly which sent me back and forth from a hospital bed to the EMT due to severe hydration.

so i layed there, propped up like i was on freaking iron lung for about 2 weeks thinking about two things:

Death, and Life.

Life, you build yourself up in many different ways, whether learning, construction convience utilities to make life easier, or fucking and getting a child to continue on in this existence.

what you get out of this is only purposelful during the time your here, and as for the whole (the world, you, universe), well it gets about the same. everything we build we destroy, we have winter to kill off all the plant for rebirth.

it seem rebirth is more pushed then building on things, like evolution in nature.

the way we are brought in here is something to be thought about too.

we do build on ourselves, think about dreaming, you wake up to take images in to create the world withen while dreamning... all to be brought to:

death

or more pacific, self destruction from this world.

LSD is the first drug i did, and i didnt do it for conscence expansion, i did it because i thought it would fuck my brain up and i said "cool"

which seems silly to most people becuase they wish to build their lives up, gain families, build shit. it's like they dont realize they end up here.

death.

where your little inventions dont matter.

electricity and the light bulb means shit you feel you about to pass away in two moments.

your house doesnt matter, your furniture doesnt matter, not even the people sitting on the furniture in your house matter, during these moments there are mere material objects

even if they there, their not with you.

when you see the world like this, it almost becomes a pleasure land, because that's all it's good for.

acheiving the most pleasure you can, because we all are in self destruct mode.

but then again perhaps there some over seeing deity, looking after you, with a reward if you've been good.

but what reward? something else that dies away and goes back to nothing? maybe nothing is the reward.

and even so what does it all mean?

what's it's purpose?

does it have a purpose?

perhaps it's all just randomness, perhaps we are just a test tube that did something weird.

perhaps this isnt real.

perhaps this is just a test, perhaps the world isnt real but merely a trap.

maybe your the only thing that's real, and the world is fake, and the more you take of the world, the more you become the world, hence becoming more fake.

maybe im just a drama queen.

my xanex speal is over.

i'll see you in a couple weeks.

peace love and hippie shit

- perhaps belligerent AKA Shake-A-Baby AKA Lions & Christians
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The most dangerous drug on this planet has to be oxygen.

A gateway drug to say the least, further more people use without even consideration, not consenting to moderation in the least, and dont even get me started on the withdrawels.


the goal of alchemy is to turn lead into gold. to take a substance and combine it with another substance that makes it more than it's origenal worth. in this sense, you really need to start making bronze statues of your pharmacist or local chemist, for they have made gods own medicine, morphine, and in contrast, a shiney rock doesnt seem to compete.
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Old 10-22-2005, 01:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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damn



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everythings cool as i float downstream

Quote:
Originally Posted by sublimedub
i know i was getting ripped off guys, thats not the point, the point is that this rich ass kid comes to my poor ass neighborhood in a mercedes, takes my hard earned money and trys to run me over.
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Old 10-22-2005, 01:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Unhappy

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Old 10-22-2005, 01:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
safety word: more
 
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fuck the monkeys
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Old 10-22-2005, 01:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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just remember that you can actualy beat this thing
...my mom beat cancer about 3 years ago, and shes doing great these days


i realy dont know what else to say besides i hope your treatment goes well
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Old 10-22-2005, 01:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Your one of the most interesting and memorable characters on here, Bellig.

Thank you for your thoughts, and it's been a pleasure.
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The never-ending quest to find a reason to smile...
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Old 10-22-2005, 01:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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fuck
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"Just think, right now, all over the world there are people excercising bad judgment. Somebody, right this minute, is probably making the mistake of his life."

"Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with."

"I made a bargain with the devil: I would get to be famous, and he would get to fuck my sister."

All quotes by George Carlin (RIP)
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Old 10-22-2005, 02:16 AM   #8 (permalink)
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what if there was no ending,

its just a temporary thing,

untill all we can see is,

light pouring in...
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Old 10-22-2005, 02:16 AM   #9 (permalink)
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lately the four year old has been saying to me, "veda, i love you more than twenty-fifty-billion!"

L&C, i love you more than eleventy-bazillion!
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Old 10-22-2005, 02:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks for that man
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you're all a bunch of fucks

Once I met this wino and he was eating some grapes and I said "dude, you have to wait".

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.

I got an ant farm. Them fellas don't grow shit.

I like the FedEx guy, 'cause he is a drug dealer and he don't even know it! And he is always on time.
- Mitch Hedberg

nipples?
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Old 10-22-2005, 03:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Read ur PM
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You drive. You drive. I think there's something wrong with me. -Gonzo









come on down to the store
you can buy some more, and more, and more, and more
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Old 10-22-2005, 03:28 AM   #12 (permalink)
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What you wrote made me feel a little better, and I've had a shitty night.

Or at least what I consider to be a shitty night.

I hope you beat the sickness man, you deserve life - that's for sure.
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Old 10-22-2005, 07:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Take care mang, although there is only life and death there is still an affect on life of those around yours. Here at yahooka you've impacted many lives, my own included, and I hope you'll still hang around.
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Old 10-22-2005, 08:46 AM   #14 (permalink)
20p for a cup o tea?
 
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take care...
i hope it all ends up well for you...
either way
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à cause du soleil
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Old 10-22-2005, 08:57 AM   #15 (permalink)
no custom. customize
 
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let us know whats on the other side if you can. be creative.
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Old 10-22-2005, 09:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
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fight it, stay strong man
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NUKE THE WHALES!!!
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Old 10-22-2005, 09:27 AM   #17 (permalink)
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whys he gotta fight death if it's coming to him? he should be excited.
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We are all atheists about most of the gods that society has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.
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Old 10-22-2005, 10:28 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Old 10-22-2005, 10:48 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Life is like jumping off a cliff, living the freefall. Some cliffs are taller then others, some have clouds all the way to the ground, and some you can see it approach. Whatever the characteristics of your personal cliff, you have the same two choices. You can scream in terror at the approaching ground, whether you can see it or not, or you can yell for joy at the feeling of flying.
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woods > vanilla
Kishar steals his aunt's morphine patches because he has the moral sense of George Bush

Prisons are built with stones of Law. Brothels with bricks of religion.
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Old 10-22-2005, 10:49 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Thats another nice way of putting it.
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