controlling anger and stress

Parallax · 03-28-2009, 09:10 PM

lately ive been getting stressed out at work and its starting to spill into my non-work time. im a produce clerk at semi-large supermarket. my job is to stack the produce on the displays and to keep things running smoothly, it would be piss-easy, if it wasn't for the customers fucking up displays, moving items to places they dont belong, feeding their kids and sometimes themselves with shit they havent paid for, being in my way, making unreasonable demands and inquisitions etc etc. all of this stuff is part of the job, and i can deal with it, but lately i've been getting these sort of thought-loops where i get stuck in a cycle of reenacting these incidents in my head over and over and thinking about what i should have said and done differently when im not at work. is there a sure fire method to just not a give a fuck about these things when im not at work?

slapstick · 03-28-2009, 09:35 PM

I doubt this would work for you, but I go through the same deal in my daily life, people just being general cunts and not being able to get it out of my head.
do what I do: fantasize about killing them. I don't mean thinking "man, it would be nice if they died." actually think about it, choreograph it. would you put a hatchet in the back of their heads? beat them to death in the middle of a crowd? put some effort into it! its your fantasy, use telekinesis, or that awesome sword you saw online to off them in creative ways.

or go for long walks and listen to music. these work about as well for me, and usually do them at the same time.

Dozer McDozer · 03-28-2009, 10:36 PM

waves posted some video of a buddhist lady a while ago and i'll try to explain what she said(what i remember at least)

i worked in a grocery store before... so i think i feel ya man.

think of it like this man. as people we often make/use something to improve our situations. like making sandals for walking on hot sand(she used this metaphor as main one). we always are doing things to protect us from shit in daily life. oh that person pisses me off so much i'm gonna avoid them. oh my dog is fuckin retarded i'm not gonna deal with him anymore.

well thats what we do to get by, and thats what you have to do but without getting angry about it. so put on your sandals and just keep walkin brother.

only you can enjoy your time away from work man. you're not at work so fuck yeah now stop those thought loops its easy as saying FUCK IT(i used to do the same damn thing). its your time away from work so don't let work ruin that for ya.

my_scatterheart · 03-29-2009, 03:56 AM

Don't take your work home with you.

BigSpliffSmoka · 03-29-2009, 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapstick

I doubt this would work for you, but I go through the same deal in my daily life, people just being general cunts and not being able to get it out of my head.
do what I do: fantasize about killing them. I don't mean thinking "man, it would be nice if they died." actually think about it, choreograph it. would you put a hatchet in the back of their heads? beat them to death in the middle of a crowd? put some effort into it! its your fantasy, use telekinesis, or that awesome sword you saw online to off them in creative ways.

Is it just me or does this sound a little fucked? I don't think holding in feelings of death is going to help in the long run.
I deal with stupidity/stress on a daily basis.... plus the fact I haven't had a day off in a month. I go to the gym.. punch the bag... lift weights... just something to get my mind off of the day.. relieves stress.
Finding an outlet for your feelings works.. I wouldn't recommend keeping them pent up.

slapstick · 03-29-2009, 10:16 AM

absolutely!
and no, I'm not keeping it inside me, its just something to think about that makes me feel better.
some people fantasize about fucking angelina jolie, I fantasize about tying weights to her boyfriend's dick and kicking him around.
its all relative.

Qui-Bong Jinn · 03-29-2009, 12:27 PM

Bring your pipe to work...smoke before you go to work, during your break, and right before you catch the bus or whatever.

**SageTree** · 03-30-2009, 01:09 PM

Anger: Buddhist Wisdom for Cooling the Flames: Amazon.co.uk: Thich Nhat Hanh: Your Store
This is a book that really cut to the heart of how I have delt with anger now, but really helped me come to a close in a larger battle throughout my life, utilizing the learning experiences I have with it.

"Hatred(anger) can't be over come with hatred(anger), Love is the only thing that can. This is an ancient truth" ~Dhammapada.

I really believe this verse.

Mindfulness is how I work through and to a larger extent in my life, learned to walk with it leased like a big dog that smells something it likes. Sometimes you can tell when a dog is going to bound and jerk you hard. Being aware of how your body feels right before you begin to act is key. Anger itself is natural, unconstructive action from it is the harmful part to everyone. Other times this dog suprises you and drags you alittle further than you'd like, so knowing how to put the brakes on can be even more valueable. Right now it sounds like you are getting taken for a ride after work, no? And this is a problem for sure. Because it sounds like you aren't getting a break from the tension.

Mindfulness means alot of things, and can be exhibited in alot of ways. One
of personal mantras has become

"Maybe their Grama just died"

This reminds me that I don't always know for sure why people act the way they do and this is a compassion that you can give to yourself too. Life is stressful but can be managed in practiced ways that let us feel more tame when confronting them. Not all people know this and can get carried away with exteral stress, which goes inside and clouds our actions/perceptions to/of others, weather we mean to or not, it happens. Often I'm sure people are just trying to do what is best and not intentially hurting others. Being aware that you can readily change your preception of how your day can weigh on you, puts you in a state of mindfulness and awareness of your bodily state, which is effected by mind.

In other words, if you can look differently at the way people act in life, then maybe you can begin to not let anger rise to a point where it follows you home. Getting at the root.

But for starters, just doing something when you come home or throughout your day that lets you pay attention to what you are doing, will help. Go for a short walk and think about the quality of your steps, how it feels to set them on the ground and how the air feels on your face. Weightlifting, biking anything you do think about how the air feels as you breath in as it passes the tip of your nose. This is the gate keeper of mindfulness, seeing the type and legnth of breath coming into your body. Living in a meditative mindset of watching how things come into your existance field and feeling the wheels starting to turn. Are they reving too fast?

Notice that when you are feeling tight and think of your breath, how easily it comes and how full the lungs become. The more you do this the easier it becomes second nature. Soon you might be finding yourself smiling alittle when you are observing the foolery at work and how it follows you home.

Mindfulness of how your senses guide your response and those of others, starts to give birth to a compassionate feeling of something like ' I wish people didn't have to feel so worked up and whatever is weighing them down, I hope they can feel resolve in that matter ' And being kind to yourself and think, ' How can I deal with this most constructivly ? ' Rather than the " Why is this happening to me? ' metality. Will improve your outlook hopefully.

My these words lend a hand to you. I have lived in abolute anger before in my life and this is a bit of common teachings and personal application that have had profound change in my life, for the good and embetterment of all.

Feel free PM me to talk in depth about anything, it and my heart are always open.

In loving kindness,
SageTree

crookedhatinator45 · 03-30-2009, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapstick

I doubt this would work for you, but I go through the same deal in my daily life, people just being general cunts and not being able to get it out of my head.
do what I do: fantasize about killing them. I don't mean thinking "man, it would be nice if they died." actually think about it, choreograph it. would you put a hatchet in the back of their heads? beat them to death in the middle of a crowd? put some effort into it! its your fantasy, use telekinesis, or that awesome sword you saw online to off them in creative ways.

or go for long walks and listen to music. these work about as well for me, and usually do them at the same time.

i don't think that's healthy.. hahah

**SageTree** · 03-30-2009, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herbinator45

i don't think that's healthy.. hahah

This is actually what made me stick that dhammapada quote in my reply.

crookedhatinator45 · 03-30-2009, 02:09 PM

worrd, it just perpetuates the anger and makes it worse..

when i was widdle, and had any sort of problem.. say i was cold.. my moms would tell me to 'think warm thoughts'; say i couldn't fall asleep, she'd tell me to 'think sleepy thoughts', etc. they may supress what you feel temporarily, but what you really need to do is deal with your problems so that they don't keep reoccurring.

**SageTree** · 03-30-2009, 02:16 PM

I think fighting fire with fire only works in forest fire settings, with controled blazes.

drunken13astard · 03-30-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parallax

lately ive been getting stressed out at work and its starting to spill into my non-work time. im a produce clerk at semi-large supermarket. my job is to stack the produce on the displays and to keep things running smoothly, it would be piss-easy, if it wasn't for the customers fucking up displays, moving items to places they dont belong, feeding their kids and sometimes themselves with shit they havent paid for, being in my way, making unreasonable demands and inquisitions etc etc. all of this stuff is part of the job, and i can deal with it, but lately i've been getting these sort of thought-loops where i get stuck in a cycle of reenacting these incidents in my head over and over and thinking about what i should have said and done differently when im not at work. is there a sure fire method to just not a give a fuck about these things when im not at work?

Listen, Listen, Listen. I've got no over thought out advice for you. That being said you want to REALLY change your life? I mean take all that negative shit that has been building up since you can last remember and just start over?

Self Help Programs from Tools To Life Coaching & Motivation Support Groups

It's Free, thank me later.

**farmergiles** · 03-30-2009, 03:12 PM

Get a better job. Sounds flippant but it`s not meant that way.

From what you`re saying I think your mind is rebelling against the mundanity. How long have you been doing this? Do you have any other marketable skills?

slapstick · 03-30-2009, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herbinator45

worrd, it just perpetuates the anger and makes it worse..

hachah!
normally, yes, I'd completely agree with you, but in these cases it makes me feel a lot better, happier, even.

al-Mu'akhkhir · 03-30-2009, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapstick

I doubt this would work for you, but I go through the same deal in my daily life, people just being general cunts and not being able to get it out of my head.
do what I do: fantasize about killing them. I don't mean thinking "man, it would be nice if they died." actually think about it, choreograph it. would you put a hatchet in the back of their heads? beat them to death in the middle of a crowd? put some effort into it! its your fantasy, use telekinesis, or that awesome sword you saw online to off them in creative ways.

or go for long walks and listen to music. these work about as well for me, and usually do them at the same time.

this is what i do too.

slapstick · 03-30-2009, 07:01 PM

and doesn't it make you feel better?

al-Mu'akhkhir · 03-30-2009, 07:39 PM

hell yeah bro as a matter of fact i would that 100% of the time it STOPS me from physically manifesting my anger.. I usually just think about beating someone to death in the most demeaning fashion possible. Or maybe some GTA style shit.

slapstick · 03-30-2009, 07:51 PM

thats the point I was trying to get across. thanks for putting it in words.

Roach · 03-30-2009, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Bring your pipe to work...smoke before you go to work, during your break, and right before you catch the bus or whatever.

works for me.

03-28-2009, 09:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,630 Thanks: 131 Thanked 497 Times in 269 Posts	controlling anger and stress lately ive been getting stressed out at work and its starting to spill into my non-work time. im a produce clerk at semi-large supermarket. my job is to stack the produce on the displays and to keep things running smoothly, it would be piss-easy, if it wasn't for the customers fucking up displays, moving items to places they dont belong, feeding their kids and sometimes themselves with shit they havent paid for, being in my way, making unreasonable demands and inquisitions etc etc. all of this stuff is part of the job, and i can deal with it, but lately i've been getting these sort of thought-loops where i get stuck in a cycle of reenacting these incidents in my head over and over and thinking about what i should have said and done differently when im not at work. is there a sure fire method to just not a give a fuck about these things when im not at work? __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!!

03-28-2009, 09:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
slapstick serial time killer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: las cruces, New Mexico Posts: 406 Thanks: 75 Thanked 105 Times in 86 Posts	I doubt this would work for you, but I go through the same deal in my daily life, people just being general cunts and not being able to get it out of my head. do what I do: fantasize about killing them. I don't mean thinking "man, it would be nice if they died." actually think about it, choreograph it. would you put a hatchet in the back of their heads? beat them to death in the middle of a crowd? put some effort into it! its your fantasy, use telekinesis, or that awesome sword you saw online to off them in creative ways. or go for long walks and listen to music. these work about as well for me, and usually do them at the same time. __________________ ^ nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM "well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen

03-28-2009, 10:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dozer McDozer YaHookan Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 772 Thanks: 158 Thanked 86 Times in 77 Posts	waves posted some video of a buddhist lady a while ago and i'll try to explain what she said(what i remember at least) i worked in a grocery store before... so i think i feel ya man. think of it like this man. as people we often make/use something to improve our situations. like making sandals for walking on hot sand(she used this metaphor as main one). we always are doing things to protect us from shit in daily life. oh that person pisses me off so much i'm gonna avoid them. oh my dog is fuckin retarded i'm not gonna deal with him anymore. well thats what we do to get by, and thats what you have to do but without getting angry about it. so put on your sandals and just keep walkin brother. only you can enjoy your time away from work man. you're not at work so fuck yeah now stop those thought loops its easy as saying FUCK IT(i used to do the same damn thing). its your time away from work so don't let work ruin that for ya. __________________ Condemnation without investigation is the height of ignorance. - Albert Einstein Properly trained, man can be a dog's best friend - i'll get his name once i get book back

03-29-2009, 03:56 AM	#4 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 4,065 Thanks: 1,300 Thanked 2,713 Times in 1,579 Posts	Don't take your work home with you. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

03-29-2009, 10:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
slapstick serial time killer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: las cruces, New Mexico Posts: 406 Thanks: 75 Thanked 105 Times in 86 Posts	absolutely! and no, I'm not keeping it inside me, its just something to think about that makes me feel better. some people fantasize about fucking angelina jolie, I fantasize about tying weights to her boyfriend's dick and kicking him around. its all relative. __________________ ^ nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM "well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen

03-29-2009, 12:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
Qui-Bong Jinn Jedi High Council Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kingston, Ontario Posts: 1,885 Thanks: 793 Thanked 385 Times in 294 Posts	Bring your pipe to work...smoke before you go to work, during your break, and right before you catch the bus or whatever.

03-30-2009, 01:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 22,618 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 11,487 Thanked 5,710 Times in 4,025 Posts	Man I had a helpful one and it didn't post correctly :( Anger: Buddhist Wisdom for Cooling the Flames: Amazon.co.uk: Thich Nhat Hanh: Your Store This is a book that really cut to the heart of how I have delt with anger now, but really helped me come to a close in a larger battle throughout my life, utilizing the learning experiences I have with it. "Hatred(anger) can't be over come with hatred(anger), Love is the only thing that can. This is an ancient truth" ~Dhammapada. I really believe this verse. Mindfulness is how I work through and to a larger extent in my life, learned to walk with it leased like a big dog that smells something it likes. Sometimes you can tell when a dog is going to bound and jerk you hard. Being aware of how your body feels right before you begin to act is key. Anger itself is natural, unconstructive action from it is the harmful part to everyone. Other times this dog suprises you and drags you alittle further than you'd like, so knowing how to put the brakes on can be even more valueable. Right now it sounds like you are getting taken for a ride after work, no? And this is a problem for sure. Because it sounds like you aren't getting a break from the tension. Mindfulness means alot of things, and can be exhibited in alot of ways. One of personal mantras has become "Maybe their Grama just died" This reminds me that I don't always know for sure why people act the way they do and this is a compassion that you can give to yourself too. Life is stressful but can be managed in practiced ways that let us feel more tame when confronting them. Not all people know this and can get carried away with exteral stress, which goes inside and clouds our actions/perceptions to/of others, weather we mean to or not, it happens. Often I'm sure people are just trying to do what is best and not intentially hurting others. Being aware that you can readily change your preception of how your day can weigh on you, puts you in a state of mindfulness and awareness of your bodily state, which is effected by mind. In other words, if you can look differently at the way people act in life, then maybe you can begin to not let anger rise to a point where it follows you home. Getting at the root. But for starters, just doing something when you come home or throughout your day that lets you pay attention to what you are doing, will help. Go for a short walk and think about the quality of your steps, how it feels to set them on the ground and how the air feels on your face. Weightlifting, biking anything you do think about how the air feels as you breath in as it passes the tip of your nose. This is the gate keeper of mindfulness, seeing the type and legnth of breath coming into your body. Living in a meditative mindset of watching how things come into your existance field and feeling the wheels starting to turn. Are they reving too fast? Notice that when you are feeling tight and think of your breath, how easily it comes and how full the lungs become. The more you do this the easier it becomes second nature. Soon you might be finding yourself smiling alittle when you are observing the foolery at work and how it follows you home. Mindfulness of how your senses guide your response and those of others, starts to give birth to a compassionate feeling of something like ' I wish people didn't have to feel so worked up and whatever is weighing them down, I hope they can feel resolve in that matter ' And being kind to yourself and think, ' How can I deal with this most constructivly ? ' Rather than the " Why is this happening to me? ' metality. Will improve your outlook hopefully. My these words lend a hand to you. I have lived in abolute anger before in my life and this is a bit of common teachings and personal application that have had profound change in my life, for the good and embetterment of all. Feel free PM me to talk in depth about anything, it and my heart are always open. In loving kindness, SageTree __________________ YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance. "We're not here to judge what's good from bad, But to do the things that are right."

03-30-2009, 02:16 PM	#12 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 22,618 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 11,487 Thanked 5,710 Times in 4,025 Posts	I think fighting fire with fire only works in forest fire settings, with controled blazes. __________________ YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance. "We're not here to judge what's good from bad, But to do the things that are right."

03-30-2009, 03:12 PM	#14 (permalink)
farmergiles Yahookan Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In My Fire Engine Posts: 7,134 Thanks: 2,040 Thanked 3,167 Times in 2,191 Posts	Get a better job. Sounds flippant but it`s not meant that way. From what you`re saying I think your mind is rebelling against the mundanity. How long have you been doing this? Do you have any other marketable skills? __________________ Cultivate a stoic calmness *Fuck the Monkeys*

03-30-2009, 07:01 PM	#17 (permalink)
slapstick serial time killer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: las cruces, New Mexico Posts: 406 Thanks: 75 Thanked 105 Times in 86 Posts	and doesn't it make you feel better? __________________ ^ nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM "well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen

03-30-2009, 07:39 PM	#18 (permalink)
al-Mu'akhkhir Vem Para Ficar Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in some pussy Posts: 3,265 Thanks: 500 Thanked 351 Times in 270 Posts	hell yeah bro as a matter of fact i would that 100% of the time it STOPS me from physically manifesting my anger.. I usually just think about beating someone to death in the most demeaning fashion possible. Or maybe some GTA style shit. __________________

03-30-2009, 07:51 PM	#19 (permalink)
slapstick serial time killer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: las cruces, New Mexico Posts: 406 Thanks: 75 Thanked 105 Times in 86 Posts	thats the point I was trying to get across. thanks for putting it in words. __________________ ^ nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM "well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen

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