about to be kicked out

Parallax · 08-12-2009, 06:25 PM

so i come home from the library to find my dad with my tax return check for $250 (he opened my mail to get it) demanding that i give it him. i dont mind helping my parents out monetarily, but i do mind my mail being opened. i confronted him about it, and this kicked off a huge argument about me being a freeloader. now he is demanding that i pay him $200 a week, over 2/3 of my weekly paycheck. there goes my plan for saving up for going to university next year. he refuses to acknowledge that opening my mail was wrong, trying to justify it with how its not "personal mail" which he was so nice not to open. fuck that, all mail is personal.

so what are my options here? i can think of two: pay him 800 a month like a good little boy, or find an apartment somewhere for less than that and live on my own, find a better job, etc.

i like the second option more, but i have a feeling my parents are gonna be bitches about it because they are the overprotective type and are going to try to keep me living here until i find a much better paying job.

i took a quick glance at the local classifieds, and it seems that i can get a basement apartment for around 500 a month. i make about 300 a week. including food and other necessities its gonna be really tight.

what to do?

my_scatterheart · 08-12-2009, 06:31 PM

Let him cool off a bit and explain your plans to save for school, say that you're trying to do the responsible thing and see if you can reason. Offer helpin out around the house more instead of forking over your pay check?

fenderbender · 08-12-2009, 06:35 PM

well if they are gonna try to keep you living there cause they are all over protective, then why not just pretend your gonna leave, make like you are, and either youll end up living on your own or your parents will give in and let you stay

or

talk with them and reason them down to a lower price.

how old are you?

Parallax · 08-12-2009, 06:38 PM

im 20

is it even feasible to support myself on 300 bucks a week? all i really need is food, internet, cellphone, cigarettes, and weed. i dont have a car or any other liabilities

**Mafoo** · 08-12-2009, 06:41 PM

im 21, id probably get out of there if i was going to have to pay rent and then still have my parents 'pulling rank' on me. if im paying rent id like to be able to do what i want

Parallax · 08-12-2009, 07:19 PM

ok so lets say a place is 500 monthly to rent, utilies and internet included, how much am actually going to have to pay, are there any hidden costs?

my_scatterheart · 08-12-2009, 07:20 PM

depends what you're renting.

Mydriasis · 08-12-2009, 07:23 PM

Where I'm from they have studio apartments ranging from 350-450 a month with some utilities included. Sure you don't have rooms or whatever but if your not a needy person than their pretty legit. Also the people you live around tend to be pretty liberal because either their broke too, or their kids too.

But I would do what My Scattered Heart says before doing anything drastic. Cuz moving is a big commitment even if you CAN find a lease for 6 months it's rough. Also if you could show your dad that you've actually been saving for school or even try getting your FAFSA(if your in the USA) and stuff all filled out I'm sure they'd reconsider.

Your family is probably going through some hard-times, even if not, it sounds like your pops was just stressing.

**Mafoo** · 08-12-2009, 07:24 PM

it would probably be good to keep a bit of savings as a cushion in case your car breaks down or you lose your job, you know... random money problems

my_scatterheart · 08-12-2009, 07:37 PM

Also keep in mind: as much as I hate to say it - if you move out, you're not going to be saving for school anymore. You're going to be putting every cent you have into A)your rent B)your utilities C)your livelihood.
Food is at astronomical highs, don't underestimate what it costs to get decent meals in you. (You can say oh I'll just eat ramen forever, but you wont. Be realistic about your spending. Don't romance yourself into the idea of an apartment before you can actually do it feasibly)

Mydriasis · 08-12-2009, 08:08 PM

Yeah or if Gas goes on the rise again(like it did last year) you might find yourself skateboarding a couple miles every morning to get to where you need to go.

Also don't forget insurances, car insurance, health insurance, etc.

Parallax · 08-12-2009, 08:36 PM

its such bullshit how i'm even in this situation, i really don't mind giving my parents money once in a while to help, but the way i'm being made to do it is unreasonable: having my mail opened by someone other than me and then demanding that i pay up whatever my tax return was (since he did the tax return for me he says he should get it, but never discussed with me before hand that he was going to demand money from me, or told me to do it myself). other than food i pay for all my expenses, never once did they ask for money and now i'm suddenly a freeloader after i tell him that he has no right to open my mail. wtf

my_scatterheart · 08-12-2009, 08:38 PM

Just an argument, it'll blow over.

shai_hulud · 08-12-2009, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

Let him cool off a bit and explain your plans to save for school, say that you're trying to do the responsible thing and see if you can reason. Offer helpin out around the house more instead of forking over your pay check?

this is solid advice. solid.

myxomatosis · 08-12-2009, 11:02 PM

Shit's basically been said. And been there done that.

Dad shouldn't have opened the mail. Let dude cool off then rationally explain to him that it's not the proper thing to do and that you have other plans for the majority of your money, that you'll be happy to kick him a few bucks and do your share of shit around the house that needs to be done but that you've got your future to take care of. If he can't understand that and you put it to him rationally then that's pretty fucked.

Definitely don't move out on such a tight budget, especially with the way shit is going. I've come ridiculously close to doing that a few times now and despite still being at home and shit not being as wonderful as I'd like I'd rather put up with the semi-occasional problem than be more or less miserable most of the time on my own. I'd be able to make it through, but not making ends meet or having a terrible time doing so isn't equal to having to put up with your parents trying to be parents.

Ride shit out and discuss it rationally when cooler heads prevail.

al-Mu'akhkhir · 08-13-2009, 01:38 PM

Dude you will not be able to support yourself on 600 a month, get a better job and STOP FREELOADING. Think about it, you think you should be allowed to live in your parents house, using their utilities and eating their food, for free?

Get real man. Get real. You're 20 years old. I would have kicked my kid out at 18, college or no.

crookedhatinator45 · 08-13-2009, 02:51 PM

you could probably live on your own for a lot less than 8 bills a month mang.. but ya, that's whacktarded.

Grieves · 08-13-2009, 02:56 PM

Personal Freedom with no one telling you what to do with out luxury

or

Luxury without personal freedom with a dictator telling you how to live...

which do you value more?

tedkennedy · 08-14-2009, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Parallax

its such bullshit how i'm even in this situation, i really don't mind giving my parents money once in a while to help, but the way i'm being made to do it is unreasonable: having my mail opened by someone other than me and then demanding that i pay up whatever my tax return was (since he did the tax return for me he says he should get it, but never discussed with me before hand that he was going to demand money from me, or told me to do it myself). other than food i pay for all my expenses, never once did they ask for money and now i'm suddenly a freeloader after i tell him that he has no right to open my mail. wtf

i dont know what your relationship is with your parents, but from my experience and everyone i know its completely normal to butt heads with your parents and have these sort of disagreements and "invasions of privacy" such as the mail opening incident. i dont know what led up to it but perhaps he decided that you arent "pulling your weight" around the house. are you respectful? do you help around the house? wash dishes? mow lawn, etc etc? even these seemingly small things around the house show your parents that you want to help around the house and help to build a respectful healthy relationship. cook dinner for your family once in a while, eat together and talk without argueing. living at home shouldnt feel like living with a dictator unless your parents are awful people (which they probably arent)

your father is probably just worrying or frustrated about your transition into a responsible adult. the way he went about it was wrong, but if he is reasonable he will most likely cool down and agree to a reasonable compromise about the situation, whether you move out or pay whatever amount of money. maybe he under alot of financial stress at the moment also (as many people are at current times) and that fueled his outburst.

anyway, i know its rough, but keep your cool and just be open and honest with your folks. in my opinion you should talk to your father about your desire to save for school and perhaps some of that 200$ a week can go towards your tuition. in the most likely case my belief is that he just wants to see that you have a plan to gain financial responsibility.

g00d luck

Silverleaf · 08-14-2009, 08:44 PM

my dad always told me that i wasn't a real man until i moved the fuck out his house.

my dad was kind of an ass, though.

depending on where you live, three hundred bucks a week might be enough to live meagerly on... again, you need a budget and you need to consider what you spend per day in addition to basic subsistence... rent + utilities + food + transportation + entertainment, plus the "unforeseen expenses" as indicated previously. After you have a budget, then look for ways to cut back on your spending to save, because it's not really going to be saving anyway, it's just going to be getting by. and yes, i agree with the above poster, unless you're pretty strictly disciplined with your personal economic affairs, saving for school isn't going to be the first thing on your mind when you get your paycheck every other week. unless you find a job that's going to pay for you to go to school (unlikely if we're talking about undergraduate, a possibility in terms of graduate school), then your education hits the back burner, which i think is a shame. you're never as smart as you are when you're in school, friendo.

if your pap can't get the idea that your money is meant to educate yourself, ask him to pay for your college. if he's asking you for your money, my guess is that it's not the first thought on his mind and he simply needs to be reminded of it. g/l to you, man.

08-12-2009, 06:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,739 Thanks: 160 Thanked 590 Times in 318 Posts	about to be kicked out so i come home from the library to find my dad with my tax return check for $250 (he opened my mail to get it) demanding that i give it him. i dont mind helping my parents out monetarily, but i do mind my mail being opened. i confronted him about it, and this kicked off a huge argument about me being a freeloader. now he is demanding that i pay him $200 a week, over 2/3 of my weekly paycheck. there goes my plan for saving up for going to university next year. he refuses to acknowledge that opening my mail was wrong, trying to justify it with how its not "personal mail" which he was so nice not to open. fuck that, all mail is personal. so what are my options here? i can think of two: pay him 800 a month like a good little boy, or find an apartment somewhere for less than that and live on my own, find a better job, etc. i like the second option more, but i have a feeling my parents are gonna be bitches about it because they are the overprotective type and are going to try to keep me living here until i find a much better paying job. i took a quick glance at the local classifieds, and it seems that i can get a basement apartment for around 500 a month. i make about 300 a week. including food and other necessities its gonna be really tight. what to do? __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!!

08-12-2009, 06:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,324 Times in 1,870 Posts	Let him cool off a bit and explain your plans to save for school, say that you're trying to do the responsible thing and see if you can reason. Offer helpin out around the house more instead of forking over your pay check? __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

08-12-2009, 06:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,739 Thanks: 160 Thanked 590 Times in 318 Posts	im 20 is it even feasible to support myself on 300 bucks a week? all i really need is food, internet, cellphone, cigarettes, and weed. i dont have a car or any other liabilities __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!! Last edited by Parallax; 08-12-2009 at 06:40 PM.

08-12-2009, 06:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the anguish of anticipated transformation Posts: 5,973 Thanks: 3,775 Thanked 2,651 Times in 1,697 Posts	im 21, id probably get out of there if i was going to have to pay rent and then still have my parents 'pulling rank' on me. if im paying rent id like to be able to do what i want __________________ PLUR For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

08-12-2009, 07:19 PM	#6 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,739 Thanks: 160 Thanked 590 Times in 318 Posts	ok so lets say a place is 500 monthly to rent, utilies and internet included, how much am actually going to have to pay, are there any hidden costs? __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!!

08-12-2009, 07:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,324 Times in 1,870 Posts	depends what you're renting. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

08-12-2009, 07:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mydriasis Do Not Resuscitate Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,293 Thanks: 840 Thanked 431 Times in 298 Posts	Where I'm from they have studio apartments ranging from 350-450 a month with some utilities included. Sure you don't have rooms or whatever but if your not a needy person than their pretty legit. Also the people you live around tend to be pretty liberal because either their broke too, or their kids too. But I would do what My Scattered Heart says before doing anything drastic. Cuz moving is a big commitment even if you CAN find a lease for 6 months it's rough. Also if you could show your dad that you've actually been saving for school or even try getting your FAFSA(if your in the USA) and stuff all filled out I'm sure they'd reconsider. Your family is probably going through some hard-times, even if not, it sounds like your pops was just stressing. __________________ ۞

08-12-2009, 07:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the anguish of anticipated transformation Posts: 5,973 Thanks: 3,775 Thanked 2,651 Times in 1,697 Posts	it would probably be good to keep a bit of savings as a cushion in case your car breaks down or you lose your job, you know... random money problems __________________ PLUR For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

08-12-2009, 07:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,324 Times in 1,870 Posts	Also keep in mind: as much as I hate to say it - if you move out, you're not going to be saving for school anymore. You're going to be putting every cent you have into A)your rent B)your utilities C)your livelihood. Food is at astronomical highs, don't underestimate what it costs to get decent meals in you. (You can say oh I'll just eat ramen forever, but you wont. Be realistic about your spending. Don't romance yourself into the idea of an apartment before you can actually do it feasibly) __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

08-12-2009, 08:08 PM	#11 (permalink)
Mydriasis Do Not Resuscitate Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,293 Thanks: 840 Thanked 431 Times in 298 Posts	Yeah or if Gas goes on the rise again(like it did last year) you might find yourself skateboarding a couple miles every morning to get to where you need to go. Also don't forget insurances, car insurance, health insurance, etc. __________________ ۞

08-12-2009, 08:36 PM	#12 (permalink)
Parallax Admiral Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,739 Thanks: 160 Thanked 590 Times in 318 Posts	its such bullshit how i'm even in this situation, i really don't mind giving my parents money once in a while to help, but the way i'm being made to do it is unreasonable: having my mail opened by someone other than me and then demanding that i pay up whatever my tax return was (since he did the tax return for me he says he should get it, but never discussed with me before hand that he was going to demand money from me, or told me to do it myself). other than food i pay for all my expenses, never once did they ask for money and now i'm suddenly a freeloader after i tell him that he has no right to open my mail. wtf __________________ FUCK THE ROBOTS!!! NUKE THE WHALES!!! Last edited by Parallax; 08-12-2009 at 08:42 PM.

08-12-2009, 08:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,324 Times in 1,870 Posts	Just an argument, it'll blow over. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

08-12-2009, 11:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
myxomatosis life is music Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: between a pair of headphones Posts: 3,917 Thanks: 1,026 Thanked 933 Times in 597 Posts	Shit's basically been said. And been there done that. Dad shouldn't have opened the mail. Let dude cool off then rationally explain to him that it's not the proper thing to do and that you have other plans for the majority of your money, that you'll be happy to kick him a few bucks and do your share of shit around the house that needs to be done but that you've got your future to take care of. If he can't understand that and you put it to him rationally then that's pretty fucked. Definitely don't move out on such a tight budget, especially with the way shit is going. I've come ridiculously close to doing that a few times now and despite still being at home and shit not being as wonderful as I'd like I'd rather put up with the semi-occasional problem than be more or less miserable most of the time on my own. I'd be able to make it through, but not making ends meet or having a terrible time doing so isn't equal to having to put up with your parents trying to be parents. Ride shit out and discuss it rationally when cooler heads prevail. __________________ oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird and why can't that always be tossing aside from your birches crown just enough dark to see how you're the light over me last.fm blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

08-13-2009, 01:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
al-Mu'akhkhir Vem Para Ficar Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in some pussy Posts: 3,203 Thanks: 500 Thanked 351 Times in 270 Posts	Dude you will not be able to support yourself on 600 a month, get a better job and STOP FREELOADING. Think about it, you think you should be allowed to live in your parents house, using their utilities and eating their food, for free? Get real man. Get real. You're 20 years old. I would have kicked my kid out at 18, college or no. __________________

08-13-2009, 02:56 PM	#18 (permalink)
Grieves The Worst Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Interstate 8 Posts: 12,077 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 2,552 Thanked 3,110 Times in 1,708 Posts	Personal Freedom with no one telling you what to do with out luxury or Luxury without personal freedom with a dictator telling you how to live... which do you value more? __________________ "And no matter what they said dollar is not your friend and it's the feelings that are hard to know are the feelings that all come slow No matter what they said dollar is not your friend and these feelings that so hard to know are the feelings that wont let go No don't let go, till you find a home World Unite and I'll love you forever"

08-14-2009, 08:44 PM	#20 (permalink)
Silverleaf Toker Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: in the wild Posts: 508 Thanks: 222 Thanked 77 Times in 52 Posts	my dad always told me that i wasn't a real man until i moved the fuck out his house. my dad was kind of an ass, though. depending on where you live, three hundred bucks a week might be enough to live meagerly on... again, you need a budget and you need to consider what you spend per day in addition to basic subsistence... rent + utilities + food + transportation + entertainment, plus the "unforeseen expenses" as indicated previously. After you have a budget, then look for ways to cut back on your spending to save, because it's not really going to be saving anyway, it's just going to be getting by. and yes, i agree with the above poster, unless you're pretty strictly disciplined with your personal economic affairs, saving for school isn't going to be the first thing on your mind when you get your paycheck every other week. unless you find a job that's going to pay for you to go to school (unlikely if we're talking about undergraduate, a possibility in terms of graduate school), then your education hits the back burner, which i think is a shame. you're never as smart as you are when you're in school, friendo. if your pap can't get the idea that your money is meant to educate yourself, ask him to pay for your college. if he's asking you for your money, my guess is that it's not the first thought on his mind and he simply needs to be reminded of it. g/l to you, man. __________________

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