maszac

well? i mean... i have ups and downs... one day, ill have a god damn appifinay and realize everything and be on top of the world, confident, and happy... but sooner or later, and usually sooner, all of sudden it comes crashing down and i think my friends are out to get me and im an incompetent fuck doomed to suicide. what the fuck do i do?

i think i figured out what i want to go to college for, film stuff, lol, but i mean, stupid shit eats away at me till i just have to yell myself to sleep or catch a decent buzz and i mean like a buzz where your alternatives are vomiting or passing out.

where the fuck do i start?

excercing and walking around in the sun would help a lot of the times, so i try to do that... but when it really hits is right before i go to sleep usually. my mind begins to race and i turn dreams into nightmares before im even asleep.




i dont recommend you raising a son, single ladies. they absorb to much of your bullshit and will be left 19 and still trying to figure out this manhood shit.




i just want some mother fuckin' vindication or something. im sick of this doubting myself shit.

i fake it till i make it but then i break it, ya dig?

catastrophe

The only vindication you can get for self doubting comes directly from yourself...
Positive thinking goes a long way, you just have to get into the swing of habitually recognizing the good things you accomplished that day, and for the things you're upset about, try again tomorrow. I have a hard time living by such, I always have and so it's a work in progress for me, even.
Another thing is to keep active in what you enjoy, especially because if you avoid things all together and just do whatever you become stationary and that's where the negative compulsive thoughts come from. Reflecting back on your past and past achievements gives a good baseline for what to do with your future, because it's something you already have solid confidence for.

__________________
“Liƒë Is a Drëam,
From Which Wë First Must Wakë
Bëƒorë Wë May Drëam Again…”
RIP Gov

“To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.”

msicidron

once you forget about your mom and how shit you've caused each other to have to deal with you'll feel better.

when your mind starts to race just try to slow it down but dont avoid the thoughts that cause it to race.

you have to deal with your issues eventually.

__________________

RareToker

The best way to fix an insecurity problem is to make sure that you have all the latest versions of the software services that you are running and make sure they are up to date with the latest patches. New vulnerabilities are coming out ALL THE TIME regarding security issues, hackers always stay one step ahead.

Once you have updated the software on your box you should do some research on setting up the configurations. Once you harden your equipment via proper configuration the job of the attacker is made much more difficult.

You also might want to invest in some kind of encryption solution.

__________________
"It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it." - Bill Hicks

"The liberty of speaking and writing... guards our other liberties." - Thomas Jefferson: Reply to Philadelphia Democratic Republicans, 1808.

Mafoo

yo maszac! been a while dude

are you bipolar? high highs and low lows are pretty characteristic of bipolar, but typically the depression side of the spectrum is so bad that you wouldnt be functioninng when youre depressed. You talk about racing thoughts, are they uncontrolable? that could be a form of manic behavior.. im not trying to diagnose, it just might be something to look into, because bipolar is not all too uncommon.
i gotta say man, 18/19/20/21 were/ are the some of the most mentally challenging years of life. youre still, most likely, not a fully developed adult (chemically speaking). give yourself a couple more years and youll find that your moods will be more stable and mellow.

and as for confidence, nobodys gonna give it to you, you have to just be confident.

__________________
PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Mydriasis

Tons of amazing advice here.

I like what mafoo said because they say your brain is still developing at even 21. But hormones are always in flux even if your a guy.

Catastrophe is so right. When your away from doing the things you enjoy most, you become negative. I think thats natural. If you can force yourself to think postively. Even if you don't 'believe' it at first. It will form into a habit. When your thinking positively your whole world changes, because what you think governs what you see/feel. I met a homeless guy called "happy", and the one thing he tried to explain to me was that you don't need anything at all, just what keeps you happy, and what keeps you alive. Dude didn't do any drugs or anything, he was just, happy.

You say the problem hits you right before bed? I get like that too man. When your laying there in bed your brain is naturally trying to unwind from the day. If you had a stressful day and a stressful tomarrow, it's gonna be jumpy jumpy. And when your brain is jumpy you can't sleep(if your waiting for santa claus, or just planning how you want tomarrow to end). I try to picture really good images in my life, like play them on your eye-lids like a projector. And try repeating a couple happy words in your head. Eventually these pictures and words will lull you to sleep.

Also I find as much as intoxication may help bring you up, it really off-sets how up you are in sober time. If your intoxication habits are unhealthy try toning them down a bit. It might even help you feel better about yourself.

I wish you the best sir

__________________

catastrophe

Literally, actually definitely not, simply because

"The frontal lobe reaches full maturity around age 25, marking the cognitive maturity associated with adulthood.

The frontal lobe contains most of the dopamine-sensitive neurons in the cerebral cortex. The dopamine system is associated with reward, attention, long-term memory, planning, and drive. "

Just thought I'd add in that tidbit

__________________
“Liƒë Is a Drëam,
From Which Wë First Must Wakë
Bëƒorë Wë May Drëam Again…”
RIP Gov

“To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.”

Canuck Wisdom

New, good habits that you can be proud of, discipline your body/mind with and keep you from your worrying about what your insecure about.

Cut out the bad, occupy yourself with the good.

__________________
-Knowitall A&P type-

maszac

yo, mafoo, yes it has been a minute. i dont get on the interwebs that much anymore.

as for bipolar thing, i do believe my mom and maybe sister have it but my family likes to keep all family business a bit foggy to me. iunno why. and the depressions does some times hit hard. there have been days where i havent left the couch i was staying on that night.

and the thoughts are uncontrollable. one day i found myself trying to go to sleep around 4am (people was over) and then around 9am, after still not falling asleep, i found myself yelling," SHUT THE FUCK UP!" to myself, rolling around.

but as for all of it, it really is just ups and downs.

im try what you suggested, Mydriasis, see if it helps with sleep.

And ima remember that, canuck, get my focus on.

thanks guys.

lol raretoker.

José

I think I can relate to what you're saying. When I'm around a crowd I'm not comfortable with(cocky people) I just don't have my normal thought process. Cocky/obnoxious people tend to make me uneasy. I just would rather be some where else in situations like that. Is that kinda what you mean?

I have a friend who is diagnosed as bi-polar but it seams like my moods' swing more than his(I know that's not the only symptom of being bipolar). Maybe he's been treated for it and I haven't? Maybe they are normal feelings?

Are those the kinda thoughts you get? Or are you physically insecure too?

Roach

A lot of successful people have.

maszac

i am that cocky obnoxious bastard. i love large groups. most people dont realize that i am insecure, i think.


...and i suppose i could be a bit more muscalur. lol.

nah, my securities mostly revolve around a girl, my talentless ass, and my future in general. im thinking this shit is just normal for a kid my age and i just gotta focus on the good and occupy myself, like said before.

Canuck Wisdom

True, but can't forget that it is part of the process of realizing you create you, and you create your self image (and emotional relationship with yourself) and you must discipline/work at creating a self you respect and not just take a ride thinking you are somehow good, or successful.

We have intrinsic value, but you have to apply yourself, even if its disciplining your mind. Easier said than done... but eventually it can become the common practice right?

I guess I am suggesting, even for my own sake only, to get my thoughts down, that it feels better to make yourself than be made by circumstance around you.

__________________
-Knowitall A&P type-

Roach

..

al-Mu'akhkhir

the op sounds like you're describing manic depression to me...

__________________

catastrophe

Types of Depression

Major depression
Major depression is a combination of the symptoms listed above and the interference of these symptoms with the individual's ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and generally, just live an enjoyable and fully functioning life. A disabling episode of depression may occur only once but usually occurs several times in a lifetime.

Dysthymia
Dysthymia involves long-term, chronic symptoms that don't disappear and keep one from functioning well or feeling good. Many people with dysthymia also experience major depressive episodes at some time in their lives.

Bipolar disorder
Bipolar disorder is also called manic-depressive illness. It is not nearly as prevalent as other forms of depressive disorders. Bipolar disorder is characterized by swift mood changes which range from mania or severe highs and depression or lows. Most of the time the mood changes are gradual, but sometimes they are dramatic and rapid. When in the depressive phase, the individual can have all of the symptoms of depression. The manic cycle, usually means the individual is overactive, talks a great deal, and has a lot of energy. Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. While in a manic phase the individual may feel elated, full of grand schemes that might range from unwise business decisions to romantic sprees. If mania is left untreated it may worsen to a psychotic state.

Seasonal Depression
It is a little known fact that what time of the year it is can affect whether or not an individual falls into a depressive state or not. Seasonal depression usually hits in the fall/winter time and is diagnosed if the individual has recurrent episodes, at least two times where they fall into depression and come out of it at the same time.


Depression Types - Major Depression, Dysthmia and Bipolar Disorder

__________________
“Liƒë Is a Drëam,
From Which Wë First Must Wakë
Bëƒorë Wë May Drëam Again…”
RIP Gov

“To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.”

al-Mu'akhkhir

^ it's good to know u agree with me?

__________________

maszac

i was bout to just say something about how today was just a dandy day but i still feel like jumping into oncoming traffic or something...

i really feel like shit at the moment.

and the scheme part of that description weirded me out cause ive never heard that, and i am known for making epic plans that are total shit.

edit- huh... a bit of a pansy attack and a beer later, im all giddy.