AnimalLover420

Damn, Rev. I'm sorry to hear that. I have personally experienced the conflict between giving up too easily on someone you really care about vs. recognizing when something is really not working and having the wisdom to call it quits. It's a tough line to walk, and I wish you the very best in your decision. You're an awesome guy, so I know that no matter the outcome, you're gonna be just fine.

NOW onto the topic of all this woman-bashing. I've got to stand up next to my awesome friend Turm, since we are in the minority around here, and say that you guys aren't completely blameless either. Yes, chicks can be bitches. Yes, marriage does change some of us (well my theory is that time actually changes women and that the marriage itself has nothing to do with it). And yes, some chicks escalate situations to the point that a ridiculous, trivial little fight gets blown all out of proportion. But here's the thing: YOU GUYS DO THAT SHIT TOO! Most of the guys I've encountered let their testosterone get the best of them, and they start yelling and throwing shit when the situation really does not call for such things at all (while we're sitting there rolling our eyes at you, remaining perfectly calm and yes, I am totally referring to one of my own petty fights that may or may not have happened less than an hour ago). So here's my advice to all of us, male or female, who are in relationships or attempting to fix/dissolve our relationships: Let's all just chill the fuck out, put ourselves in the other person's shoes, and try not to let our emotions get to us.

The bottom line is, it's a bitch to get along with other people sometimes. Especially when those other people live in your house, are around you constantly, and see you at your best AND at your very worst. It doesn't matter if you're the boy or the girl, or if you're a fucking herm in a herm-on-herm relationship. People are difficult, and it takes a lot of work to live with them. That's all there is to it.

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I10HaulR

AL's right, but not one of us knows the whole situation, we just know Rev as a friend of the board whose going through something that's extremely taxing on the soul. I think most of the guys examples are just an effort to let Rev know he's not alone, and that we support him. Girls guy bash when their friends have problems, so do males. We're not blameless, it just helps to be that way for his self justification.

AnimalLover420

Yeah, I feel ya. And if that's the case, and it will make Rev feel better, then I think I'll join in. I was taking up for my fellow females, but I can definitely see where you guys are coming from too. So here goes:

Fucking bitches!!! I can't stand their gossiping, overreacting, nagging, nit-picky ways!! Fuck all of them in their judgmental, uptight buttholes!

And what's funny is that I didn't even have to exaggerate my true feelings too much for that either. I may take up for girls, but do I hang out with them very often? Heeeellll no. Not unless they're laid back, cool chicks like myself. () I'll be the first to admit that women can be very difficult. I was just trying to say that we're all a little difficult at times.

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The Rev

No worries one way or the other on the chick bashing. I know you're all trying to make me feel better, and that's what I take away from it. However, for the record, I think both sexes are equally retarded most of the time.

AL's advice is really good. We SHOULD all just chill out. One thing I've never been able to stand in relationships is the "fight to hurt" mentality. You get angry, but instead of saying, "You made me angry" you say, "Fuck you!" to make the other person angry too. Why the fuck do people do this shit? Kills me.



The Rev

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Peace seeker

my brother is going through a divorce atm, after almost 20 yrs in a relationship.

She would bitch 24/7 (not only to him but to whoever was in front of her or didnt agree with her egoistic personality.

She took all the good furniture, 42" TV and made him take a 20,000$ loan (settlement) so she wouldnt claim half his house that HE built with his own money. She wasnt working. Stayed at home, surfed facebook all day, didnt cook, etc. Just took their child to private skool in the morning and picked her up in the afternoon.

I m not saying that it was all her fault. My brother let her become that way. But many times, men (in a abusive relationship) let many things "pass" just because they dont feel like getting into an argument (of course, women do it too in relationships with abusive men).

now he is hooking up with a 27yo and he is in his 40's. So something good came out. He also spents more time with his daughter now in the weekends.


Personally speaking, I think women do change when they get married. But so do we...

a relationship needs work, to make it "work"

work from both sides

and sometimes when both partners are tired from endless days or the kids being grumpy, we all get a little tense.

idk

smallmac1

Just read the whole thread and if im sorry to hear about everything but my dad has been through two divorces, hes actually going through one right now with my cunt of a step mom. But for your kids watch out for them, they can act like everything is alright and it might not be and in my experience constantly switching between houses messes with there heads. It made my teen years almost a living hell. Its like living a double life, hard to make friends, to make plans to just live a normal life because the one thing that makes someone normal is if they have a normal life at home. And like GrandPuba said, Fuck A Bitch. If all she can do is be a bitch to you tell her your more than happy to get out.

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Edit this.

Bradford

There is no goddamn justic in the world. Who would fuck the rev over?

I'm sorry man, that's really a terrible situation. You certainly deserve better.



People are fucked 75% of the time, and the other 25 they just aren't thinking. :/ Things'll work out, just hang in there.

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R.I.P. Governor

"I swear to fuckin' Christ I don't fuckin' belong here."

The Rev

Well, me and the missus got pretty close to the edge this time. She's still living outside the house, and we're still going to counselling. The upside is, it's been working really well for us. I'm actually surprised at how hard she's trying. Things really had been rotten on the inside for us, and we both see it now. Fortunately, that foundation of love wasn't completely ruined, and we've got something to rebuild on.

It's kinda fucked up, too, because we started a chain reaction of relationship crises. My wife's best friend and her husband are in counselling after a split up, another couple she knows called it quits after a decade, and my wife and daughter had it out and are now on the mend as well. I swear, 2009 has been the crucible year of my life. I am coming out of it completely different than I went in.

Things are not totally out of the woods, and after how ugly it got, I'm still a little cautious. I've realized I have issues of my own to work on (like not being assertive enough about what I want sometimes), and this is helping too. We're both improving together, and focusing on what we want, and not who's to blame. This attitude has opened a door for us.

I'll let you know how things go, but I will say this now: 2009 has been one fucked upside down hell of a year. One for the books.



The Rev

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Mikey

best of luck Rev, I'm sure it'll work out in the end

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RIP Gov

Enjoy Jars

It is frustrating that the courts give sooooo much power to women in divorce cases. They get all this power then want to fuck over the guy, get his money, and move onto the next guy. It's almost as if the courts promote divorce with women.

Mikey

It sucks when in a lot of cases the man works his whole life to build their house (pay for it I mean) and then the woman ends up getting it in a divorce 75% of the time.

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RIP Gov

SageTree

It's really good to hear that you are still finding learning and positive things in all of this mess. You're a survivor Rev, a lot of people can learn from you, and many who have learned so much because of your sharing of your life on here.

Thanks Rev, we love you buddy.

Always listening,
SageTree

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farmergiles

Props to your daughter for being supportive. Gotta stay neutral there, unfair to lay any shit on your girl.

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

Roach

enjoy jars ?



divorce sucks nearly as much as being married.

It gets better.

FPGP

Sorry man...been there, done that.
It does get better, tho, hang in there.

FPGP

Aaagggh....it's been 18 years since my divorce but reading this post is giving me flashbacks!
Usually, the longer people are married; the more hostile the divorce, and it becomes all about one upmanship in the game of 'who can hurt the other one more'

Cerebro

wow, good on you
that's quite amazing that the two of you, and the rest, have been able to put aside your preconceptions of each other and the relationship and look to a more positive future
you are awesome Rev

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mothernature

i'm surprised at some of the out dated attitudes out there....

some of you try to act as if a stay at home mom or dad and a home maker were worthless things. when one person makes the money, it frees the other one up to take care of the home. if the money maker had to actually pay real cash for what is being done for them, they would need a 2nd or 3rd job. the courts do recognize the value even if some of you don't.

wellfleation

Depending on a few things (how much you earn, how many kids you have, how old, are you in a no fault divorce state?) be prepared to have no money for a long while. If I ever got divorced I wouldn't have a pot to piss in after child support payments.

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FIGHTPOWER

wellfleation

I feel marriage is for only people who want kids. Although it is only a piece a paper, it does protect your children as they are your responsibility too (fuck the wife, if that's how you feel) and the purpose is to create stability. The women always get everything, including the kids, which is the toughest part. I separated from my wife for 2 weeks almost two years ago. It was a no contact/restraining order over breaking a fan after an argument - I've never touched a woman in my life and have been with my wife for 12 years). They give out restraining orders to women like candy and I was told I may not see my kids for at least six months b/c of it! On top of it, my job has a zero violence policy whether physical or verbal so I could have lost my job as well. I have no criminal record - doesn't matter, all a woman needs to do is say you were "threatening" in your demeanor and she will get one.

This is what happened that night. So I come home from work after a significant snow storm. No wife, no kids, no note, wife not answering cell phones - I'm concerned for my families well-being. Moments later the cops show up and tell me to grab some stuff and leave ASAP. I was like wtf?! (Luckily I was able to call a work friend who let me stay with him instantly or I would have been fucked.) I didn't know what my wife was thinking on our court hearing date so I hired a lawyer as did she. She ended up canceling the restraining order (never fuck with a restraining order = jail instantly) at court and I moved back in a week later. This all happened a week before Christmas and I was not back in the house until after the New Year. The kids were my main motivation to get back with my wife but I still love her. It was a $3,000 mistake I think my wife regrets immensely. At the same time, I look at it as a $3,000 lesson for me.

Relationships are hard. But at least if you aren't married/no kids you can just bail.

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FIGHTPOWER