I Feel Like I Am Becoming Numb

Cerpin Taxt · 09-21-2009, 06:06 PM

Lately I have been feeling this kind of indifference about where I am at in life.

I am on the brink of finishing University, but have absolutely no clue what I am going to do with my life.

My close group of friends don't seem to be enough, but it's almost as if the effort of finding new ones would be fruitless. Why?

I feel like I don't completely fit in with my surroundings.

I havn't discovered that TRUE passion in my life, and my aimlessness is numbing my brain.

I havn't had a girlfriend in 2 years, but I don't really know if I want one at his point. Why would I bring someone into my life when I have no clue about what I'm doing with my own? Add the fact that I seem incapable of meeting girls outside of a drinking game, and my libido seems so dormant that the extra little 'kick' towards doing so isn't there, and I'm left alone, lonely, but not lonely.

I try to get excited about weekends, but it's always the same shit, with the same people, going to the same places, doing the same thing, and wasting money. But then, in the next sentence, those are some of the funnest times I have.

Why is this feeling so cyclical? Why does any change I make become swept under the rug of habits that have engrained themselves within me since before I even knew the context in which I even exist? Why is it that any time I feel there is change, there is but only temporary delay of the usual.

Why is it that sometimes when driving on a two-lane street, I imagine what it would feel like to suddenly swerve into the other lane into oncoming traffic and into a head on collision?

Why do I want to love but feel incapable, why is it that I want passion but feel only emptiness, why is it that I am constantly fucking about in this world inside my head while ignoring the world around me?

I know I need to do something, but I am unsure about whether it's a matter of me figuring it out, or whether I already know and just need the cohones.

P.S. This is NOT depression, I've been depressed and this is a different, somewhat unfamiliar feeling...

my_scatterheart · 09-21-2009, 06:10 PM

It's prolonged boredom. Make some fun. Stop doing the same shit. Shake your life up a bit. How, I've no idea. Just gotta make some change.

**Mafoo** · 09-21-2009, 06:12 PM

your words might as well have come out of my head. im trying to take it all in stride, i dont really know what to do either...

The Rev · 09-21-2009, 06:14 PM

You're at the end of a chapter, and nearing entering another that hasn't been written yet. You're facing an empty future, because you haven't filled it yet. This can be a difficult time, but also a great time, because you are about to go somewhere you've never been before. Don't worry so much about having it all mapped out. I'm nearly 43 and still don't know what I want "to do with the rest of my life." I don't think anyone, at any age, has it all dialed in like that, and I think if they did, they'd be pretty neurotically fucked up.

Just know that you want to move forward, and let the path come to you. Life really does work that way. Things have a knack for coming together. You just have to be open to it. Embrace the unknown as a blank canvas upon which you can paint your whole life, then paint over it if you like.

Hope that helped.

The Rev

kitch · 09-21-2009, 06:14 PM

it's called September kids, happens to everyone. Try listening to side 2 of Wake Of The Flood on repeat, or some good bluegrass.

Cerpin Taxt · 09-21-2009, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

It's prolonged boredom. Make some fun. Stop doing the same shit. Shake your life up a bit. How, I've no idea. Just gotta make some change.

8th paragraph.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Rev

You're at the end of a chapter, and nearing entering another that hasn't been written yet. You're facing an empty future, because you haven't filled it yet. This can be a difficult time, but also a great time, because you are about to go somewhere you've never been before. Don't worry so much about having it all mapped out. I'm nearly 43 and still don't know what I want "to do with the rest of my life." I don't think anyone, at any age, has it all dialed in like that, and I think if they did, they'd be pretty neurotically fucked up.

Just know that you want to move forward, and let the path come to you. Life really does work that way. Things have a knack for coming together. You just have to be open to it. Embrace the unknown as a blank canvas upon which you can paint your whole life, then paint over it if you like.

Hope that helped.

The Rev

This actually resonates pretty well with me... Thanks a lot Rev

José · 09-21-2009, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mafoo

your words might as well have come out of my head. im trying to take it all in stride, i dont really know what to do either...

I agree, I think a lot of us here at Yahooka feel very similar. I'm sure it's always been somewhere back there, it's just rising to the surface of your awareness at this point in time.

Cerpin Taxt · 09-21-2009, 06:55 PM

^This is also very true...

These feelings have most certainly been brooding.

my_scatterheart · 09-21-2009, 07:26 PM

Change doesn't mean you go to a movie instead of going out drinking this weekend. It means a lifestyle change. You find something you're actually interested in and you do something pertaining to it, and go with it. Doesn't sound like you're too terribly active. Get the ball rolling.

Cerpin Taxt · 09-21-2009, 08:07 PM

I know what you meant... but thanks, I'll continue putting more focus on things I am genuinely interested in

my_scatterheart · 09-21-2009, 08:11 PM

Or just make a really good sammitch. Sammitches always make me feel bettuh

Mydriasis · 09-21-2009, 08:37 PM

I agree with pretty much everyone here.

I think finding yourself is the biggest quest in Human Consciousness. Like what are you, what are your talents, what do you aspire to be, what makes you happy.

Don't worry about the numbness thing though that's pretty normal when your stuck in the middle. It makes you feel like an observer on someone else.

verklingen · 09-22-2009, 09:41 AM

i watched yes man last night and while accepting every opportunity is a bit silly it reminded me how many opportunities are passed up out of mere apathy. if i may, the best way i can put what has worked for me into some words of advice is to become accepting and receptive. sometimes it's life waiting for an opportunity with you rather than you waiting on life. . . gotta be open to it

09-21-2009, 06:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
Cerpin Taxt Yahookan Zealot Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,213 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 843 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,011 Posts	I Feel Like I Am Becoming Numb Lately I have been feeling this kind of indifference about where I am at in life. I am on the brink of finishing University, but have absolutely no clue what I am going to do with my life. My close group of friends don't seem to be enough, but it's almost as if the effort of finding new ones would be fruitless. Why? I feel like I don't completely fit in with my surroundings. I havn't discovered that TRUE passion in my life, and my aimlessness is numbing my brain. I havn't had a girlfriend in 2 years, but I don't really know if I want one at his point. Why would I bring someone into my life when I have no clue about what I'm doing with my own? Add the fact that I seem incapable of meeting girls outside of a drinking game, and my libido seems so dormant that the extra little 'kick' towards doing so isn't there, and I'm left alone, lonely, but not lonely. I try to get excited about weekends, but it's always the same shit, with the same people, going to the same places, doing the same thing, and wasting money. But then, in the next sentence, those are some of the funnest times I have. Why is this feeling so cyclical? Why does any change I make become swept under the rug of habits that have engrained themselves within me since before I even knew the context in which I even exist? Why is it that any time I feel there is change, there is but only temporary delay of the usual. Why is it that sometimes when driving on a two-lane street, I imagine what it would feel like to suddenly swerve into the other lane into oncoming traffic and into a head on collision? Why do I want to love but feel incapable, why is it that I want passion but feel only emptiness, why is it that I am constantly fucking about in this world inside my head while ignoring the world around me? I know I need to do something, but I am unsure about whether it's a matter of me figuring it out, or whether I already know and just need the cohones. P.S. This is NOT depression, I've been depressed and this is a different, somewhat unfamiliar feeling... __________________ Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize. "All memory is really a form of regurgitation of undigested experience." -Alan Watts

09-21-2009, 06:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,323 Times in 1,870 Posts	It's prolonged boredom. Make some fun. Stop doing the same shit. Shake your life up a bit. How, I've no idea. Just gotta make some change. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

09-21-2009, 06:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the anguish of anticipated transformation Posts: 5,973 Thanks: 3,775 Thanked 2,648 Times in 1,697 Posts	your words might as well have come out of my head. im trying to take it all in stride, i dont really know what to do either... __________________ PLUR For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

09-21-2009, 06:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,860 Thanks: 5,012 Thanked 5,416 Times in 2,862 Posts	You're at the end of a chapter, and nearing entering another that hasn't been written yet. You're facing an empty future, because you haven't filled it yet. This can be a difficult time, but also a great time, because you are about to go somewhere you've never been before. Don't worry so much about having it all mapped out. I'm nearly 43 and still don't know what I want "to do with the rest of my life." I don't think anyone, at any age, has it all dialed in like that, and I think if they did, they'd be pretty neurotically fucked up. Just know that you want to move forward, and let the path come to you. Life really does work that way. Things have a knack for coming together. You just have to be open to it. Embrace the unknown as a blank canvas upon which you can paint your whole life, then paint over it if you like. Hope that helped. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

09-21-2009, 06:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
Cerpin Taxt Yahookan Zealot Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,213 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 843 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,011 Posts	^This is also very true... These feelings have most certainly been brooding. __________________ Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize. "All memory is really a form of regurgitation of undigested experience." -Alan Watts

09-21-2009, 07:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,323 Times in 1,870 Posts	Change doesn't mean you go to a movie instead of going out drinking this weekend. It means a lifestyle change. You find something you're actually interested in and you do something pertaining to it, and go with it. Doesn't sound like you're too terribly active. Get the ball rolling. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

09-21-2009, 08:07 PM	#10 (permalink)
Cerpin Taxt Yahookan Zealot Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 7,213 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 843 Thanked 1,919 Times in 1,011 Posts	I know what you meant... but thanks, I'll continue putting more focus on things I am genuinely interested in __________________ Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize. "All memory is really a form of regurgitation of undigested experience." -Alan Watts

09-21-2009, 08:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,323 Times in 1,870 Posts	Or just make a really good sammitch. Sammitches always make me feel bettuh __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

09-21-2009, 08:37 PM	#12 (permalink)
Mydriasis Do Not Resuscitate Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,293 Thanks: 840 Thanked 431 Times in 298 Posts	I agree with pretty much everyone here. I think finding yourself is the biggest quest in Human Consciousness. Like what are you, what are your talents, what do you aspire to be, what makes you happy. Don't worry about the numbness thing though that's pretty normal when your stuck in the middle. It makes you feel like an observer on someone else. __________________ ۞

09-22-2009, 09:41 AM	#13 (permalink)
verklingen Radical Dreamer Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: texas Posts: 8,005 Thanks: 811 Thanked 1,491 Times in 946 Posts	i watched yes man last night and while accepting every opportunity is a bit silly it reminded me how many opportunities are passed up out of mere apathy. if i may, the best way i can put what has worked for me into some words of advice is to become accepting and receptive. sometimes it's life waiting for an opportunity with you rather than you waiting on life. . . gotta be open to it __________________ “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” rip matt

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