Porcelain

I need some advice in terms of how to handle an issue at home. Since February, my dad's been dating this chick (I call her chick because she barely has 4 years on me) who has 2 kids (7 and 8). Her 2 kids are ANNOYING AS FUCK! And they're here for sleepovers EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND! Her son is relatively bearable, it's her daughter that really pisses me off. My dad's chick takes it easy on her daughter because she was born with a slight physical deformation. I'm sympathetic toward that but I don't feel like you should let your kid grow up to be a little, undesciplined asshole because of it. At first, she'd trash my daughter's room and then wouldn't help clean up. I told my dad, very nicely, that if she plays with my daughter's toys, she's gotta help clean up. The following weekend, I was pleasantly surprised when I came in to a clean room...until I opened the closet. No, let me re-phrase that...until I TRIED to open the closet and found that it was damn near impossible cuz of the toys crammed in there. I had to have a serious talk with that kid myself and explain to her where every single toy goes and still I have to re-clean 30% of the room after she leaves.

Whatever, that's just the warm-up to my whole problem. The thing that really grinds my gears is when that kid waltzes into my room without knocking, or worse, when I'm not there. I told her, myself, a number of times not to come into my room when I'm not home. There's plenty of places for her to play that are outside of my toy-free bedroom. Clearly that went over her head. Yesterday, I come home and it's apparent she's been in there again. For one, half of my paintings are hanging crooked...a symptom I noticed reoccuring every weekend after their visit. Above my guitars, I hung a really big and relatively heavy cork board. That thing wasn't hung very well and has the potential to fall. I come home and she's hung her fucking chicken scratch on it...and the board itself is hanging sideways on snot. It may be my fault for hanging something badly and on top of thousands of dollars worth of equipment, but it's my fucking room and I should be able to do what I want in there. She stretched one of the strings the board is hung on, so I had to spend half an hour fixing it. She could have not only dropped that board on her own stupid head but she could have damaged a lot of my music gear that I need and can't afford to replace right now.

I brought this to my dad's attention and mentioned that I already made it clear to her that she's not allowed in my room. My dad is telling me to go tell his chick about it but I think he should do it. I don't want to start beef with his girlfriend if she refuses to look after her kids when they're here. She's his guest and it should be his job to make it clear to her that I'm uncomfortable with her kids strutting around my part of the house like they own the place. Mostly, I don't want to do it cuz I don't think I could do it nicely. I'm at my breaking point and I don't want to say anything rude...which I probably will. Should my dad talk to his girlfriend or should I just flat out go in there and tell her how it is?

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Flamingnun

I went into the year 2082 and bought these amazing things called "locks" to keep my doors shut.

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Mafoo

well, ya, a lock would help the imediate situation, but theres obviously obedience and discipline problems laid out far down the road. Id try asking your dad to bring it up again, if he doesnt respect your frustrations, the problem may be a bit messy. I really dont think its your job to talk to the chick about her kids, its your dads. he obviously knows how to raise children because you seem to be aware of all of the mothers short comings in that area, have him talk to her.

whats the housing situation like? who owns the house and what not?

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Lloydy

booby trap your room

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Keep the red flag flying high

Porcelain

Well, my dad and I have been renting an apartment together for the past year since I split up with my ex. He kind of brought up this living arrangement cuz he told me all kinds of tall tales about how he wants to help me get my life back on track. He said he was going to pay for all the bills and I'd have time to go back to school. He was planning on bringing my 10 year old brother back from Russia (the kid was there for over a year) and, in return, he'd want me to help take care of him and his newly developed diabetes. What pisses me off is that I'm holding up my end of the deal (and more) but he's not. I pay for the cable, internet, both of our phones (which run +$200 sometimes cuz he likes to call his chick long distance when he's on his trucker runs), laundry, I stock the fridge and I pay for so many other small things throughout the month. He hasn't paid rent for September yet, the only time he buys food is before the weekend so his chick has something to eat when she's here and he always walks around making excuses for why he doesn't have money. I had to buy my brother all of his back-to-school clothes. I watched that kid non-stop all summer and everyday after school. Frankly, my dad's getting on my nerves all together, I just don't know how to tell him. He doesn't seem to have any kind of respect for me or any ways in which I've been helping. I guess I'm just boiling over cuz I feel like the whole world is taking advantage of me. My ex is 3 months late on child support...and at a very convenient time too. My daughter needed some dental surgery recently, $800 of which is not covered by my insurence. I'm just freaking out cuz I have all of this debt overwhelming me and all I wanna do is come home to a fucking peaceful house without some brat touching my shit. The thing is, if I wasn't a parent, I might have let it slide that a kid of 7 years old could be stupid enough to go in my room after I told her not to a few times. But I am a parent. I tell my 4 year old not to go somewhere or do something and she listens. Why can't a 7 year old? It IS the parents fault. Fuck it I guess I'll have to put locks on my doors...I just didn't think it needed to come to that. I honestly expected more from my dad.

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crookedhatinator45

get those doggy-barrier things. maybe she won't be able to open it with her physical-ness?

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Sk3tchyD4ZO no doubt. the first place i had these was at Space Camp.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Former President Hayes stfu with this pretend bullshit cutesy "lol @ bears" you don't know what its like to like in CONSTANT threat of bear attack.you don't even FUCKING KNOW.

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Originally Posted by v3d4 note to self: veda, you decided not to look at this thread anymore.

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Roach

Maybe it's just me, but I'd take my kids and get the fuck out .

AlteredStateGrl

Move. I know you're probably going to say it's not that easy...somethings (most things) never are. To fix this, you need to leave.

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*The sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws.*

~1~

Nahhh, bullshit...

You don't have to cut and run but you will have to assume the parental role here since dad is thinking with his willie and this is what you need to tell the old man.

Dad, I know you're making time with your little piece, but we had a deal and I'm expecting you to keep up your end. What you do with your dick is your business but the situation is more than just that. We agreed to share expenses and you don't seem to be following through, this arrangement was supposed to be mutually beneficial, either get it together or let me know and I'll start to make other arrangements.

As for the kid, lock your door and when someone asks why you feel it necessary to lock up your room, tell them...

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hijabihippie

Whose name(s) is/ are on the lease, if there is one?

Mikey

Move out.
Put a lock on your door. She's a little kid, who bored and will want to explore, she doesn't understand why she can't go there.

And you should feel lucky that the kid even bothered shoving all the toys in the closet, she's 7-8 you say? Most kids wouldn't even make that much of an effort.

You say you have a child? Well he must be real young then because you don't seem very understanding towards children.

I know where your coming from my son, (well my stepson but I love him like my own) can drive me fucking nuts. Taking off his socks and leaving them in the living room on the floor, not picking up his dishes, pissing on the toilet seat, his room's a mess and all these things just make me go fucking FRANTIC and im like WTF I told this kid a million times not to do these fucking things, then I realize: "Oh yeah, he's just a kid".

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RIP Gov

verklingen

that's easy to say man but if the mother isn't taking any kind of disciplinary role i feel that more than a little frustration is due. my family moved in with my in-laws last january and it boiled my blood that they would never discipline our daughter. she's only 4 so we're not too tight with her, but running around the house, throwing things and hitting people is behavior that warrants a time out at least. instead, they would let it continue unabated and eventually start screaming when it frustrated them enough. then whenever we stepped in to lay down the law she would find comfort in their indifference to our rules and we would literally be told to leave her alone. after 9 months it has really fucked with her behavior, but we're finally out and things are getting somewhat back to normal.

if possible, i would definitely recommend moving the fuck out

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

CowMan

sounds like you are paying for the majority of the bills there anyways. I'd say you can find yourself into a new apartment for you and yours pretty easily. this seems to be the easiest and most logical solution. tho it MAY not be possible.

So instead get the lock for your room. You have a lot of valuables in there and don't want them fucked with so it wouldn't be a terrible investment to get a lock for your door. Get the cable/utility bills put into your dads name instead of yours. part of your deal was he would be paying for those right? So they should be in his name, not yours and you should make them his responsibility.

Honestly the rest of these issues stem from a few major problems you seem to have...

1) you live with your dad and his son + his new gf and their 2 kids... putting you and your kid in there sounds like it's a pretty crowded living space. Drama is sure to happen when people don't feel comfortable in their living quarters.

2) your dad is not taking responsibility. he's shirking his duties as the BF and as the guy that made a deal with you before you moved in.

3) you don't like your dad's gf or her family all that much. It's not the kids fault, don't take it out on her. Instead you should talk to the gf about how the kid doesn't seem to listen to you and ask her to talk to her kid. Talking about things with one another can help alleviate the tension and correct the situation. And at worst she gets upset about it, but she'll be sure to keep her kid out of your stuff from now on.


All in all, these major issues are easier solved if you don't live there. But if you have to make it work, then i suggest getting both of them together and talking to them about the situation. She could be helping to buy groceries if she's there all the time. your dad can take on the bills he said he would, the gf can keep her kid out of your room, etc etc. Communication is key.

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~1~

Again, I'm going to call bullshit...


This is a bigger issue and it has to do with Opie's ability to stand up to dad and tell him he's fucking up and although the easiest thing to do would be move, Opie would rather come to the arrangement that was outlined in the beginning and make that work and really all its going to take is a little effort on dads part.

You're no longer the child, you are at the very least an equal now and should be treated with that consideration.

If dad is a total douche and is going to choose pussy over family, then there is no question that you need to part ways but that might not be the solution if dad knows how you feel about what is going on right now.

Sit down with your dad, calmly outline whats going on and what you would like to see happen and take it from there, hopefully he can see whats what and you all can go forward from there. If nothing else, it'll remove the possibility of family animosity down the road, you take it to a tenant/tenant level.

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Black

that response was in poor taste nun

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formality known as higherlearner84, la coka nostra and finding balance.

Mikey

yeah not exactly G&S appropriate especially when someone is genuinely upset and probably checking this thread constantly to see if anybody said anything or offered advice and that's the first response

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RIP Gov

Cerebro

listen to No1
call your dad out on thinking with his dick
that's not too harsh, he shouldn't take it personally, we all do it
then talk to him so he understands that his girl is struggling
i'd also attempt some sort of elaborate ambush
perhaps involving water pistols, or thumb tacs

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osirus2020

I saw some monster thumb tacks on sale at Staples today in bulk. They had to be nearly an inch long.

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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Porcelain

Well, to speed a few people up on a couple of things...First, my dad and I started living together last year in October. He started dating this chick in February. I wasn't really the one trying to squeeze myself into an overcrowded situation. In fact, with all the bullshit little things that have been happening since she showed up, I think I've been patient about her presence. I had a talk with my dad about 2 months ago about our agreed upon responsibilities cuz he started asking me to help pay rent on top of all the other things I already pay for. At this point, I don't pay rent but all the other things I help pay for around the house, collectively add up at the end of the month to a hefty sum.

Second, I wish they WOULD go to her place every now and again but she lives in a women's shelter for single mothers and they don't allow visitors there. I would move out but I started a fresh lease at the building recently and I don't wanna get fucked over cuz the place is in mine and my friend's name, not my dad's.

I'm trying to be sympathetic to my dad's situation. I've had situations where I'd care about someone and not realize that I'm making my other loved ones feel neglected or used over it. But I felt like shit last week when it was raining out and I had to take my daughter to kindergarden. She goes for the later half of the day and I usually pick both her and my brother up from school cuz they go to the same one. He had to go see a buddy of his but it was really no rush. I asked him to wait an extra hour so he can give me a drive there and he said no cuz he was already dressed. I had to walk my daughter to school in the rain and my umbrella went inside out mid-way. We got drenched. Then I made another trip with no umbrella to pick both kids up from school. I asked if he'd drive me then but he basically told me he wasn't going to be coming home 'till later. Meanwhile, for his chick, he'll drive one hour each way anytime she wants. It's making me feel resentful not because I see myself as his little child who needs to be babied but because I see myself as his family...as someone who's not only his family but also someone who helps him when he needs it. I could up and leave but then I wonder about what's gonna happen with my brother. I'm 15 years older than him and I practically raised him. Both my parents are idiots who always seemed to have put their children at the butt end of their priorities. I don't want to see them take advantage of my brother the way they did with me.

I don't wanna talk to his GF on the subject cuz she's got attitude problems a lot of the time. Her daughter was born 100% mentally healthy...her face was a little deformed. Because of that, she's always treated her as more special. Her son is an ok kid...he can get loud at times but that doesn't bother me much. It's her daughter...ugh! Once, I saw her kids fighting amongst each other and the son was clearly right but he's the one who got in trouble anyway. I'm not trying to be cold hearted but I don't think you should let your kid get away with murder just because life dealt them a tougher hand. She's very protective of her daughter and I just don't think she'd understand if I started telling her that her kid gets on my nerves and needs to stop touching my shit.

Mikey - I understand that kids are kids. My whole thing is, I refuse to treat a kid like an adorable little moron when I know they have the mental capabilities to control their behavior. My kid is a little bit younger but not by much. She's 4 years old. Very rarely is there an actual medical condition for why kids misbehave. Most of the times, kids will go as far as you let them. Sometimes it's not enough to tell them to stop something. There usually have to be consequences for kids to comprehend that they can't do what they were told not to do. I might have a slightly different mentality on the matter because I spent my childhood in Russia where kids are expected to be more mature than they are here. The point I'm trying to make is that I know an 8 year old is capable of understanding that it's not ok to come into my room if I told her that on several occasions. Also, I believe in being polite. Like I said, I have a kid too. When I take my daughter to someone's house and she plays there, I always wait around for her to help clean up...and I watch her to make sure she's really helping and not just kicking toys under the bed. It's hard work keeping a clean house when you have kids so I would never make someone else's job harder by raising my kid to think it's ok to mess up someone's house and leave.

So far, I think the best advice I got was to put locks on my doors and if any questions arise, I'll be more than glad to provide answers.

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Mikey

hey i was born in poland and i totally agree with you how north american kids are way different then european kids.

i wish you best of luck in your situation.

you also mentioned you put your name on the lease, is there a way to maybe tell your dad politely to get his own place? if you pretty much have to pay for everything might as well pay rent and call the place your own then none of this would happen right?
is there a reason why your dad's name is not on the lease?

anyway, i truly wish you and your dad find happiness in your situation

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RIP Gov