Smith&Stoned

I grew up without mine. Long story short, he remarried 10 years ago, completely forgot about me. That means no calls, no notes, no happy b-days, no nothing. The one and only time I seen him in those 10 years it was only for 5min because after saying hi he left like an asshole.

I'm in my mid 20's, decided long ago to never have anything to do with him again and am fine with it and accept it. I have a step-father who I love and is there if I need a father like figure to talk to. There's a lot of emotional pain caused by my real father, because he was a dad to me once when I was young and then just stopped when I really needed him the most.

Well, I never answer my phone if I don't know the caller. Yesterday morning I get a call from a strange number and a few seconds later I receive a voicemail. It was from my dad and he wanted me to call him back. He sounded desperate to speak with me. I didn't call him and erased the voicemail, and thought about telling him to get lost if he tried calling me again.

I don't know him and he certainly doesn't know me, which isn't my fault because I tried, and have moved on since. And him calling just brought back hurtful memories. Don't get me wrong, telling my father to fuck off is the last thing I want to do, but will and I believe is justified.

Has anyone gone through something similar?

my_scatterheart

Sorry to hear that man.
You might want to see if he calls again and see what he wants. Any endeavor is more than likely going to be a selfish one on his part. However...you might find yourself down the line regretting not picking up the phone, if not just to have put in the effort, if not to just have seen what he wanted, if nothing else. The ball is completely in your court. You might have an arena to get it all off your chest, tell him what he's done to you. You might be able to forgive him, even if it means you're still never interacting with him again. So many ways to go. Just make sure you mull it over, and are decided in what you want.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

tedkennedy

at least hear him out, if a person is trying to make amends for the past let them do it.

its not gonna be easy but maybe he can prove he is remorseful and whatnot

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matthew munari

Smith&Stoned

Me forgiving and then forming a new relationship with him would only seem forced at this point, and not genuine at all, which I won't do. I put the nails in this coffin long ago and have been doing great without him entirely. This is after deciding to not let this shit bother me anymore and moving on, which I have. It would probably be best, for his sake, to send him a long letter explaining my feelings, the reasons for them, then forgive him and tell him no further contact is necessary and to live a long and happy life.

Mikey

I think you should hear him out, at least hear what he has to say.

But don't make yourself vulnerable because as far as your concerned he can just hurt you again.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best.

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RIP Gov

Debaser

I can relate. Growing up, my father was abusive to my mom, me, and my brothers. He was also a serial adulterer. I can count on less than one hand the number of genuine "happy moments" I've had with my dad. In my childhood, life was always better when my dad was at work, out of town, or off with one of his girlfriends. My mother was the classic abused wife, but it finally got to the point where she left him. It was pretty rough for us, going from rental to rental (this after 15 years of living in a home) and at times not having enough money to eat or pay bills (services cut off sometimes) but we didn't care because we were free of him. After that, I didn't talk to my dad for 15 years, and had only seen him maybe once or twice, and never on purpose (accidental meeting). The next time I saw him and actually talked to him was at my mom's funeral in 2003. I decided to make an effort to at least be civil, after all, he was married to my mom for 20 years, and he is the only surviving parent I have left.

It was strange to say the least, spending time with him feels forced in a way, or like you're at a stranger's place. But considering the past we have, and the fact we didn't talk for so long, I guess you cant expect much more than that. We still didn't talk much after that, usually only on the holidays/birthdays, but even that is falling by teh wayside. As it stands right now, I haven't talked to him in almost a year but I have to admit I'm not really making an effort. After not wanting him around for so long, how do you go from that to stopping by for a visit or something like that? He hasn't changed much from when I was small. I tend to treat him like most people treat distant relatives they almost never see, it works for me anyways.


As for your situation, there could be any number of reasons for the message he left you. Maybe he heard something happened to you and was calling to find out? Or maybe he got some bad medical news, and his days are numbered, so to speak? It could be anything...I remember once when we were staying at a hotel one of the many times my mom left my dad before she finally left him for good, she said "no matter what happens or how he treats you, he's still your father"...I guess she's right, so the least you could do is get a hold of him and find out the situation, if you don't like what you hear, you can always hang up.

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