Captain Cannabis

you made yourself unavailable to him as a serious partner during the formative stages of your relationship, and he decided not to waste his time chasing you. sucks that he found something else soon, but you can take a lesson from this if you want: guys do not understand your subtle intentions. you have to be a lot more clear if you expect a guy to pick up on your signals.

classic.

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fuck the monkeys

shai_hulud

^ i think he's on the right page

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"There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

shai_hulud

to be fair, though, it's not 100% her fault - unless the guy is completely retarded he should be aware of her feelings and be willing to at least talk to her... and who's to say he's even found someone else, she could be a just a symbolic representation of a relationship to try and get a reaction from Sars.

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"There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

Anonymous4674

if it helps you any to know this, I have always been a lesbian, trapped in a man's body....

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Ordained by the church of the Latter Day Dude.


"I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant..." (Alan Greenspan)

The SARS Volta

misunderstanding--i'm not upset he isn't dating me--it is not only disappointing but also pathetic(in my eyes) that friendship's out of the question. All because I didn't hint at the idea of dating nor did i get a chance to legitimately consider it w/him suddenly back in the area for good.

let's put it this way: (theoretically) I meet/start seeing dude. He isn't down for me associating with male friends whatsoever; interprets as gesture of 'competition' or 'disrespect' despite my exclusivity? then he's out--quicker than a bowl of chili spiked with ex-lax.

+ edit: there were no subtle intentions that i'm aware of. i know things need to be put openly and simply to be understood.

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(fiance)

The SARS Volta

Although situation may not be this much in my favor in reality, I knew he wanted the security of a commitment whereas I don't need that to prosper--I can take it/leave it and be happy so long as no one close all but pretends i died.

By what was disclosed to me through other guys (before any of this took place) new g/f's got a rep for throwing herself @ all dudes; going above+beyond for male acknowledgment(...sh ould that really take any effort? lol)

None of that's relevant to my part but might add up to the sudden nature of this.

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(fiance)

Captain Cannabis

i know this sounds really stupid, but men appreciate it when you tell them how you feel once in a while. sometimes your intentions to put things out in the open can be misinterpreted in ways you can't even begin to imagine, if you don't actually accomplish this. basically, sometimes you have to act fast. men are just as stupid and confused as women.

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fuck the monkeys

The SARS Volta

and women can be equally as emotionally detached & momentarily unconscious as men. we just don't receive proper stereotype credit for it.

'acting fast' has frequently had more severe ramifications than taking it gradually in my experience. there's not always a way of knowing.

this isn't about all of us being idiots though. it's the inability for everyone to be on level ground when it comes to the white that is mutual exclusivity/the black representing platonic friendship and feeling confident enough with the gray-area of friends with a sexual association...as not to burn a bridge when the values shift.

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(fiance)

Ego Tripping

There's plenty of people to be 'friends' with. Give it time and perhaps he'll come around, but most guys simply don't 'switch' modes that easily. That's just what sex does, its not rocket science.

The only thing that will help the situation is to just let time do the work for both of you. If there's a friendship that's meant to be, you won't have to 'try' and make it work, it just will. Just let it be.

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The SARS Volta

I am most understanding of this sentiment although I don't subscribe to the belief that sex has to be so intrinsically monumental. I don't "switch modes" so to speak, effortlessly myself in general. You're right but at what point is 'too late' to effectively pick up the pieces?
There is no question in my mind this friendship began unconsciously and meant to be. Take away sex, there's a great deal of mental/personal cohesion.

Yet you have a point: if the figurative 'expiration date' passes; damage has been done, swept up and disposed of and renewal of the friendship would only re-open wounds...it wasn't in the cards and isn't worth pushing.

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(fiance)

Cerebro

I've known a few women in my days, enough to know that they are more different than alike.
The mysteries unfold in unknown ways, people get tripped up.
Trick is to get up and move on.
I've found some women irrational, while some have truly understood me.
I'm sure men are the same.
You'll find him.
This guy sounds a bit pissweak, and narrow minded.

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The SARS Volta

Or he is perhaps more naive than I realized before. Immediately, I moved on for the most part--didn't talk shit about him or his gf with our mutual friends, didn't close my mind off from making new friends or focusing on those I still have & haven't shied away of other guys where there's mutual interest.

With all that said I am fairly resentful anyway

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(fiance)

my_scatterheart

It'll pass.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

The SARS Volta

it's the truth. once i'm impressed with someone new to come along the motherfucker may only serve as a fragment in history and a catalyst for motivation for me to be more proactive next time around. until then, i can be happy i'm not the one out of us who admittedly 'settles for less'.

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(fiance)

Captain Cannabis

well. i think you misunderstand what i'm saying. but its not so important, because someone else said something too. you learned a lesson, and therefore this was a valuable experience.

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fuck the monkeys

The SARS Volta

my original post ended with 'live and learn' and sure enough drawn several conclusions by now (some are real letdowns).

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(fiance)

my_scatterheart

I was srs Turmy.
The point is, there will be someone else. I know you know that. So, allow yourself the time you need to adequately have mourned this "loss", no more, no less. In the grand scheme of things these times are big only in the moment. Removed from it, it's all nothing. It's just in passing. So it's like eh,...take your time on it, regard it with the respect it deserves, and bah, fuck it. No use worrying over shit that's done, and in the end - there's always someone else. There's always someone else.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

vickyyy?

sars if you want, i can anonymously link him to this thread....

The SARS Volta

if i'm gonna let him know at all, i have to do so face-to-face. lol...thanks though

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(fiance)

vickyyy?

well i just noticed that you started this two months ago. have you gotten your conundrum figured out?