Mafoo

ok, im kinda starting to notice a pattern in my life. i have alot of friends, what i would call friends but not "close friends". I get along with just about everyone and, when i actually try, i have no problem making friends with complete strangers. Im really glad that i have this ability to connect with people, but at the same time i realize that why i am so good at making friends is because im constantly losing touch with people.

throughout my life ive had a few groups of people i considered close friends, and i really valued these close relationships becuase im essentially without an extended family(they live far away). now im starting to notice that my "close friends" start to become less and less reliable over time, i dont know if im putting to much value on these friends and they dont value me in exchange, or if im doing something off putting to essentially everyone ive been close with. i cant figure out why all of my closest friendships turn into once a month or 2 type of friends.

its really hard for me because i genuinely care about these people but it seems like they stop caring after a while. i really need people in my life that i can count on and talk to and not have to worry about them bouncing out of my life in the not too distant future...

i dont really know where im goin with this, does this seem to happen to anyone else? does what im saying even make sense?

maybe im messed up or maybe i have a bad friend picker in my brain, i dunno

__________________
PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Bearsy

I'm in the same boat man. I've got tons of "friends" but maybe only 3 or 4 real friends. I'm well liked by just about everyone I meet, but not liked enough to be worth anyones time.
I don't know what to say other that it fucken sucks.

__________________

Mafoo

ya it definitely sucks. its hard because even my closest friends seem to take off after a while. ive tried talking to my oldest friends and it just doesnt seem to change anything. i feel like if i keep saying something theyre just going to get annoyed with hearing about it and then they definitely wont want to hang out with me anymore...

i dont get it, maybe im just annoying and putting too much effor into my friends who dont really deserve it

__________________
PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Mydriasis

<- Same story. Well I took a year of human isolation pretty much. Attended school and whatever but maybe hung out/went out 20 times in the whole year. The only conclusion I have really come to is, maybe it's not a lack of good friends.

At our age people are constantly changing and evolving and on their own path. So friends are made based on interests or so it seems. Ex: Friends for weed smoking, friends for school, friends for skateboarding, or what have you. Maybe the thing is, you need a serious love based relationship? That's at least what I've been considering lately.

I have maybe one good-good friend left, and it's just because out of all of the shit we've been through we're kind of the only real survivors. It's sad to watch people fall off the map, but people are a drug in themselves.

Different people will make you feel different ways, so it's fun to cycle through tons of people but in the end you can find yourself pretty lonely. The need to connect is crucial though I have discovered this, but the manner in which we connect is the key.

Where am I going with this post, I have no idea, so I'll end it here. If any other ideas come to my mind I'll post back for sure though.

__________________

Mafoo

i get what you're saying, theres definitely alot of "parting of ways" going on with some of my friends, alot of them go to school out of state or a roadtrip away. im cool with those friendships dissolving slightly because obviously they will be starting a new life essentially. i have a couple friends who are like brothers to me, we grew up together from 12 years old(im almost 22) and went through just about every first that young people expect to go through, and then more. i know that we have to grow into our seperate selves but i cant see why things just change almost instantly. its like one day were kickin it then all of a sudden 2-3 months go by and i havent seen/ heard from my friend. i call him but hes always got some shit going on and never calls me back when hes free. i feel kinda weird even putting so much emphasis on this because it seems like im asking too much eventhough this is my closest friend. i dont want to come off as needy and shit but its seriously got me down.

in some ways though, i feel im a better person for all of this. ive learned to be more happy hanging out alone. its helped me focus on music and art and school and develope personal talents that are valuable, at least to myself. and like i said, im basically a pro at making new friends though i wish i could just keep a few good ones who are trustworthy and wont bounce at the drop of a hat.

__________________
PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

The SARS Volta

Although you doubted this all making sense, it's easily related to; at least where I'm coming from.
All I have come up with so far to conclude: the majority of friends come-and-go, while the comparatively few who stay true over time have earned the status of 'keepers' (out of your entire homeboy-assortment).

True colors take some time to show themselves--that's all. People change over time, and this can mean growing apart or perhaps gradually becoming solid companions.

Sure, this doesn't make circumstances any less shiteous when in the midst of losing touch or cutting ties with someone you used to hang with all the time. You may reconnect if the distance is only temporary, or they may prove to be less loyal of a person than originally expected.

However, (assuming you treat your people well) you don't need to put up with any fairweather, flaky bullshit. Let those second-rank companions get a taste of their own medicine and find each other instead of staying latched onto you

__________________
(fiance)

José

do you call your friends as much as they call you? because I know i don't, or didn't(lol). it's been awhile since I've had a big group of friends to hang out with on a regular basis. probably last summer.. i tend to burn bridges on purpose without even knowing why. it's really kind of fucked up. it's not even something that happens slow for me, it's like something will just make me want to stop talking to them for pretty much no reason I can explain. does this ever happen to you, or is it a gradual thing?

yeah dude if there's any one you want to be life long friends with, all you have to do is just talk to them once in a great while like once or twice a year. i'm 19, but i'm sure you might have friends graduating now and probably moving onto "real life." people are going to get busier, and adopt new lives that you wouldn't ever predicted knowing them 5 years ago. just keep in touch with the people you will want to know later on in life.

Mafoo

unfortunately i think it has alot to do with this

and ya spanky i know what you mean about burning bridges, but thats not really how it goes with me. i tend to just mentally note the actions that bother me and if it keeps happening ill just distance myself from the person. i try not to "end" friendships, id rather just realize that the person may not be my favorite and move on.

thanks for the input guys, this has been bugging me for a while and i just started to feel kinda lonely and let down about it, but im just gonna take it in stride and try and stay my positive self.

__________________
PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Sonnie

Nothing is permanent...

people come and go want a friend that you can always count on??

GET A DOG!

sad but true..

__________________
____________________ ____________________ _______

SageTree

Other than the fact that I married my best best friend in the world, I really hear what you are saying Mafoo. I'll skype you and chat if you ever need a caring voice in your ear.

We move around fairly often, and we do have close friends far away, but these sometimes are strengthen be the fact we talk online often and don't make plans frequently.

I felt lucky traveling to Vancouver. I posted that on my FB and 5 people offered up couches. I stayed with two and saw the rest.

The other part I've felt is that sometimes it takes work to show where the bar is set on your side in a relationship.

Good luck Brother. Growing up is hard....Like when you're a kid whoever stands near your front porch is your BFF until they leave and some one else comes along.

What is at the core of that resiliantcy that we lose over time?

__________________