so theres this girl...

all_toked_up · 03-28-2010, 07:40 PM

She has been my friend for a few years now and I've always liked her more than a friend. I would love for her is be my girl but i don't know how to go about asking her or even if i should. I don't want to ask her and scare her off and not be able to keep the friendship or it be all awkward after i do. I know some other guys have been in my same situation before and could probably help me out.

Here is some background info. I'm 21, and kind of shy when it come to picking up girls in the first place. I've had this happen to me before and the girl turned me down but we still remained friends until she starting seeing someone. So i obviously don't want the same outcome. This girl is 19 and is beautiful, not to mention she is into a lot of things i am. The problem is that i think I'm already in the friend zone because i have been friends with her in the past and was too much of a pussy to make things happen. She ended up and got married for a short time and moved from Illinois to California. ended up getting divorced and moved back home. since she's been home I've been hanging out with her and breaking her into the rave and festival scene's. thing is that now it's bugging the hell out of me not being able to be with her and i don't know what to do about it.

some times she leads me to believe that she likes me too. just by some of the things she says,etc. other times i get the opposite vibes from her. like in social situations sometimes she wont sit by me but rather other friends of ours. normally it's easy for me to tell if a girl likes me cause they will sit close to you,put her legs in your lap,etc. but maby she's shy to try anything too. maby i am completely in the friend zone and that's all she sees me as?

I have a question directed to the ladies of the forum.

how would you respond if a male friend of yours asked you out? have you ever wished he would yet you didnt take action either?

any advice would really help me out.

myxomatosis · 03-28-2010, 10:32 PM

I'm gonna be honest and say that I skimmed a little.

The way I see it you have two choices. Man up and ask the bitch out and possibly queer your friendship/have it work out. Or enjoy the friendship for what it is. Basically it boils down to if you feel there is a legit chance at something and/or you feel the possible benefits of that chance outweighs the friendship as it stands, go for it. There's also the possibility she could just shoot you down and the friendship will continue unabated, but generally that's never possible entirely on both sides.

Skimmed a little more.

It's common for men to find things girls do naturally as 'signals' they are meant to interpret, especially if it suits their prerogative. Not saying this is the case, but be sure to keep it in mind. Either way girls are notoriously fickle creatures, so good luck with that.

shelbert008 · 03-28-2010, 11:08 PM

honestly I would be worried if she's 19 and she's already gotten married, moved out, and been divorced. Seriously, that's a bad sign.

But to answer your question, it all depends on the male friend. And all of my relationships started with friendships, so just because you're friends doesn't mean you're automatically off the list. And yes I've had guy friends where I wished they would make the move but they didn't. Like I had this friend in high school that I really started crushing on in my senior year, but he was always too shy and I didn't feel comfortable making the move. Long story short, we started hanging out again during our winter break and he finally had the balls to make the move and I was super happy

. But then he went back to NY for school and I started dating my current boyfriend.

So yeah, just go for it. You'll always kick yourself in the ass when you look back and say "what if?"

José · 03-28-2010, 11:51 PM

If you guys have really been friends for years and your intentions are clear, it will just eventually happen if it's supposed to.

SmokeaJoint · 03-29-2010, 12:08 AM

All I can say is best of luck man. I cant speak for everyone, but I've been there and its a nerve wracking thing. Think, will you be happier as a friend, never knowing you tried? Or is it really better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
/cheesy

421 · 03-29-2010, 12:59 AM

i would say enjoy your friendship with her for now. i haven't had great experiences asking girls out after being close friends for a while. if something's meant to happen and the feelings mutual it'll happen eventually, for now just roll with it

The SARS Volta · 03-29-2010, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by all_toked_up

I would love for her to be my girl but i don't know how to go about asking her or even if i should.

the other girl turned me down but we still remained friends until she starting seeing someone. So i obviously don't want the same outcome.

she leads me to believe that she likes me too. just by some of the things she says,etc. other times i get the opposite vibes from her. like in social situations sometimes she wont sit by me but rather other friends of ours.

normally it's easy for me to tell if a girl likes me cause they will sit close to you,put her legs in your lap,etc.

Unfortunately it's not as easy as comparing this girl to the other chick who declined your offer. Sitting beside other friends is NOT quite a sign of disinterest. She could be simply mingling/socializing(not consciously ignoring you). If that's the case it's great she doesn't cling & has other friends.

Not every girl acts the same around a guy she's into. On that note, failure to do something like put her legs on your lap may fall under the category of 'trying too hard' (coming on too strong) in her eyes, as some are more subtle than others.
Either patience or your initiation may be required here. It seems you like her enough to make this effort worthwhile.

A major mistake guys often end up making is generalizing in terms of girls. We aren't all similar to one another, necessarily. Just like men, women have their own distinct personalities/interests/preferences/temperaments that differ from the next. Your approach didn't work with Girl A, but that doesn't mean Girl B won't dig it.

The SARS Volta · 03-29-2010, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 421

i would say enjoy your friendship with her for now. i haven't had great experiences asking girls out after being close friends for a while. if something's meant to happen and the feelings mutual it'll happen eventually, for now just roll with it

Strongly disagree...your personal experiences are one thing, but this scenario is quite case-sensitive (the OP is not you, and the girl he's into isn't consistent with your history either). Just my opinion, though.

(anyway)

The only potential obstacle is the fact it's already been years you have known each other yet you remain unsure whether/not to act on said feelings. I understand she'd been out of the area, however there's no telling how long she'll remain single. It's impossible to know a point at which 'too late' is defined until you're there.

Yes, this will take balls. No, it won't be easy. Waiting & wondering won't produce any answers though. Worst that could happen is she says no & your friendship is awkward--then you'll know to look elsewhere as far as relationship hopefuls.

Shelbert's response brings the detail she'd already been divorced at 19 to my attention.

If she declines any of your offers, at least it will be easy finding a girl your age (or close) who HASN'T been divorced before 20. Should you later meet another girl you like, don't pass up an opportunity with someone you pine for if the previous chick turned you down. Again, women aren't cloned from a blueprint thus we aren't all that predictable. That's the good part.

José · 03-29-2010, 05:44 PM

SARs, the relationship expert.

myxomatosis · 03-29-2010, 09:45 PM

Spoken like you have any clue what the fuck you're talking about.

all_toked_up · 03-30-2010, 02:26 AM

so first off i want to say thanks to everyone, you all helped shed alot of light on the matter. and a special thanks to Sars, your words have helped me more than you know!

I feel the same way about her being divorced and only being 19... i totally understand that. not that it makes much of a difference but i'll add some more background info to that part. She met this guy here in IL and he was in the military and they got married and moved to a base in calli. Thing is i'v seen this happen alot around here. guys in the military start dating these girls and then marry them mostly because either they get paid alot more for having a wife and kids or because they cant live together and not be married shortly after they get divorced.. but like i said that dosnt change anything. truth is i dont know a whole lot about the situation because she dosnt tell and i dont ask because i dont want to upset her.

I guess i will just have to man up and ask her because i have alot more to gain than loose. i could possibly loose a friendship but if i want more than that and cant have it then the friendship is doing more bad than good i guess. so now my question is how should i go about asking her? it's weird for me with this girl. it's like i'm shyer around her than any other girl maby it's cause we've been friends? I'm thinking about just bringing it up like... soo you know you should be my girl right? and seeing what she says. or maby just start with something physical like kissing her and seeing if she accepts or not? I dont want her to think that i'm just trying to get in her pants tho because thats not it at all.

on a side note i'm still open to more suggestions on everything.

The SARS Volta · 03-30-2010, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SpankyMcLankey

SARs, the relationship expert.

Limited wisdom toward relationships=/=knows nothing
(Nobody knows it all or is in a 'perfect' relationship.)

Speaking of credibility on the subject this was a fine example of the extent of your knowledge--why'd you delete it?

Lloydy · 03-30-2010, 11:34 AM

go for it while full of pills at a rave

badgoalie85 · 03-30-2010, 02:38 PM

^actually that's not a bad idea, because then if she turns you down you can just later blame it on the fact that you were fucked up and acted on an impulse.

José · 03-30-2010, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The SARS Volta

Limited wisdom toward relationships=/=knows nothing
(Nobody knows it all or is in a 'perfect' relationship.)

Speaking of credibility on the subject this was a fine example of the extent of your knowledge--why'd you delete it?

yeah ok what ever

all_toked_up · 12-01-2010, 03:10 AM

so good news guys....i got the girl! shes asleep beside me as i type this and i couldn't be happier! weirdly enough it took a acid trip to get us to admit our love for each other. found out she always had feelings for me too.

were not officially dating and taking things realy slow which is awesome to me cause i'v waited 6 years for her and now it makes me extremely happy just to be with her.

Cerebro · 12-01-2010, 04:42 AM

wow, yahooka in the afterglow
it doesn't get much better than that

**SageTree** · 12-01-2010, 06:06 AM

Captain Cannabis · 12-01-2010, 06:44 AM

in my experience (and i'm not going to pretend like i have more than anyone else), the friend zone doesn't exist. if she is a real friend, making a move won't sour your already strong friendship. if she wants to be more than friends, making a move first is a good idea.

since you already got with her, i don't need to give you much advice. i think everyone has had this problem at least a couple times in their lives. its pretty impossible to imagine a good relationship to have started out of anything less than a good friendship.

Sir-Ex · 12-01-2010, 01:19 PM

awesome news man!

Yay for love!

03-28-2010, 07:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
all_toked_up The Forbidden plant Join Date: May 2006 Location: So. Ill Posts: 1,187 Thanks: 105 Thanked 80 Times in 56 Posts	so theres this girl... She has been my friend for a few years now and I've always liked her more than a friend. I would love for her is be my girl but i don't know how to go about asking her or even if i should. I don't want to ask her and scare her off and not be able to keep the friendship or it be all awkward after i do. I know some other guys have been in my same situation before and could probably help me out. Here is some background info. I'm 21, and kind of shy when it come to picking up girls in the first place. I've had this happen to me before and the girl turned me down but we still remained friends until she starting seeing someone. So i obviously don't want the same outcome. This girl is 19 and is beautiful, not to mention she is into a lot of things i am. The problem is that i think I'm already in the friend zone because i have been friends with her in the past and was too much of a pussy to make things happen. She ended up and got married for a short time and moved from Illinois to California. ended up getting divorced and moved back home. since she's been home I've been hanging out with her and breaking her into the rave and festival scene's. thing is that now it's bugging the hell out of me not being able to be with her and i don't know what to do about it. some times she leads me to believe that she likes me too. just by some of the things she says,etc. other times i get the opposite vibes from her. like in social situations sometimes she wont sit by me but rather other friends of ours. normally it's easy for me to tell if a girl likes me cause they will sit close to you,put her legs in your lap,etc. but maby she's shy to try anything too. maby i am completely in the friend zone and that's all she sees me as? I have a question directed to the ladies of the forum. how would you respond if a male friend of yours asked you out? have you ever wished he would yet you didnt take action either? any advice would really help me out.

03-28-2010, 10:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
myxomatosis life is music Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: between a pair of headphones Posts: 3,917 Thanks: 1,026 Thanked 934 Times in 597 Posts	I'm gonna be honest and say that I skimmed a little. The way I see it you have two choices. Man up and ask the bitch out and possibly queer your friendship/have it work out. Or enjoy the friendship for what it is. Basically it boils down to if you feel there is a legit chance at something and/or you feel the possible benefits of that chance outweighs the friendship as it stands, go for it. There's also the possibility she could just shoot you down and the friendship will continue unabated, but generally that's never possible entirely on both sides. Skimmed a little more. It's common for men to find things girls do naturally as 'signals' they are meant to interpret, especially if it suits their prerogative. Not saying this is the case, but be sure to keep it in mind. Either way girls are notoriously fickle creatures, so good luck with that. __________________ oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird and why can't that always be tossing aside from your birches crown just enough dark to see how you're the light over me last.fm blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

03-28-2010, 11:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
shelbert008 stoner Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: hell on earth aka texas Posts: 1,043 Thanks: 101 Thanked 157 Times in 113 Posts	honestly I would be worried if she's 19 and she's already gotten married, moved out, and been divorced. Seriously, that's a bad sign. But to answer your question, it all depends on the male friend. And all of my relationships started with friendships, so just because you're friends doesn't mean you're automatically off the list. And yes I've had guy friends where I wished they would make the move but they didn't. Like I had this friend in high school that I really started crushing on in my senior year, but he was always too shy and I didn't feel comfortable making the move. Long story short, we started hanging out again during our winter break and he finally had the balls to make the move and I was super happy . But then he went back to NY for school and I started dating my current boyfriend. So yeah, just go for it. You'll always kick yourself in the ass when you look back and say "what if?" __________________ one pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small, and the one that mother gives you, doesnt do anything at all Feed Your Head

03-29-2010, 12:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
421 Alice D. Millionaire Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Appalachia Posts: 1,780 Thanks: 448 Thanked 106 Times in 69 Posts	i would say enjoy your friendship with her for now. i haven't had great experiences asking girls out after being close friends for a while. if something's meant to happen and the feelings mutual it'll happen eventually, for now just roll with it __________________ further forward

03-29-2010, 09:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
myxomatosis life is music Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: between a pair of headphones Posts: 3,917 Thanks: 1,026 Thanked 934 Times in 597 Posts	Spoken like you have any clue what the fuck you're talking about. __________________ oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird and why can't that always be tossing aside from your birches crown just enough dark to see how you're the light over me last.fm blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

03-28-2010, 11:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
José YaHookan Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,364 Thanks: 62 Thanked 147 Times in 72 Posts	If you guys have really been friends for years and your intentions are clear, it will just eventually happen if it's supposed to.

03-29-2010, 05:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
José YaHookan Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,364 Thanks: 62 Thanked 147 Times in 72 Posts	SARs, the relationship expert.

03-30-2010, 02:26 AM	#11 (permalink)
all_toked_up The Forbidden plant Join Date: May 2006 Location: So. Ill Posts: 1,187 Thanks: 105 Thanked 80 Times in 56 Posts	so first off i want to say thanks to everyone, you all helped shed alot of light on the matter. and a special thanks to Sars, your words have helped me more than you know! I feel the same way about her being divorced and only being 19... i totally understand that. not that it makes much of a difference but i'll add some more background info to that part. She met this guy here in IL and he was in the military and they got married and moved to a base in calli. Thing is i'v seen this happen alot around here. guys in the military start dating these girls and then marry them mostly because either they get paid alot more for having a wife and kids or because they cant live together and not be married shortly after they get divorced.. but like i said that dosnt change anything. truth is i dont know a whole lot about the situation because she dosnt tell and i dont ask because i dont want to upset her. I guess i will just have to man up and ask her because i have alot more to gain than loose. i could possibly loose a friendship but if i want more than that and cant have it then the friendship is doing more bad than good i guess. so now my question is how should i go about asking her? it's weird for me with this girl. it's like i'm shyer around her than any other girl maby it's cause we've been friends? I'm thinking about just bringing it up like... soo you know you should be my girl right? and seeing what she says. or maby just start with something physical like kissing her and seeing if she accepts or not? I dont want her to think that i'm just trying to get in her pants tho because thats not it at all. on a side note i'm still open to more suggestions on everything.

03-30-2010, 11:34 AM	#13 (permalink)
Lloydy KTF Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: England Posts: 11,976 Thanks: 533 Thanked 2,478 Times in 1,139 Posts	go for it while full of pills at a rave __________________ Keep the red flag flying high

03-30-2010, 02:38 PM	#14 (permalink)
badgoalie85 Spiraling Out Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: NoVA Posts: 1,085 Thanks: 97 Thanked 454 Times in 288 Posts	^actually that's not a bad idea, because then if she turns you down you can just later blame it on the fact that you were fucked up and acted on an impulse. __________________ Pursue happiness. To each his own.

12-01-2010, 03:10 AM	#16 (permalink)
all_toked_up The Forbidden plant Join Date: May 2006 Location: So. Ill Posts: 1,187 Thanks: 105 Thanked 80 Times in 56 Posts	so good news guys....i got the girl! shes asleep beside me as i type this and i couldn't be happier! weirdly enough it took a acid trip to get us to admit our love for each other. found out she always had feelings for me too. were not officially dating and taking things realy slow which is awesome to me cause i'v waited 6 years for her and now it makes me extremely happy just to be with her.

12-01-2010, 06:06 AM	#18 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 23,414 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 13,070 Thanked 6,768 Times in 4,664 Posts	__________________ "What's oppressive is letting your life be confined by old definitions of what everything is." -Zen Meister my_scatterheart YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance.

12-01-2010, 06:44 AM	#19 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,922 Thanks: 2,705 Thanked 3,174 Times in 1,812 Posts	in my experience (and i'm not going to pretend like i have more than anyone else), the friend zone doesn't exist. if she is a real friend, making a move won't sour your already strong friendship. if she wants to be more than friends, making a move first is a good idea. since you already got with her, i don't need to give you much advice. i think everyone has had this problem at least a couple times in their lives. its pretty impossible to imagine a good relationship to have started out of anything less than a good friendship. __________________ fuck the monkeys

12-01-2010, 01:19 PM	#20 (permalink)
Sir-Ex Learner Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Edmonton, Alberta Posts: 11,416 Thanks: 1,726 Thanked 3,820 Times in 2,258 Posts	awesome news man! Yay for love! __________________ Smile Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

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