The SARS Volta

I'm faced with an obstacle I haven't seen before. Nothing similar to this conflict arose in prior experiences involving a relationship.

First off everything else is gravy between my boy and I. We are compatible personally and socially, with much common ground and attraction in place. Our individual circles of friends mesh well, from both sides. His large family (5 other siblings) are fond of me...mostly.

The bump in the road is indirect to our relationship, yet no less shitty a deal. For no apparent reason his brother despises me. He takes the liberty of openly condemning me whenever an opportunity arises.

What repulses me the most is the brother hit on me often in the past, while my man and I were first dating (more recently it's turned to hatred from grimy advances).

On another occasion he drunkenly whispered "you're so fucking fine" in my ear, in a crowded room. Because that was ridiculously unnecessary, I made it known to my b/f with an understanding he wouldn't go ape-shit on account of my telling him about it, unless it happened again.

Initially, I wanted to avoid becoming a source of tension. I never sought to get to the root of this one-sided malice; I'm aware I'm not alone seeing as his brother finds endless fault in whoever he's surrounded by. The struggle to keep myself from retaliating to the bitch-fits is a severe challenge. I restrain from furthering arguments on behalf of my boyfriend, respecting the fact he's close with his family and brother. My resistance consistently backfires as it's only concealed the severity of the problem rather than neutralizing it.
Fortunately my b/f and other family members are considerate to the situation and speak in my defense.

Today, my b/f received news of his grandmother's suffering health. Extended family is visiting her over the weekend. Over the phone he asks if I will drive out-of-state with him to make the trip. Before I can respond all I can hear are his brother's petty complaints against my presence.

There's no way I would let the above squander anything between my man and I, but any suggestions on a better or more effective way of dealing with the bullshit along the way would be greatly appreciated.

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(fiance)

K10

Dudes brother wants to fuck you and he is apparently a toolbag....don't know what else to tell you. Avoid brother?

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Just because you tie dye your wool, doesn't mean
you're not a sheep.
R.I.P. Alice D.

Mafoo

ah sticky... id try and just make sure you dont go off on him. just be cordial and if he is rude to you in person just maintain composure and he'll end up looking dumb

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

The SARS Volta

My b/f was aware of it before I told him about anything shady his bro said, and predictably is not keen on him having been into me.

He's due to move out of his parents' house within the month. Luckily his brother will be left behind, thus easier to avoid. In the meantime suppressing any sense of integrity by enduring whatever bullshit is tossed my way... will be tough.

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(fiance)

The SARS Volta

That's what I keep telling myself. It's doubtful if I strike back that anything gets asserted. At the same time, passiveness hasn't gotten me anywhere with this--btw he thrives on instigating in person

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(fiance)

Mafoo

maybe be really nice to him, like find out what he likes and get him something. he sounds kinda child like so that might work

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

The SARS Volta

Been through that phase, although not literally with gifts. I've smoked him out many times and helped him out in other ways before there were any personal problems, mainly just to be courteous to my b/f by respecting his family. Any generosity I put forth w/this brother was easily discarded, so I'm about to throw my hands in the air and say fuck it.

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(fiance)

Canuck Wisdom

Wow that is completely inappropriate. I suppose I dont have much advice, but it upsets me to hear of a brother behaving that way toward his selected woman.

I have a friend, and previous room mate of two years, who recently started seeing someone. None of us especially approved of his seeing her past their first few hook ups, but it has none-the-less progressed, and even though we still are rather judgmental (all of his friends) I try not to be cruel to her or anything, and support his decision making process, only directing as I feel to be wise as someone who cares for him.

She can be really dumb, but then he can be too. Easiest people to gossip about ever.

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-Knowitall A&P type-

Canuck Wisdom

BTW Sars, not direct guidance, but I think your pretty smart. Sometimes, when telling about yourself I don't agree 100% with your paths, but you have respectable thought processes, especially with this sort of stuff.

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-Knowitall A&P type-

The Rev

I'm guessing the brother has some issues with HIS brother. Tell me, is your BF the child that got the most attention, always was the more successful, etc? There are alot of guys out there with low self-esteem who are just hateful. I can't tell you how many times guys have been total assholes to my daughter, without provocation or even knowing her, just because she's pretty. If my guess is right, the kind of advances he's throwing at you aren't meant to compliment you, or attract you, they're meant to harass you.

Sorry you have to put up with this, SARS. I would suggest asking him if the rumors about his small penis are true the next time he hassles you.



The Rev

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Kompressor

Just remember that your life is better than his and brush that dirt off your shoulder.

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Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -H. Bergson

The SARS Volta

You are all too wise...truly. This is essentially what I gather as a secondary detail within the mess.
My boyfriend didn't get more attention from their parents, but he's always been considered responsible, talented and ambitious in contrast to his mopey, erratic brother (who is additionally, closest in age).

I agree that there's no trace of lightheartedness in what he says to my face, and behind my back despite the motive. Sticking it out will be well-worth it...as hard as this is to play passive to.

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(fiance)

The SARS Volta

Selfishness...what's anybody to do about it, really? Dude messed around with one of his good friend's exes while they were still dating and currently juggles naive/desperate chicks. fluent in all skeezy acts imaginable.

Probably just spite.

If your friend and his g/f have a questionable path which you were in on it's only natural to disapprove. However in my case, none of the above apply--we even waited to hook up after dating a while.

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(fiance)

Grieves

Dude just doesn't understand you because you aren't a naive/desperate...So it sets him off, not to mention the ingrained Kane/Abel situation that rears its head whenever two brothers and an individual/object of desire is/are involved...

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Mikey

Rev might be really onto something.

Mafoo is absolutely right.

Two wrongs don't make a right. And if you keep being the better bigger person and remain cordial and non chalante (try to seem un-affected by his snickering) everyone will eventually notice and say :" Hey wtf, why is Brother#2 such a dick to nicegirl#1? She's always nice even though he's a dick; wow what a dick!"

Either way best of luck with your situation, when your man is moving out is he getting his own place?

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RIP Gov

SublimeStylez

ya just gotta tell em to fuck off and come over by me, ill getcha wet.

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The SARS Volta

My confusion was within the definition of 'wrong' or 'right'. In which case, what I was doing all along is likely the right way albeit the hard way as well. Everybody is onto his assholery, yet it doesn't cease. As much as I dislike conflict I'm conversely not inclined to stand by & take shit from some irrational, preachy fuck. Looks as if I have to, or else deal with more animosity.

My b/f's going to be out and into his new place by mid-to-late June. I'm confident this issue will improve upon the move.

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(fiance)

The SARS Volta

update

This weekend, my boyfriend discussed his brother's evident instability in greater detail.

Before I got a chance to voice off he explains his bro has a tendency of losing it without prior warning, which lands him in a shrink's office. All of his testimonials from when they were younger (and more recently) shows consistency with manic rage-episodes.

Again--before I could respond--he acknowledges his brother's jealousy of our relationship due to his pursuit and failure at finding a quality relationship for himself and 'initial' attraction to me .

Presumably he can't date because he's overly critical of others and unforgiving, thus ends up scavenging for leftovers and wallowing in self-pity.


You guys' responses were on the money.

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(fiance)

Mafoo

i would invest in some sort of hand to hand combat training incase he ever rages on you

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

wellfleation

It doesn't surprise me. After my live-inn gf graduated from BU and after a year working, decided to leave Boston and move back to Ohio. Her sister ended up in Boston on business a few months later. She asked her sister if she minded if her and I go out as friends when she visits. My ex-gf, still on good terms w/me, says "of course". Well, that lead to a secret 4 month long distance (she lived in Connecticut) fuck fest with her good looking sister. Then she suddenly ended things, I assume out of sheer guilt.

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