Dantastic

I deal with a horrible anxiety disorder that has turned into a general fear/hatred of public places, its been shitty, but today bummed me out when I had my fuse box replaced and instead of going to the library or the mall or something, I laid in bed and sweat through my clothes...

anybody else deal with this shit?

doctors are fucking shitty at dealing with it...

Grieves

support groups > doctors

help in the way of human interaction > drugs

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Mercury

Agoraphobia is kind of an irrelevant term these days. Is it the outdoors that you fear or is it people that you fear?

The_Jester

I have long dealt with agoraphobia and many other paranoid "delusions". Keep in mind I'm not a pro, and my advice may not be suitable or work for you in the least bit! However, this is what I have to share.

I've seen more psychiatrists and psychologists, even taken a college course in psychology. The course in psychology taught me a very important thing "Avoidance Learning". Don't fall into that trap! I did and am still working to break the cycle.

As The Verve once said, "The drugs don't work, they just make you worse." This HAS been the case for me. Primarily with benzodaizepines(s.p? ). Another scary trap.

It's quite easy to rationalize any fear. Don't fall into that trap! I have, and it wasted time instead of gaining progress.

The only way's I've truly come to cope with social situations and other irrational fears, is practice, MEDITATION, and psychedelics.

1. Practice: Go out. Have heart to hearts with close friends. Breach out of "normal discourse" with someone who isn't afraid to share that they are not normal themselves. This slowly helps you become more open, so should you have a conversation with a complete stranger the "tolerance level" of your conversation has increased(similar to drug tolerance, pardon my poor analogies but I am a drug nerd).

One of my favorite practices is to go on hiking trails and say Hello to strangers! You probably won't see them again and everyone is walking the opposite way. Your not even intending to have a full on conversation with them. But saying hi to people in person, face-to-face in a beautiful environment at first was hard for me, but now it's easy and it feels good to do!

I also try smiling, wherever I am. I try to be as approachable as possible, and open to anything or anyone who comes my way. People like to see people smile is what I've found, even if it makes you look a bit crazy .

There's a lot more to this part, but it involves practice. It should be semi-intuitive.

2. Meditation. Take up a normal meditation routine. You may query "How could being introspective help me to be more open with other people?". Welll, meditation is more than just closing your eyes and "clearing your mind", or traversing your mind. It's about finding peace in every day, and it is a valuable tool.

When you can learn to be attentive to the moment you are in, and focus solely on that moment. The thought's that block you out don't pop up, unless you let them. Control over the mind is key here IME.

3. Psychedelics. They've thrown me out of my comfort zone hundreds of times now. Made me believe I was dead. Made me realize social interaction is very essential for my health. Etc.

I pretty much realized my fear was an addiction. The only way I've found to get rid of it, is to quit it.

However, I still cannot give speeches and I'm still fairly quiet and spend lots of time on the internet doing research. but I'm still practicing, and introspection is a big part of who I am, so be it . Hopefully something from this post gives you some idea.

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In LOVING kindness,

The forum fool.

Suliman

i've hardly heard the term before, and i think im too young to diagnose myself with a parinoid disorder, but i fucking cant stand being around people. its like the only time i ever feel sane is at home, and even then only if no strangers are around. the mall makes my skin crawl, even just thinking about wallmart makes me want to stab someone.

im from a fucking tiny ass town, so going anywhere even sub-urban makes me nervous. like right now, im in Colorado springs. I dont think ive been near this many people in at least 4 years, and i feel like im going to lose my mind, i've been having to build up nerve just to leave the hotel room.

The most challenging part of it is that i dont know what it is thats bothering me. its not like i feel judged by the people around me, or that i think negatively of those people. its just unpredictable, unscheduled social interaction that seriously makes me think im schizophrenic or something. Yahooka is a perfect example. its a controlled, mediated and predictable social outlet. nothing is going to happen, i cant even risk embarrassment because none of you fuckers know me. consequently, its one of the few places i feel completely comfortable openly interacting with people i dont know.

not sure if this is at all what you experience dan, but best of luck to you eaither way.

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Dantastic

I delt with a b3 defficency I think I may have had that was causing me to feel this way, and while it makes me feel decent I think I just dont like being around people or in public.

Strangers do make me nervous, unless its a good friend of a good friend, then im ok, im still a little shy but im not as bad as I used to be about it.

Did you ever stop to think we dont like going to walmart because itits awful, and we just dont like awful things. It puts me in a bad mood to deal with crowds and be around people, but it manifests itself in different ways.

Is it to much to say that maybe im happier sitting in my room, as I keep having the opportunity to go out, but in general when i do find the courage to go out, and even make friends as ive been known to do on occasion after I get some alcohol in me, I have a great time, I just fine it very unfullfiling.

So I spend my money on weed, and yeah I sit in a chat room with a bunch of guys ive known since I was very young, I study my Bible and chill...and you know what, im cool with it.

SageTree

I'm sorry to hear of your probs Dan.

I too have dealt with ,more strongly, and still do deal with not feeling that great in crowds. And when my 'tank' is full of noise and chaos I have to know how I feel and ground myself. Meditation, as Jester mentioned, brings insights.

Jester and I have had some long talks about this exact thing. I think we have both made some improvements in this area, but that is because we wanted to. So I'm saying, it's not a problem, unless its a problem for you.

I do agree that it takes practice and finding what you like and are comfortable doing. Small groups are good. I can speak from personal experience when I say that the longer I stayed in and didn't go out the longer it took me to 'get my social legs' back under me.

This is a quote from my blog:

Shambhala: The Path of the Warrior
Over time things have gotten easier, but it's a practice.... life is a practice. And in time, Dan, I hope that you can go out and enjoy the world if that is what you feel you would like best.

In Metta
SageTRee

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The Rev

I'm totally the same way. I don't like crowds, I don't like noise. I attribute this to my depression (especially the noise part). When my depression is acting up, these feelings become stronger.

My wife gets upset at me because I don't like to go to Disneyland and places like that because I can't stand all the people around me. I went at XS-mas time one year, and it was so crowded I was constantly being cut off by people, and having to weave my way in and out of the throng. At one point, I got so stressed out, I had to hide out for awhile in a toilet stall; just the four walls closing me in relaxed me.

I also don't like nightclubs and bars with loud bands and such. When I drank, the alcohol tended to numb the anxiety from the noise, but now that I don't, I just sit there and get tense.



The Rev

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Dantastic

Yeah man, I enjoy goofing off with you guys, I enjoy the little chatrooms I hang out in and the people I talk to.

Making friends at 26 is just something im not looking for unless it just happens.

SageTree

Maybe find a church you feel comfortable with and go to a Bible study?

What I'm getting at is what else do you like to do? These are common grounds for friendships. Volunteering?

I'm here to tell you I have moved almost every 2-3 years for the last 10 years and you CAN and DO make friends no matter what age you are. It's hard sometimes, but it takes some effort. SO if you find a place where a few people are congregated or that you'll be 'in your element' these are good places to stay.

What Jester said about 'an addiction' I can totally relate to.... and like an addiction, it's one day at a time.

Get your little toe wet now and again.

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tedkennedy

i have dealt with it every day of my life since i was about 12 years old.

it has detrimentally affected my entire life. i deal with it every day of my life. the simplest new social interaction can give me a horrible panic attack and i will go into a depressive anxiety ridden fit and think that killing myself is the only solution. i actually prefer not having any friends or anyone who knows who i am because then i dont have to be afraid of people talking to me, but at the same time that by itself is very lonely and depressing. none of my friends or family understands what it feels like, i try to talk about it and they talk down to me and say i should just be more social and that its all my fault that im just "shy" and they act mad because i havent "gotten over it"

anyway, if u need support im here for you dan. we are "in the same boat" as they say.

anti depressants might help you but i would suggest your best bet is to face your fears and stay as sober as possible. drugs just make the problem worse

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matthew munari

wellfleation

Anyone get any physical symptoms? ? ? If I am in an unpredictable social situation (as I define it as this can occur even with my wife's side of the fam) and it is the least bit warm (or not), I will start sweating profusely around the back of my neck to the point I can feel sweat dripping off my ears. This sucks, because I'm pretty good at hiding my anxiety (I think) but when the sweating starts then all I keep thinking about is how I look. I've had to go to the bathroom and wipe down and cool down and then rejoin the social situation.

What's weird is I deal with lots of people and run/organize meetings as a part of my job but am pretty comfortable doing so because it is predictable, probably because I feel in control and know exactly what the agenda is. This sweating thing started about 5 years ago and I am consumed by it when it occurs.

Oh, and I also have "white coat syndrome" - fear of doctors, which I never had when younger. I recently had a full blown panic attack about two months ago, sweating like a pig waiting for my doc to enter the patient room. It was so noticeable she/the doc wiped my neck with a paper towel and shit - that's how bad it was. My blood pressure was off the hook. I am on high blood pressure meds anyway but this was bad. (Vaping weed actually brings down my blood pressure measurably - LEGALIZE IT!)

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FIGHTPOWER

Geeno

Wellf, why do you get so nervous?

Whenever I get nervous its usually a sort of fear of failure, but lately I've only gotten better at swallowing it the moment I start to feel it arise. It used to keep me from participating in things but now I use it like a spring board and dive right into shit.

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Suliman

im pretty surprised at the volume of responses here. i guess i live in such a vacuum that i didn't realize i wasn't the only one 0.0

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wellfleation

The fear of not being interesting enough, not being funny enough, not being entertaining enough. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I always feel a disconnect/socially awkward in large unpredictable groups. Like I am in a group with nothing to add and I'm like now where do I go and stand. In my youth, drugs and alcohol hid this well as I was actually the opposite, outgoing, and pretty popular. Now in such situations I will consciously pocket a couple of Xanax to take just prior to arrival and then get drunk so I simply get through it and don't give a fuck. Pathetic - I HATE it and being this way.

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FIGHTPOWER

wellfleation

Shit, when I was in my 20's I lived in the Back Bay Fens in Boston and loved it. Loved the bars, the people, the vibe of the city. I was always walking everywhere, had no issues with using The T subway (I actually liked it), or anything. Then I moved out of the city and got married when I turned 30, had kids, and lost touch with all my old friends except my best friend and another dude I'm pretty tight with (both straight in terms drug use). On the flip side, I could get in touch with a couple of old friends (one of which is famous) but feel uncomfortable doing so. I feel like it's been so long I wouldn't even be able to relate to them at this point in my life.

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FIGHTPOWER

Sir-Ex

Women are vampires that'll suck the life out of you if you let em.


Truth?

It can be.

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

wellfleation

Then add kids, one being PDD/NOS and HIGHLY behavioral. On top of it, my girl (the one with PDD/NOS) definitely has MH issues and is literally driving me fucking crazy with her ALL DAY tantrums, assaults, etc, etc, etc). The kid is only 8 and her renowned psychiatrist has tried everything, even Seroquel, which is really rare to prescribe to an 8-year-old. The Seroquel didn't even dent her, nothing has. My issues are probably associated with stress around her as she is relentless, from the time she wakes till bed. We can't even put her in day care as they can't handle her. Nope, we have to hire babysitters for $10 an hour to 1:1 her at our home. But she's ours and always will be. Fuck, I can't wait to get my 1/4 tomorrow!

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FIGHTPOWER

Mafoo

you deserve it! i think herb is perfect for situations like that, it definitely can increase your patience to a degree.

you should consider edibles for your 8 yr old. i wouldnt normally suggest giving anything to a child but if seroquel doesnt do anything, its not like bud is more dangerous than seroquel.

good luck wellfleat, sounds like a rough situation

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

myxomatosis

Giving cannabis to an 8 year old with pdd-nos is a pretty terrible idea. Especially one with unspecified mental health issues.

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oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

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