The Rev

Last night at dinner, my wife and son were giving me a hard time because I never want to "go out" and socialize, like at bars, parties, etc. Well, I didn't say so, but I realized the reason I don't like it is because it reminds me how lonely I am alot of the time.

To me, most socializing is like watching the same TV show over and over. In spite of help from the distortions of alcohol, people tend to always talk about the same things, express the same concerns, share the same values, and that's highly boring to me. But more important, I have questioned and discarded most of their priorities years ago, so I have nothing to talk about, and feel separate and different from everyone else. Meanwhile anything that I value is off most people's radar. I mean, you start talking to the average "bitch about his day at the office" guy about how there's really only one consciousness, and it's an aspect of existence and not a product of it, and you're lucky if all you get is a blank stare.

It's the same way at home, too. None of the gets me at all, and frankly, even though they are all much more "normal" than I, I don't get them either. I don't get most people, actually. What's normal and acceptable to "normal" people often seems irrational, petty, or pointless to me.

I suppose that's why I like it here so much. You people are off the wall at times, but I always get to hear something original or new. You guys don't sound like you're playing the same record over and over, yet totally oblivious to the fact, like most everyone else seems to be. Sometimes, I think YaHooka is like a haven for people who exist, in a world full of walking talking mannequins.

Well, that's my vent. I hope it didn't sound arrogant, because it was sincere. I don't look down my nose at others, I just don't value what they value, and I feel isolated.



The Rev

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Dantastic

I dont wanna take this off topic or bring the focus to myself, but I feel the same way, alot of it is EXACTLY how you feel, and alot of it is believing in the things that I do(some people might say they are a bit out there lol).

So I feel you bro, more than you could know.

You are a very valued member of this community, id say short of being a mod you've got ALOT of pull. So while you might feel isolated in life, you do have us lol.

Seems like ive been giving this speech alot latley, the whole, we might be online friends but were better friends than most people are knowing each other irl.

I think its the distance that keep a lot of us close, and some it might keep from being better friends, but fact of the matter is, you do have freinds, plenty of them, just because you arent out at a bar or some "normal" place, doesnt mean we aren't real friends.

I mean hell, youve known me since I was probably 16-17 years old, im almost 30 now, and im sure other people youve known just as long here. It does suck sometimes having most of your friends online, but I guess its the price you pay for decent company.

<3

HTAM

Hey Rev, if there's a Roller Coaster close to you, I highly recommend you consider going on a weekday.


Roller Coasters=You'll have so much fun you'll almost puke!

Kompressor

Zomg Rev you are my mirror.

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Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -H. Bergson

Thanks Button

everyone is someone else in a social gathering. the same people that post here might totally bore you in similar social situations because they are just putting up a false front...

Grieves

why go out when you have everything you need in your man cave...

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turmaline

MAaan, we need to have a long conversation about nothing relevant and everything irrelevant!

Thanks Button

rev, do you at least attempt to become social with others outside your 'comfort zone' or do you shut down and answer with yes' and no's. short and sweet...

it's not easy to get to know someone when they are out of their element, it takes time. To judge people based on your interaction with them outside their safezone is unfair.

Eh, maybe you know this already and I'm just being redundant but even intellectuals will come across as dumb if they are outside their safezone. It's an unfair way to judge people...

The Rev

I get along with people fine, actually. Most of my wife's friends think I'm pretty cool. It's just that I can't really be myself, and I can't really be like them; IOW, I can't talk about the things that excite me, and I can't be interested in the shit that people always talk about, so I feel isolated. I guess it might be like it is for a kid trying to socialize in a room full of grown ups: no one wants to play, and he doesn't want to act like a grown up. It's like that.



The Rev

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HTAM

Roller Coaster....

Grieves

don't we spend our whole lives socializing so that we can find a mate so that we can retreat into mutual solitude?

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yo.

There are some days when one is disengaged from life, not interested in devotion, and everything just becomes an empty form. Gone are the spiritual bliss, deep insight, and integration with the rhythm of the universe. Instead, there is duty, form, and stiff discipline. One can try to remember the reasons for one's quest, think of the achievements of the past, reaffirm one's goals, and still not be inspired to do one's practice. So what do you do?

Every once in a while it is permissible to skip things for a day. If you are angry, under great stress, or ill, then it is best simply to rest. But if it is only a matter of laziness or indifference, then you must exert your discipline and practice even if it means that you are just going through the motions. In at least half of the cases, something significant will happen, and the rest of the time, just going through your forms is in itself good practice. It builds a tremendous momentum that will manifest itself in later times.

So just "go through the motions" with these people, and something good will come out of it.

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Sir-Ex

^Indeed


And I understand what you're saying rev. The thing is, you gotta be in a situation where there will be people of a similar mind to you. Going out to the bar, really the majority of people that go there are just going there to get tipsy or drunk and have some laughs, ramble about their feelings, and so on.
The reason a lot of the discourse isn't very deep is because, firstly, some people just aren't very deep, and secondly, the environment itself isn't appropriate for it. The huge majority of people aren't really living with a purpose, or toward any specific goal other than to get themselves to some vague point of personal satisfaction that they define with a few simple words to themselves. The framework is sketchy at best for most people in terms of who they are to themselves and what they can offer.
You need to have a clear idea of who you are at the moment and where you want to see things going, and put yourself into that through your actions. I mean it sounds like you're rather philosophically minded, so I bet if you were taking philosophy at a university right now, you'd have no problem finding people that had things to say that you actually found interesting, and you could actually learn something from.

It sounds to me like you need a change of scenery.

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

yo.

change of scenery sounds nice.

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AnimalLover420

When I'm in social situations, I have to CONSTANTLY monitor myself to keep from saying something completely inappropriate. I just have a naughty sense of humor, and I prefer to be around people who can appreciate that. If I'm in the wrong crowd, I'm basically counting the minutes until I offend someone, even though I really do try to filter myself. I categorize each thought into "things that are socially acceptable" or "things that would bring me total lulz but would be entirely wrong for this setting".

Rev, I know the feeling. There's a huge portion of society, including most of my family and friends, that I feel like I just can't be myself around. But rather than let it bother me (which does sometimes happen), I try to see it as me just being too complex and awesome for their tender little ears. It makes me feel exclusive and special instead of lonely and alienated. And it makes me appreciate people even more when they actually CAN handle the real me, even if it is a group of people on a weed forum. Just take what you can get, my friend. Yahooka lubbs you, and that says a lot imo.

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Sir-Ex

If everyone at yahooka were to have a party, I think itd be the most fucked up, weird, and awesome party ever.

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Smile

Ditch the cigs!!!!!!

Dr. Nick Nasty

Wow Rev--I feel the same way. My solitude is often my greatest enjoyment.

The way I've dealt with it is to recognizing that people do these overdone social things b/c its just been so ritualized...can't judge em' harshly for it---and if it makes those you do care about a little happier when you do an activity or two, you will feel better about yourself. and it makes that solitude even more special.

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The Rev

Ritualized is a great word for it. Have you noticed that virtually everything people do, down to how they talk, is just that, a ritual? Much of what they do is going through motions, saying what they're expected to at specified moments, doing what they're expected to under specified circumstances. It's like living in a world of sleepwalkers. I think that's a big part of the problem.

Sir-Ex said I need to find people of a like mind. That's been an even bigger part of the problem. YaHooka is practically a wildlife preserve for the endangered species of people who think for themselves, and even alot of you guys don't get me. I have my doubts about finding people who think like I do.

Oh, well, I suppose no fruit will be born of the self-pity tree. I just wanted to vent, I suppose. I get like that from time to time.

Thanks,



The Rev

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stoneric

It sounds like cynicism to me. Personally, I've become a virtual hermit outside of work. EVERYONE is full of bullshit and sooner or later you've heard it all.

wellfleation

I'm not trying to be a dick, but maybe you have a mild case of Asperger's, though I highly doubt it. That being said, I feel the same way with my straight as an arrow wife's family/crowd. I feel like a fish out of water. But I have a few select friends inside and outside of work who I blab to all day long. So maybe it's not you but the people you surround yourself with who are too "normal". I like characters not a bunch of drones. There is nothing wrong with being different, there is something wrong when you feel pressure to be like the drones around you, however. My work allows me to be myself for the most part which I am grateful for, and I am who I am in real life and either people like me or they don't. I decided a long time ago to just be myself, and if that means being at a party where a majority of the people I can't relate with, well, I keep to myself and belly up to the bar. If people think I am being anti-social, fuck'em, I'm choosing to be.

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FIGHTPOWER