Jonas

so yeah 5 - 5 1/2 years ago i had a very traumatizing experience. ill leave it at that, the details aren't something id like to share with this whole community for reasons that I'd think you will understand...

oh yeah, ptsd = post trauma stress disorder.

The experience it left me wrecked; full of guilt/shame, self blame/self worthlessness, trust issues, etc. for quite some time. Immediately after said experience I went to a whole schlew of head shrinkers who diagnosed me with depression/seasonal depression and a minor social anxiety disorder. I wouldnt put the psychologists at blame, i held back some of this said experience, and didnt think it was much of an issue while i was seeing these shrinks.

Needless to say it is very hard to admit your deep personal troubles to someone who only really cares about the paycheck.

Also, up until about a year ago, i was unaware that it was really PTSD that i was suffering from. Knowing finally what is 'wrong' with me became very comforting. although it has brought back alot of this experience to my life and i have had some wretched nights/days/moments in recent times. It is very comforting to think of how much I've healed in the past year.

With all that said there is still alot more healing to be done, and perhaps ill never be able to heal but I am fine with that.

The biggest problem now is overcoming my subconscious physical reactions to situations, ideas, words, feelings, emotions and energies that remind me of said experience. Despite how hard I try to calm my self, remind myself to just breathe, I can never stop my body from 'freaking out' for lack of better words. I just get so anxious, irritable, hypervigilance, can't concentrate, or i just simply feel intense distress/discomfort.

I've been on 3 types of anti-depressants that did nothing, and honestly feel like prescription medications, 'professional' therapy and traditional medicine has made my situation worse.

Any suggestions, info, vibes, love, etc. is appreciated.

despite the vague nature of this thread, it was pretty tough to write.

-Jonas

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Mafoo

i think the fact that you can say you felt guilt shame etc is a big step in overcoming those aspects of whatever happened to you. just try and step back and realize that you're still jonas and whatever happened in the past is over and done with, move on to the next thing. obviously if it was that easy to get over things people wouldnt suffer from ptsd and survivor guilt and w/e else.

i feel for you, i had a pretty traumatic experience myself involving psychedelics and some bad timing. i definitely felt shameful and guilty and all of the things you mentioned. it was several years ago and thinking about is still pretty hairy sometimes. ive found alot of comfort in my friends, the close ones that i trust(i now have some interesting trust issues ). basically ill tell them about what happened and they usually go DUDE get over it! i know they arent trying to be mean, i guess its like tough love or whatever, but sometimes you just need someone to snap you out of it.

feel better man. hit me up if you need a compassionate ear

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

The Rev

I know it's hard to talk to a professional about stuff like this, but you should. PTSD isn't something you get over on your own. It's a serious issue. You just need to find a professional that you can trust enough to talk about everything. I know it seems like they do it for the money, but that's only the making a living part. Most psychiatrists I have met really want to help people.



The Rev

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my_scatterheart

PTSD from what I've read, heard, etc. is really hard to cope with alone. Don't ever convince yourself that you have to bear that burden alone buddy, seriously. It's one of those things where from what you've said yanno, you go to a bunch of "shrinks", and no one really hits the nail on the head, and it all seems like a waste. But now that you're more familiar with yourself, and what's going on, I wouldn't hesitate to advise you to continue looking for some kind of help. Setting off in that direction totally sucks, I'll admit. But you can find therapists that specialize in PTSD, and even therapists that specialize in something regarding what has happened to you. I think you'd really be surprised to how many facets of that profession there are. And truth be told, the more specialized, it seems the more those are the people truly trying to help. A lot of times the people with the really specific degrees are in that position because it's something they've gone through themselves, and in the long run, might give you a more positive outcome than you've gotten in the past. Just a thought.
Regarding the rest of it, there's not much to say except that I'm totally an ear if you need it dude. But I can't stress it enough that the things we go through never have to be kept to ourselves. Sounds like (regarding your reactions to things, etc.) you could really reap a lot out of cog./behavioral steps towards finding normalcy again. It's always going to be the hardest, because regarding exposure techniques and all, you're going to really be facing whatever has happened to you - but I think it's the most promising way to get back to feelin yaself son.
keep ya head up dude,

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

shai_hulud

i don't have much advice other than you should really try to drop the idea that therapists are only in it for the pay cheque. i have a good friend that is becoming one and his heart is so very much in the right place, he genuinely cares so much about people he's decided to make a career out of it. therapy has a bad stigma but it shouldn't.

good luck man, i hope you are able to conquer what ails you.

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"There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

SkunkRancher

a single incident or decision in life should not be seen as a description of that life. experiences, good or bad, help shape a person's perspective. those perspectives teach us lessons about life. it is unfair to look back in life and judge yourself on the mistakes made. you can't change what happened, you can only change the future.

sorry, not trying to give a lecture. most of my friends and myself could be diagnosed as ptsd, just trying to share lessons learned

Waves

yeah for sure, rev's right again

PTSD is the shit that ruins the lives of army vets and shit

get some help and/or some meds for awhile, its nothing to be ashamed about

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Dantastic

Those people have no interest in getting you better, the warnings against those drugs have more than quadrupled since the early 2000's and yet they are still allowed to be shoved down peoples throats...

anti-depressants have VERY limited applications in ptsd/anxiety, and the fact that doctors KEEP prescribing them despite the warnings AND DEATHS(see thread rip mark F.) goes to show they dont care about you, or your health.

I almost died a NUMBER of times due to ssri's and that kind of crap trying to deal with my mental short commings.

Fact of the matter is, prescription drugs are a sure fire way to empty your wallet, and make your problem worse.

Dumbing Down Society Part I: Foods, Beverages and Meds | The Vigilant Citizen

Waves

^not in every case dude

to say that every person who has been helped by prescription drugs is lying is the same bullshit as the stuff you are warning against

everyone is different, you dont know how any drug will affect you until it hits your bloodstream

for the record i was on SSRI's for a few years myself and it did nothing for me, and i think they are way over-prescribed but i also know people for whom theyve really done good things

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On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow

my_scatterheart

I'm not gonna go down that road witcha Dan, cuz I know how strongly you feel about the SSRI situation, and it's not really the place to have the life long debate.
But medicine works for some people, and doesn't for others. The major problem is that some people prescribe said medications, and don't follow it up with complementary treatment.
I think it truly blows that there are people out there who get put on all this shit that does nothing for them, and then are just told to take something else. Because clearly it's not helping. And I'm sincerely sorry that you seem to have been to hell and back with that same predicament, and apparently guided by "professionals" that didn't care enough to get you the proper help you needed.
But I think it also truly blows to just spew that kind of stuff in G&S like every medication is complete shit and will never help anyone. Because it's just false. It'd be like me telling you to just take another fucking pill. Don't put someone off of a viable option that could potentially really help them in the long run.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

Dantastic

He said he already tried them and he thought they made things worse....

So I informed him that they probably were, making things worse.

Nothing more.

I never said that waves, I said that ssri's and anti-depressants have VERY limited applications in the fields of anxiety and ptsd, same with anti-epileptic medications and despite the warnings against using them as such, they still are used.

You mean how I warned mark about ssri's and then he killed himself? Yeah I totally wish id of just not warned him at all, that would have been the better thing to do.

I think both of you took my warning as saying drugs would never work for anybody, I know for a fact paxil has helped my aunt alot.

My problem with the medical community is NOT informing the public of these things and just acting like they are safe as can be.

The guy said he thought they weren't working, so I gave him some info that would shed some light into his situation.

Had he been saying how wonderful the drugs are, well id of kept my comments to myself.

my_scatterheart

Nah bro, I agree with you on a lot of that. However, saying that they have VERY limited use for PTSD or in people with anxiety problems is false. Posting the link you did just comes off adversely (opposite to what I think you might have intended?), I think.
I also didn't know your friend, but I'm sorry it worked itself out like that.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

Dantastic

I posted the link because its a valid link to alot of valid warnings about these drugs that people who take them aren't aware of.

If they read the info and still choose to take the meds, more power to them. In fact I give them a lot of respect because if you read that stuff and things are so bad that you are willing to give them a shot, then its obviously worth trying.

I just want people to be informed of what they are doing.

You're right, I mean to say anti-epileptics.

I started taking niacinamide for MY anxiety problems, and for the most part its helped. What I dont understand is the medical communities failure to detect a simple b3 deficiency in most Americans with anxiety. Yet they have no problem shoving drug after drug down your throat instead of looking for the source of the problem.

(I apologize to the op for having a debate in his thread, but im hoping maybe some of this will help you in your venture to end this ptsd)

SageTree

I'm sorry for your suffering Jonas.

I'm glad that you have an awareness that things are progressing, no matter how slow. I'm also glad you are happy to know what is 'wrong' with you, although I'd like to say that you can't be wrong because you are being you. Something happened and you are experiencing it and handling it the best way you can. The diagnosis is like that little red 'you are here' dot on the map... it's relative to the meaning you give it.

My point is you're a survivor of what happened to you and there is no right or wrong amount of time for you to grieve that experience. One day at a time, you'll get to know yourself better and will be able to develop new strategies for coping.

Strategies are another great reason to find a professional to help you. It might take some time to find the right one, or the person with the right method, but I hope something sets well in your heart with someone or something, because as was stated, PTSD is hard to get through alone. It's natural to feel alone in this I'm sure, as you were the survivor of your event and perhaps no one can understand that, But there are people out there who care who can help you in creating a picture of your own feelings, that will in turn help you piece together things.

Meds work for some people. I took paxil for 6 months in the midst of a horrible depression and it really worked for me. Don't be scared to talk seriously with your doctors about what you want from your treatment. There are also a lot of advancements in other types of medicine.

The thing about trauma, is that our bodies have experienced it, but out minds haven't made sense of the event, that is to say process it. This might seem crazy as shit, but watch this video and see what you think.

My Wife IS a counselor and she learned about this in her masters level classes. She works with sexual trauma and I shit you not, this actually helps, some people. What happens is that you talk about the event and the person taps points on the body. This gives you some physical grounding and lets the trauma begin to be processed.

This lady taps herself, but the way I know if it, a person works with you on this.

I'll ask my Wife what it's called specifically. Although this closely looks like what the tech. is, this ladies makes it seem a little elementary and snake oily..... there is actually a lot of depth to this way of working through. It's hard, it brings it to life, but it also brings clarity out of confusion. Like I said, my Wife might have better info on what actually goes on here.


You can always feel free to talk with me personally on PM. Anything you say is private and I can also consult my Wife, who I said, is a professional.... And brother believe me, she's one of the caring people out there in the business.

Thanks for letting me speak my piece. I only hope that something said by me or another helps you find the courage to keep on keeping on.

I've carried abuse and trauma with me as part of my being, and it comes up from time to time in strange ways. Even things from when I was 8-9..... I can't say it gets better... but we get better at handling it and getting to know it like all parts of our life.

Much love Jonas,
SageTree

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wellfleation

I can't say I have PTSD, however, I did grow up from age 13 till I got the fuck out with a abusive stepfather. I went to a couple of therapist as I never thought I was making ANY progress (e.g., feeling better/clearer about things). I always left feeling worse than when I went in.

Medications: antidepressants make it a chore to have an orgasm, if you can, and fat unless you simply barely eat (which is what I did as I did not want to get fat and gained only a few so I put a stop to that. So, being horny and yet not being able to cum, and on top of it, you get fat. No wonder why there is a warning that antidepressant can cause some to kill themselves. Oh, and now I'm addicted to Xanax! Great!

I was in better shape prior to therapy/seeing a psychiatrist. As I've said before, my best therapy is just not thinking about the past as much as possible and focussing on my own family. And blazing with occasional unhealthy night drinking (when everyones in bed). I am not recommending this, just stating this is how I cope.

The economy is starting to freak me out now (I am anxious about my job), especially having a family and all.

Good luck as there are no easy solutions.

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FIGHTPOWER

SageTree

Here is a link if anyone would like to do a little more reading:

PTSD is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.

Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal – such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hyper-vigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria (both DSM-IV and ICD-9) require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

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SageTree

Here is the official thing my Wife learned. What I posted is basically the same, just a different name. It's something you learn and process with a counselor and after ward the tapping becomes a way to ground yourself.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Jimmycube

I had major PTSD from being paralyzed. I still deal with it actually, but it has gotten better.

MY advice is that u just open up fully to a psychologist...this is one battle u cant win alone sadly. To get the full benefits from a psych u gotta just lay all of it out on the table which actually feels pretty good just doing that. Its true that are just getting paid to hear your problems and maybe i just have a good psychologist but the kewl thing is its somebody to just vent too basically and u know they will never let your secrets out around town and shit. Plus they have lots of good ideas how to deal with these ideas and thoughts that pop into our head, little exercises to do and such to kinda let go of all the pain and blame and shit. Things i never would have thought of, or would have never thought actually worked.

Its a fuckin battle man, its not easy by any means, it takes years and years for it to slowly start to go away. I am on year 7 and there is still lingering problems but it does get better with professional help and time. I also have a very good support system from my family *mom dad brothers sisters* and my own family *wife* and that makes a huge huge difference. I dont know what yours is like though and most of us dont really have that it seems sadly.

again my advice, is to go back to the psychs and really lay ALL of it out.

best wishes man

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Jonas

thanks for the love, light and support buddhays.

i'm off for the next 10 or so days to help organize/co-ordinate/construct a small lil festival out in the woods. I think the long break from modern society will do me good. And when I return I'll start looking into the whole professional help thing.

much love yahooka.

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Freedom to receive more in life begins with the willingness to do it differently
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SageTree

Much love Jonas!!

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