need some advice/encouragement/opinions

**Jimmycube** · 08-24-2010, 03:49 PM

OK so as some of u may know i was supposed to have died about 3 to 5 years ago according to my DRs but luckily i am still here and i need some advice.

The current job i have is starting to take a toll on my body..i have lost 17lbs over the last two months and i am really starting to just feel warn out. Plus i have been having more blackouts than usual. I used to get one every 6 months or so but lately its been happening on a monthly basis.

I feel like i should keep working cause i make bank and i feel its my responsibility to work as hard as possible to give my wife and daughter all they want. Also there is a major part of me that is trying to still make up for abandoning them and running off with my heroin dealer. I feel gutted about it even though it was years ago....it was a major betrayal and my wife doesnt bother me about it but i just cant get over it.

My wife wants me to cut down on work and focus on my health. We have enough money ware i wouldnt need to work but i just feel like i need to make up for what i did in the past (heroin and all that shit)

So....what do u guys think i should do? keep working as hard as i can till i cant any longer and thus making lots of cash but perhaps dieing sooner.....or....sho uld i cut back and focus on my health and just being with my family like my wife wants me too do but not make the cash?

i am sorry this is so long to read...but any advice would be greatly appreciated. i just feel kinda lost.......and i am a lil scared that one day i am just not gonna wake up from the blackout.

Sugar420 · 08-24-2010, 04:06 PM

i think spending time with those you love is more important than dolla billz yo

08-24-2010, 04:07 PM

hmm, I say down grade and make your wife work.

not in a negative way but, it's your wonderful life.

as in you are a beautiful person.

do what you have to do.

Jimmeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!talk to me

**Jimmycube** · 08-24-2010, 04:27 PM

i agree about time spent with loved ones being more important than $ but i was such a fuck up for so long...i cant get it out of my head. I feel like i need to make it up to them...i feel like they deserve the world and i gotta go get it for them.

Its fucked though cause we dont need the money. My wife wouldnt even have to work. she got 500,000 from the car accident law suite. its in my head and i just cant get it out.

i just always feel like i failed them so bad during my opiate years i dont know how to fix it in my own head

08-24-2010, 04:45 PM

oh Jim.

People make mistakes, we've all been there.

Oh my, just wanna look after ya.

State your case.....do they not know what you are going through?

Captain Cannabis · 08-24-2010, 04:47 PM

try asking for reduced hours. i think your reasons, if logically presented, absolutely excuse you from working so hard that it might kill you. i have no experience being in a situation where i know that i will be gone soon, so if my advice is totally wrong please don't take it.. you should spend time with your family as a 1st priority. you dont have a lot of time to waste dwelling on mistakes in the past. actually not only you, but everyone in general. if your daily condition is to be working so hard and worrying about you messed up you won't be happy. just let it go and enjoy every day as best you can.

**Jimmycube** · 08-24-2010, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turmaline

oh Jim.

People make mistakes, we've all been there.

Oh my, just wanna look after ya.

State your case.....do they not know what you are going through?

yeah they want me to just strait up quit....but i am a manager and i make close to 90 grand a year...thats pretty good for an ex junkie ex quadriplegic. So i dont wanna really give it up plus i know its wrong but i feel like they could do better than me anyways.

who wants a dad that used to be a junkie piece of shit who tried to off himself numerous times with fentanyl and heroin?

blah....i need to let it go but its hard to do so at times. i mean i really fucked up BAD.

they almost died (wife and daughter)...it took them almost dieing for me to come around...thats sad as all hell.

Lain doesnt bug me at all about it...its all just my own brain beating me down or my ego or what ever

**mothernature** · 08-24-2010, 05:04 PM

If you really want to make it up to them, you could start by listening to what your wife has already said. She says she would rather have you healthy. Believe her.

If working hard keeps you from getting strung out again, then talk to her and tell her how you feel. It sounds to me that she does want the best for you.

You say you want to give them the world. Have you considered that for them, the world may be you?

08-24-2010, 05:07 PM

I agree.

myxomatosis · 08-24-2010, 08:44 PM

Regardless of why you came back around and/or what/how long it took, the fact is you came back, and more importantly they accepted you back. I understand that that might even make things more complicated (ironically enough), but like mothernature said, you've gotta take your wife at her word. She wants you there and she wants you healthy, whatever that entails. I think the idea of reduced hours might be a safe bet, at least in the interim.

Oh and fact is regardless of what you used to be or did, they won't get any better than a dad/husband who thinks the world of them and treats them that way.

Dr. Nick Nasty · 08-25-2010, 03:36 PM

the worst gift to give yourself for long periods of time is the gift of guilt, especially when nobody is throwing it on you. take a step back and keep living man.

catastrophe · 08-25-2010, 07:00 PM

Work as much as you want, while staying as healthy as you can. Save and put away more money than you would normally, and as long as you keep yourself on the right road for your family, I think you can achieve what you want for yourself, and what your wife wants for you. Healthy, wealthy, prosperity

tedkennedy · 08-25-2010, 08:19 PM

sorry to hear your not feeling so well

if you don't need the money i think you should try and take it easy. perhaps a family vacation is in order?

**Jimmycube** · 08-26-2010, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by catastrophe

Work as much as you want, while staying as healthy as you can. Save and put away more money than you would normally, and as long as you keep yourself on the right road for your family, I think you can achieve what you want for yourself, and what your wife wants for you. Healthy, wealthy, prosperity

thanx cat!

I have been thinking about the whole situation and here is kinda ware i am at currently. I am thinking about asking for my old job back, just being project leader of the graphic design department again. That way i could go back to a creative job again *something i really have been missing* and i would only have to go into the office 3-4 days and work from home the wrest like i used too.

I think that would be a pretty happy medium. I would still make good money although not nearly as much but thats not a biggie. Plus i would still feel like i am helping out while having way more family time and it would be way less stressful and way less hours so also better for my health. I would also still stay busy enough so i wouldnt get myself in trouble with doing drugs again.

I think that would be a real happy medium and my wife agrees.

What do u guys think of the idea?

**Jimmycube** · 08-26-2010, 09:08 AM

my wife suggested it to be last night and i was like....fuck man why dint i think of that? i am really feeling good about it...i just hope the boss does as well heh.

i am still gonna take the weekend to think it all through but.....i dunno, it sounds pretty dang good

adventure · 08-26-2010, 09:29 AM

^ I think your boss will understand, you seem like a great guy and your boss is a human and as a human we all have compassion, It will all work! out good luck.

**SageTree** · 08-26-2010, 10:25 AM

I think that is worthy trying Jimmie. The work obviously helps you with your self esteem and you'll still be meeting a person you respect, in the middle.

I'm not telling you to wrap up your business or anything bro, but I think getting some professional help or resolve with the situation you feel bad about would be a HUGE relief you are keeping on yourself. That type of thing could drastically improve your well being also. Be compassionate to yourself. You are dealing with life and death issues and that is no pun or small thing. That is bound to take it toll on you. You came back to your family, your Wife doesn't sound like she's holding it over your head, and now it's your turn to forgive. Imo, the experience you had leaves you with a lot of compassion for people with hard times and that is a GREAT thing to teach your child.

Much love Jimbo.

SageTree

hijabihippie · 08-26-2010, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmycube

thanx cat!

I have been thinking about the whole situation and here is kinda ware i am at currently. I am thinking about asking for my old job back, just being project leader of the graphic design department again. That way i could go back to a creative job again *something i really have been missing* and i would only have to go into the office 3-4 days and work from home the wrest like i used too.

I think that would be a pretty happy medium. I would still make good money although not nearly as much but thats not a biggie. Plus i would still feel like i am helping out while having way more family time and it would be way less stressful and way less hours so also better for my health. I would also still stay busy enough so i wouldnt get myself in trouble with doing drugs again.

I think that would be a real happy medium and my wife agrees.

What do u guys think of the idea?

Three words: GO FOR IT!

kamikazi89 · 08-26-2010, 11:25 AM

if it happens remember this always:
use your time wisely& you'll have to cut back on all unnecasary xpenses
500,000 can disappear pretty quick

profit · 08-26-2010, 01:26 PM

life for money is always a bad trade. maybe you can find some kind of middle ground. ask for part time maybe?

i was addicted to heroin and oxy too (< avatar) and ive been clean for almost 2 years and it feels so fucking good. yeah i fucked up and yeah i woke up in the ER from an OD but all that matters is that I am alive now and I want to be alive now and neither my friends, family or I care about the past.

08-24-2010, 04:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,922 Thanks: 2,705 Thanked 3,174 Times in 1,812 Posts	try asking for reduced hours. i think your reasons, if logically presented, absolutely excuse you from working so hard that it might kill you. i have no experience being in a situation where i know that i will be gone soon, so if my advice is totally wrong please don't take it.. you should spend time with your family as a 1st priority. you dont have a lot of time to waste dwelling on mistakes in the past. actually not only you, but everyone in general. if your daily condition is to be working so hard and worrying about you messed up you won't be happy. just let it go and enjoy every day as best you can. __________________ fuck the monkeys

08-24-2010, 08:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
myxomatosis life is music Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: between a pair of headphones Posts: 3,917 Thanks: 1,026 Thanked 934 Times in 597 Posts	Regardless of why you came back around and/or what/how long it took, the fact is you came back, and more importantly they accepted you back. I understand that that might even make things more complicated (ironically enough), but like mothernature said, you've gotta take your wife at her word. She wants you there and she wants you healthy, whatever that entails. I think the idea of reduced hours might be a safe bet, at least in the interim. Oh and fact is regardless of what you used to be or did, they won't get any better than a dad/husband who thinks the world of them and treats them that way. __________________ oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird and why can't that always be tossing aside from your birches crown just enough dark to see how you're the light over me last.fm blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

08-25-2010, 03:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
Dr. Nick Nasty Reactionary Radical Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New York/New Jersey Metro Wasteland Posts: 1,049 Blog Entries: 5 Thanks: 653 Thanked 364 Times in 232 Posts	the worst gift to give yourself for long periods of time is the gift of guilt, especially when nobody is throwing it on you. take a step back and keep living man. __________________ "I do not wish any mass at all, but honest men only, lovely, sweet, accomplished women only."-Emma Goldman

08-25-2010, 07:00 PM	#12 (permalink)
catastrophe intuēri Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Minnesotaaa Posts: 1,235 Thanks: 727 Thanked 226 Times in 155 Posts	Work as much as you want, while staying as healthy as you can. Save and put away more money than you would normally, and as long as you keep yourself on the right road for your family, I think you can achieve what you want for yourself, and what your wife wants for you. Healthy, wealthy, prosperity __________________ “Liƒë Is a Drëam, From Which Wë First Must Wakë Bëƒorë Wë May Drëam Again…” RIP Gov “To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.”

08-25-2010, 08:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
tedkennedy now 14% blacker Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,229 Thanks: 71 Thanked 585 Times in 364 Posts	sorry to hear your not feeling so well if you don't need the money i think you should try and take it easy. perhaps a family vacation is in order? __________________ matthew munari

08-24-2010, 04:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sugar420 Freedom Bird Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 6,138 Thanks: 41 Thanked 183 Times in 733 Posts	i think spending time with those you love is more important than dolla billz yo

08-24-2010, 04:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
turmaline Guest Posts: n/a	hmm, I say down grade and make your wife work. not in a negative way but, it's your wonderful life. as in you are a beautiful person. do what you have to do. Jimmeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!talk to me

08-24-2010, 04:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
turmaline Guest Posts: n/a	oh Jim. People make mistakes, we've all been there. Oh my, just wanna look after ya. State your case.....do they not know what you are going through?

08-24-2010, 05:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
mothernature ancientbongmaster Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kentucky Posts: 1,232 Thanks: 1,201 Thanked 809 Times in 487 Posts	If you really want to make it up to them, you could start by listening to what your wife has already said. She says she would rather have you healthy. Believe her. If working hard keeps you from getting strung out again, then talk to her and tell her how you feel. It sounds to me that she does want the best for you. You say you want to give them the world. Have you considered that for them, the world may be you?

08-24-2010, 05:07 PM	#9 (permalink)
turmaline Guest Posts: n/a	I agree.

08-26-2010, 09:29 AM	#16 (permalink)
adventure Adventure its good Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 4,742 Thanks: 1,852 Thanked 1,466 Times in 1,093 Posts	^ I think your boss will understand, you seem like a great guy and your boss is a human and as a human we all have compassion, It will all work! out good luck. __________________ Coming Full Range

08-26-2010, 10:25 AM	#17 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 23,414 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 13,070 Thanked 6,768 Times in 4,664 Posts	I think that is worthy trying Jimmie. The work obviously helps you with your self esteem and you'll still be meeting a person you respect, in the middle. I'm not telling you to wrap up your business or anything bro, but I think getting some professional help or resolve with the situation you feel bad about would be a HUGE relief you are keeping on yourself. That type of thing could drastically improve your well being also. Be compassionate to yourself. You are dealing with life and death issues and that is no pun or small thing. That is bound to take it toll on you. You came back to your family, your Wife doesn't sound like she's holding it over your head, and now it's your turn to forgive. Imo, the experience you had leaves you with a lot of compassion for people with hard times and that is a GREAT thing to teach your child. Much love Jimbo. SageTree __________________ "What's oppressive is letting your life be confined by old definitions of what everything is." -Zen Meister my_scatterheart YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance.

08-26-2010, 01:26 PM	#20 (permalink)
profit restore the republic Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,255 Thanks: 818 Thanked 357 Times in 237 Posts	life for money is always a bad trade. maybe you can find some kind of middle ground. ask for part time maybe? i was addicted to heroin and oxy too (< avatar) and ive been clean for almost 2 years and it feels so fucking good. yeah i fucked up and yeah i woke up in the ER from an OD but all that matters is that I am alive now and I want to be alive now and neither my friends, family or I care about the past. __________________ Cowardice asks the question - is it safe? Expediency asks the question - is it politic? Vanity asks the question - is it popular? But conscience asks the question - is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. follow https://twitter.com/#!/curtiswm - sub http://www.youtube.com/user/66sicksfishstix Last edited by profit; 08-26-2010 at 01:29 PM.

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