Bearsy

I'm kind of getting sick of being this guy.

Months go by without hearing from someone and then out of the blue I'll get a text from them laying some really heavy shit on me and wanting me to help work it out with/for them.

I don't know what it is that causes this to happen but I get one or two of these every month, almost always different people. Just now I'm talking with a guy who I haven't seen in over 6 months and he's telling me about his troubles "integrating who he is and how he can't seem to define himself to define himself" into the "dominant paradigm in a productive way".

I guess I should be flattered(if that's the right word) that people feel they can come to me with their issues and trust me with some serious shit but I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't have that kind of person in my life and I guess I'm a little resentful that I'm playing this role for so many people with no one I can turn to.

As with most of my posts in G&S I don't really know where I'm going with this, so I leave it to you to take this ball and run with it.

You's all I got, Yahooka.

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SageTree

Is the problem you don't know what to say back?
OR
That you want someone to talk to?
OR
Both?

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Bearsy

I pretty much always know what to say back, I think that might be why so many people talk to me. I don't really need anyone to talk to either. I just never signed up for this. I hate being told so many secrets and problems. I wouldn't mind if it was close friends but not just anyone.

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SageTree

So random people you give your number too tell you this stuff?

You must be one lovable man Bearsy

I understand what it's like to hear other people concerns and it's fair that you feel this way. Debriefing is pretty common with people who are medics, counselors, doctors and anyone that confronts issues like this.... very natural you have this concern.

I'm not sure if the people are frequent who do this, but it might be fair to speak with them face to face so you can voice some of this back as it's really personal for you and unfair, in a way, that they are just texting you these heavy things.

Do you meet face to face or text back?
Even an online chat would be good I think.

You have boundaries too, maybe you should start texting your friends and asking for help on how to deal with friends who need your help on heavy shit ?

Journaling is a good way to get it off your chest and in a way.... that is what YaHooka is. So maybe if you don't have anyone to talk about with these things we're just the best option. I don't think there is anything bad about that, and it could avoid the confidentiality issues that come up when talking about friends, even though it's good intentioned.

Thanks for being a person people can turn to. It's not easy always, but helping others we also can help ourselves and see a gift or skill that we have.

Keep in touch on the subject, and I'll say, I am okay for consulting.

SageTree


*PS....My Wife is a counselor so I have someone to debrief with so it's all good to share, please. I'm on your AIM so if you see me on there as well, pipe up

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kitch

well christ bearsy

just don't be that guy

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illest12

bearsy, i know you are very good natured so its hard to turn away the victims of this world. But I used to have the same problem and you think it would be hard to just ignore them but once you do it, you will feel so much better.

Sometimes whatever they have going on can wear you down emotionally (at least it did for me) and that's fine if it's a good chum...but not for someone that you really aren't close with. So just try to gaurd yourself I guess. You dont deserve to be someone's emotional bell hop.

Also i think if you want to respond just say something short while still being genuine...but you know..just kind of end the conversation there.

It doesnt sound like these people care about you as much as they care about what you think about what they should do/how you can help them

kitch

also, I'm not sure sage is the person to take advice from on this topic.

no offense sage.

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illest12

btw the title of this thread could be the next R Kelly song

girl, ill be your
text. message. therapist.
come to my crib
my dick massage better than a therapist...

Mafoo

my advice would be, if you are being brought down by trying to handle other peoples problems, stop being so available. sometimes people get down for w/e reason, and they just need someone to send them some positive vibes, regardless of the quality of advice you give them.

having a tough time putting the right words together here...

maybe it would be best if you gave more general advice and let people decipher their own meanings rather than relying on you to do the thinking for them, because it sounds like its kind of wearing you out...

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Mikey

if your feeling overwhelmed just text back: "fuck man i got my own problems"

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RIP Gov

farmergiles

Or text back "run 4 ur lives the lizards r coming!"

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

Geeno

I keep reading this thread title as Text Message The Rapist

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myxomatosis

Just tell them to fuck off.

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oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird
and why can't that always be
tossing aside from your birches crown
just enough dark to see
how you're the light over me

last.fm
blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

Bearsy

I can't though.

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SageTree

I didn't mean to imply it as a duty.

And not everyone is cut out for this as was mentioned by illest as 'emotionally ready' and if I didn't make that clear with the.....

Quote:
"You have boundaries too, maybe you should start texting your friends and asking for help on how to deal with friends who need your help on heavy shit" ?

....comment, that is what I meant to imply.

Some of the words in my post came from the 'if people are going to tell you this crap and you can't stop it' then there are a few suggestions about processing that info that you are told.

I think it's cool/interesting/special that people are able to talk w/ you. But like I said, that doesn't mean that if its outside of your boundaries that you conform to that exception.

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AfroHorse

send them a picture of your dick

tedkennedy

thats what people do, usually dont go back to old friends until the shit hits the fan and they want to get all emotional. we are all guilty of it sometimes

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matthew munari

~1~

You need to be this guy...




Listen, help, move on...

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SageTree

Any developments on this Bearsy?

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