gimme dat advice

tedkennedy · 03-04-2011, 05:23 PM

i am 23 single, not the best track record with the opposite sex, but not totally inexperienced either. i had terrible anxiety disorder throughout my young adult life stage, used a lot of drugs and was pretty isolated for a long time.

in past year i have gotten better, my life is more stable, im a little better at being outwardly social with people but i still have most of the same qualities and its very hard for me to meet and be friendly with attractive single females, the more attractive the more intimidating to me. even being as anti social as i am over the years i have had a handful of good looking girls interested in me and i just fucked it up due to anxiety and panic attacks. now i have zero prospects, no outlet to meet anyone new, all i do is work and get uglier and stupider

so anyway, onto my current situation and why i ask for your advice: i am friendly with one girl at my old job on a casual level, she is kind, has a sense of humor and she is from an asian country that interests me and allows for endless source of conversation. i invited her to go see a movie the other night and it was a very pleasant experience, i felt very comfortable, and i did not get that intense anxiety. the problem with this girl is that she is not very physically attractive to me, not ugly but not my approximate equal in physical attractiveness (not to sound like i am shallow, but it is true that humans tend to match up according to how they look). looks arent important to me but being a neurotic person, i also worry about what people will think. i cant imagine inviting this person to a family gathering with my judgmental quasi-racist relatives, it would be ridiculous to say the least. on the other hand, i think she is charming, i enjoy her company, am pretty lonely and my prospects elsewhere are slim. at the same time i do not want to lead this person on because of my own problems and risk hurt her feelings somewhere in the future.

what do you guys think?

my_scatterheart · 03-04-2011, 05:41 PM

A)I think you're fucking cute. So... you're cute. Deal with it.
B)Fuck what relatives think in that regard. Do what you do, and worry not over the bs.
C)If you enjoy her, then enjoy her. If you want to pursue fuckage, pursue fuckage. But if it's only fuckage, just don't throw "love" around, don't fix her dishwasher, and don't send her a dozen flowers at a time. Anything else incurred is her responsibility as far as emotions. Women get attached unnecessarily, but at a certain point it's out of your hands regardless. But it's life. She'll get over it if it happens, I promise.

**Mafoo** · 03-04-2011, 05:46 PM

forget about inexperience and whatever your past may hold. dont let that stuff affect you now. you are an intellegent dude so you will probably over think everything you do. its better to just do what you feel when it comes to these situations

tedkennedy · 03-04-2011, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by my_scatterheart

A)I think you're fucking cute. So... you're cute. Deal with it.
B)Fuck what relatives think in that regard. Do what you do, and worry not over the bs.
C)If you enjoy her, then enjoy her. If you want to pursue fuckage, pursue fuckage. But if it's only fuckage, just don't throw "love" around, don't fix her dishwasher, and don't send her a dozen flowers at a time. Anything else incurred is her responsibility as far as emotions. Women get attached unnecessarily, but at a certain point it's out of your hands regardless. But it's life. She'll get over it if it happens, I promise.

getting fuckage is so god damn difficult. where the hell are all the sluts these days.

but actually i think you are right, i should just keep in casual, see what happens. i am thinking too far down the line and thinking about commitment too early. i dont know what she thinks or expects but it should be ok to just hang out as friends. i wont make any moves and just see what happens. the thing is though its hard to invite a girl somewhere and its just you and her and not have it considered a "date".

shai_hulud · 03-04-2011, 06:47 PM

places you feel too insecure to venture to.

Geeno · 03-04-2011, 07:08 PM

^swat im sayin brah

But realistically I'm forever alone like you too right now and I dont particularly worry about it. Neither you or I are the average nigga so we can't act like the societal norms of dating world and such are going to apply to us.

I have had prospects like your asian where I feel like I'm too cute for them, and I just kinda friend zone them right away... then get super intimidated by way hot girls. But recently that intimidation has waned for I have seen the way hot girls for what they are... self conscious beings like the rest of us on earth.

I mean look at all the complete dbags that arent even good looking walking around with dimes... What does that tell you? That theres really fuck all logic to broadly apply to relationships. It's about individuals. It's circumstantial, it's a gamble and you're simply not going to win them all.

SmokeaJoint · 03-04-2011, 08:47 PM

Damn Geeno, real talk mang.

tedkennedy · 03-05-2011, 09:32 AM

geeno drops wisdom up in this piece

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geeno

^swat im sayin brah

But realistically I'm forever alone like you too right now and I dont particularly worry about it. Neither you or I are the average nigga so we can't act like the societal norms of dating world and such are going to apply to us.

ayup.

Captain Cannabis · 03-05-2011, 09:46 AM

you probably don't have enough time in this world to worry about what your family thinks of everything you do. worry about what you think, and also probably the girl. I kind of relate to this post in terms of futility with girls. i had a couple girlfriends but nothing actually serious before my current gf who i have been dating for almost 2 years now. if it doesn't feel like its right, its probably not. it always seemed like i never met any girls that were truly interesting to chase after, but when i did it was pretty damned obvious.

tedkennedy · 03-05-2011, 09:53 AM

i want to tell you guys its very heartening to me how well you guys understand me and share my experiences.

Geeno · 03-05-2011, 04:10 PM

I spent most of today on plentyoffish.com sending messages to all attractive girls who have similar interests. Some decent convos have spawned.

Went better than expected.

And ted we've been reading each others thoughts for at least 5 years, which considering the general age group of this site - is a very transitioning 5 years to have that kind of communication throughout. Its p cool.

José · 03-05-2011, 05:04 PM

Once you realize that people are thinking about themselves just as much as you think about yourself you come to a point where you realize people aren't judging you like you thought they were. It makes things a lot easier to handle.

shai_hulud · 03-05-2011, 05:17 PM

Plenty of fish is how I started and got great results. Not because I landed the girl I'm with on there, but rather, I started slow and got to know girls I met on the site, dated them when I got comfortable, and if they weren't right, moved on. This gave me experience and confidence. It's just easier to start off really slow; pm's, phone, then if all is good, date. The girl I'm with now is a girl I've liked for a lot longer, but didn't have the confidence or experience to actually pursue in real life prior to POF.

Online dating is a good dating tool, heh.

turmaline · 03-05-2011, 05:34 PM

You guys are cute. I find talking online one of the hardest things to do. Once you type something you can't really go back and things you say are taken maybe not the way you intended them to be taken. IRL is much more better I find. Good luck TK try not to think too much. You are a nice guy.

tedkennedy · 03-06-2011, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shai_hulud

Plenty of fish is how I started and got great results. Not because I landed the girl I'm with on there, but rather, I started slow and got to know girls I met on the site, dated them when I got comfortable, and if they weren't right, moved on. This gave me experience and confidence. It's just easier to start off really slow; pm's, phone, then if all is good, date. The girl I'm with now is a girl I've liked for a lot longer, but didn't have the confidence or experience to actually pursue in real life prior to POF.

Online dating is a good dating tool, heh.

interesting, online dating sites never occured to me

Geeno · 03-06-2011, 07:35 AM

Dude I got two phone numbers out of yesterday - both seemingly hot, one actually wants to like check out a waterfall in the mountains (idk what kinda weirdo wants to run off into the woods with someone from the internet but im a nice guy so low risk but namsayin?) and the other one i think is a flight attendant and she just wants to hook up!

Oh and I got way drunk and dropped my standards like a hot rock last night and PLEASE TED PLEASE DONT BE LIKE ME. Had to ninja slip the fuck out at 5AM come home, confess sins to irc and scrub myself clean (as possible). Hold out young teodoro, hold out.

Ego Tripping · 03-07-2011, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tedkennedy

looks arent important to me but being a neurotic person, i also worry about what people will think.

Then I say you missed the point of meeting someone and are failed out the gate. Hold off until you can love (or at least really like) yourself enough to not care what others will think. Then you'll quickly find that 'special someone'...and won't really care what anyone thinks about it.

Dr. Nick Nasty · 03-08-2011, 01:44 PM

Quote:

C)If you enjoy her, then enjoy her. If you want to pursue fuckage, pursue fuckage. But if it's only fuckage, just don't throw "love" around, don't fix her dishwasher, and don't send her a dozen flowers at a time. Anything else incurred is her responsibility as far as emotions. Women get attached unnecessarily, but at a certain point it's out of your hands regardless. But it's life. She'll get over it if it happens, I promise.

I've been here and done this. It can be quite liberating provided the other person stays mature.

**SageTree** · 03-08-2011, 01:48 PM

^ +2 *wink wink know whatta' mean? know whatta' mean?

Say no more!

I don't think it's fair to put attachment squarely on the wiminz.... check yo' self once in a while too.

my_scatterheart · 03-08-2011, 01:56 PM

Attachment is solely the woman's problem if the attachment is hers - is what I was getting at

03-04-2011, 05:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
tedkennedy now 14% blacker Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,229 Thanks: 71 Thanked 585 Times in 364 Posts	gimme dat advice i am 23 single, not the best track record with the opposite sex, but not totally inexperienced either. i had terrible anxiety disorder throughout my young adult life stage, used a lot of drugs and was pretty isolated for a long time. in past year i have gotten better, my life is more stable, im a little better at being outwardly social with people but i still have most of the same qualities and its very hard for me to meet and be friendly with attractive single females, the more attractive the more intimidating to me. even being as anti social as i am over the years i have had a handful of good looking girls interested in me and i just fucked it up due to anxiety and panic attacks. now i have zero prospects, no outlet to meet anyone new, all i do is work and get uglier and stupider so anyway, onto my current situation and why i ask for your advice: i am friendly with one girl at my old job on a casual level, she is kind, has a sense of humor and she is from an asian country that interests me and allows for endless source of conversation. i invited her to go see a movie the other night and it was a very pleasant experience, i felt very comfortable, and i did not get that intense anxiety. the problem with this girl is that she is not very physically attractive to me, not ugly but not my approximate equal in physical attractiveness (not to sound like i am shallow, but it is true that humans tend to match up according to how they look). looks arent important to me but being a neurotic person, i also worry about what people will think. i cant imagine inviting this person to a family gathering with my judgmental quasi-racist relatives, it would be ridiculous to say the least. on the other hand, i think she is charming, i enjoy her company, am pretty lonely and my prospects elsewhere are slim. at the same time i do not want to lead this person on because of my own problems and risk hurt her feelings somewhere in the future. what do you guys think? __________________ matthew munari

03-04-2011, 05:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,328 Times in 1,870 Posts	A)I think you're fucking cute. So... you're cute. Deal with it. B)Fuck what relatives think in that regard. Do what you do, and worry not over the bs. C)If you enjoy her, then enjoy her. If you want to pursue fuckage, pursue fuckage. But if it's only fuckage, just don't throw "love" around, don't fix her dishwasher, and don't send her a dozen flowers at a time. Anything else incurred is her responsibility as far as emotions. Women get attached unnecessarily, but at a certain point it's out of your hands regardless. But it's life. She'll get over it if it happens, I promise. __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

03-04-2011, 05:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: the anguish of anticipated transformation Posts: 5,975 Thanks: 3,776 Thanked 2,652 Times in 1,698 Posts	forget about inexperience and whatever your past may hold. dont let that stuff affect you now. you are an intellegent dude so you will probably over think everything you do. its better to just do what you feel when it comes to these situations __________________ PLUR For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

03-04-2011, 06:47 PM	#5 (permalink)
shai_hulud Om nom Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ab, ca Posts: 2,161 Thanks: 440 Thanked 600 Times in 335 Posts	places you feel too insecure to venture to. __________________ "There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

03-05-2011, 09:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
Captain Cannabis safety word: more Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: m.i.a. Posts: 13,922 Thanks: 2,705 Thanked 3,174 Times in 1,812 Posts	you probably don't have enough time in this world to worry about what your family thinks of everything you do. worry about what you think, and also probably the girl. I kind of relate to this post in terms of futility with girls. i had a couple girlfriends but nothing actually serious before my current gf who i have been dating for almost 2 years now. if it doesn't feel like its right, its probably not. it always seemed like i never met any girls that were truly interesting to chase after, but when i did it was pretty damned obvious. __________________ fuck the monkeys

03-05-2011, 09:53 AM	#10 (permalink)
tedkennedy now 14% blacker Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 3,229 Thanks: 71 Thanked 585 Times in 364 Posts	i want to tell you guys its very heartening to me how well you guys understand me and share my experiences. __________________ matthew munari

03-05-2011, 05:04 PM	#12 (permalink)
José YaHookan Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 3,364 Thanks: 62 Thanked 147 Times in 72 Posts	Once you realize that people are thinking about themselves just as much as you think about yourself you come to a point where you realize people aren't judging you like you thought they were. It makes things a lot easier to handle.

03-05-2011, 05:17 PM	#13 (permalink)
shai_hulud Om nom Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ab, ca Posts: 2,161 Thanks: 440 Thanked 600 Times in 335 Posts	Plenty of fish is how I started and got great results. Not because I landed the girl I'm with on there, but rather, I started slow and got to know girls I met on the site, dated them when I got comfortable, and if they weren't right, moved on. This gave me experience and confidence. It's just easier to start off really slow; pm's, phone, then if all is good, date. The girl I'm with now is a girl I've liked for a lot longer, but didn't have the confidence or experience to actually pursue in real life prior to POF. Online dating is a good dating tool, heh. __________________ "There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

03-05-2011, 05:34 PM	#14 (permalink)
turmaline hotdog! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: CANADA Posts: 1,674 Thanks: 513 Thanked 927 Times in 536 Posts	You guys are cute. I find talking online one of the hardest things to do. Once you type something you can't really go back and things you say are taken maybe not the way you intended them to be taken. IRL is much more better I find. Good luck TK try not to think too much. You are a nice guy.

03-08-2011, 01:48 PM	#19 (permalink)
SageTree ~Kalyāṇa-mitrā~ Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: In Love Posts: 23,414 Blog Entries: 26 Thanks: 13,070 Thanked 6,768 Times in 4,664 Posts	^ +2 *wink wink know whatta' mean? know whatta' mean? Say no more! I don't think it's fair to put attachment squarely on the wiminz.... check yo' self once in a while too. __________________ "What's oppressive is letting your life be confined by old definitions of what everything is." -Zen Meister my_scatterheart YaHooka is.... Cannabis lovers from around the world pulling up a comfy chair, picking up a vaporizer, a bong, a brownie, a pipe, or a joint, getting high, stoned, buzzed or healthy. Uniting our minds in conversation...While Portraying a Positive Image of marijuana and marijuana users to the world. Treat your fellow YaHookans with kindness,respect and tolerance.

03-08-2011, 01:56 PM	#20 (permalink)
my_scatterheart Today, I am alive. Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: NJ Posts: 3,565 Thanks: 1,486 Thanked 3,328 Times in 1,870 Posts	Attachment is solely the woman's problem if the attachment is hers - is what I was getting at __________________ Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

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