C20H25N3O

Low self esteem. not like i hate myself. I just cant value anything i do. Nothing in my life is what i want it to be, and at this point im too paralyzed by pain and fear of further damage that i cant do anything to improve any aspect of my life. I have no one i can talk to- parents are pretty much just the biological reason i exist, and a means of financial aid. My girlfriend can talk to me, but is honestly too biased to help me out. I mean hell im completely emotionally isolated from everyone in my life. I dont party any more, or really socialize at all. All of my friendships are forced formalities. every 'real' friend i had has moved or cut ties with me. I feel like everyone i talk to wears a facade. no one can be real with me, even my fucking parents.

so where can i go? change is essential, a vital element in life itself, but at this point my life is completely stagnant. I need to improve my relationship with myself before i can do anything else. everything on the internet is the same- repeating positive mantras, remind yourself of past compliments etc.. but thats not what i want. I dont want a fake relationship with anyone, let alone myself.

so... where to turn?

please serious responses only, this isn't the forum for uninformed opinions or shittalking. Thanks.

Grieves

sounds like you base too much of the opinion of yourself on what other people think...

make yourself happy first and all the rest will fall into place...

next place to go is to a mirror and ask yourself, "am i doing everything i can do to make myself happy, or am i just going through the motions"

If the answer is no, do not be afraid to make any changes necessary to felicitate that happiness...

also here is this, not to insult but for perspective...

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C20H25N3O

Its not about anyone else. I live by this aldous huxley quote- "We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes"- so i've grown immune to anyone elses opinion. I just need to break out of my own damn head for 5 minutes.

And yes, i am just going through the motions.

thank you for the reply

ChiefBongWater

Well, you say that youre afraid of further damage that you cant do anything to improve any aspect of your life. The truth is it's not going to change on its own, you gotta be the one to change it man.

Maybe you should see a therapist. They get paid to "keep it real" ya know, they at least wont be biased. you said "I need to improve my relationship with myself before i can do anything else" & I think a therapist is the place to start.

theres tons of people out there that feel the exact same way. Good luck too you though

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The Rev

Sounds like you're not really looking for advice, but rather someone who will really listen for a change. Feeling alone is my specialty. No one I know really gets what I'm talking about, when I talk about things that actually matter to me. It makes me lonely and resentful.

PM me if you like. I will be glad to listen to what you have to say, without offering advice or making judgements.



The Rev

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SageTree

These are all super thoughtful responses my Friends.
I'm happy to know so many caring people

I hope you don't mind if I add a little of my own perspective to these.

I changed the sequence .....

Making happy vs Going through the motions is an act of being present and deciding/practicing/believing there can be change.

But rather than asking how to "make" yourself happy consider the question....

"When am I happy or do I feel okay with myself?"

Perhaps looking a little further at some point as to the common stream present in those moments....

Seeing that chances are... there IS already some happiness in your life.

And if you don't see any... maybe consider if you are 'going through the motions'.

Practicing gratitude for what already exists, even the small things, is a catalyst for positive change.

Rather than making yourself happy, you're taking steps , what at least in word sounds more gentle, to be becoming happy.

Being able to shift the perspective is key. This is the simplest, yet hardest to do, 'change' we can practice or 'make' happen to 'facilitate that happiness'..

And then hopefully, through seeing how many things are already 'in place', you can feel less over whelmed and less stuck where you are at.

Coming to us to talk about it is already a way you're starting to give voice to your concerns.

It might not seem like much, but coming here and typing all that our is a form of wading into those feelings and processing them a little bit, perhaps asking if 'that really needs to be said', because, 'is that how you really feel'? It's good you feel safe to explore a bit here and am sure that in and of itself feels like a relief of sorts.

You are on 'the change' road ..... your Becoming...

There has been points in my life that I've felt stuck. Extreme Rage and Anger was one I could get over the hump on. I went to talk to a counselor for 4-5 sessions, usually there are 6 in a 'treatment', but after even that many I felt a LOT better and able to move and be freer in my Self.

He gave me some tools in how to be aware of what the emotions felt like when they were starting to happen. i.e. "notice what pissed me the fuck off" I had a mindfulness meditation practice at the time as well and this increased my 'seeing' greatly.

I still get angry from time to time, but it's a light chance of showers compared to my old Self, but more and more I'm able to see emotion as a light signaling a passion or offense to my Ego, consider what to do, if anything more than recognizing is due, and trying to act accordingly. Transforming the 'fuel' of emotion into something neutral or even positive.

A couple of years after the fact, in a heated debate with myself, I discovered a lot of my anger had really come from pain and I was able to be proactive on the topic of that pain and I began to feel a lot better about the world.

BTW... the really awesome question my Wife asked me when I was raging about the pain and state of the world was this:

And Brother let me tell you, that shifted me into caring mode and I preceded to debate with myself for nearly 45 mins.

In the end of that talk I came out on the other side 'half full' thinking that seeing the world any other way was crazy And dude... I never had that belief in my whole life.... like truly experienced it mindfully.

Maybe that question will help.

However... my point in sharing that is that counseling might be a good venue, if for nothing else, it's a safe place to explore what's on your mind and troubling you. I don't credit it with ALL my changes, but it was a turning point in the road that began my journey that 5 yrs later culminated in me truly and firmly feeling good about myself....

Even though I may not always be happy... specifically, I can rest at ease knowing that I know happiness is only a shift of the mind away, that I've done it before, reenforced in large and small ways, and that I can do it again.

My other point in sharing that story is to speak to what Chief said about "Not being the only one" .....

You got US Babe!

Rev is also a good example of the 'second' Lone Ranger out there on the prairie. I believe that when we talk to each other it helps everyone involved. Speaking for myself, he helps me feel heard and understood. He has been a good Friend for me to talk to. Even if we only see each other from across the valley at times, I know there is some one out there who cares and will listen. And evening around the 'camp fire' having a heart to heart from time to time fills me up,helps me sustain and has given me a lot of assistance in organizing my thoughts.

I'd highly recommend PM or talking with him. He's true to his word.


Take care,
SageTree

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