peaceandlovejojo

Something I've suffered with for as long as I can recall, it's become part of who I am, sadly. Are some of us just destined to be sad? Is it in our make up? If my life were different, easier, maybe no money worries, etc. Would I still suffer from depression? My guess is yes. Anyone ever think about this?
I'm tired of feeling like this all the time, I have plenty to be thankful for, as well as plenty more to be pissed about. I wish it were possible to hide under the covers and skip life, because it truly feels like the best of life is over and done. I kinda hope the world ends next year. But with my luck.... I'll still be here.. Not looking for pity, trust me. Just knowing I'm not alone in these feelings would help, beyond that I don't expect much.
Hope this makes sense to someone.

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The Rev

I know just how you feel. I've been taking SSRI's for depression for over 10 years. I don't know if the problem is a medical one for you as well. I do know, though, that you have a lot of weight on your shoulders, and have for a very long time, and that can weigh a person down regardless of their predispositions.

That thing about wanting to hide out from life for awhile. That really resonates with me, too. In fact, there have been days where I've done just that: spent all day distracting myself with sleep, or the internet, or any of a number of compulsive activities, just to not have to deal with that overwhelmed feeling that seems like it's just about to drop on me all the time.



The Rev

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peaceandlovejojo

Yes, been officially called "clinically depressed" by numerous doctors. Been on many ssri's, since mid 20's, finally stuck with the Welbutrin for about four years. It seems to be the least of the evil ssri's. In my case Rev, I cannot skip out. I have a loved one depending on me, 24/7. Not complaining in the least, just tired and fearful of caregiver burn out. I guess if I really tried, and even asked for help once in a while, that would help. But I'm stubborn, and I think I must want to feel the weight of the world on my
Shoulders huh? Who knows. I do know I'm where I'm supposed to be, good or bad, easy or difficult. Just wish the fun, carefree years didn't go
By so damn fast! Life is what we make it right?
Time to get high.

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peaceandlovejojo

p.s.
Thanks for being one of the few folks not scared to talk about this crap.

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The Rev

Well, skipping out is overrated. You think you're getting a reprieve, but since all those problems are still out there, you worry about them as well as beating up on yourself for not dealing with them. Avoidance is a recipe for increased suffering.

You should ask for help, tho. I mean, I'm sure you can handle all the work yourself, but then it's just you with your thoughts, telling you all kinds of worrisome and stressful stuff. Better to have someone there to help you get out of your head, and maybe talk a bit about how you're feeling, too. It can help so much to have someone to talk to, if they're someone who understands what you're going through.



Jim

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Qui-Bong Jinn

I know I'm young, and inexperianced with these things, but like you said, it helps to know that you aren't the only one going through this, and your not, I've felt the same way for a while now, and its slowly getting better, well not really, I'm just starting to get used of it I guess, but I've realized now that life goes on, and doesn't stop regardless of how you feel, so its best to just try to look at things positively, and make the best of what you got.

Hope things start looking up for you

Mafoo

sometimes the easiest way out of a rut is to just do something completely out of your normal routine. doesnt have to be a huge endeavor, just a change of pace to get the juices flowing.



obviously clinical depression is a disease, not just a "rut", but i think it might help

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Suliman

I think a lot of it is merely perspective. changing the circumstances of your life wont do anything, all you have to do is change the perspective you have on the life you already live.

Its a lot easier said than done, but you create your own reality. While depression may not be the result of a deliberate effort on your part to perceive things negatively, it may be a lack of effort to perceive things in a positive light.

Changing someones outlook is like changing who they are; its difficult but not impossible. You have to be willing and receptive to change, and embrace whatever catalyst causes it.

just my 2 cents

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MellowLady

I can relate to the pain of depression, as well. I've taken anti-depressants, off and on, for years. Recently, I've been prescribed anti-anxiety meds, too. Those and a few joints get me through the worst of days.

Best wishes, Jojo!

peaceandlovejojo

I understand and do agree with what you're trying to get across.
I'm not going to whine about my (our) life, and say how not fair it is, or that we seem to have been set on a rather bumpy road. Perhaps if you could see what I see, everyday. It is difficult to change one's self/perspective/outlook, when you are faced with such illness, suffering, shadowed with such the grimmest prognosis. THE poorest prognosis in the now, may yes being future strength and fortitude, but seeing your dearest loved one hurt, and degrade, and basically lose themselves to an illness, it's REALLY HARD to look at things any differently than how they are.. SAD.
I'm still grateful for the time left, we are having enough quality, to keep the rest worth it, it's not getting easier, and it's not going away.
I know, and I've said, my husband came along in my life and gave me strength, with that I'll have to be ok, in the end.
For now I still feel sad, cheated, jipped out of life, and pretty much super pissed off!!

I'm seeing both sides, but I'm hanging somewhere between..

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