AnimalLover420

By my age, most people have dealt with the loss of a grandparent. In fact, many of my friends don't have any grandparents left. I have been lucky to make it this far without knowing what it's like to lose someone who helped raise me. Until this morning, that is, when my dear grandmother passed away. Her health has been declining for years now. I've been trying to mentally prepare myself, knowing what was coming. She's been in such bad shape lately that my heart skips a beat when I see a call coming in from my dad, scared that he might have bad news. Then today, on my way out the door to go to work, I got the message that she's gone. I have a ridiculously strong work ethic and was attempting to still go in when my husband stopped me and pointed out that I was a blubbering mess and there's no way I could make it through the day like that. So he sat with me and let me cry it out.

I'm not sure what my goal is with this thread. Perhaps if you have any words of wisdom on how to deal with the loss of someone who helped shape you, that would be appreciated. Love and kindness are always welcome too. And maybe if you guys don't mind, I could tell you a few of my favorite things about her?...

- I have my grandma to thank for the fact that I could never settle for being a ditzy woman. She pushed me very hard to do well in school and to seek knowledge outside of school as well, because she thought each person should see the inherent value in learning.

- Every time I have my nose in a book, I am fulfilling the example she set for me. She was an avid reader herself, and from the time I first started reading she nourished that quality in me. To this day, one of my favorite things to do is get all wrapped up in a good book.

- Many people in my family are racist and say insensitive things. She never took part in that. She had a very pure soul and never once did I catch her saying anything negative toward any group of people. I admired that about her from an early age and I think she helped me escape any unnecessary hate that I could have allowed myself to harbor.

- My grandma taught me the value of being a lady. When I was young, I thought her opinions were dated. And I don't follow all of her beliefs in this respect (those of you who know the kind a language I use will understand). But I picked up certain lessons and have incorporated them into who I am. For example, I'm not a fighter. I will probably sound old-fashioned and possibly a little sexist for saying this, but I think a woman's job is to be sweet and nurturing to others, not to buck up and throw punches. I don't belch at the dinner table or play with my phone while having a conversation. I used to fight her on some of these things, but I've noticed her influence in parts of my personality and I think sometimes it's okay to be old-fashioned.

- She was very "live and let live". Some of my religious family members freely expressed their disapproval when my husband and I lived together before we were married. I never let their opinions sway my decisions, but I also got sick of hearing it. My grandma always made me feel loved and accepted. She let me live my life the way I chose without ever reprimanding me for the choices I made. I will always be thankful for the fact that I could talk to her about anything and know that she would listen and offer any encouragement I might need without judgment.

My grandma was a sweet, lovely woman who gathered many loyal friends throughout her lifetime. I hope I can live my life in a way that would make her proud. She lived a long life and died peacefully, and I know I should feel blessed for those reasons but it's still very shocking to know I won't see her again in this life. Thanks, friends, for letting me talk about these things with you all.

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HTAM

All these things that you post- they just tell me that your Grandma is with you-

Be good to yourself and let the cry happen. Don't suppress the grief. You pay now, or pay later, and the interest rate that grief charges when you pay later is unbelievable.

The last few memorials I have attended, I have taken a giant helium filled balloon and a Sharpie with me. Anyone who wants to write a message on it can. And then I let it go at the end of the service.

Waves

Sucks losing grandparents

Good vibes <3

adventure

Im sorry for your lose. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 12! Your family is in my thoughts hunny

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Coming Full Range

Mercury

thanks for sharing, AL.

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my_scatterheart

Sorry babe. I still remember the night I lost one of my grandmothers. Both were huge parts of my life, .. we seem very similar in that respect. I stumbled home, couldn't see straight.
I've told myself a thousand times over since that night that I only hope to be half of the woman she was. It occurred to me years later that I already am. That if we allow it, we can hold the strength and character that these women maintained.
Something I remind myself on the regular stemmed from thoughts of my grandmom's way. "White heart, good intentions."
There's not much to say here except that there's nothing in the world that could honor her more than to continue to be the lovely woman you are, and to continually remind yourself of her character. One day down the line you'll probably be a grandmother yourself. And we both know how important it is that when you get to that point in your life, that you can be the same shining example that your grandma was.

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Be mindful even if your mind is full. -J. De La Vega

AnimalLover420

That was very sweet and encouraging, Scatter. I feel like I fall short sometimes. My grandma was known to sit quietly, stifling any disapproving looks she might have, if someone said something she disagreed with. That is a major separation point between her personality and mine. I guess I got a lot of my mom's firecracker spirit, because she and I can both be very vocal about things we're passionate about. Maybe if I hold onto that part of myself but also remember to be kind and accepting like my grandma, perhaps I could find a nice balance where I am able to speak my mind but I also have the wisdom to know when it's not necessary. Thanks for your words, sweetness.

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The Rev

It sounds like you're the kind of woman your grandmother would be proud of, and I can tell you, as a parent and a new grandparent, that's really all that matters. We just want to see those who come after us living happy lives and doing well. I'm sure she left this life content.



The Rev

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farmergiles

She sounds like a very astute gentle lady. RIP

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

Mafoo

thanks for sharing your memory, sorry for your loss

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Jester4yall

She sounds like she was a great person. I'm sorry for your familys loss.

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In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson

You will encounter many distractions and many temptations to put your goal aside: The security of a job, a wife who wants kids, whatever. But if you hang in there, always following your vision, I have no doubt you will succeed. - Larry Flynt

osirus2020

I'm sorry Al, I can only imagine

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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

unoit

(((HUGS))) from us up on the WET Coast!!!!!

It's hard to say Sis...but the days do get Better!!!

wellfleation

She sounds like a woman ahead of her time.

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FIGHTPOWER

wellfleation

Oh, and for every great human being we lose, they are replaced with 3 ass-holes.

It sucks, but in my experience, it seems to be true.

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FIGHTPOWER

AnimalLover420

Funeral was today, and I'm seeing the beginnings of a split in the family already in progress. I guess Grandma was the glue.

Considering she lived a long life and was in such poor health that she was literally praying to die on the day she passed, shouldn't I be less of a mess right now?

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HTAM

That is common when a family loses a matriarch.

It's also common to feel some disconnect between family members.

BudSniffer

My grandmother on my mom's side is my only living grandparent and she turned 90 this year.... She sounds a lot like your grandmother...I am so sorry for your loss. I just saw this post today.
It sounds like she instilled some good values in you, which I think is super cool and rare now days. So her influence and presence will be in your life forever
When I have a death in the family, my main thought is, this is only temporary, we will meet again one day, and it will be so cool.....

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"Nobody thinks the way that I do, I guess nobody dares. My head's so full of things, I set my mind free of them. I'm breaking the rules, breaking all the rules. " -Ozzy Osbourne

eldizle

was partially raised by my grandmother, she died lingering after a stroke. You post brought back a lot of memories. Bad at first, but then awesome, thinking of how grateful i am to be raised by such an amazing lady. they don't make 'em like that anymore.

my condolences.

Jester4yall

I noticed something like this when my aunt Carroll died. People deal with loss in their own ways. It's nothing to worry or get upset about.

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In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson

You will encounter many distractions and many temptations to put your goal aside: The security of a job, a wife who wants kids, whatever. But if you hang in there, always following your vision, I have no doubt you will succeed. - Larry Flynt