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Old 02-23-2013, 06:34 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post
I have nothing. No money. No job. No car. No marriage. Everyone in my immediate family looks upon me with contempt. The more I hurt, the more I feel the presence of their indifference, if not satisfaction, over my condition. I have never felt this hopeless and terrible in my life. I have no idea what to do. This hurts so fucking much!



The Rev

Rev,

My apologies for not keeping abreast on everything that has been happening with you, especially the last two weeks.

I am not going to tell you to feel this way or that....
But will say I don't agree about you 'having nothing'.

There are a lot of people here for you, Brother.
We believe in you and are very interested in your happiness.

ki11a is right about 'not killing yourself'.... just 'die' to your old life and keep on truckin' man.

Peace be with you,
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:37 AM   #22 (permalink)
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having nothing ain't so bad really, especially if all you had was shit.

with nothing you can start again, fresh like a clean page.

You always have your experience and wisdom and knowledge, you also have your pride, no one can take these things away from you.

What is missing though is a bit of belief. a small amount of belief can work wonders.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:39 AM   #23 (permalink)
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having nothing ain't so bad really, especially if all you had was shit.

with nothing you can start again, fresh like a clean page.

You always have your experience and wisdom and knowledge, you also have your pride, no one can take these things away from you.

What is missing though is a bit of belief. a small amount of belief can work wonders.
Good post.... especially the ending lines.

That was my first though....

"How can Rev apply his beliefs about existence to the situation?"
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:47 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I always think.. At least I have my health along with the ones I love.
It could be worse.
I also know depression sucks and tricks us alot.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:42 AM   #25 (permalink)
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remember music is medicine for the soul!
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cause there aint nothing else to do and any where i go i know im you and i keep coming back forward through to myself
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:06 AM   #26 (permalink)
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<3 rev

rev, do you believe you have the power to make yourself happy despite external circumstances?
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:25 AM   #27 (permalink)
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This week, we lost some one in the family.

My dogs are wonderful at consoling.

How could you stay sad at a face like this?

Name:  SAM_0056.JPG
Views: 129
Size:  975.1 KB


If you could open your eyes you have friends all around.
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:33 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I ain't finished with you yet young man!

My Mom was in the hospital recently and was very sick.


On her second hospital visit, the small older black dog
runs away the day after my mom leave to the hospital.

A week and half later my Mom returns home,
that same afternoon the dog comes back.

Two days before, I see him in the neighborhood,
but he won't come near me.

but as soon as my Mom comes home he runs back.

I'll be...
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:36 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Has anyone heard from Rev?
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Old 02-23-2013, 10:51 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post
Fortunately, a little while ago, the dog came in and had a talk with me and I felt much better.

I wouldn't care if I never got laid again.

I need a change of life.

I just have no idea how to get from here

to somewhere like there, you know?



The Rev

I wouldn't worry.

You see he's just like all of us!


But this is the Conflagration that allows for Transcendence.

The dogs have got it.

The small blessings of a wet nose,
don't compare with the man made disasters.

Patients; surround yourself with love.
Look for opportunities and be accepting of the adventure(s)
no matter the failure, because failure is inevitable in achieving understanding.

A beer and joint wouldn't hurt too.
But you gotta have a drummer or another equally superb companion.

Does your dog play drums?
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:26 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Bondi Bad Dog View Post
Listen here dude, you are depressed, full stop. Why you are depressed is not that important, accepting the fact is.

Now the first thing you have to do is have some kind of therapy, your life is shit and you need to TALK with a professional once a week and discuss your problems, otherwise they won't go away. You don't need a comforting wife, you need an understanding therapist.
Been there, done that, mahn. I can't get meds now because of no health insurance. I was supposed to get on MediCal, but my wife kept putting off doing our paperwork. Then, when she found out she could go to the VA, she kinda dropped it altogether. I followed up, but I'm not sure if they're doing anything.

I get depressed in small bursts. Being sick right now, plus the enforced loneliness by the family, plus all the fears about having no options, really. It can hit rather hard and suddenly. I generally don't get all the way to feeling suicidal, but it happens when things are especially bad. That's why I reached out here. Yahooka is my only real sanctuary at the moment.

Sorry to disappoint you Mesc. I do the whole "wise old dude" thing well because I think about a lot, and have a lot of insight. Doesn't prevent despair from being a part of life tho. Despair was part of the process of building wisdom, too, and it ain't gettin' left behind.

Oh, and BTW, that south korea thing sounds fucking AWESOME! I was looking into Peace Corps yesterday, actually. What's involved in this teaching and free airfare thing? Can I bring my dog?



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Old 02-23-2013, 12:30 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SageTree View Post
"How can Rev apply his beliefs about existence to the situation?"
Or, more important, how can I apply them to keeping me warm if I have to sleep outside.



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Old 02-23-2013, 12:36 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Rev.
Talk to roach ... Seriously make it your number priority to make you successfully.
You ar so smart.
Get a goddamned green card and come to Canada we'll set up.
I wish we were surrounding u so you'd feel better.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:38 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Read Oscar Wildes "De Profundis" he talks about how suffering and pain and isolation is the quickest route to enlightenment, he wrote it after being thrown in jail for sodomy and at his lowest point.

Its a short read, and it helps me when im feeling shitty. I think you might get something out of it.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/921
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:43 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Oh and intelligence and happiness have an inverse relationship in this day and age, so it would make sense that a smart guy like rev would be so unhappy. he doesnt live in ignorance.

Being smart just gives you more ways to ponder how shitty life in general and your life is. It makes you face problems without the veil of stupidity, mediocrity, and ignorance that most people live in.

So look at it that way- at least you have the intelligence to do something about it. Many people are in your same position and they are stupid as shit and will never be smart.

Hope you feel better soon, rev!
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:45 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Don't forget Rev. You always have yourself.

I know it will be hard for awhile but you are moving in the right direction. A lot of people wouldn't make this jump and kept on living the same life. Respect brother!

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Old 02-23-2013, 12:46 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Ima just give you the biggest hug ever.
You are special and we love ya.
Hugggvbblarghaughhhh
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:35 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Rev.
Just want you to know, that your thoughts, your presence and intentions are very much appreciated...always . Hearing your perspectives means a great deal to me. Sometimes objective thought can be hard to come by, but you and other members of this forum provide sanctuary for others too. And while that can't compare to real life companionship, it's got to be valuable to see that you are not alone in your views and that who you are is loved. Life quality really depends on the people in your life. It sucks to be around rigid, unappreciative people, and I can relate way too well. It's a quick way to kill a soul, and it has NOTHING to do with you or your capabilities.

Like any other state of being I feel like depression is potentially always there-- just depends what you're going through and what you're used to or expect. With this, I guess I'm trying to say that it's important to know that you experiencing dark feelings or thoughts is not obscure nor bad. It's just discouraged because our sociological understanding is complete bullshit. Of course this is my opinion, but honestly Rev, if I ascribed to that, I'd consider myself to be a depressed nut all of the time. And that just makes those feelings run deeper. You're probably more healthy or well adjusted than others. We live such unintuitive fucking modern lives..where our happiness requires a middle man. It's really hard to bridge that.

I would avoid checking yourself into the hospital or talking to most psychs, not that they can't help... But if you are a critical thinker and they run all the typical lines of "analyze your thoughts" or "take meds" stuff, they are bound to make you feel even more alienated or helpless. Then instead of changing things naturally, you are dependant on something. Whether it be meds or paying to talk to someone. Gabor Mate's "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" is worth a read in regards to mental health.

Personally, I'd really take Mesc's advice. Never let the heavy feelings stop you from saving yourself. If you feel a moment of desperation, use that momentum to do something. Pack your effing backs and go somewhere! Now! Don't let it build, don't be immobile. Go somewhere where none of the things are hurting you is. People WILL tell you this is selfish. But it's only because they don't know what it's like to rely on their own fulfillment. I bet you if you did succumb, they'd call that more selfish. Idiot wind blows hard. Don't listen.

I really hope you know that you're loved, Rev. You're not alone in that desperation either, I've been feeling slings and arrows lately too. Its hard. All that really seems to help for me is trips to different places, even if day trips are all I can manage these days. Keep throwing your thoughts up here too, so we can maybe keep the convo going and all kind of gather together to share our fucked-upness.

Much much love, Rev.
Sarah
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Old 02-23-2013, 06:43 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Umm if he needs help he should go to a hospital.
Don't deter someone whom needs medical assistance.
I appreciate everything you said except that.
Sometimes we can't control how we feel, that's why there are professionals.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:04 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Turm, I understand your sentiment completely. If someone needs help they should definitely seek it. I don't discourage it at all. Never. I just said avoid, as in.. last case scenario.

Because what's unfortunate is that the ultimate resource most people view as "help" is a hospital. It's kind of like the current Western school system as well.. while many people may do well with the limited treatments offered.. For other personalities, it has potential to do great harm as well, if the personality needs a different sort of help.

In some communities the best resort may be seeing the Shaman, while in others it may be taking herbs, going to a monastery etc. We mostly view our actions in the sociological context of the society we are a part of and whatever ideas are considered the norm. But not all people have "normal" problems, or "normal" ways of thinking. If someone is looking for a caring ear and someone to relate to and if that professional help is just running the status quo lines of advice, that can really hurt someone just seeking validation of their unique identity.

However, if someone feels like they need meds or need someone to explain things to...if that that kind of help suits them, then they DEFINITELY should seek it. To me, the key factor in all of this is being able to identify what you need, and seizing it. Not to stand idle and let the feelings overwhelm.
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