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Old 03-08-2013, 08:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Another Tale from Rev's Misadventures

Well, now I know what it's like to be locked up in a mental hospital.

My depression got so bad I signed myself into the county laughing academy. Same place they take the 5150s. And if I wasn't depressed enough going in, the atmosphere of that place was enough to take me the rest of the way. I was only there one night, and ended up pretty much spending my entire stay trying to sleep away the time.

They take away all your stuff so you can't ingeniously kill yourself, so I had no form of entertainment (the TV room was taken over by an obvious schizophrenic who asked everyone who passed by about one's duty to only use their star power for good), and the staff pretty much never shut up or try to be quiet so real sleep is pretty much out of the question.

Also, being a vegetarian in a state facility presents challenges. The first vegetarian meal I received I can only liken to a steamed dish sponge. I am still nauseous from the food. The regular food wasn't much better. At one point, this big black dude with white shit all over his face walks up and asks, "You gonna eat yo meat?" I told him I wasn't so he replies, "Give it to me" then takes it off my plate and begins eating it with his fingers.

I have a bunch of interesting people stories like this.

I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to experience that. Wouldn't want to do it again, and didn't find it to be of any help whatsoever with my emotional issues, other than to get a script and access to a free clinic so long as I'm still broke. I'm learning way WAY too much about "The System" these days.



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Old 03-08-2013, 08:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Wow man, I was wondering why you haven't posted much recently. I hope that you are feeling a little less depressed now. I really hope things start to turn around for you. I'm sending good vibes your way.

I'm also interested in your interesting people adventures there! Sounds like an experience for sure.
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Old 03-08-2013, 08:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I just want you to know that I've always considered you one of the nicest, most insightful people I've ever had the good fortune to exchange words with, Rev.

Idk if you remember but I posted that survivalist Altoids tin thread a while back and you said something like, "good seeing you, man, it's been a while" or something along those lines... That shit was honestly some of the most touching moments I ever experienced on Yahooka. Who asks about me, I'm not around like that to merit kind words like you shared. But you still did.

Thanks for that, man, and if you ever find yourself away from the Hooka for long bet your ass you'll find people ready to throw a parade for you when you get back.

Lots of love, brother. Be well.
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Old 03-08-2013, 09:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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have you ever gone through depression like this before Rev?

I just want you to know that I am always here to listen, chat or lend help in any way and I think its really brave and helpful of you to share your experiences so honestly with us. I have been down some of the same roads your on in the past and want you to know that I and everybody who posts in this thread support you fully and will lend any help we can, anytime.

much love brother
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Old 03-09-2013, 12:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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This is the worst it's been since my mom died. I get pretty wrapped up in angry thoughts and the feelings of frustration start me feeling suicidal. I think, for me, it's all a matter of how frustrated and powerless the problems of my life make me feel. Right now, pretty much everything is not as I want it, and I have little power to change it, so its weighing heavy. Getting back on meds will help take the intensity out of it, then I can start making changes. I just gotta get the invasive angry thoughts out of the way a bit to be able to think clearly.

On a side note, the other day I threw in "Never Mind the Bollocks" which was a favorite album of mine from my college days. I really got into it. Screaming "Fuck" in a cockney accent can do wonders, stress-relief wise.

As a side note of fucked-uppedness, I just pulled a fucking tick off my ass cheek! Turns out, it's a really common Lyme disease carrier. Lyme is very rare here, but still. I totally woke my wife up (who has to work tomorrow, BTW) and was like, "Babe! Babe! I need you too look at my ass." She was all freaking out "What did you do with the tick?!" I didn't have the heart to say, "I just set it on the sheet over there, don't worry." which I wanted to.



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Old 03-09-2013, 01:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're doing better, Rev. I know depression can be a very powerful thing.

I also use music to try to control my own depression. I have a mental playlist I force on myself, when I feel "those" feelings.

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Old 03-09-2013, 01:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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From the looks of things, a good playlist. I like "All Over the World" by ELO, myself.



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Old 03-09-2013, 01:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Wow, were you in a state hospital?

The private hospitals I was in were nice, lots of other cool crazy white dudes, tons of hot anorexic chicks, and great food....
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Old 03-09-2013, 02:14 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, a county hospital, anyway. There wasn't much to distinguish it as a hospital, tho. Just some big rooms with a bunch of beds, and shitty meals served thrice per day. No hot anorexic chicks. It was the basic racial breakdown for this area, but maybe a little heavy on the black side (I feel hispanics were underrepresented).

We did have one hispanic guy that I'm pretty sure was a psychopath, tho. You know those hyper types who can't STFU because they need to draw attention to themselves all the time? He reminded me of Wild Bill from The Green Mile, except maybe a bit lower in IQ, and not nearly as entertaining.



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Old 03-09-2013, 02:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Better than Buffalo Bill from 'Silence of the Lambs'
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Why don't you just get on with some sort of temporary labor agency?

We tried to talk HP in to it the other day.
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Old 03-09-2013, 04:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Why don't you just get on with some sort of temporary labor agency?

We tried to talk HP in to it the other day.
Those places are just as selective as anyone else. Probably more than the average 'entry level' employer. I couldn't get a job at one as of 2006.

The job market is shit and that is something the gainfully employed do not notice.

I don't sympathize or pity you about anything else though, Rev.
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Old 03-09-2013, 05:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I am in a similar stage in the life, I feel that I've run out of road.The big difference between us though is that I have money and a mj license. I think that in your place that I would go out and find a job, not important what job, just something not-so-humiliating, something that doesn't involve serving people.

I need to stay at home and not work because my compensation deal is too good to miss. You need to get out of home and find something to do. Look at Turm, she slogged it doing outdoor work for fuck all money and it seems to have done her the world of good.

Before you say anything, there is always work for someone who is willing to try, no matter where or when.
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Old 03-09-2013, 05:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post
Well, now I know what it's like to be locked up in a mental hospital.
Was going to say sorry.... but you know?

I'm not.

I'm happy you took some steps in managing all this.

It's really great gift.
Perhaps in a strange wrapping paper though?

Quote:
My depression got so bad I signed myself into the county laughing academy. I was only there one night, and ended up pretty much spending my entire stay trying to sleep away the time.
What were you hoping for, hoping to have happen?

Quote:
I have a bunch of interesting people stories like this.
I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to experience that.
Word.... sure there was lot of perspective had.

And frankly, it's not selfish to think "Man.... I'm not as bad off as that guy", because,
I'd bet that experience sparked some sympathy and caring, which reminded you who you are.

Am I off there?

Quote:
Wouldn't want to do it again, and didn't find it to be of any help whatsoever with my emotional issues,
Again, curious what you hoped for.
Did you get to talk to anyone much, that was a mental health professional?

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other than to get a script and access to a free clinic
Right on.

Were you taking anything previously or ever?
If so, did it help?

Quote:
I'm learning way WAY too much about "The System" these days.
Think of it as being in training for helping people who might find themselves in similar circumstances some day, perhaps?

I am thankful for your sharing, even though it's painful to see a Friend in a painful place.

Probably doesn't help.... but finding meaning in this suffering is what we all must do to survive.

Can't go around, can't go over.... always, we must go through.



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This is the worst it's been since my mom died. I get pretty wrapped up in angry thoughts and the feelings of frustration start me feeling suicidal. I think, for me, it's all a matter of how frustrated and powerless the problems of my life make me feel. Right now, pretty much everything is not as I want it, and I have little power to change it, so its weighing heavy.
Thoughtfully noticing is a great strength....

Quote:
Getting back on meds will help take the intensity out of it, then I can start making changes. I just gotta get the invasive angry thoughts out of the way a bit to be able to think clearly.
Amen to that man. In the hardest time of depression for me, once I took meds for around 6 months.
It cleared the lens and allowed me to breathing room to work things out.

In hindsight I wished that I'd also had a counselor at the time.
Meds and counseling are about 30% effective in treating issues.
But combined, it literally doubles.

Not sure what your 'free clinic' options are.... but ponder it, eh?

Quote:
On a side note, the other day I threw in "Never Mind the Bollocks" which was a favorite album of mine from my college days. I really got into it. Screaming "Fuck" in a cockney accent can do wonders, stress-relief wise.
There is totally science to back this.
The proof in this is about intentionally releasing over all.

Conversely... don't forget the laughing Yogi.
It's crazy enough to work man.

Practice doing that little 'I am happy I am alive' dance around your home.... seriously.

It's crazy.... but I'm crazier!



And the proof here is in the chemicals released into the brain from smiling,
the intake of more oxygen and the fluctuation of the diaphragm.

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As a side note of fucked-uppedness, I just pulled a fucking tick off my ass cheek! Turns out, it's a really common Lyme disease carrier. Lyme is very rare here, but still. I totally woke my wife up (who has to work tomorrow, BTW) and was like, "Babe! Babe! I need you too look at my ass." She was all freaking out "What did you do with the tick?!" I didn't have the heart to say, "I just set it on the sheet over there, don't worry." which I wanted to.
Not sure if you are saying that is one more fucked up thing or not....
You went into the woods. Ticks happen.
You found it. That is great!


Wait.....

I'm starting to see a plan form about getting naked in front of the Wife.


BABE! BABE! WAKE UP AND LOOK AT MY



It sucks to be depressed Rev.... you know I know that.
I want to let you know that its awesome to see you still making movements towards feeling how you want to feel,
even though material things themselves might be just out of reach.

I take it that more than anything it's the emotional stuff that has you down,
that you believe you can get through the hard stuff, once you have a more attuned mind?

Is that right?

Either way.... it's awesome to see you 'not stuck' even though the going seems slow.

I hope that all came out like I wished for and intended.

Written in Love,
SageTree
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Old 03-09-2013, 05:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I don't sympathize or pity you about anything else though, Rev.
Do you mean feel pity or sympathy for him? I want to understand before I call you an asshole.
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Old 03-09-2013, 06:01 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Sending positive vibes your way Rev! I hope that you find the strength within you to overcome this and carry on being the most excellent dude that you are!
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Old 03-09-2013, 06:08 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Those places are just as selective as anyone else. Probably more than the average 'entry level' employer. I couldn't get a job at one as of 2006.

The job market is shit and that is something the gainfully employed do not notice.

I don't sympathize or pity you about anything else though, Rev.
bullshit they constantly hire and discard drunks and perpetually lazy

i know a lot of hardworking people that got good jobs through temp services. It's like wading through the mud for a catfish. You might get nubbed by a cooter but youll get to eat if you stick it out.


One of the smartest guys ive ever met was a day laborer. He just picked up the trash around the jobsite all day, and did whatever else was needed of him.

Henry David Thoreau and I agree that day laborer is probably the best job in the world.
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Old 03-09-2013, 06:14 AM   #19 (permalink)
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HENRY D!!!! UP SIDE THE HEAD!!!!

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Old 03-09-2013, 06:41 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Rev View Post
Well, now I know what it's like to be locked up in a mental hospital.

My depression got so bad I signed myself into the county laughing academy. Same place they take the 5150s. And if I wasn't depressed enough going in, the atmosphere of that place was enough to take me the rest of the way. I was only there one night, and ended up pretty much spending my entire stay trying to sleep away the time.

They take away all your stuff so you can't ingeniously kill yourself, so I had no form of entertainment (the TV room was taken over by an obvious schizophrenic who asked everyone who passed by about one's duty to only use their star power for good), and the staff pretty much never shut up or try to be quiet so real sleep is pretty much out of the question.

Also, being a vegetarian in a state facility presents challenges. The first vegetarian meal I received I can only liken to a steamed dish sponge. I am still nauseous from the food. The regular food wasn't much better. At one point, this big black dude with white shit all over his face walks up and asks, "You gonna eat yo meat?" I told him I wasn't so he replies, "Give it to me" then takes it off my plate and begins eating it with his fingers.

I have a bunch of interesting people stories like this.

I'm grateful for having had the opportunity to experience that. Wouldn't want to do it again, and didn't find it to be of any help whatsoever with my emotional issues, other than to get a script and access to a free clinic so long as I'm still broke. I'm learning way WAY too much about "The System" these days.



The Rev
Hey man, I'm sorry you went through that. I've spent time in hospitals, institutions, and yes a short stay in the psych ward. I know how shitty that can be.. I know what the thorazine shuffle is..

Do you feel you've hit a sufficiently low enough of a bottom yet that you're willing to change? Or are you still stuck on your beliefs ? That is, the whole powerless 'there's no I to do anything' thing you are stuck on? From what I do understand about Buddhism, it is mostly about love & compassion. If you think 'there's nothing you can do for yourself', Do you see the great amount of harm you must be causing your family? Don't your beliefs say you should be showing them compassion by fixing your own life and stopping causing harm to yourself and them? Take it from someone who was in literally the same place as you a year ago - this isn't just about you anymore man; you don't live in a vacuum and your actions (or lack thereof) are causing a whirlwind of pain for those around you..
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