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Old 04-03-2015, 01:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Khaleesi
 
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I Need Advice. Bad!

My baby cousin just informed me she is dating a 34 year old man. She just turned 17. He is double her age.

She's a senior in high school. Just graduated the Wildland Fire academy at the top of her class. She has a good future in the palm of her hands. She literally has fire stations competing for her. And on top of all that, she is drop dead gorgeous.

He is a Violent Felon. Did prison time for stabbing somebody. Doesn't have a job, lives with his parents, And he has a face tattoo.

She told me she plans on Graduating early and moving with him to Texas as soon as she turns 18 and getting married. She SAYS they aren't having sex, but really? I call bullshit.

So now I know. And I don't know what to do about it. This is obviously wrong. She trusted me with this information. I assume only because she knows my husband is older than me, and we started dating when I was underage as well. But this goes so far beyond my situation. I am 10 years older than my cousin, and this guy is almost the same age as MY HUSBAND!

My stepson is only a 2 years younger than my cousin. I feel obligated as a parent to tell my uncle what is going on. However, I am scared if my uncle finds out and there is conflict (and duh, of course there will be!), she will drop out of high school, run away with him and never speak to any of us again.

I can't sleep. I can't concentrate on anything. All I can think about is her well being. I'm scared as hell for her, and for my uncle.

Guys, what do I do? Please no bullshit replies, This knowledge is tearing me up.
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Oh, and a little back story. My other cousin, this one's sister, Married a man right out of high school and moved out of state. When doing so, she burned bridges with our family, not inviting them to her Graduation OR the wedding, and then just up and bounced out on everyone.

Two years after the wedding she committed suicide because she and the guy split up and she felt she had nobody to turn to and no home to go back to.

So what my Baby cousin plans to do is almost a repeat of what her sister did, which will definitely scare the hell out of my Uncle.

It's just ALL bad.
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Pray.
I have no idea.
Murder is illegal.
Man that is a fucked up situation.
Can he be arrested for statutory.. Perv.
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turmaline View Post
Pray.
I have no idea.
Murder is illegal.
Man that is a fucked up situation.
Can he be arrested for statutory.. Perv.
IKR??!? WTF am I supposed to do here?

WHY DID SHE HAVE TO TELL ME??!?
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:40 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Maybe she wants you to tell her it's a bad idea?
That she has lots of time in the future to be tied down in a relationship and right now should be her time to grow as an individual and a woman and be free to do and experience the life she was meant to live because she is special and important and you love her and your family loves her..and always will no matter what happens.
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I can't help but feel there is something wrong with the family dynamic, in the first place. 2 daughters are wanting to get out of the house, with a man, as soon as possible.

If someone would have told your parents when you were that age, how would you feel about it?

Honestly, I would not tell your Uncle. I don't think it would help. What I would do is try to persuade her not to marry the guy. That way it's easier when she figures it all out. She can just leave him.

Also, you can just happen to bring hot guys around her, ya know, to hang out.

Did she meet him on the internet?
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Old 04-03-2015, 01:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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People are going to make
Choices and mistakes in their lives regardless.. All you can do is try and point her in a better direction.. In the end it is really up to her. Usually the more you fight.. Or try the harder she may push away. Just reinforce the fact that you are there for her, for when she needs you, if she needs the help.. If this guy is what you say he is... She will need someone. She knows she can trust if she ever needs help..
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Old 04-03-2015, 02:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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if you think something illegal is happening. tell the law

if you think some bad child shit is happening. tell the parents

Whatever you do

DO NOT

attempt to talk sense in to a 17 year old. That just makes you the stupid one.

Look at fender. We tried to raise him right, and just look at him.

You're gonna tell some kind of authority because:
A) Not your kid
B) You obviously care


and with all that said, in regards to the dude; lmao my nigga
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Old 04-03-2015, 02:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I don't know what to think about shadow. She seems really cool and smart on here.

But she has all this jerry springer-esque type drama with the people surrounding her. Cut and run from your family and friends maybe?

It makes me wonder how much squandered potential there is in people who are surrounded by it. I'll look for the clip where Joe Rogan talked about this very thing. BRB.

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Old 04-03-2015, 02:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Yeah I'd just let it play out, you won't convince her of anything. Just let her know you're there and all. She sounds like she's smart enough to realize when she's being dumb.

SoK if you had people in your life you'd realize some level of ridiculous shit is inevitable. Lol at telling some one else to cut all ties, is that what yo do? run away every time shit gets weird? you'll be running forever...
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Old 04-03-2015, 02:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoK View Post
I don't know what to think about shadow. She seems really cool and smart on here.

But she has all this jerry springer-esque type drama with the people surrounding her. Cut and run from your family and friends maybe?
Wow, a sort of compliment from SoK? Thank you?
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Old 04-03-2015, 02:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I can't help but feel there is something wrong with the family dynamic, in the first place. 2 daughters are wanting to get out of the house, with a man, as soon as possible.
I agree. And there are some circumstances. With the elder daughter, she was actually a stepdaughter that my uncle had raised since she was 1 year old. When Uncle and his wife split up, he got custody of BOTH daughters. The elder daughter had resentment towards my uncle for kicking out his drug addicted theiving wife, and then for getting custody over her biological mother. She went thru a rebellious stage, where she felt she had to do chores and such because she was the "step-kid". What I like to call "Cinderella syndrome". I think every kid goes thru this, but for whatever reason this one never got over it.

The little one does not like or get along with Uncle's new wife. Mostly because she doesn't let little one dress like a whore, wear heavy make up, and stay out until the wee hours of the night. And, according to little one, my uncle always takes his wife's side in an argument. Probably because my cousin is in the wrong.

Trust me, both children were privileged beyond belief. The little one is just a spoiled little brat who wants to grow up way too fast.

I see myself at that age in her. And it scares the daylights out of me. But I never listened to anybody when they tried to warn me. And I don't think she will either.
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Old 04-03-2015, 03:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Tell her that when she's 34 she's going to look back on this and say "what the hell was i thinking?"

Especially when her 34 year old life is gonna be fucked up beyond belief.
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Old 04-03-2015, 03:47 PM   #14 (permalink)
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God damn Shadow Sorry to hear that. I can't give any useful advice with out a picture of her...... jk I wish I could help. Geeno summed it up pretty good there's no talking sense into a kid that age. Fuck that guy pimpin on the young girls.
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Oh boy, I did some digging.

Dude did 5 years for attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon? (looks like the charge was attempted murder and he got it dropped to ADW) in '02.

5 years in '08 for manufacturing.

And then it looks like he went back to Prison on a violation.

Currently still on Parole. I thought about contacting the PO but without sex there is nothing to charge him with correct?
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Contact the PO. That'll be enough. Assuming that 17 is illegal in that state, which it may be (it isnt here).
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It is still illegal to have sex with someone under 18. But she claims there is no sex going on. Without the sex, there is nothing to charge him with.

It's not illegal for an underage person to talk to an adult.

I don't believe her. She's not a virgin. FAR from it from what I understand... So neither of them are having sex until after Jan 2016? They are just holding hands? BULLSHIT! but, short of a DNA test taken right after the deed is done, how does one prove they ARE having sex?
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:45 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You dont have to prove shit just tell them whats going on
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Old 04-03-2015, 04:47 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Contact the PO. That'll be enough. Assuming that 17 is illegal in that state, which it may be (it isnt here).
Not a terrible plan, given the apparent circumstances.

Usually I'd be inclined to tell you that everyone must make their own mistakes in order to learn anything from our poor choices, Shadow. And if the guy your cousin is involved with was just some elder predatory sum'bitch versus a criminal on top of the questionable age discrepancy--that's exactly what I'd say.

But from what it sounds like, she's got a lot going for her whereas he hasn't got shit working in his favor. Considering your cousin is at an impressionable age, regardless of how bright she is "for her age"...your concern is very much warranted, IMO. His presence & influence could change the trajectory of her life, for worse.

If he gets nabbed for this & she ends up with another older boyfriend, that doesn't paint an ~ideal picture, either--yet at least there'd be a fair chance the next suitor isn't a convicted felon & "career criminal".
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pheonce hahaha wow a ghettoer spelling would be hard to come by.
edit - pheeyonce i guess.

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Old 04-03-2015, 04:48 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Seems like geeno is on to something. The guy getting put away again is the only thing that is going to keep them apart at this point.
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