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Guidance And Support Questions and issues of a serious nature including health, medicinal cannabis use, personal issues, relationship issues, communication problems, parenting, cross-generational issues, problems with parents, giving up and overcoming obstacles.

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Old 05-15-2015, 11:39 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Man you really arent a failure as a parent at all.

Kids do not think this way. That is solely your thinking not theirs.
Relationships and marriages fucking end. That is what they do. That kind of shit does not affect kids as much as you think.
Your happiness does though.
So dont let a nonexistent reason become/cause a real reason.
Idk man i just hate seeing you think that shit, especially if it is causing you such pain. It is completely off base.

You are far from a failure man. Seriously.

Killing yourself however...


Just do what other people do in your area in times like this. Buy a pet goat.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:55 AM   #22 (permalink)
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When I was drinking I was constantly miserable...suicidal , resentful.. I felt like a failure to my kids.. We had no home of our own, I couldn't give them all the things I thought they deserved.. Material things..I was making myself more depressed by the minute dwelling on all the things I thought I couldn't do, hadn't done, or failed at doing.. When really all they wanted was time spent.. And that's what we do.
We spend time, we listen to each other.. I give what I can, when I can in regards to extra curricular activities...but seeing you happy and spending it and sharing in it with you is the best gift you could give your kids.

Ever.
Your love.

best advice ever.
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Old 05-15-2015, 03:01 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Dang.

I hope you can happiness man. It's all around everyone if you can tune into it.
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Old 05-15-2015, 04:12 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I hope shit works out for you Bondi.
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Old 05-15-2015, 04:24 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Have you tried exercise? Anti-depressants help me, but so does working out on the regular. Endorphins and better health generally.



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Old 05-15-2015, 05:25 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Is there any chance of reconciling with the wife? Would that be a good or bad thing if it happened? Do your kids still want you together?
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Old 05-15-2015, 08:44 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Bondi you manage to be an asshole on yahooka and still be lovable, so... you're definitely rising above the bullshit that affects smaller people.

Your kids can have another 30 years of you! I'm not a parent, so when I think of my parents being around for me for another 30 years it fills me with joy.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:09 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Have you tried exercise? Anti-depressants help me, but so does working out on the regular. Endorphins and better health generally.



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I bike every day for 20 minutes, walk for another half hour and in the summer I swim half a mile a day as well. It's not so much but I have a pretty fucked up back and neck and it's about the most. At full pelt on the bike my heat rate is 115 and it drops to 70 within a minutes rest so I guess I am reasonably healthy.

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Is there any chance of reconciling with the wife? Would that be a good or bad thing if it happened? Do your kids still want you together?
And there you have the real question. She still flirts with me and tries to tempt me but whether she really wants to try again or just wants to fuck with my head I am not sure. I guess that she would always take me back if I came on my hands and knees and begged and said sorry and went back to square one.

Would it be good for the kids? I don't know but I know that what they have now is not good for them.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

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Old 05-15-2015, 10:14 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Why would ou want to be with someone who treats you like shit?

You deserve better.

I don't see how that will make you happy.. And if its your ego.. Then pull your head out of your ass.

You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy.. You deserve better and you won't be able to be better if you are focusing on relationships.. Especially toxic ones.

Get better for yourself and your kids.
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Old 05-15-2015, 10:40 PM   #30 (permalink)
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she treated me bad when we were married because I would not agree with her, do you think anything changed since the divorce? The only way she will stay calm and not upset the kids is if I agree with her so by divorcing I still have to accept her opinions or the kids suffer.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:27 PM   #31 (permalink)
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You were in an abusive relationship. That behaviour is unacceptable. Those are traits you do not want your children to learn. If you go back into a marriage or relationship like that.. You are showing your kids that it is ok to be treated or to treat people that way.

The trick is to totally disengage with her. You are the father. You have every right to your children just as much as her. If she's behaving this way.. Log it.

If you aren't engaging with the behaviour then it can't happen right.
I learned the hard way with my kids.. Tool a couple years, don't put yourself through that.

And my ex even though sometimes I have to bite my tongue clean off.. Finally chills out when I keep my distance..

Just my opinion.
It's hard to see when you're in the shit.
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Old 05-15-2015, 11:44 PM   #32 (permalink)
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She's the mother and has huge power over them. She also is a person with no 'filters'. Everything that happens to her she 'shares' with the kids. So every time she is upset with me for not doing as she wants, she tells the kids and they get upset. There are 100 examples of her doing this in the last 2 years.

So I divorced her because of her behaviour but I am still a victim of it because when I do as I like as every single person should be allowed to do, she twists it and poisons the kids with it.

"Daddy's going abroad with his new girlfriend, he never took me abroad in the 14 years we were together"

'Daddy refuses to sign for your new passports because he wants to be the first to take you on holiday and doesn't want to let your mummy take you '(I didn't want to sign because the custody wasn't sorted out then)

'Daddy has a secret plan to drive me insane and have you all go and live with him'

etc etc etc

I feel that sometimes all I can do is either kill her or kill myself.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-16-2015, 12:10 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Nah.. No.

It's going to backfire on her. Kids are resilient and smart.. Sounds like you should get your kids out of there.

Don't ever speak bad of their mother.. They'll figure things out on their own.. She needs help obviously.

Don't be a victim, be the survivor. You're out.. Now start moving forward.

Small steps.. Not gigantic.. You can't have what you want all at once but if you try a little..for you.. Worry about yourself.. and think of a new plan pod life for you and your kids. Don't need selfish mom to be involved.

Sorry but I can't imagine ever saying that shit to my kids.. Sounds like my ex.
Manipulative.

Kids can read him like a book now.. On their own.

I tell them that parents/adults shouldn't say those things to kids. And also I am also 100% honest with them.
It's scary because before I always thought I would lose them..

But no.. They will be fine as long as they are loved and not used in a selfish tug of war
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Old 05-16-2015, 12:17 AM   #34 (permalink)
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lol omg I want to print this out and keep it as a reminder for myself during the low swings. Bondi definitely listen to turm she's really got a good perspective on this
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Old 05-16-2015, 12:23 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Took a lot of beating my head against the wall.
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 05-16-2015, 12:58 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Manipulative is the word. My eldest has already seen through her and moved in with me.
My biggest problem (according to my therapist) is that I still cannot imagine the family unit without her.

She isn't a bad person but she has some borderline personality disorders. Believe it or not she does have a good heart, it's just that her mouth seems to work independently from any thought process. She suffers as much from her problems but she is to fragile to deal with her own denial.

She really wasn't always like that. She was quite a lot of fun until the second kid and her stopping smoking weed. I can't give up on the fantasy that one day she will 'return' to herself.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-16-2015, 03:57 AM   #37 (permalink)
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She won't bondi. She's gone m8. A lot of women lose their minds as they age and have children. Hormones are a strong influence on mentality. It's up to her to help herself and trying to help someone that won't help themselves is like pushing the boulder up the hill
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Old 05-16-2015, 04:35 AM   #38 (permalink)
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the crazy thing is that I have a really good girlfriend for over a year now, lots of affection, love, sex and fun. On paper it's the perfect relationship and I do love her, but it isn't the same crazy feeling I get from the ex. I can't explain it, I've had loads of relationships and slept with far too many women and there is something special about her.

The relationship didn't start out abusive, it was very loving, intense but not toxic. We brought three wonderful children into the world and passed almost 15 years with very little money and almost no help, which was not easy.

She gradually turned into someone else in front of my eyes after the third pregnancy.
We went through many hard times that would have ended a lot of marriages but we some how pulled through. It was only when things started getting more financialy stable that it started to fall apart, go figure?
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-16-2015, 04:39 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Learn from the past, my friend, don't live in it.
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Old 05-16-2015, 05:16 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Yes.^
You're wanting the original wife back..remember why you left.

You'll do the right thing you're a smart man..

Btw..

How are you feeling?

Hope you are feeling better than when you made this thread..
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