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Old 05-14-2015, 09:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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kinda had enough

Today is my 47th birthday and I think that I am becoming clinically depressed or worse. The only reason that I am not packing it all in and moving on to the next level is my children.

The thought of them dealing with the aftermath of a father who suicides. I cannot do that to them but all I want to do is to die. I keep telling myself that if they lost me to an illness or an accident then it would be easier to deal with.

I guess that my next stop is to the hospital to pick up some heavy zombie pills.

I was bad in the last few years of the marriage but now with the divorce and watching how my three beautiful babies are all broken inside is just getting too much for me.

tears on my birthday morning....
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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shit man. Not much i can say, much less what you'd take seriously considering it is coming from a young punk like me... but ill say this:

1. Divorce may be hard on kids, but it certainly doesnt break them. Even a bad one wont do it. Not only will it not break them, but it has great potential in actually making them stronger and more well rounded individuals. However this pretty much entirely depends on how You handle the divorce, not them. If you can show them that life goes on and get your shit together on your own etc etc, it will be a fantastic and powerfully positive lesson in their lives. (experience)

2. Talk to anyone who has felt suicidal, even those who have tried, and they will tell you that these feelings do not last.


Keep holding on to that Love for your children, as it is the most powerful thing you could possibly have in your life. Far more powerful than your depression ever could be.


Message me whenever/if ever you want. Just throwing that out there.
Good luck man. Yahooka is there for you like always.
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I feel for you Bondi. I don't know what to say to help you, stay strong. Be proud that you know you won't give in for the sake of your children. That's commendable
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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who knows, maybe I shall be the first yahookan to receive their red name posthumously....
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-14-2015, 10:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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holy balls, I share a birthday with bondi. No shit.
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| ( ◡)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)


tyrannical apathy
militant ignorance
recreational outrage
free lunch felon
digital hobo
landlord president
prosperity gospel
predatory delay
aggravated boredom
sonic dysentery
what is your god trying to prove


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It has zero political or cultural value. It is reactionary in the worse sense: a gnarled wailing of a million broken losers joined in the comradery of hate and petty personal grievance.
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Old 05-14-2015, 10:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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holy balls, I share a birthday with bondi. No shit.
mines 1968, what's yours?
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-14-2015, 10:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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| ( ◡)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ)


tyrannical apathy
militant ignorance
recreational outrage
free lunch felon
digital hobo
landlord president
prosperity gospel
predatory delay
aggravated boredom
sonic dysentery
what is your god trying to prove


Quote:
It has zero political or cultural value. It is reactionary in the worse sense: a gnarled wailing of a million broken losers joined in the comradery of hate and petty personal grievance.
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Old 05-14-2015, 11:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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There's no shame in talking with a mental health professional, Bondi.

Seek help if you need it.
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Old 05-15-2015, 01:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Damn Bondi, sorry to hear that.

I second seeing someone. It really helps having someone who will just listen and you can really pour your heart out to therapists.
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Old 05-15-2015, 03:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Take the zombie pills long enough to get through this.

Your kids need you.

You are loved.
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BLACK LIVES MATTER


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Old 05-15-2015, 04:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Talk to a doctor. Depression is fucked up shit, but there are things that can help. I think the best part, tho, is just having someone to listen who understands what you're going through. That can be a huge relief after feeling alone with the problem for a long time. Also, anti-depressants affect people differently. I have no negative side effects from them, for example. They're definitely worth trying.



The Rev
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Old 05-15-2015, 05:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Yes depression is messed up. It's not you as long as you are aware. Also.. You are not your divorce.. You are out of that and it is in the past. A you can do is move on.. Be the best person you can be..fuck it's hard I know. Remember those kids. You'll only be killing them if you kill yourself.
Definately get some help.. There are programs.. I don't know if you have them there like we do here but.. Ask your doctor about.."cognitive behavioural Therapy". Works wonders.

If you work it.
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 05-15-2015, 06:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I have been seeing a top therapist for over a year ($100 an hour, 30m years experience and considered the best in the area) she is very good but it isn't enough. I am still in love with my ex wife even though she treated me shit and destroyed me in the divorced court. The divorce was supposed to improve things for everyone but it hasn't.

The ex has some serious mental issues that make her impossible to get along with, which she refuses to recognise. My eldest boy has moved in with me because he can't live with her. I still pay child support and she got the house.

I have been forced to rent a huge expensive house for the last two years to be able to be with my kids but I am sick of spending half my income on rent and having nothing left over for life.

The problem with anti depressants is that they totally remove all of my inhibitions and allow me to do very stupid things, leaving the wife was one of them. Whenever I take them, suicide stops being a vague idea and becomes a well planned, exact and precise and do-able option.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
Quote:
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It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-15-2015, 08:00 AM   #14 (permalink)
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My DNA test said 9/10 major antidepressants wouldn't work on me.

I like you bondi. Whatever that's worth.
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i've struck the absolute perfect balance between gay and smart

☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★ we JACKED, you mad?☆ ★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
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Old 05-15-2015, 08:26 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I went to group therapy... Free.. Change I lifestyle..
Yeah I don't know.
We like you.
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Old 05-15-2015, 08:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I have a hard time trying to come up with the right thing to say to something like this...

But I care about you Bondi. You are one of my favorites.

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Old 05-15-2015, 08:30 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Try to steer clear of the bottle. Irl make things way worse.. Things much more bearable without it.
Tell me to fuck off if I'm wrong.
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"I browse at work. If some nerd had a problem with dicks I'd stare him in the eyes then magnify the picture in question without saying a word."

"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 05-15-2015, 08:58 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Try to steer clear of the bottle. Irl make things way worse.. Things much more bearable without it.
Tell me to fuck off if I'm wrong.
I don't drink darling, I'm a smoker.
Sure smoking too much doesn't make things any better but I have a fairly good handle on it.

I know that I have good things in my life like money, a girlfriend, enough to smoke but feeling like a failure as a parent and a failure at making a happy family is killing me.

The family was meant to be my 'opus' and some how compensate me for my fucked up childhood. Instead I worked myself to bad health to hold things together and it all fell apart at the end anyway.
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sometimes you just gotta agree with bondi.
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I like Iranian donkey dick,.
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There is no political correctness in FFA
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverleaf View Post
It's probably just you. Marijuana users tend to be mentally ill and the THC just exacerbates their shortcomings as human beings. You can't believe anything a pot-head says, they're all incompetent and unreliable, not to mention liars and murders.
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God I hate being on bondi's side

Video meliora probeque deteriora sequor.
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Old 05-15-2015, 09:30 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Maybe you're worrying too much.. Thinking too much..

Like me.. I have no money.. No boyfriend..I just quit my job because I was working with a complete double bag which I see as setting up boundaries..
And I'm happy.
I'm learning to adapt..

You aren't a failure.. Life changes...
You are just going through a learning experience and its a hard one. Hell things get hard before they get better right.. If they didn't the good times would just be meh.

It will get better..just keep an open mind.
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"I browse at work. If some nerd had a problem with dicks I'd stare him in the eyes then magnify the picture in question without saying a word."

"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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Old 05-15-2015, 09:39 AM   #20 (permalink)
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When I was drinking I was constantly miserable...suicidal , resentful.. I felt like a failure to my kids.. We had no home of our own, I couldn't give them all the things I thought they deserved.. Material things..I was making myself more depressed by the minute dwelling on all the things I thought I couldn't do, hadn't done, or failed at doing.. When really all they wanted was time spent.. And that's what we do.
We spend time, we listen to each other.. I give what I can, when I can in regards to extra curricular activities...but seeing you happy and spending it and sharing in it with you is the best gift you could give your kids.

Ever.
Your love.
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"I browse at work. If some nerd had a problem with dicks I'd stare him in the eyes then magnify the picture in question without saying a word."

"Shit is cash I love to lose myself to narrative while simultaneously soaking in nature and watching the frogs bang."
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"NCC: A Cautionary Tale of Condoms and Crises", OR "YOLO: Ballsack Barnacles & Babies"

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