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Old 06-11-2016, 04:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Lying on my Resume

As you all probably know, I have a shitty job and need a new one. I need to break back into the middle class. However, I have grey hair and not a lot of recent job experience in those kinds of jobs, so I think it makes it much more difficult to land a decent job.

And while there's not much I can do to prevent discrimination against my age, I have been toying with the idea of just making the last 5-7 years of my job history disappear and replacing it with a long stint somewhere as whatever job I want to get, or something very similar. I know people who will be happy to give me recommendations and even pose as former employers, should the company I'm applying to decide to call.

However, if I do this, I want to make sure I have all the angles covered, so any input any of you guys have would be appreciated.



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Old 06-11-2016, 05:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I do it all the time and it's never backfired. I even have some of my friends stand in as old "managers" and they give me glowing recommendations. I say go for it.
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Old 06-11-2016, 05:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Look up a company that went bankrupt in the last few months and say you worked there. Then they can't call them and double check that your reference is legitimate.
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Old 06-11-2016, 07:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Ive done this a few times too and will continue to do so until no longer necessary.

I tweak it for individual job apps, but it is generally the same deal. Since the jobs i apply for are pretty low end it isnt hard. I just use one with a cheap pre-paid burner phone i have, and the other i use my father's number. If i need a good confirmed reference i use my dad's number for that one and he bullshits for me. However, again since low end jobs, they pretty much never call. With my burner phone i sometimes actually change the voicemail using a fake voice to represent the reference lol. Usually dont call back with that one lol.
Sometimes i also use what sir ex mentioned, a place that has since gone under, but usually i just use 100% fake ones.

But yeah, the only thing you gotta do is actually know how to do whatever it is you are pretending to have that history in. If you got that, then you're fine.
I usually just use long term painting/tiling/labor work for mine, as i know how to do that stuff. One long term gig just looks better than 20 short term jobs.

What kind of shit you looking for rev?
Im sure you could bullshit up some good manager experience and know what you're talking about.
Do what you gotta do man.

And id gladly bullshit for you anytime man. Just sayin.
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Old 06-12-2016, 01:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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i've never lied on my resume like that

maybe im the idiot
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Old 06-12-2016, 07:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Your karma will come back eventually, and bite you on the ass, , ,

I got a really good job one time, I took it (clearence from the union), wasnt sure I would 'fill the bill', told the job superintendent that if he let me work for 4 hours, (union rule = work 4 hrs minimum), if I didnt 'hack it', I would walk away, no unemployment, no filling out forms, (unless he kept me on), just mail me my 4 hrs check. He looked at me and said: "You'll do just fine" I didnt miss even 1 hour of work in the year I worked for him, , ,

-c-

I wouldnt, , , lie, , ,

As they say: "I was looking for a job when I found this one, , , ,"
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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It has zero political or cultural value. It is reactionary in the worse sense: a gnarled wailing of a million broken losers joined in the comradery of hate and petty personal grievance.
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Old 06-12-2016, 09:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It can constitute fraud depending on the state. It can also get you ahead in life. Personally I'm not allowed to lie so do whatever you think is right.
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Old 06-12-2016, 02:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I would not only lie but I'd darken the hair a bit. Not a total dye job. That would look fake. You could also say you took time off to write a book. That has a grain of truth to it. The older you are the harder it is to find work.

What does it matter if you do a good job?
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Old 06-12-2016, 03:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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sometimes honesty is not the best policy...
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Old 06-13-2016, 06:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
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How come zoltron hasn't made a joke about how you're never gonna get hired unless you get off your resume long enough for the HR manager to see, yet?
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Old 06-13-2016, 07:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Im prob gonna have to visit Zoltron and install a blinking red light in his house that goes off whenever we've got some good set ups for Zoltjokes.

These are the important things in life.
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Old 06-13-2016, 03:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I just recently switched jobs, and they did a thorough background and education check on me. It was for a cyber security gig though.

As long as you can come up with decent, recent "references" and don't have a criminal record that's as far as most HR departments go. Most times on your reference list they prefer you use personal emails/phone numbers instead of work ones so there's no conflict with employers and it shows that you have a more personal connection rather than strictly business. It's also good to have a mix of men and women.

When i was job hunting, my resume was mainly to get the Phone interview with the HR talent recruiter, then you gotta dazzle them for the hiring manager (aka your new boss) to get their Phone/Skype/In-Person interview. Usually if you can make it to the second/third round you'll have a pretty good chance of landing it.

Have you gone to any staffing agencies? At least in the IT field i got tons of headhunter responses when i started uploading my resume to careerbuilder, linkedin, indeed, etc... Those guys will also help you tweak your resume for the listings you're interested in.

Q1 and Q2 are usually the best times to be hunting, Q3 and Q4 hiring tends to take a slump, unless it's seasonal work.

Also i wouldn't just put one place for the last 5-7 years. It's more and more common for people to move between companies as different opportunities arise. Just have good "references" to the most recent one, and have a good/benign reason for why you left. No hiring manager wants to hear you hated your boss, even though that's mostly the real reason why people leave.
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Last edited by Kompressor; 06-13-2016 at 04:17 PM.
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Old 06-13-2016, 06:05 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kompressor View Post
When i was job hunting, my resume was mainly to get the Phone interview with the HR talent recruiter, then you gotta dazzle them for the hiring manager (aka your new boss) to get their Phone/Skype/In-Person interview. Usually if you can make it to the second/third round you'll have a pretty good chance of landing it.

Have you gone to any staffing agencies? At least in the IT field i got tons of headhunter responses when i started uploading my resume to careerbuilder, linkedin, indeed, etc... Those guys will also help you tweak your resume for the listings you're interested in.

This is how I landed the Microsoft gig, through a staffing agency.. and indeed the liason provided me with some resume tweaks to improve my chances.

Apparently there were hundreds of applicants and I was one of the 7 they chose, so whatever it was it worked. Though I think this mostly came down to the in person interview where I dressed up very nice and asked a lot of questions to the manager to show that not only do I want the job, but I know a thing or two about the industry and I want to find out preemptively how I can succeed in the role.
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Old 06-13-2016, 06:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ah Congrats man, I didn't know you landed an MS gig.

But i've been away for a while.

So again, congrats man. You're fucking smarter than a lot more people than you'd think.
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Old 06-14-2016, 04:11 AM   #16 (permalink)
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so .. but really.. when i send my resume am i competing against a bunch of liars? you are ALL lying liars?
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:02 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Yes. To varying degrees, I dunno about most, but a lot of people.... resume liars
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Old 06-14-2016, 06:11 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kompressor View Post
Ah Congrats man, I didn't know you landed an MS gig.

But i've been away for a while.

So again, congrats man. You're fucking smarter than a lot more people than you'd think.

I think your return coincided with my 1st day there - so you didn't miss much, not from me.


Otherwise on Yahooka you've missed:
- snowmayne did IRL mario kart
- mikey went on a quest for a van but it broke but now he's doing good
- fenderbender is still having an existential crisis
- zoltron shared a picture of himself
- the rev went overnight camping and climbed an even bigger mountain
- turmaline continues to become an even better artist
- geeno's been all about the election
- grieves changed is av
- terry became a real man at a hotel
- captain cannabis took more amazing photos
- stoneric is like this close to retiring
- reverie regrets her arts major
- canuck wisdom is gonna smash the pussy
- moket rides a motorbike



annnnnd I think that's about it that I can remember
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Old 06-14-2016, 02:47 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Pharmgirl is running away sometime soon.

George W Bush stopped by for like 2 days and gave us some closure/updates on a few things.
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Old 06-14-2016, 02:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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