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Old 03-31-2017, 08:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Online friend wants to meet up, I'm nervous.

Been friends with chick for over ten years, met on forums. When I first started talking to her we both were a lot younger and developed kind of internet crushes on each other. We were around 13/14ish. Never met. Lost contact for a couple years. Reconnected but I don't have those feelings at all about her anymore. It was a young dumb crush. I still consider her a really good friend though and we talk every week.

She's married now. I'm single. Again no interest beyond friendship. She's married. That being the case and it's been so long I would assume the feeling is mutual. But occasionally when we talk, especially when she's drunk it's almost she hints at there's still some feelings there. She to fly here and meet me, which i would be cool with as long as it's just friends. I'm worried it won't be but maybe I'm just being an egomaniac thinking "of course she's still into me" which is why I never directly bring it up. Her husband is kind of a pussy and won't put his foot down or maybe he believes she's only interested in friends. Maybe she is. I don't know.

I ask this here because I know a lot of you have met online friends, I have too but not a scenerio like this before. I'm more than willing to meet a good friend but I'm scared of hurting someone or putting myself in something really awkward or crazy.

Advice?
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Old 03-31-2017, 08:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
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If she's married don't worry about it.

Ask her husband if he minds.

Just be honest upfront.

Maybe she just wants to meet a friend.

If she wants to cheat on her husband.. I say don't touch it with a ten foot pole.
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Old 03-31-2017, 09:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Pretty big investment to make just to catch up with an "online friend". I don't know the full extent of the dynamics in play. Although I think that in cases like this it would be more proper for you to visit her and her husband than for her to visit you alone.


I will take the opportunity to say that I have been approached by many people over the years (male and female) from this forum and others that offer to meet up and have always either politely declined or been flat out evasive. Not because I worry about the people that want to meet, I know that they are probably all really great people and would make really great friends. However I am really protective of letting people see the irl side of me, and I do like being able to compartmentalize my online and offline life.
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Old 03-31-2017, 09:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It sounds sketchy to me.

Honestly.

But.. that's just me.
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Old 04-01-2017, 03:34 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thanks Turm and Grieves. And yes, it seems sketchy to me too. Right now I don't have steady or reliable income to think about traveling. I'm trying find an apartment and it's hard enough for as it is in that position. I met a lot of great people from forums and social media who would probably be fun to hang with. I'm just worried she's expecting more. It's more messed up that she's married. To be honest if my wife was willing to fly alone to meet a friend of the opposite sex she's known for ten plus years I would not be cool with that.

I only think there may be other intentions because she's constantly upset that I don't come see her and that she values me more than I value her. I value her as a good friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I've told her this. Hell, even my friends IRL I barely see and mostly talk to via text/social media now. Sure, it's not ideal and it's different than hanging in person but that's just how it goes when you get older.
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Old 04-01-2017, 03:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Oh yeah.

Trust your gut.. sounds like you already know and have made the right decision.

Good luck with the apartment!
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Old 04-01-2017, 03:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
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im gonna give you my advice and you can do what you want with it. you should be a lot more open about your concerns and ask her what are her intentions. maybe she wants to hookup and that is ok with her husband. you never know unless you ask, and if you aren't communicating well its going to be awkward anyway.
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Old 04-01-2017, 05:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 04-01-2017, 07:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Is there anyway you could pull off pretending to already be in a relationship, thus not willing to cheat on your made up girlfriend, in order to diffuse the potential for a sexual encounter with the friend?
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Old 04-01-2017, 07:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Fuck her brains out.
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Old 04-01-2017, 08:46 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I just laughed my fucking head off
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Old 04-02-2017, 05:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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* Don't ask her husband, he's not your business, you aren't married
* It sounds like she's bored and looking for attention
* Give her some of what she needs
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Old 04-04-2017, 11:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wellfleation View Post
* Don't ask her husband, he's not your business, you aren't married
* It sounds like she's bored and looking for attention
* Give her some of what she needs
I don't really know the husband. Basically I'm not interested in hooking up at all. I don't know if that's what she's expecting and maybe I'm an egomaniac asshole for thinking that but that's why I don't want to bring it up. She says stuff like "eventually we'll meet whatever what'll become come of that" that shit makes me uncomfortable. I meet my friends now. We share a couple of drinks, some stories, some laughs. That's it. Bored people bore me. I love to socializing with friends but not when it puts me in an awkward positon.
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Old 04-19-2017, 04:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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just slide it in bro
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Old 04-19-2017, 05:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Old 04-19-2017, 05:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I agree with Captain.

My policy is always to be upfront and honest in those situations. I mean, I generally play it cool until something a bit off comes up and I feel like they're coming on to me. I might say something like, "You know we're just friends, right?"

To be honest, some folks refuse to get the hint, and will continue to make allusions to something more. And at that point I believe you have to choose either to shrug it off and keep your boundaries or walk away.

I also just want to say that it's 2017, and I think it's totally ok to be friends with married folks. Once upon a time it was frowned upon for a man to hang out with another man's wife, but I think that time has passed. We are a social species and can decipher the science that reveals we need a diverse range of relationships to be healthy and supported individuals.
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