HansyPants

So... for the past few weeks I've had constant anxiety and my mood has been flipping on the drop of a dime for no apparent reason, this also presented itself in anger and has always been around to an extent I suppose. The only time when this doesn't happen is when I'm well... Stoned.
I've been smoking at least daily for the past 2.5 years, can't sleep without it and don't really know what I'd do without it anymore. Went to the Dr. for said anxiety, he diagnosed me with G.A.D.(General Anxiety Disorder) and he proposed that my mood swings, anxiety etc. could be a byproduct of smoking weed.
He is a Dr. which leads me to think he may know a thing or two on the matter but I refuse to put any more medications into my body than absolutely necessary.
Thoughts?

farmergiles

Try stopping smoking weed for a couple of weeks and see if you feel any better. If not then you'll know it's not the weed lol.

It's not that difficult to quit weed. You might find it hard to get to sleep and you will almost certainly have vivid dreams.

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

Grieves

Give it more than a day either way...

Even a bad week full of the worst stress can set one on edge, know yourself and if you need a break take one...

Sometimes I exceed my saturation points and need to moderate usage, so instead of stopping altogether I will cut down to smoking when I've finished all my daily tasks, as a reward for completion of the day...

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HansyPants

I'm going to see a psychologist today as this has been a problem that's been with me for years and I figure I've gotta stop putting band-aids over the gunshot wound and address the issue head on. Whether that band-aid is prescription anti-depressants again or sweet mary jane, ultimately nothing is going to change if I'm not given the tools to help myself from within.

Next stop: weed free me with a shiny, new outlook on life. But hopefully only one of those things will be permanent :P

@ Roach: While I personally consider marijuana a valid medicinal resource The sad reality of the matter is that it is still illegal, is still an intoxicant which means no medicating at work around the saws, makes legally getting from point a to point b a bitch and very much still frowned upon by much of society. My life is fairly simple. I just make it complicated in my upstairs lol.

@ Greives: That's usually about where I'm at but I have been using it as a crutch lately to try to calm my spastic brain down which may have led to my being stoned and unproductive more-so than usual thus adding to my frustrations. Unfortunately I get maaaaad couch lock if I smoke. Vaping doesn't really do that but I still feel hazy, unrested, and unproductive if I'm stoned from the time I get off work to the time I go to bed. Like I'm not getting the most out of my day and my mind is wearing a condom.

@ Farmer: I'm not doubting that it's not hard to quit it I'm just a very habitual person and it's gonna feel weird for the first little bit. Like I'm forgetting doing something that I needed to lol. He did prescribe me sleeping pills but the way I see it that's gonna be a hell of a lot harder habit to break so I'm reluctant to even start. :S

Cheers guys. Thanks for the input.

Terry

I notice for me that I don't start getting anxious unless I smoke quite a bit so I would say Greives' advice about cutting down may be just what you need, perhaps only smoke once or twice a day for awhile.

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SageTree

Good luck man.

Are you seeing a psychologist or a counselor?

You are brave for wanting to look deeper at the root causes of this, which I believe is a good course of action.
Often time people are looking for the band-aid only cure, and imo that just leads to other issues.

Grieves' suggestion for just cutting back a little might be of use since you're entering a period of work/change.
You are taking away something you think that helps you.
As I'm sure you can imagine, the 'work' of processing and sorting feelings isn't a walk in the park.
So if I may add, I wouldn't feel like you feel off the wagon if you toke a little during this time, as stopping all together might be an agent of stress or exacerbate negative feelings.

In other words, let it organically happen and unfold.
A break might be good or needed to evaluate, but also consider after a point that abstinence might me harmful as well.
You sound opened minded, so I hope your mental health professional is as well.

All the best,
SageTree

Seconded. And as I age, the amount which constitutes 'enough' is on a downward trend, which isn't a bad thing for my lungs. When the body speaks, listen There are millions of cells working together in agreement to 'be' you and I'm not itchin' to see if they 'strike' on me anytime soon

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HansyPants

I am seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in anxiety and related disorders. Had my first session yesterday and he seems like he's going to be one of the one's that actually care.

Within the first 10-15 minute introduction period he divulged that he, himself used to suffer from extreme anxiety and shares great empathy for those with the disorder. I think things are gonna be a-ok. I'm gonna be broke as hell at the end of it but you can't put a price on mental health...right?

I know it's not going to happen over night but it's gonna get there and i think it might be one of those journeys I'm going to have to take entirely sober oddly enough. I haven't seen a day where I haven't been stoned at least once in what feels like forever and I'm kind of excited to experience life with 0% haze for a while and get back to my hobbies. I know I'm comfortable with my stoned self. It's time to work on getting comfortable with myself au natural.

Besides, all my shit is over at the gf's and it's bagged, boxed, hidden and taped so she'll know if I get into it lol. Just to specify she's not anti-herb. She's just concerned.

SageTree

Thanks for the update Brother. Finding someone you are safe to talk to is key... I hope that relationship continues to bare fruit for you.

Writing here or in a journal is a great way to process and give cognition to you feelings. It's like grabbing them out of the air and putting them onto a canvas. Even though it might not make a perfect picture, it's an image or log you can go back to and see what was happening around the good times.... and similarly, what was going on when times where hard. Just a consideration. I know I've found it useful in my journey as has my Wife, who is actually a counselor herself. So it's not THAT funny to hear your dude has been in strife himself. In all honesty... I think it takes going through it to have empathy and really understand the extent of the feelings people experience.

Cheers.

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HansyPants

OH!
Ps. Craziest thing happened to me today. Have you guys ever had that feeling that someone was sent to the very place that you happened to be to help you?

Today I left work due to an anxiety attack, went to sit on a bench overlooking the provincial park by my house to have a stress smoke (shame on me, i know) and have a thought when a woman, about 55-65 years old comes over to me and says "Beautiful day isn't it?" already I got the vibe that this lady and I were going to have a good conversation.

We make small talk for a bit, and it turns out she's in town visiting her daughter for 2 weeks down from Edmonton. She offers me chocolate and cashews (still sealed don't worry!) I accept. Then, somewhat serendipitously, she started talking about her lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression. HOLYSHITWTFHOWDIDTHI SHAPPEN!?!?!?

Next thing I know we're into her lowest of lows. She's telling me about how her mental illness ultimately was at the root of the degradation of her marriage and her deep rooted fear of the label 'crazy' and innability to admit to needing help. When she talked to her husband about it years after the divorce he said that in his head he was treating it as though she was already dead.
This was a massive wake-up call for me because up to 2 days ago I was pushing everyone who meant anything in my life away.

We got into everything from quantum physics to metaphysics to therapy to meds to religion to writing to reiki to drum circles loud and primal enough that they evoked tears and our need to be able to make noise and physically rid our bodies and spirits of negative through yelling, tears, and making loud ass noises(a la drum circle).

There was one thing that struck a very odd chord in my agnostic soul though. She brought up something called the Church of Unity that takes a metaphysical approach to Christ's teachings by combining the enlightenment of the body, mind, and spirit together as one un-breakable unit (the impression I got was that it was The Secret meets Sunday mass but it throws the preachy bits about rules and commandments out the window.) The church was founded in the late 1800's by a woman who was given three months left to live and developed this system of enlightenment as her last gift to the world. I've never-ever been religious so call me crazy but I'm going this Sunday.

I don't know where this person came from, or why they were exactly where I was when i was but I get this strange feeling that they weren't real, that they weren't physical. I shook her hand and ate her snacks but I still get the feeling that as soon as she left my sight she vanished away. I could sense that she was still on her journey for happiness and I wish there were words strong enough to tell her how much she had just kick started mine. Either way I offer my deepest thanks to this beautiful, mending soul admiring the weather on a Thursday afternoon.

Suliman

^ crazy shit


Not sure if this is exactly related, but sometimes my mainly social anxiety gets aggravated by smoking.

Like, if my already stoned, i wont get anxious in the first place. But if im anxious, and i try to smoke to calm down, my mind goes twice as fast and i just freak myself out.

For me, smoking is a terrible escape mechanism. Booze, drugs, they let you avoid your problems, weed just makes you think about them.

Obviously i don't know the full extent of your situation, but try to avoid the anti-depressants if you can. It just becomes another escape mechanism, and you avoid the problem without ever addressing it.

You're being very proactive, keep it up!

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SmokeaJoint

I wanna hear how that church works out for you. It sounds like the Universe just sent you a message.

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SageTree

That's a pretty heady experience dude. And a MUCH needed on as well from the sounds of it.
I'm glad for you.

Unity Church - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That is what I looked up and read about.

If you don't look at the link, at least here are the basic tenants:

In my own life and experience, this is how I practice Christianity and touching the Ground of Being, which sometimes I'll say 'God' if I feel it's useful or more understandable for another. And also to me trying to copy Jesus, more or less, is essentially the point of the practice. The Orthodox Church calls this 'theosis' (the practice of becoming God/ Walking in God's Ways/ In alignment with the Universe)

I like what it says about 'showing it can be done' because I don't see religion or faith as being a noun, something you are, inherently... rather it's something that you have to BE.... a verbness....
It's the difference between saying I am a Christian, or I practice Christianity, one, to me, implies more action and thought.

Mystic Christianity in my eye essentially seeks to have relationship the same way as what I read of the Unity Church, but then again... a 'mystic' by definition is one who is seeking to know "God" personally and experience unification....

Tomato/Tamato perhaps, but that's a bigger idea I could drag on about



ALL IN ALL:

I really like the sound of the Church and is a group of folks I myself might keep my eyes peeled for.

If you feel inclined maybe check it out.
Perhaps this is just a door way to another grounding practice or something like that.
I'm sure in Alberta there are plenty of First Nations who might have an offering suitable to you?



But most importantly, I think the conversation you had with that Lady was AWESOME, it's cool how life happens when we need it to sometimes.

All the Good things,
SageTree

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HansyPants

Well I didn't end up at the Church this weekend. It does sound like a great idea but I let my girlfriend talk me out of it (which was pretty easy seeing as how the idea of church weirds me out in the first place lol.)

My psychologist is taking a leave next week due to surgery and was booked full for this week. The soonest I can get in is the 30th so I ended up at my Doctor again to get something to tide me over until I can get real help again which brings me to my next conflict:

I told him that I was still having anxiety and that I could use something temporary to take the edge off until I can get in and he basically looked at me like I was his junkie son that he was disappointed in and told me that I need to quit smoking pot again. I have smoked twice this week but those were two emergency joints that my girlfriend gave me after coming with me and seeing what a twat my doctor is first hand. He prescribed me ativan as well as a different benzo-based sleep aid. I'm very wary of prescription meds of any sort, let alone two that are basically the same thing but with varying effect length. I've heard very bad things about benzos. I love the effect but I've heard that they're very heavily addictive and he's told me to take them for 20 days straight and that if I find they're not doing the trick for me anymore to try taking two.

On top of the two benzo's he still wants me to go on anti-depressants which I refuse to do unless instructed to do so by a specialist who asks me more than 10 questions before ramming more pills down my throat. He sent my information in to a place called 'axis alberta' which basically helps to place patients with psychiatrists. They called me today and the fourth sentence out of the woman's mouth was "It says here on your file that you've been abusing marijuana due to your anxiety."

I explained myself and my usage as well as telling her that I have no intention of smoking habitually anymore and that I'm in the process of cutting down with the intention of quitting after which she says "We'd like to set you up with an addictions specialist. The wait will be around 6 months."

After the conversation that ensued after that I really wanted to point out her ignorance and yell at her face for making me out to be some kind of junkie but she said any other specialist would be a 6 month wait as well and I've been struggling to stay off the cigs lately so I figured I'd take her up on the offer seeing as I very much do have an addictive personality. Umm... so yeah. It looks like I have a few people to prove wrong.

Questions:
1) I'm really hesitant to take the benzos every time I need to calm my mind down and from what I understand if I take them for 20 days straight that I'm going to have withdrawal in the form of more intense anxiety. Does anyone here have experience with them that can tell me what they've experienced?
2) I know I'm not going to get a straight answer from any of the doctors I'm slated to see so I'll ask you guys. When, in your opinion, is it acceptable for me to go back to marijuana with intention of using it recreationally?

I don't really know where I was going with that it just feels good to rant about shit so big ups to everyone who has taken the time to read all of these long winded posts about my trip through Canadian health care lol.

SmokeaJoint

Hmm this seems quite complex. On an personal basis, I find than cannabis DOES help with anxiety among other things. However, I know people who get quite paranoid and anxious when under its influence. My vote is, if cannabis helps with what ails you, by all means continue! But that IS NOT using recreationally. Recreational use is what I do. Smoke to wake up, smoke to go to school, smoke to come home, smoke for boredom yada yada yada.

That being said, if you want to smoke pot because its a nice way to wind down and end the evening or whatever (like having a beer each night) then by all means do so! That doesn't make you an addict any more than the guy who drinks a brewski each night is an alcoholic.

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Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited

HansyPants

Hmm... I like your thinking. I just wish that more people saw it that way. I've always had that exact same philosophy regarding the beer and cannabis equation but it seems 80% of people that I've talked to outside of this forum (even a few of my stoner buddies) seem to side with the doc. Unfortunately it seems like if I want any answers to my problems or for my problem to be viewed with any shred of integrity I've gotta take a break...

SageTree

@ SmokeaJoint.... that is NOT recreational use dude... you're self-medicating whether you know/admit it or not.

Based on your words of what is recreational and what is 'for what ails ya', it sounds more like your on the 'what ails' side of things as the picture you paint brings herb's influence into every part of your life.

How is that NOT medicine/medicating? OR.... Why isn't ALL smoking medicine/medicating? (Personally I side with the latter)

I don't even like the term 'recreational use', although I get the point vs. Medical Cannabis (specifically).

There is a LOT of 'medicine' in this world, near as I figure.
Good Friends
Meditation
Herbs/Cannabis
etc
etc
etc
We're all doing stuff to cope... Living IS coping.

And the last thing I want Hansypants to feel like is that his use isn't justifiable if it's one or the other.
Dichotomies are a tool of the Man, man.


@ Hansypants,

I'm sorry shit hasn't went well for you.

I have nothing new to share about the usage question that I haven't said already.
Follow your heart.

The addictions counselor might be helpful, but know that you AREN'T obligated to stay in a session if this person isn't respecting why you are there....

YOU are the reason they have the job... there is a sharing of power in the situation and if this person isn't going to meet you were you are at, tell them to fuck off and use their education, pull their head out of the drug war's ass.

You're in fucking Canada man... albeit, Alberta.... but still.

You can certainly talk about 'addiction' from a behaviour aspect, but I honestly seem to sense you DO get some relief from smoking and that it doesn't always hurt you.

There doesn't have to be 'no smoking ever' or 'smoking all the time' there is a middle buddy.

Ativan is a fast acting med that will work with in minutes of you taking it, at least in the manner it was given to me before an out-patient surgery.

I'm not sure it's intended to be an 'all the time' med.
It's for attacks imo.

The sleep aide might help you if that is a problem.
Why did he recommend that to you?

I'd try to keep an appointment with the person you said you contacted first and try to remove yourself from the Doctor your seeing's associations.
You can still talk about MJ use, but you can do the introduction of it and explain for yourself why you use it, and talk about that you've cut back/quit or whatever....
Also telling them about the meds and your experience with the doctor.

It sucks you got jumped about smoking and I hope you find a balance.
When you smoke and it feels good, what is happening for you?
When you smoke and it creates anxiety, what is going on?

Why do you think you have anxiety?
Like something ought to be happening that isn't, that you can control, or is the feeling because it's out of your control?

Best of luck man... more than anything, it sounds like you talking here has helped you frame some things in your head.

Any counselor worth their weight will admit that most of the work/success happen outside of counseling.... which is what you're doing now.

Good luck. and keep talking to us.

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Alton

Exactly,..
Smoking is a bad habit.So we should be avoid the smoking because it is bad for health
and fitness.It will be suffering from the heart diseases and lungs diseases.So i don't
like the smoking.

Pharm Girl

^ excuse me!!

We love 'Smoking....are you sure you're at the right place??

I'd better follow you around for a bit....wouldn't want you to get hurt!!

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.....The Time has Come to 'Walk the Talk'.....~

......A message for ALL from the Deer Tribe...~

It is a great journey —
but you must do the walking
and have the willingness to change
and make the leap into
the next level of human evolution.

Become an inquisitive free thinking
individual that takes
responsibility for your life
and the spiritual accountability to live life to the fullest.

Fuck the Monkeys

Roach

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